♪ Happy 300 to us

♪ Happy 300,Tegridy Farms ♪

Ugh!Ugh!

♪ Happy three hundredthousand dollars ♪

Can you believe it, gang?

We've broken $300,000selling weed.

Not to be a dick,

but I remember back whenyou, Sharon, and you, Shelley,

said buying a pot farmwas a "stupid" idea.

Now we're living the dream.

You're living the dream.This is your dream.

You know,[scoffs] is it me

or are people starting to not bethat stoked on Tegridy Farms?

Are you guys still pissed offabout the China thing?

You may not like thatI do business with China,

but personally, I think you guyshaving a problem with China

is racist.

Now come on!Let's celebrate 300!

Who wants shots?

Shots?

Eric, you haveto be a big boy.

Big boys get a toyfrom the toy chest.

No, no, no, no, no![ Screeching ]

Eric, It's just a little prick.[ Laughs ]

No, no, no!Nooooo!

Good boy, Eric!

[ Squealing ]

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Cartman squealing ]

Our school now hasa very strict policy

when it comesto immunizations.

Everyone has to follow protocolor it puts everyone at risk.

I'm sorry, PC Principal.It's just that...

my little Eric reallydoesn't like shots.

Well, Eric, nobody likes shots.They're just a fact of life.

No, no.You don't understand.

I've taken him to the doctorevery Friday

for the past four years.

They try togive him his shot,

but he gets scaredand runs around,

and he squealslike a little pig.

The doctors tryto catch him,

but Eric greases himself upso they can't.

I'm sorry,but my hands are tied here.

If Eric isn't immunized,

then he cannot goto this school.

[ Sobbing ] Please!I've tried everything!

You have to let Ericgo to school.

I work all day,and without school,

he'll just --he'll just have nothing!

What do you think's gonnabe different next time you try?

If -- If you couldoffer Eric something.

Sometimes when Ericis behaving this way,

I think of a giftor a treat of some kind.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Like, what areyou thinking?

I don't know!

Like maybeexclusive use

of the tetherball pole at recessfor the next two months?

Ooh, would thatbe possible?

What I care most about isthe safety of the students,

so if you'll take your shots,then I'll agree.

Sweet.But, Eric, you really have to doit this time, okay?

When we're at the doctors,you can't change your mind.

I won't change my mind.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Cartman squeals in distance ]

[ Crashing, glass shatters ]

[ Squealing continues ]

[ Crashing, shattering ]

Eric, it's okay!

[ Squealing continues ]

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Clattering ]

I'm sorry but I havea lot of other patients to see.

We'll just have to try againnext week.

Come on, Eric.We're going home.

We're going home?You promise?

Let's go!Get in the car!

Wait, can I get a toyfrom the toy chest?

One toy, Eric!

Cool!

[ Toys rattle ]

[ Siren chirps ]

[ Marching band plays ]

[ Parade music plays ]

Yeah!

300!

Tegridy Farms! Hello, South Park!

Thanks for making Tegridy

the most profitable farm in Colorado!

We couldn't have done it without you, so here!

Here's some beads![ Red Rockers' "China" plays ]

Here you go! Beads for everybody!

I've got $300,000!

♪ China, China! ♪

♪ Da-da-ya-ya history! ♪

♪ It was la la la China! ♪

[ Sirens chirp ]♪ China, China! ♪

Alright, China!

and so he's been,like, kicked out.

Cartman can't goto this school anymore?

Yeah, he was actually kind ofupset about it

because he said on the phonethat he has to do

homeschoolingwith this really mean teacher.

Oh, my God. I don't knowhow long this will last,

but I'm gonna savorevery minute.

Hey, guys!I'm back in school!

Everything worked out.

I'm allowed back,and it's all good!

You got your shots?

No, I don't haveto get my shots ever!

And they can'tdo anything about it.

BecauseI'm a consciousness objector.

A conscientious objector?

Yeah, I told the school,I said, look you guys,

I happen to have..."religious, moral,

or philosophicalconvictions."

And -- And I said I believethat "health and disease

should not be controlledby vaccination."

Those are my beliefs.

And besides, I don't wantto risk immunizations

making me artistic.[ Sniffles ]

Dude, Cartman, don't you knowthat if you don't get immunized

you actually put peopleat risk who --One second! One second!

