The fourth grade girls have compiled a secret list that rates all the boys in their class from the cutest to the ugliest. When Cartman and Butters steal the list, the rest of the boys really aren't prepared to deal with the results. They're also not ready to see just how manipulative and psychotic little girls can be.
The boys discover that the girls in their class have made a list of them, ordered by cuteness. The boys, after two attempts, eventually succeed in stealing the list and discover it ranks Clyde as the cutest, and Kyle as the ugliest, with Cartman just above him. Kyle's spirits plummet after this discovery, while Clyde's ego inflates dramatically and he starts flirting with many girls at school. He takes pity on Kyle and kindly reassures him that Abraham Lincoln, who was apparently ugly, accomplished so much. Kyle, in an act of depression, starts hanging out with the ugly kids, and gets the idea from a boy named Jamal to burn the school down. He is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln, who shows him that ugliness can be a blessing in disguise; ugly people like Jamal have nothing handed to them and they must earn what they seek and will thus develop character, while beautiful people will have no redeeming character when their looks begin to fade. Kyle decides to go ahead with his plans of arson regardless, citing the long wait he would have to endure in order to realize this blessing, and the hardships and misery he would suffer in the interim.
Meanwhile, Stan watches Kyle's behavior with increasing unease. Eventually, he asks his ex-girlfriend Wendy why Kyle was voted ugliest. Wendy begins investigating and discovers that the ballots were rigged in Clyde's favor: Since Clyde's father owns a shoe store, some of the girls wanted to make Clyde popular to justify dating him and getting free shoes. They hid the real list and forged a new one, the one the boys stole. Wendy steals the real list from them and she and Stan run off to find Kyle, who is about to set the school on fire.
Stan and Wendy explain the truth to Kyle, when Bebe shows up and holds them at gunpoint, while admitting that Kyle was a "casualty" of their plot. However, Wendy has called the police, who arrive almost at once. Bebe is shocked, which Wendy takes advantage of to wrestle the gun from her. A shot goes off; however, neither Wendy nor Bebe are hurt. The bullet flies off killing Kenny at home as he eats cereal. Bebe is apprehended, and her fate remains unknown after this. Kyle refuses to take a look at the real list, fearing an inflated ego that Abraham Lincoln's ghost warned him about, and has Wendy burn it. Wendy admits to Stan that she has enjoyed his company and feels that he has changed a lot since their breakup. Unfortunately for Wendy, Stan has not quite lost his habit of throwing up out of nervousness and her attempt to kiss him is interrupted when he vomits in her face.
- "The girls at school... They made a list and voted me the ugliest boy." Kyle
Behind The Scenes
Pop Culture References
- e1 With Apologies to Jesse Jackson
- e2 Cartman Sucks
- e3 Lice Capades
- e4 The Snuke
- e5 Fantastic Easter Special
- e6 D-Yikes!
- e7 Night of the Living Homeless
- e8 Le Petit Tourette
- e9 More Crap
- e10 Imaginationland
- e11 Imaginationland, Episode II
- e12 Imaginationland, Episode III
- e13 Guitar Queer-O
- e14 The List