South Park

Scam on a Global Scale

Season 9 E 12 • 11/16/2005

The head Scientologist reveals to Stan that Scientology is a scam

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02:43

Free Personality Test
South ParkS9 E12

Stan's saving his money so he can buy a new bike. Luckily, the personality test Scientologists administer is free.
11/16/2005
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02:11

Fax These Results to Los Angeles
South ParkS9 E12

Stan uses his bike money to get audited by the Scientologists. His E-Meter scores are higher than any the Scientologists have ever seen.
11/16/2005
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02:59

What Scientologist Actually Believe
South ParkS9 E12

The head of the Church of Scientology tells Stan the creation myth that Scientologists believe.
11/16/2005
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00:51

A Bike or Not Being Depressed
South ParkS9 E12

Stan's mom notices something is wrong with Stan. When he tells them that he needs $240 not to be depressed, Stan's Dad says no.
11/16/2005
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00:45

OT 9
South ParkS9 E12

Stan's off-the-charts thetin results are rushed to the head of Scientology, who immediately knows their cause: Stan is the second coming of the great leader.
11/16/2005
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01:40

Thank You For Returning
South ParkS9 E12

When Stan goes to take out the trash, he is greeted by throngs of Scientologists hoping to catch a glimpse of their prophet.
11/16/2005
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01:26

Tom Cruise Won't Come Out of The Closet
South ParkS9 E12

Tom Cruise is seeking approval for his acting career. Stan doesn't tell him what he wants to hear.
11/16/2005
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00:57

R Kelly
South ParkS9 E12

Tom Cruise refuses to come out of the closet, so the local news media turns to R. Kelly.
11/16/2005
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00:55

Stan Chooses Scientology
South ParkS9 E12

When Kyle tells Stan he thinks Scientology is wrong, Stan Chooses Scientology over their friendship.
11/16/2005
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01:12

John Travolta Feels Safe in the Closet
South ParkS9 E12

John Travolta tries to get Tom Cruise to come out of the closet and winds up going in himself. R. Kelly sings about what's happening.
11/16/2005
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01:27

Scam on a Global Scale
South ParkS9 E12

When Stan tells the head Scientologist about his idea to make membership in the church free, the head Scientologist tells him Scientology's a Scam on a Global Scale.
11/16/2005
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00:55

R Kelly Sings with TC & JT
South ParkS9 E12

With Nicole Kidman and John Travolta having failed, it's time for R. Kelly shot.
11/16/2005
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02:37

Willzyx's Problems
South ParkS9 E13

Kyle drags the boys back to Jambu's tank to show them that the whale can talk. The boys are made to believe the whale's name is Willzyx, he's from the moon, and he's very sick.
11/30/2005
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01:26

The Sketch
South ParkS9 E13

The Sea Park announcers use a crude sketch of the boys in hopes of tracking them down.
11/30/2005
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02:43

Rocket Launch
South ParkS9 E13

A Mexican rocket successfully sends Willzyx into space and on his way home.
11/30/2005
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01:36

Denver's Sea Park
South ParkS9 E13

The boys get wet at the Denver Sea Park by an Orca named Jambu.
11/30/2005
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01:18

Jambu Speaks
South ParkS9 E13

Kyle gets a closer look at Jambu and thinks the whale is talking to him, but it's just the announcers having some fun.
11/30/2005
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01:37

Busting Out Willzyx
South ParkS9 E13

Convinced that they must send Willzyx back to the moon, Kyle and the boys liberate the whale from Sea Park.
11/30/2005
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01:24

Ransom Note
South ParkS9 E13

The boys leave a confusing ransom note at the Sea Park, but announcers know who took Jambu.
11/30/2005
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01:31

Russia's Price
South ParkS9 E13

When the boys can't afford Russia's price to send Willzyx to the moon, they decide to find a cheaper space program.
11/30/2005
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00:46

Whale of a Pun
South ParkS9 E13

A local newscast is heavy on puns when interviewing the Animal Liberation Front on the kidnapping of the whale.
11/30/2005