Editing Cartman's Incredible Gift (section) Warning: You are not logged in. Your IP address will be publicly visible if you make any edits. If you log in or create an account, your edits will be attributed to your username, along with other benefits.Anti-spam check. Do not fill this in!==Story== ===Description=== In an effort to be among the great pioneers of flight, Cartman puts on a pair of cardboard wings, stands on his rooftop, and jumps. Unfortunately he does not fly. The resulting two-story fall causes massive cranial trauma and puts him in coma. After two days, Cartman awakes from the coma, alive and coherent. During his two-day recovery period, he is given a new hospital roommate -- the latest victim of the "Left Hand Killer" (a serial killer haunting South Park). The hospital room is swarming with police detectives. The victim dies shortly after, and the cops -- noticing the injured boy's ability to predict his crappy hospital food -- now believe Cartman to be psychic. They take him to the latest crime scene and ask for his impressions. Cartman closes his eyes and sees "visions" of various snack foods -- more specifically, "ice cream with sprinkles and Quadruple-Stuffs." Hearing this, the cops leap to the conclusion that Tom Johansen, owner of the local ice cream shop, is the killer. He's promptly arrested, beaten then beaten some more. When another murder occurs with Johansen in jail, the police believe there's now a copycat killer on the loose and seek help from the "Child Wunderkind with psychic abilities" once more. Cartman fingers another suspect, who's also immediately incarcerated. But the killings keep happening. And Cartman keeps naming suspects -- including a group of "professional" psychics who recently challenged his credentials. Meanwhile, Kyle notices an extremely creepy character at one of the crime scenes. Pissed that everyone is taking Cartman's bogus "readings" so seriously, Kyle takes matters into his own hands. He follows the creepy man home, does some fairly complex fingerprint and blood analysis work, and informs the cops that this guy is their man. They scoff at him, preferring to rely on Cartman's readings. Feeling that there's no other way to make himself heard, Kyle straps on cardboard wings, jumps off the roof of his own house and sustains a head injury that lands him in the hospital...with a coma. When Kyle wakes up, he tells the cops he's acquired psychic powers just like Cartman, and provides the police with the name and address of the Left Hand Killer. Meanwhile, the Killer kidnaps Cartman and plans to kill him -- claiming that Cartman has denied him proper credit for his "work." The police arrive just in time, and gun the killer down. Back at the hospital, they, along with the (now released) "professional" psychics, thank Kyle for helping them. Kyle tells everyone that psychic powers had nothing to do with it, and that no one can really read minds. Not surprisingly, no one believes him. The professional psychics then square off with Cartman in a telekinetic battle. Suddenly the room's lights go out and the shelf above Kyle's bed collapses. Kyle, taken aback, insists there's a logical explanation for that too. ===What I Learned Today=== "The plain simple truth is that nobody is psychic. There's a logical explanation for every psychic story you've ever heard." ===Memorable Quotes=== * "I'm afraid your son is . . . incredibly stupid. He thought he could fly with cardboard wings. The stupidity is so severe that it caused a fall which has put him into a deep coma." [[Dr. Doctor]] * "I see . . . ice cream with sprinkles and Quadruple-Stuffs!" [[Cartman]] * "I see you like cutting the eyes out of photos of women. My son is a big fan of that too." [[Sergeant Yates]] * "I'm sure it will work! Go for it! Yea, Cartman! Fly fly fly!" [[Kyle]] * "Do not doubt my powers, Kyle." [[Cartman]] * "Don't make me do it, Kyle! I can make your head explode with a single thought!" [[Cartman]] * "I'm afraid that my powers are not for sale. And by that, I mean they absolutely ARE for sale." [[Cartman]] * "What'dya got Wunderkind, are you seeing anything?" [[Sergeant Yates]] * "Oh my god it's a fried chicken sundae." [[Cartman]] * "Do you want to see my cotton panties?" (Left Hand Killer) * "Stand back mother! We are having a telekinetic battle of minds!!" [[Cartman]] * "Look, kid, don't waste my time with your blood sampley, fingerprinty hocus pocus!" [[Sergeant Yates]] * "Kyle, don't fly too close to the sun or it'll burn your wings and you'll crash into the ocean!" [[Butters]] Summary: Please note that all contributions to South Park Wiki may be edited, altered, or removed by other contributors. If you do not want your writing to be edited mercilessly, then do not submit it here. 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