♪ Goin' down to South Park,gonna have myself a time ♪
Announcer:It's one for the ladies!
♪ Goin' down to South Park,gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Headin' down to South Park,gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ So come on down to South Parkand meet some friends of mine ♪
When I look outacross this room,
I see the backboneof our community.
The women of this townneed to stand together!
We are here,and we're proud.
And it is timeto let everyone know
that the women of South Parkshould be treated
the same as the men!
Oh! Aaaaah.[ Farts ]
[ Groaning ]
[ Farting continues ]Ohhh, sorry.
[ Retching ]
[ Chuckles ]Oh-kay.
I'm alright.[ Farting continues ]
Your mommy hasa bacterial infection
called C. diff.
It's very contagious.
A bacterial infection?In her stomach?
All of us have trillionsof microscopic critters
that grow onand inside our bodies,
just like your mom.
There's tiny creatureswhich live in your mom's skin,
on her eyelashes,in her vagina.
But the good bacteriain your mommy's tummy
are being overrunby bad bacteria.
We can't use antibioticsbecause that will
kill all the goodbacteria, too.
So, what canyou do for her?
We need to takea healthy person's microbiome
and start to grow itinside your mother.
We do this witha fecal transplant.
We'll get a donor's feces,mix it with water,
and put it upyour mom's anus.
Your mom is tough, kids.
We're gonna dothe very best we can.
Try not to worry.
Ike, if mom lives...
we can't let anyoneever know about this.
♪ I am shopping
♪ I'm grocery shopping
♪ I'm buying foodfor the people I love ♪
Oh! Hi, Laura!
My goodness, look at you!I thought you were sick!
I was, but I hadan amazing procedure!
No, no, no, Mommy.No, no, no, no!
I had a fecal transplant.
Oh! God damn it!You had a what?
A fecal transplant.
It's when they takethe feces of a healthy donor
and place it in your anus.
I feel likea million dollars!
Sheila, is that you?I thought you were sick!
I was,but I had a fecal transplant.
I'm telling you girls,
it solved every problemI've ever had!
I've lost weight!I have more energy!
I even think my arthritisis clearing up!
Well,that certainly is...
Looking great, Sheila!
Thanks, Janice!Fecal transplant!
Narrator: If you're watching this video,
then your mom probably had a fecal transplant.
And the one question on your mind is most likely,
"How do I keep my friends from ripping on me?"
Yes! People make fun of what they don't understand.
So, let's learn why your mom had a fecal transplant.
It was to replace her microbiome.
Germs, bugs, thousand of organisms
are all around you all the time.
That remote control your holding --
It's teaming with life --
bacteria and other organisms.Eugh!
They also live on your clothes --
Eesh! Small organisms are everywhere.
Now, scratch your balls.
If you don't have balls,
scratch whatever else might be down there.
Now smell your fingers.
That smell is millions of living organisms
that you've just scraped from your crotch
and are now going up inside your nostrils --
Creatures live in your teeth.
They live on your eyelashes, on your skin.
And trillions and trillions live inside your body.
In fact, of all the cells in your body
only half are human cells.
The other half are all microscopic organisms!
How is your salmon, Sheila?Oh, it's amazing.
You know, I could nevereat like this before.
My allergy to shellfishhas literally gone away.
Oh, my gosh.That's so wonderful!
Oh, [Chuckles]that reminds me.
um, the girls and Iwere talking...
Well, you seem so great,
and we thought how niceit would be for us...
to have a little bitof your poop.
[ Scoffs ] What?
Well, thing is,we asked our doctors
about gettingfecal transplants, too,
and they said they only do themfor "medical reasons."
So, we have todo them on our own.
[ Chuckles nervously ]Oh, well...
You know, girls, if the doctordoesn't think it's safe,
you probably shouldn't be doingDIY transplants.
No, that's very true,isn't it?
We were justthinking that...
your microbiome isso healthy now,
it would be niceto share a little.
Uh, I mean...It's not that I don't want
to share everythingwith my friends.
