Editing Mystery of the Urinal Deuce (section)

==Story==

===Description===
Someone takes a crap in the boys' urinal at South Park Elementary, launching Mr. Mackey on a relentless investigation to find the perpetrator. When no one fesses up, Mr. Mackey calls in the authorities, who are equally baffled. Feeling it's too big a mystery for them to handle alone, the police soon call in the Hardly Boys to help.  
Cartman, however has his own theories.  He believes it's a conspiracy just like 9/11 -- an idea that, despite its absurdity, slowly gains traction with the townspeople.  Cartman further muddies the waters when he unveils a complicated Powerpoint presentation during "Show and Tell."  Through a series of complex mathematics, the presentation names Kyle as the perpetrator of the 9/11 attacks. 
It's a far-fetched notion, but the other kids nevertheless start looking at Kyle strangely, and even worse, the CIA stakes out his house.  Pissed, he tells his mother, who calls a town meeting to complain that their children still don't have a clear understanding of the terrorist attacks.  But it soon becomes apparent that the townspeople, many of whom are nursing their own conspiracy theories, don't either.

While trying to locate someone who can prove Kyle's innocence, Kyle and Stan stumble upon the 9/11 conspiracy organization 911Truth.org.  But too late -- just as they arrive, the FBI raids the building, arresting the boys along with the organization's founder.  They're then taken to the White House, where President Bush announces -- to Kyle's disbelieving cries of "Really?" -- that the government had indeed planned the whole thing. 

The President then shoots the 9/11 conspiracy guy in the head, and in the ensuing chaos, the boys manage to escape.  Later, on the street, they see the conspiracy guy alive and well.  After a long chase, the boys corner him.  He admits that he's just a pawn in the government's system and then is shot dead by the Hardly Boys' father.

The old man takes them to his home and explains that all the conspiracy organizations are secretly run by the government.  Bush and his entire Cabinet suddenly appear at the house and take up the explanation.  Since about a quarter of the U.S. population is "retarded," the government wants to keep them appeased with conspiracy stories.  The other 75 percent will be satisfied with the straightforward truth -- that 9/11 was caused by pissed-off Muslim militants.

Suddenly, Stan puts a gun to Kyle's head and admits that it was he who dropped the deuce in the boys' room urinal.  The only reason he went along on this foolish mission was to secure bogus "proof" that the government was involved both in 9/11 and the urinal deuce incident.  The government was more than happy to play along, because it made them look all-powerful.

Stan comes clean to Mr. Mackey about the urinal incident, and as punishment must clean out the offending dookie-filled urinal personally.

===What I Learned Today===
"Anybody who thinks 9/11 was a conspiracy is a retard."

===Memorable Quotes===
* "For show and tell today I have brought my shocking Powerpoint report on the truth behind the 9/11 attacks." [[Cartman]]
* "I've got such a raging clue right now." [[Joe Hardly]]
* "The turd could have been put there to cover up 9/11!" [[Uncle Jimbo]]
* "What's a urinal?"  [[Butters]]
* "My clue's kinda pointing this way " [[Frank Hardly]]
* "And take two minus one plus nine eleven and you get twelve -- which leads us all to the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks Kyle."  [[Cartman]]
* "Lets see what your mom and dad have to say about your little poopscapade."  [[Mr. Mackey]]
* "One of you thought it would be a good idea to pull down your pants, mkay, hover your butt cheeks over the urinal, and squeeze out a chocolate hot dog, mkay."  [[Mr. Mackey]]