South Park

What Scientologist Actually Believe

Season 9 E 12 • 11/16/2005

The head of the Church of Scientology tells Stan about the creation myth.

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01:04

Cartman's a Ginger
South ParkS9 E11

Now that Cartman has Gingervitus, the doctor suggests his mother put him down... Or at least keep him out of the sun.
11/09/2005
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01:13

Ironic Ginger
South ParkS9 E11

Cartman tries to downplay the irony of his Gingervitus, while Butters finds his appearance hilarious.
11/09/2005
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00:56

Cartman is Cast Out
South ParkS9 E11

The boys won't let Cartman sit in the cafeteria during lunch in case the other gingers follow suit.
11/09/2005
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01:09

Ginger Pride
South ParkS9 E11

Cartman holds a meeting with all the ginger kids to express his frustration with the discrimination going on at school and encourages them to take action.
11/09/2005
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01:39

Red Power
South ParkS9 E11

Cartman starts an organization called, the Ginger Separatist Movement, and the group is outraged that a non-ginger is playing the lead in "Annie."
11/09/2005
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01:46

Ginger Pride Conference
South ParkS9 E11

Cartman leads the All Ginger Pride Conference and convinces the ginger kids to round up the non-gingers for extermination.
11/09/2005
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00:50

Tom, It's Nicole
South ParkS9 E12

With R. Kelly narrating the action from outside, Nicole Kidman steps in to try her hand at getting Tom Cruise out of the closet.
11/16/2005
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02:02

Go Ahead, Sue Me!
South ParkS9 E12

Stan tells the truth about the scam behind Scientology. The Scientologists want to sue him.
11/16/2005
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02:43

Free Personality Test
South ParkS9 E12

Stan's saving his money so he can buy a new bike. Luckily, the personality test Scientologists administer is free.
11/16/2005
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02:11

Fax These Results to Los Angeles
South ParkS9 E12

Stan uses his bike money to get audited by the Scientologists. His E-Meter scores are higher than any the Scientologists have ever seen.
11/16/2005
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02:59

What Scientologist Actually Believe
South ParkS9 E12

The head of the Church of Scientology tells Stan the creation myth that Scientologists believe.
11/16/2005
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00:51

A Bike or Not Being Depressed
South ParkS9 E12

Stan's mom notices something is wrong with Stan. When he tells them that he needs $240 not to be depressed, Stan's Dad says no.
11/16/2005
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00:45

OT 9
South ParkS9 E12

Stan's off-the-charts thetin results are rushed to the head of Scientology, who immediately knows their cause: Stan is the second coming of the great leader.
11/16/2005
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01:40

Thank You For Returning
South ParkS9 E12

When Stan goes to take out the trash, he is greeted by throngs of Scientologists hoping to catch a glimpse of their prophet.
11/16/2005
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01:26

Tom Cruise Won't Come Out of The Closet
South ParkS9 E12

Tom Cruise is seeking approval for his acting career. Stan doesn't tell him what he wants to hear.
11/16/2005
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00:57

R Kelly
South ParkS9 E12

Tom Cruise refuses to come out of the closet, so the local news media turns to R. Kelly.
11/16/2005
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00:55

Stan Chooses Scientology
South ParkS9 E12

When Kyle tells Stan he thinks Scientology is wrong, Stan Chooses Scientology over their friendship.
11/16/2005
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01:12

John Travolta Feels Safe in the Closet
South ParkS9 E12

John Travolta tries to get Tom Cruise to come out of the closet and winds up going in himself. R. Kelly sings about what's happening.
11/16/2005
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01:27

Scam on a Global Scale
South ParkS9 E12

When Stan tells the head Scientologist about his idea to make membership in the church free, the head Scientologist tells him Scientology's a Scam on a Global Scale.
11/16/2005
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00:55

R Kelly Sings with TC & JT
South ParkS9 E12

With Nicole Kidman and John Travolta having failed, it's time for R. Kelly shot.
11/16/2005
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02:37

Willzyx's Problems
South ParkS9 E13

Kyle drags the boys back to Jambu's tank to show them that the whale can talk. The boys are made to believe the whale's name is Willzyx, he's from the moon, and he's very sick.
11/30/2005