It's just, you know --
I'm sorry it justdoesn't seem right.
And that istotally fine!
If it doesn't feel right,then it probably isn't right!
[ Chuckles ][ Cellphone vibrates ]
Oh, this is Kyle.Sorry, girls, let me take this.
That cunt!I told you she'd say no.
How much of a bitch can you be?Won't share your feces?
Talk about anal retentive.
[ Heartbeat pounding ]
Kyle: [ Thinking ] Half the cells in my body...
They're inside me right now,
all over me...
[ Screams ]
Do you guys have any ideawhat I'm saying?
Half the cells in our bodiesaren't human.
Right now,there are alive creatures
in your eyelashesand in your teeth!
Right now, that strawhas a bunch of little bugs
and they're --they're going into your mouth
And mixing with trillionsof other little bugs
that are aliveinside you.
You aren't eventotally you!
Dude, Kyle why are you talkingabout all this?
My mom hada fecal transplant.
[ Spits ] Ha!
[ Laughs ]
Fecal transplant![ Laughs ]
Hi, Kyle. I'm Harriet.Henrietta and Bradley's mommy?
I've been lookingall over town for you!
Well, I wentto the video game store,
and I bought this --"Jedi Fallen Order."
It's getting great reviews --thought you might want it.
Whaaat?Yeah! He wants it!
Great! Could you just doone little thing for me, Kyle?
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
When you go back home,could you find a way to get
a little of your mom's poopand put it in this jar?
I don't need much.
I'm sure you can find a wayto sneak it from her.
You do that,and the game is all yours!
That is disgusting!Absolutely not.
Oh, well.Think about it.
The offer stands.
I heard you can customizeyour own light saber.
What is your problem?
What is my problem?!
I'm not gonna gosteal my mom's shit.
Dude, you realize
we won't get that gametill Christmas.
We could beplaying it tomorrow.
Mrph rmh mhm!
I said no,and that's final!
[ Pipes squeaking ]
Kyle's mom just squattedon the toilet!
Okay.We've got contact.
You ready with the bucket,Kenny?
Place it directly underthis pipe.
Alright.That should just about do it.
Now we just wait...
for the flush.
Mrph rmh mhm!
That's goodshe's not flushing yet.
That means she's gotmore serious business,
and serious businessis just what we're after.
You think she'll poopa big enough log?
You see how fatKyle's mom is?
That bitch must poopat least 2 pounders.
Kyle: The fuckare you doing?
Oh, hey, Kyle.What's goin' on?
You are not stealingmy mom's shit!
Kyle, this is the worldwe are living in, okay?
People are finding new andexciting ways to get healthy,
and who are weto stand in their way?
[ Toilet flushes ]
It just freaksme out, Doc.
We all have these...things living inside our bodies,
and everyonejust seems fine with it.
It's like as soon as peoplelearn they have microbiomes,
the first thing they want to dois start swapping them!
Well, young man,the truth is,
we still don't knowa lot about the microbiome.
but you shouldn't let itfreak you out.
But where doesit stop?!
Then are peoplejust gonna start wanting
skinny people's microbiomesto be skinny
or an athletes' microbiome tofeel athletic and young again?
Yes, it's possible,but we don't know enough.
There is no"super feces,"
which can make youathletic and young.
Well, like...what about Tom Brady's poop?
[ Thinking ] The spice...
He knows about the spice.
I-I'm just sayingthat Tom Brady seems
to work really hardon his diet and stuff.
His shit must bepretty good.
More than pretty good.
The Spice Melange.
But could he be the one to bring it here?
Announcer: And now back to"One For the Ladies"!
Have you been inthat store at all?
No, I think it's new,isn't it?
It used to bethat watch store.
Oh, my God!Harriet?
Oh! Hi, girls!What's new?
My goodness!Look at you!
You look great!What happened?
Fecal transplant.It's true what they say.
I feel 20 years younger.
[ Horn honks ]Lookin' good, Mrs. B!
Fecal transplant, Damon!Keep your eyes on the road!
Oh. Hey, Sheila.