[ Sniffles ] Sorry.One second, gotta sneeze.

Oh, never mind.Never mind.

I'm sorry.What were you saying?

I'm saying thatwe all had to get shots

and, actually,if just one person doesn't --

[ Sneezes ]

Oh!

Snot web.

I'll be right back,you guys.

Can somebody get mea paper towel?

I got a snot web here.

Consciousness objectorcoming through.

Alright, everyone.Listen up.

I understand your frustration,

but a government organizationlike a school

cannot impose its willon a conscientious objector.

It's not safe for our kidsto be in this school!

You do understand that upto 5% of kids with vaccines

can still be at risk.

Everyone has to do it,or it doesn't matter!

Yeah, I don't quite seehow it's fair that

all the rest of our communityagrees to this.

Why does one familyget to have a problem with it?

I'm sorry.

It's just my strong,personal belief that

"among other things,

vaccines containharmful ingredients.

Formaldehyde, aluminumand even Mercury."

Aw, come on, Mrs. Cartman,all major medical organizations

state that vaccinesare safe!

The CDC, the FDA, UNICEF,and the US Department of Health!

Yes, yes,I know but...

"we can't even riska 0.1% chance of vaccinations

making our childrenartistic."

Well, that's true.

There are enough artistsin the world.

Look, I don't knowwhat kind of mother

wouldn't vaccinatetheir child,

but it's putting everyonein danger, and that's why --

Then you try to catch him!You try it!

Don't you peoplecriticize me

until you've taken Ericto the doctor,

and you've triedto hold him down!

I'm a good mother!

Don't you dare questionif I care about my child!

Oh, shit.

O-Of course you care.

Nobody likes seeingtheir child in pain.

Maybe -- Maybe you shouldjust let us take care

of getting Erichis shots.

You don't understandhow hard it is.

We'll find a wayto make it

completely painlessfor him, okay?

[ Keys jangle ]

[ Door creaks ]

Alright, alright.Bring him in!

The little boy's roomis upstairs.

Oh, I don't knowif I can go through with this.

My little Eric is goingto be so mad at me!

Look, by the timehe knows what's happened,

it'll already be over.

Did you bringhis boo-boo present?

Yeah, yeah, come on.Thomas and Laura.

Okay? See?We got the present.

Everything'sgonna be fine.

[ Snoring ]

[ Snoring continues ]

Hey, what's going on?

[ Squeals ]

No, no! Nooo!

Oh! It'll justbe for a second!

Oh, Jesus!

[ Cartman squeals ]

Eric, there's a big treatfor you if you stay still!

[ Squealing continues ]Catch him!

[ Squealing ]Butter's Dad: Thomas! Linda!

Y-You gotta get him!

[ Squealing continues ]

[ Snorts ]

[ Squealing resumes ]

[ Squealing continues ]

Eric! Oh!

Well, what do we do now?

I think the only waywe're gonna get Eric immunized

is by bringingin an expert.

[ Western music plays ]

[ Telephone rings ]

This is Big Mesquite Murph.How can I help you?

You say you got yourselfa conscientious objector?

Well, you just sit tight.

There aren't never no hog

that Big Mesquite Murphcouldn't catch.

♪♪

♪♪

How many thousand dollars hasTegridy Farms made selling weed?

$300,000!

It's a 300-palooza!

Come on downand see what we've got!

Deep voice: What have we got?

We've got $300,000!

Just selling' allthis [echoing] weed!

And this month,we're celebrating

all our new customers in China!

[ Reggae music plays ]

We're celebrating withnew T-shirts!

"Tegridy Farms made $300,000and all I got was high."

Get yours for just ten bucks!

We couldn't have done it without you!

Remember! That's $300,000!

[ Remote clicks ]

Well...what'd you think, guys?

How much did you spendmaking that commercial?

Who cares, Sharon?Business is up.

Nobody cares aboutyour stupid $300,000!

We've becomethe kind of business

that we moved out hereto get away from!

You know whythe Chinese buy our weed?!

It's to planton their student protesters

so they canput them in jail!

Yeah, we make moneyeither way.

You don't carehow anyone else feels!

We bought this farmtogether, Randy!

Or did you forget that?I hate marijuana!

[ Gasps ] Shelley!I hate marijuana,too.

[ Gasps ] Stan!

