[ Cellphone rings ]
Dude, did you knowit's your dad
who's getting the schoolto cancel Columbus Day?
Yeah. Dude, I don't knowwhat's going on.
He's really seriousabout this.
Well, you got todo something.
If you get him to back down,
maybe the schoolwill reconsider.
I can't get himto back down.
Stan, I have to dealwith my mom
doing shit like thisall the time,
but she's never triedto take away a holiday.
I'm your best friend,but I can't have your back
when the guysfind out about this.
I'll try, okay?
[ Door closes ]I got to go.
Okay, Stan.you got your phone?
We need to calleveryone on this list.
They all livein the same city.
Dad, listen, you needto ease off a little here, okay?
Stan, it's not rightthat people celebrate a man
who wiped outmillions of people
for his own glory.Let's go.
Hello, is this, uh,Howard Peterson?
You live in Columbus, Ohio.Is that correct?
Yeah?You racist piece of shit.
You heard me.
You're anintolerant pig.
Oh, you're not?
You just choose to live in acity named for ethnic cleansing?
No [bleep] you.
Rename your city, asshole.
Okay, next one.Come on. Get calling, Stan.
Dad, come on.
We all get your point,
but don't you thinkyou're overdoing it?
You have to overdoit in today's society, Stan.
You can't be nuancedand subtle anymore
or else critics go, "Wow,what was the point of that?"
Hi, Francis Melman?
Hey! How are you,you [bleep] racist?
Reporter:Christopher Columbus --
Is he someonewho should be appreciated?
Or was hejust a douche?
For years. Columbus Circlehas been a landmark
and photogenic intersectionin New York City.
So it came as a surprise
when someone defecatedon the statue earlier today.
I'm joined now by the manwho did the actual defecating,
Mr. Randy Marshof South Park, Colorado.
Mr. Marsh, you took a dumpon the beloved statue that
has been an icon herein the city for years.
What was your reasoning?
Well, I justhave a problem
with the racist peopleof this city.
"Yee-haw!I'm from New York.
I drive arounda big circle
that celebrates a guywho murdered Native Americans.
So, you're doing thisbecause of indigenous peoples
and their feelings?
I don't careif people get indigenous.
I'll crap all overtheir statues.
I'm the one who's indigenousthat this landmark even exists!
Uh, uh...ba-back to you, Tom.
I'll Crap All Over Their Statues
Kyle tries to convince Stan to reason with his dad, but Randy is on a mission to convince everyone how terrible Christopher Columbus was. Then Randy heads to New York to prove how serious he is.