|Written By||Trey Parker|
|Original Air Date||2001-11-21|
Kyle's cousin, Kyle Schwartz from Connecticut, comes to live in South Park due to his mother's ailing health back at home.
While Kyle was initially excited about seeing his cousin for the first time, he is baffled to see that his cousin is none other than an overly stereotyped version of a Jew, wearing his hair in a style similar to Woody Allen, and has a lot of irritating characteristics.
Kyle is told by his mother to take care of his cousin. Kyle, fearing that Cartman, a staunch anti-Semite, will "tear this kid apart", attempts to bribe Cartman with $40 to not make fun of him. Cartman, in an attempt to earn the bribe, struggles to avoid mocking Kyle's cousin, but eventually fails. The boys decide that Kyle's cousin is just way too irritating to live in South Park with them. Much of the episode proceeds to have the boys make constant attempts to get rid of Kyle Schwartz. In one attempt to trick him into boarding a plane to Antarctica, Kenny is mistaken for a terrorist and shot through the head. However, Kyle's cousin always finds a way to come back to South Park.
Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison, annoyed and fed up with the inefficient and incompetent airline check-ins since 9/11, decides to invent his own vehicle. Inspired by watching Enrique Iglesias' sexualized singing on TV and by a gyroscope sitting next to him on his deck, he invents the gyroscope-powered monowheel "IT".
According to Mr. Garrison, "IT" can "go up to two hundred miles per hour, and gets three hundred miles to the gallon". The only problem is that "IT" is controlled through a quite painful and unappealing method: using four "flexi-grip handles" that somewhat resemble erect penises; two held in the hands, one in the mouth, and a fourth handle which is inserted into the anus. Garrison invites many important investors to see his demonstration of "IT". Despite this unorthodox control mechanism, "IT" is still considered better than dealing with the airlines and Garrison's creation is a smashing success. This results in a lack of passengers and business in airports.
Unfortunately, things go downhill when the government decides to bail out the airlines from going under because of "IT". To ensure the airlines' dominance as a mode of transport and the job security of everyone working for it, the government ends up outlawing "IT", deems using it a criminal act and confiscates all of the "IT" stock. As a result, Kyle's cousin, who turns out to have invested in "IT", gets a $5 million bailout payment and decides to return home to Connecticut to take care of his sick mother. After hearing of this great fortune, the boys suddenly change their plan and try to convince him to stay with them, but he rejects them.
What I Learned Today
"Sometimes people have trouble fitting in at, at school and and um let's see, what did I learn about? What did I learn about today?"
- "Boy, that Enrique Iglesias can sure gyrate his hot ass around." Mr. Hat
- "Gentlemen, imagine being able to travel safely at incredibly fast speeds, and not having to go to the stupid fartface airports!" Mr. Garrison
- "Good job, Jew!" Cartman
- "I can't go tomorrow! The Jiz Fest is TONIGHT!" Mr. Garrison
- "Oh Jesus, why don't you just cut off my balls?" Cartman
- "Kyle, this is Cartman. He's my sort of friend-ish." Kyle
- "I mean, I'm a Jew and he's making me hate Jews!" Kyle
- "So then couldn't I just order one that works WITHOUT going in and out of my ass and mouth?" Randy Marsh
- "You people are all just such hick, jock rednecks It's like you're right out of a stereotype catalogue." Kyle Schwartz
Kyle's cousin, Kyle A hypoallergenic, annoying relative from Connecticut. He will make another appearance in "The Losing Edge".
Kenny, gunned down at the airport when security guards find him carrying a pair of nail clippers.
Behind The Scenes
Where Did The Idea Come From
The episode lampoons both post 9/11 airport security measures and the hype surrounding the Segway, which was supposed to "revolutionize travel.". Matt and Trey purchased one for the South Park offices, then broke it while taking it off some jumps.
Pop Culture References
In the commercial for the IT, there's a shot of two old ladies at the Grand Canyon. When asked how they got there, they yell "Hoveround!!" This is a parody of the popular Hoveround commercials for power wheelchairs.
Enrique Iglesias, whose ass-gyrating TV performance inspires Mr. Garrison to use gyroscopes on his new personal conveyance. Also John Travolta, who does a graphic commercial plugging the IT.
The top minds and investors in America gather for Garriosn's presentation of the IT: Steve Forbes, Steve Jobs, Ted Turner, Donald Trump, Bill Gates, and Jasmine Bleeth, who's dirty, sniffling, and has a rubber tube tied around her arm.
Mr. Garrison says he possesses a master's degree in mechanical engineering from Denver Community College.
Running list of Kyle's Cousin Kyle ailments: Asthma, degenerative problem with his intestinal lining, polyps on the back of his hands, a fear of splinters, poor eyesight, and extreme sensitivity to dry air and cold temperatures. For this reason, Kyle offers Cartman $40 to not rip on his cousin, but Cartman doesn't even make it through one period of school without breaking.
- e1 Scott Tenorman Must Die
- e2 It Hits the Fan
- e3 Cripple Fight
- e4 Super Best Friends
- e5 Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow
- e6 Cartmanland
- e7 Proper Condom Use
- e8 Towelie (episode)
- e9 Osama bin Laden Has Farty Pants
- e10 How To Eat With Your Butt
- e11 The Entity
- e12 Here Comes the Neighborhood
- e13 Kenny Dies
- e14 Butters' Very Own Episode