Oh, Eric, I...

wasn't sureif you'd be up yet.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Eric, you know I onlywant what's best

for my little snookums.

You read me a bedtime story.You tucked me in.

And then you let half the towninto my room

to try and give me a shotagainst my will.

It was supposedto make it easier on you,

and th-th-they didn'tcatch you anyway.

This is goodbye, Mom.I can't live with you anymore.

Eric, please!

You don't know how hard it isto be a parent!

Sometimes we don't knowthe right thing to do!

So you go alongwith society

and try to forceimmunizations on me

even knowingthe health risks?

What if immunizations made myfriend Timmy the way he is?

What if they made Jimmythe way he is?

What if they made Tokenthe way he is?

Eric, when I wasat the store, I got you

some Little Debbie Cream Piesand --

That isn't gonna workthis time, Mom!

I don't wantto be around you anymore!

So I don't know whereyou're gonna stay,

but you'll just haveto figure it out.

I've already packedall your things.

Sweetie, you can't liveon your own.

You should've thought about thatbefore you made this house

a nightmare for me.Goodbye, mother.

[ Country music plays ]

Alright, youngin,we can do this the easy way

or we can do it hard.

♪♪

[ Squealing, snorting ]

-Yeeeeeeee-haw!-[ Squealing continues ]

-Soooiee!-[ Squealing continues ]

Well? What happened.

[ Slurring ] I ain't never seenno hog like that...

It's like it could runtwo places at once.

You saidyou could catch him!

I did catch 'im!

I got him locked in a pen!

It's just that every timeI bring out that needle,

he becomeslike a hog tornado,

but I'll get him!Yeah?

Or maybe you just believea little bit

that vaccinations shouldn't bemandated for school attendance

due to possiblestill-unknown side effects.

Don't you question me.If anyone believes

that the most common side effectof vaccines -- anaphylaxis --

occurs in only one per severalhundred thousand

to one per million vaccinations,

it's Big Mesquite Murph.

Now this hog you got here,he's contained,

but now I need help gettin' himhis shots.

The only waywe're gonna get him,

is we gotta build a bigenclosed pen

'bout 100 feet in diameter.

I'm also gonna need the bestwranglers flown in from Wichita.

And I'm gonna need some loudmusic and some barbecue.

Barbecue?

Mrs. Cartman?

Hello, Randy...

I'm...sorry to trouble you,but...

I don't know where to turn.

I was hoping maybe...

I could buy some ganja.

Whoa, whoa, what's going on?

My son h-hates me.

The whole town h-hates me.

Nobody thinks I'm a good mom,

and I don't knowif I am anymore!

Ok, ok, come on...

let's get you insideand get you some weed.

It all just happened gradually,you know?

[ Inhales ]I don't know why

but it's like everyone'sagainst me.

Even my own son.[ Exhales ]

Believe me, I knowhow that feels.

[ Inhales ]

You try to do what's bestfor your family

and all you dois get shit on.

I know immunizationsare probably for the best...

[ Inhales ] ...but then you readsome of this stuff

on the Internet,and I don't know.

It's scary.[ Exhales ]

That's just it.[ Inhales ]

When it comes to families,we just have to do

what we think is best.It doesn't matter.

They're having an all-countymandated immunization

round up tonight.

Any child not immunizedis about to be.

All-county immunizationround up?

What's that?[ Indistinct chatter ]

and welcome to the CDC Child Immunization challenge.

This here special event is sponsored by

Voices for Vaccines and also by Chevy.

So with all that all out the way, let's get to some action!

[ Cheers and applause ]

First up, we have little Danny Ray Johnston

out of Bailey, Colorada.

He has not been immunized since kindergarten.

He says he just don't like needles.

[ Whistle blows ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

No! Noooooo!

[ Screaming ] -And there they go!

[ Screaming continues ][ Banjo music plays ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

No! Noooo! [ Screams ]

[ Crowd ohh's ]

[ Screaming continues ]

[ Gate rattling ]

[ Screaming continues ]

Ah! [ Shouts ]

[ Screaming continues ]

Nooo!

[ Crying ][ Cheers and applause ]

He stuck him in the left buttocks!

That is a 8.7 score, right there.

[ Cheers and applause ][ Gate rattling ]

Alright let's hear it for little Danny Ray, folks.[ Crying ]

He's a little worse for wear but now he can pick himself up

a nice little toy from the toy chest.