You're lookingchipper today.
Yeah, I had a littleprocedure done.
I thought the doctorwouldn't give you
a fecal transplant,Harriet.
No, I... did it myself.With a turkey baster.
Where did youget the feces?
Well, it's really noneof your business, Sheila.
It's a private matter,a fecal transplant.
I'd really rather nottalk about it.
See ya, girls.ALL: Bye, Harriet!
Two faced bitch!
You know whatshe said about you at lunch?
What?She called you the C-word.
You're joking!Oh, no!
Clearly, she couldn't standthat you were
the only one in townwho's shit didn't stink.
Boys, I brought you in here
because some rumors are floatingaround the school, mkay.
These rumors arethat you three
somehow stole fecesfrom Kyle's mom, mkay,
and gave it to Mrs. Biggle
in return for"Jedi Fallen" Order."
That is 100% untrue.
Mkay, well, someone in thisschool is a little turd burglar,
and I want some answers.
How can we answer that to whichwe have no knowledge?
[ Whispering ]Very nice. Very nice.
It must be hard...
having to take turns playing"Jedi Fallen Order."
It's a single player game,I believe.
Oh, because I could get youeach your own copy.
That would be a lot a fun,wouldn't it?
You guys stole the poop.
Could you do it again?
You want us to steal
some of Kyle's mom's poopfor you?
Not Kyle's mom's.
[ Thinking ] The Spice.
I must have it.
The Spice Melange.
Alright. Alright.Um, proud of our team today.
It was, uh...
You know, I thought the defense
did a great jobkeeping us in the game.
And, again, I thinkthe offense has
a lot of room for improvement
and all that starts with me.
Can we haveyour poop?
No, guys, I'm not gonna takeany requests for my microbiome.
I just wanna focus on the team.
We're 10-1 now, you know?
But we can't let up.Yeah?
Please, can we have your poop.Okay, I'm not --
I'm not gonna stay out here.You guys. It's just --
Does anyone havea real question?
Tom, after youleave here,
are you gonna goeat somewhere
or go right home and --No, no. See?
I'm not gonna tell you guyswhere I'm doing
because thenyou're all gonna try
and follow meinto the bathroom.
You're not taking my feces,
so unless you havea football question,
we're done here.
Can we buy your poop?
Kyle: [ Thinking ] Microbiome...
They are inside me.
Are they a part of me?
When I eat, they eat.
When I die,
they consume me and continue to live.
Am I just an Airbnb in Santa Clarita?
They're not a part of me.
They are me.
a lot of peoplewant things from Tom Brady.
He has to bea little protective.
Yes, we do understand.We just...
Well, since you're his publicistwe thought that...
You could give Mr. Bradyour message-
It's alright Stan.don't cry.
You see, ma'am, our friendlittle Kenny here is dying.
And he's...He's just the biggestPatriots fan.
You know, I can call him,
but he's very busy right nowwith the season.
Well, if Mr. Bradycould just, you know,
have Kenny stay overat his house for a night.
Kind of like a Michael Jacksonkind of thing.
Oh, gosh,we're losing him!
We need to make this happenquickly, ma'am.
They want the spice. Just like the rest.
Perhaps they are the ones...
Tom Brady's Publicist: A chance. Perhaps.
They could actually obtain the Spice Melange...
Let me...see what I can do.
Oh, thanks girlfriend.
We've been working outand dieting, you know --
not cheating, likethat bitch Harriot.
Well, it's great you guysare doing it the natural way
and we don't have to dealwith Harriot anymore.
There you are,you Goddamn bitch!
I will take you to court,fat whore!
Harriot,I do not like your tone-
You knew I was going tosteal your poo,
and so you tainted it,didn't you?!
What are youtalking about?
I have been shittingand throwing up all day!
It has to befrom your feces!
So, you did take my poo,huh, Harriot?
That's besidesthe point now!
Oh, IS it?'Cause the girls told me
you called me the C wordthe other day!
Oh, you're allbackstabbing bitches now!
Fuck you, Harriot!
