Eek, A Penis!
While Ms. Garrison is off trying to find a way to become the man she was always meant to be, Cartman is put in charge of the classroom in her absence. Soon after Cartman takes over, the kids' test scores are on the rise, and the school asks him to make a difference by working with some of Denver's "unreachable" inner-city students.
The episode begins with Mrs. Garrison crying in front of her class as she recounts the story of a pregnant transsexual who appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show a week before the episode's release. She claims that having a baby makes her a woman and that Mrs. Garrison herself is still a man deep down inside. She then explains that she is no longer happy as a woman, but is unable to return to being a man because her penis was destroyed after her sex-change operation. After launching into a rage, Garrison is removed from teaching by Principal Victoria until she gets her personal life in order, and Cartman is appointed as temporary teacher in Garrison's place. The kids in class then steal the answer sheet for the next day's test from Garrison's desk, and as a result pass with high scores. Impressed by the high scores, the Denver County school board asks Cartman to teach a struggling inner-city classroom at Jim Davis High School.
Mrs. Garrison sees a news report describing how scientists can use a mouse to grow a human ear, and decides to have the same experiment performed on her to get a new penis. Using some of her male DNA, and all of her money, scientists are able to create a mouse with a penis on it, but it escapes from the lab and begins to race all over town, causing stereotypical hysterical reactions in all the women who see it (who only refer to it as a "penis") screaming "EEK!" when they see it. Mrs. Garrison looks for it in vain, as it winds up in various houses and restaurants. At a certain point, during the chase, the mouse stops on a fence and starts singing a song to the moon. Later the penis joins in and they form a duet. The song is interrupted by Garrison and eventually the mouse vanishes into the sewers, and Mrs. Garrison goes back to moping that she will never be a real man again.
Meanwhile, Cartman, taking Kyle's warning about the dangers of inner-city students who will "fucking murder [him]", disguises himself as a Latino named "Mr. Cartmenez", and teaches his students how white people are able to succeed even when they cannot: by cheating. Cartman often wonders aloud "How do I reach these keeeds [kids]?" He then teaches his class numerous cheating techniques, explaining that as long as they succeed, no one will judge them. Cartman cites New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick's success after cheating in the Spygate football scandal. He teaches them to memorize test answers, use cameras, and, in the case of a pregnant girl, getting an abortion (which he explains is "cheating nature itself", and that "white girls do it all the time and get away with it"). When the kids do amazingly well, they are then challenged to take the hardest, most secure standardized test in the state. When the kids begin to doubt Cartman's methods, he again points to Bill Belichick, implying that after he decided to win a game "for real", he ended up losing (to the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLII). The kids are encouraged by this, and all receive perfect scores (by cheating). The class honors "Mr. Cartmenez" for teaching them "The White People Method", and he is universally praised.
While Mrs. Garrison is moping in the park, the mouse with his penis shows up and allows itself to be caught, and Mrs. Garrison undergoes an operation to become Mr. Garrison again. He arrives back at school and explains that he now realizes that the true judge of gender is whether someone can get pregnant. The episode concludes when one teacher objects that his wife can't have babies because of ovarian cancer, and Mr. Garrison responds with, "Well then get an AIDS test, Thomson, 'cause your wife's a dude, faggot... Yeah! I'm back!" while jumping in the air as the mouse (who grew the penis) lets out a squeak.
- "How do I reach these kids?" Cartman
Behind The Scenes
Pop Culture References
A large part of the plot parodies the film Stand and Deliver (Garfield High School / Jim Davis High School), with Cartman assuming a similar role to that played by Edward James Olmos, although where in the film, the students were falsely accused of cheating, in the episode, the students actually did cheat and got away with it. A scene where Mrs. Garrison's penis and a mouse sing a duet references the film An American Tail, with the song performed similar to "Somewhere Out There". Reference is also made to Bill Belichick, coach of the New England Patriots, the Spygate scandal of 2007, and Super Bowl XLII.
The episode name is a reference to dancehall singer Eek-A-Mouse, a close friend of South Park co-creator Trey Parker. The penis on the loose theme borrows from the Frank Henenlotter horror comedy film Bad Biology.
A Visitor is hidden in the trees behind Cartman and Kenny when they are talking.