South Park
Scam on a Global Scale
Season 9 E 12 • 11/16/2005
When Stan tells the head Scientologist about his idea to make membership in the church free, the head Scientologist tells him Scientology's a Scam on a Global Scale.
Tags:celebritiesreligionL. Ron HubbardMoneyStanLiceXenuScientology
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02:43
South ParkS9 E12
Free Personality Test
Stan's saving his money so he can buy a new bike. Luckily, the personality test Scientologists administer is free.
11/16/2005
02:11
South ParkS9 E12
Fax These Results to Los Angeles
Stan uses his bike money to get audited by the Scientologists. His E-Meter scores are higher than any the Scientologists have ever seen.
11/16/2005
02:59
South ParkS9 E12
What Scientologist Actually Believe
The head of the Church of Scientology tells Stan the creation myth that Scientologists believe.
11/16/2005
00:51
South ParkS9 E12
A Bike or Not Being Depressed
Stan's mom notices something is wrong with Stan. When he tells them that he needs $240 not to be depressed, Stan's Dad says no.
11/16/2005
00:45
South ParkS9 E12
OT 9
Stan's off-the-charts thetin results are rushed to the head of Scientology, who immediately knows their cause: Stan is the second coming of the great leader.
11/16/2005
01:40
South ParkS9 E12
Thank You For Returning
When Stan goes to take out the trash, he is greeted by throngs of Scientologists hoping to catch a glimpse of their prophet.
11/16/2005
01:26
South ParkS9 E12
Tom Cruise Won't Come Out of The Closet
Tom Cruise is seeking approval for his acting career. Stan doesn't tell him what he wants to hear.
11/16/2005
00:57
South ParkS9 E12
R Kelly
Tom Cruise refuses to come out of the closet, so the local news media turns to R. Kelly.
11/16/2005
00:55
South ParkS9 E12
Stan Chooses Scientology
When Kyle tells Stan he thinks Scientology is wrong, Stan Chooses Scientology over their friendship.
11/16/2005
01:12
South ParkS9 E12
John Travolta Feels Safe in the Closet
John Travolta tries to get Tom Cruise to come out of the closet and winds up going in himself. R. Kelly sings about what's happening.
11/16/2005
01:27
South ParkS9 E12
Scam on a Global Scale
When Stan tells the head Scientologist about his idea to make membership in the church free, the head Scientologist tells him Scientology's a Scam on a Global Scale.
11/16/2005
00:55
South ParkS9 E12
R Kelly Sings with TC & JT
With Nicole Kidman and John Travolta having failed, it's time for R. Kelly shot.
11/16/2005
02:37
South ParkS9 E13
Willzyx's Problems
Kyle drags the boys back to Jambu's tank to show them that the whale can talk. The boys are made to believe the whale's name is Willzyx, he's from the moon, and he's very sick.
11/30/2005
01:26
South ParkS9 E13
The Sketch
The Sea Park announcers use a crude sketch of the boys in hopes of tracking them down.
11/30/2005
02:43
South ParkS9 E13
Rocket Launch
A Mexican rocket successfully sends Willzyx into space and on his way home.
11/30/2005
01:36
South ParkS9 E13
Denver's Sea Park
The boys get wet at the Denver Sea Park by an Orca named Jambu.
11/30/2005
01:18
South ParkS9 E13
Jambu Speaks
Kyle gets a closer look at Jambu and thinks the whale is talking to him, but it's just the announcers having some fun.
11/30/2005
01:37
South ParkS9 E13
Busting Out Willzyx
Convinced that they must send Willzyx back to the moon, Kyle and the boys liberate the whale from Sea Park.
11/30/2005
01:24
South ParkS9 E13
Ransom Note
The boys leave a confusing ransom note at the Sea Park, but announcers know who took Jambu.
11/30/2005
01:31
South ParkS9 E13
Russia's Price
When the boys can't afford Russia's price to send Willzyx to the moon, they decide to find a cheaper space program.
11/30/2005
00:46
South ParkS9 E13
Whale of a Pun
A local newscast is heavy on puns when interviewing the Animal Liberation Front on the kidnapping of the whale.
11/30/2005