Shut Up, Turds!
Season 3 E 15 • 12/01/1999
Shelley struggles through "I Saw Three Ships."
South ParkS3 E14General Cartman Lee
Cartman shows up as General Lee for the reenactment, pissing off the other boys. They make a bet that if the South wins, the boys have to be Cartman's slave, and vice versa.
South ParkS3 E14The Reenactment
The battle gets going and everyone's having a great time, until Cartman steals the bell in an attempt to rewrite history.
South ParkS3 E14For the Confederacy
After being reprimanded for stealing the bell, Cartman stands up for his beliefs. He talks his side into changing the rules and actually win the battle.
South ParkS3 E14The South Wins
The battle is redone, but this time, the Confederates take charge and wins.
South ParkS3 E14Victory in Topeka
A drunken group of Confederates march to Topeka, Kansas and conquer it.
South ParkS3 E14Fighting On
Stan and Kyle wait at the bus stop for their dads to get back from battle. Butters shows up with a letter from Cartman saying they will not sleep until they win the war.
South ParkS3 E14The National Guard
The Confederates go on a drunken rampage all the way to Tennessee, the National Guard is now involved, and Stan has a plan.
South ParkS3 E14Stan's Plan
Stan's plan is to get rid of all the schnapps, causing the Confederates to give up and go home.
South ParkS3 E14South Carolina Joins the Battle
The Confederates get stopped by the National Guard in South Carolina. A huge mob of locals join them in battle, and they take Fort Sumter.
South ParkS3 E14The Confederate Demands
The Confederates get to D.C. and demand the Confederacy be declared its own nation. Clinton and Gore agree to speak with them.
South ParkS3 E15Shut Up, Turds!
Shelley tries to sing "I Saw Three Ships" but her speech impediment gives her trouble. Stan and Kyle laugh at her, so she throws a piano at them.
South ParkS3 E15Hanukkah
Kyle brings Hanukkah into the mix by singing "The Dreidel Song." However, the more people join in, the more the message is lost.
South ParkS3 E15Hitler Sings
A sad little Hitler sings to himself in German while sitting around in Hell, but then Satan shows up and brightens the mood.
South ParkS3 E15Mackey of the Bells
A chorus of Mr. Mackeys sings "Carol of the Bells." He multiplies, turns into bells, and softly sings for all to enjoy.
South ParkS3 E15A Present From Deep Inside of You
The postman and the kids introduce us to Mr. Hankey and his Christmas Classics. Songs, stink and holiday cheer.
South ParkS3 E15Christmas Tree & Pie
Cartman sings "O Holy Night." He starts off with the traditional version and then alters the lyrics to talk about more relevant issues, like presents and pie.
South ParkS3 E15Merry F&*#ing Christmas
Mr. Garrison teaches the kids about Christmas around the world with a song called "Merry Fucking Christmas."
South ParkS3 E15Santa and Jesus
Santa and Jesus sing a lounge-style medley of Christmas songs together. Santa gets mad because there are still more songs about Jesus, so he storms off the stage.
South ParkS3 E15Time To Go Mr. Hankey
Mr. Hankey and the gang sing a lovely "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" for the finale. Then Hankey gets flushed down the toilet.
South ParkS3 E16Cartman's Period
Cartman is bleeding from his ass and thinks he got his period.