[ Banging ] Jesus...

I've got to get out of here!

[ Crickets chirping ]

[ Crying ] It's just --It's like --

Can't people seeI'm trying to do

what's bestfor my family?!

I'm trying to provide for themby running a business!

I'm sorryif I make mistakes!

I know, Randy.

Other parents expect meto deal with Eric and --

And I get itfrom both sides

because my family'spissed off at me, too!

I understand.No, you don't!

Yes, I do.No, you don't!

[ Garbled ]Nobody understands.

Randy, we all try to dothe best for our family.

And sometimes...

when we're afraidof being judged,

we can pushour family away.

Yeah, it's like everybody'sdoing business with China.

Just, like, get over it.

You should just feel luckythat you have a partner

in doing what's rightfor your family.Yeah...

I'm afraid I haven't been verykind to that partner lately.

I think maybe it's timefor an apology.

Thanks for the talk,Randy,

and for the weed.Where you going?

I'm going to do the only thingI know how to do.

Be a mom.

[ Screaming ] Nooo!

ANNOUNCER: Alright, and that is Dr. Chet Molwinns

that just gave that girl her DTAP booster

and her HPV vaccination.

That is for genital warts.

Way to go, Chet.[ Cheers and applause ]

Hey, folks, let's hear it for all these wranglers tonight.

They're workin' extra hard to bring immunity

to your community.

Alright, folks, we are now ready for the main event!

This young man has never had a single immunization.

[ Walls rattling ] He says he is an orthodox Jew

and a conscientious objector.

Everyone put your hands together now for little

Eric "The South Park Piggy" Cartman.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Sooouuuiiieee!

[ Shouts ]

[ Squealing ][ Cheers and applause ]

ANNOUNCER: There he goes folks! Dear Lord, he's a slippery one.

[ Squealing continues ]

[ Gearshift slides ]

Do you rememberwe used to come here

and look overthe town lights together?

Yeah, so what?

Then you turnedinto an asshole.

I brought you hereto apologize, Towelie.

I let the money goto my head.

I -- I got greedy,

and I started actinglike a towel.

I need you back.

I need Tegridy backthe way it used to be.

No more harassinghome growers?

No more harassing home growers.

No more dealing with thoseMedMen assholes.

No more MedMen.

No more kissing China's ass?

China's actually a freeand loving country that --

I'm out.[ Door closes ]

Wait! Wait, Towelie!Come on, I need you!

I'm never workingfor a company

that's regulatedby a communist government.

Okay, okay...

No more sellingto the Chinese.

Then say it. Say, "Fuckthe Chinese government.

[ Quietly ] Fuck the Chinesegovernment.

I didn't hear you.

Fuck the Chinese government!There!

Well...

you just gotyour partner back.

[ Laughs ]This is it.

This is the momentthat Tegridy Farms

got back on track.

ANNOUNCER: Dear Lord, we are goin' on 16 minutes here

and ain't nobody caught this youngin![ Squealing ]

This might very well be a world record

you're seeing here, folks.[ Squealing continues ]

Get out of my way!Move it!

Whoa, whoa, Mrs. Cartman.Everything is fine here.

It's okay, Liane!They know what they're doing!

[ Squealing continues ]

[ Man grunts ][ Crowd ooh's ]

Oh, looks like we've got a concerned parent in there,

tryin' to take issue with her child's well bein'.

♪♪

[ Squealing continues ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Crowd ohh's ]

Mooommm!

Leave my son alonnnneeeeee!

♪♪

[ Screams ][ Music stops ]

[ Crowd ohhhh's ]

I know I'm not the greatest momin the world.

I do the best I can.

Whatever happens now

is going to be done my way.

Come on, Eric.

Wait, Mom.

No, Eric!

No shot, no toy!

What?!

Okay, doctor,I'm ready for my shots.

Eric, I've been speakingwith your mother...

I'm afraidthere's some bad news.Bad news?

What are you talking about?Mom?

Your mother receiveda heavy dose of vaccine

that wasn't meantfor an adult.

I'm afraid there have been...side effects.

What side effects?Mom?! Mom!

Mom? Are you here, M--[ Gasps ]

[ Softly ] Eric...

[ Echoing ] Nooo...

Noooooo!