Uhhh-- Okay, ladies.come on --
Just admit it!I can't stop puking and shitting
because of whatyou did to me!
[ Moans ]
What the fuck?
You thought you weresuch hot shit, Harriot.
We took the leftover fecesfrom your house,
and put it up our asseswith a Turkey baster!
Oh. Oh, God.
Announcer: We now return to"One for the Ladies."
[ Wind howls ]
[ Roars ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
Hello, ma'am.We are the darling children
who's dying friend is all setto meet Tom Brady.
I am Mabel Gonzales,the housekeeper.
They're here for the spice.
I can sense it.
Cartman: I wonder why everyone keeps taking really long pauses
after they talk?
Stan: People just keep looking at me
like I'm supposed to say something.
Kenny: Why did I agree to this?
I don't even have a machine to play Fallen Order on.
Come on in.
Mr. Brady is justusing the bathroom.
Music to your ears, I suppose.
We've got more sick incoming.Try and make some more room.
We have a major epidemic,here, detective.
C-diff has spreadto half the town.
We don't have enough staffor enough suppliesto keep up with it.
How did this happen?!
Apparently, the outbreakstarted at a restaurant,
when some womengot sick on everybody.
The women contracted C-diff
by giving themselvesDIY fecal transplants.
So, they got sick fromanother woman's feces?
No. They got sickfrom using this --
a common householdturkey baster.
It's a thing most peopleonly use once a year,
The rest of the year,it just sits in a drawer,
And then, the ladies wentand stuck it up their asses.
Oh, those ladies!
It gets worse.
We're completely outof healthy donor feces.
Even if we found a donor at thispoint it wouldn't be enough
to give everyonetransplants.
So what happens next?
With how contagious C-diff is,and how deadly,
Half of South Parkis going to die.
Jesus. What have thoserascally ladies done?
Yeah.I'm a sports writer.
Getting alittle interview.
A little interview, and hopefully more.
Yes, and we are herewith our little girl
who's dying,just like your friend.
I'm dying, Mommy?
Shut up, Theresa!
The Spice Melange.
It is here in this house.
Everyone, the honorableThomas Brady.
The rest of you,stand back!
They all deceive you,Mr. Brady!
They only want to get tothe Spice Melange!
Oh, God, not again.Alright, everybody out.
Come on. Let's go.
Mr. Brady, can we just seeyour basement really fast?
Nope. Nope.That's all.
If you people wanta healthy microbiome,
then proper dietand healthy choices, alright?
That's it.You are all being ridiculous.
[ Door opens ]
Kyle? Dude,what are you doing here?
You don't get to be partof Turd Burglars now, Kyle.
[ All gasping, "oh"ing ]
Okay, look,I got sick of people
going to my basementand screwing with my plumbing.
The spice.So much of it.
Enough for everyone.Enough to bring peace to all.
I stopped flushing thembecause people kept breaking
my pipes to get them.
Never, in my wildest dreams,did I believe
so muchcould be obtained.
This is enough forall the universe.
I mean, you'd alldo the same thing
if people were always tryingto steal your shit.
That's good. Stay still.Almost there.
Oh, Sheila, I'm so sorryfor stealing your feces.
And we're sorry for stealingit from you, Harriot.
Girls this wasall my fault.
I think I gota little carried away
bragging aboutmy fecal transplant.
I hope we can allbe besties again.
Doctor: You ladiesare pretty lucky.
If it hadn't been for theselittle turd burglars, here,
you'd be dead --and also responsible
for the deathsof countless others.
Kyle, how did you do it?
I mean, how did you even knowwhat was going on?
I didn't know.My microbiome did.
All along, they were tryingto tell me something.
I've really learned thatI'm not just me.
I'm also all the creaturesinside of me.
From now on, I'm gonna trustmy gut a little more.
Well, I think we've alllearned something.
"One for the Ladies" is onetoo many for the ladies.
[ Laughter ]
Kyle’s mom looks so good after her fecal transplant that everyone wants to get their hands on her goods. Cartman and the boys jump into the quest for the best microbiome.