Stan Chooses Scientology
Season 9 E 12 • 11/16/2005
Stan chooses Scientology over his friendship with the boys.
Tom, It's NicoleSouth ParkS9 E12
With R. Kelly narrating the action from outside, Nicole Kidman steps in to try her hand at getting Tom Cruise out of the closet.
Go Ahead, Sue Me!South ParkS9 E12
Stan tells the truth about the scam behind Scientology. The Scientologists want to sue him.
Free Personality TestSouth ParkS9 E12
Stan's saving his money so he can buy a new bike. Luckily, the personality test Scientologists administer is free.
Fax These Results to Los AngelesSouth ParkS9 E12
Stan uses his bike money to get audited by the Scientologists. His E-Meter scores are higher than any the Scientologists have ever seen.
What Scientologist Actually BelieveSouth ParkS9 E12
The head of the Church of Scientology tells Stan the creation myth that Scientologists believe.
A Bike or Not Being DepressedSouth ParkS9 E12
Stan's mom notices something is wrong with Stan. When he tells them that he needs $240 not to be depressed, Stan's Dad says no.
OT 9South ParkS9 E12
Stan's off-the-charts thetin results are rushed to the head of Scientology, who immediately knows their cause: Stan is the second coming of the great leader.
Thank You For ReturningSouth ParkS9 E12
When Stan goes to take out the trash, he is greeted by throngs of Scientologists hoping to catch a glimpse of their prophet.
Tom Cruise Won't Come Out of The ClosetSouth ParkS9 E12
Tom Cruise is seeking approval for his acting career. Stan doesn't tell him what he wants to hear.
R KellySouth ParkS9 E12
Tom Cruise refuses to come out of the closet, so the local news media turns to R. Kelly.
Stan Chooses ScientologySouth ParkS9 E12
When Kyle tells Stan he thinks Scientology is wrong, Stan Chooses Scientology over their friendship.
John Travolta Feels Safe in the ClosetSouth ParkS9 E12
John Travolta tries to get Tom Cruise to come out of the closet and winds up going in himself. R. Kelly sings about what's happening.
Scam on a Global ScaleSouth ParkS9 E12
When Stan tells the head Scientologist about his idea to make membership in the church free, the head Scientologist tells him Scientology's a Scam on a Global Scale.
R Kelly Sings with TC & JTSouth ParkS9 E12
With Nicole Kidman and John Travolta having failed, it's time for R. Kelly shot.
Willzyx's ProblemsSouth ParkS9 E13
Kyle drags the boys back to Jambu's tank to show them that the whale can talk. The boys are made to believe the whale's name is Willzyx, he's from the moon, and he's very sick.
The SketchSouth ParkS9 E13
The Sea Park announcers use a crude sketch of the boys in hopes of tracking them down.
Rocket LaunchSouth ParkS9 E13
A Mexican rocket successfully sends Willzyx into space and on his way home.
Denver's Sea ParkSouth ParkS9 E13
The boys get wet at the Denver Sea Park by an Orca named Jambu.
Jambu SpeaksSouth ParkS9 E13
Kyle gets a closer look at Jambu and thinks the whale is talking to him, but it's just the announcers having some fun.
Busting Out WillzyxSouth ParkS9 E13
Convinced that they must send Willzyx back to the moon, Kyle and the boys liberate the whale from Sea Park.