Production Blog 05/03/2006
Everyone is always asking us to talk about the episode or Matt and Trey. The episode is about Cartman, it’s funny. My racquetball game with Trey got cancelled; I guess I’ll just have to see him on the back 9 this weekend.
Anyway, let’s talk about THE WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9 weeks ago 25 people entered a challenge where the person with highest percentage of weight lost would be the victor. 25 heard its sweet song, signed their name in blood and put in a modest $50 entry fee. Trey upon hearing of this mighty challenge put in $4000 dollars to be divided up as follows:
65% to 1st
25% to 2nd
10% to 3rd
Today, May 2nd was the weigh in. What we found out quickly is that Scranton, PA / NEPA (North Eastern Pennsylvania) would be representing. Tim ( former PA and Anne Garefino’s Assistant) and I grew up in and around Scranton, PA. We went to High School (Scranton Preparatory School) together and were in the super band “My Stone Monkey Empire.” What people should realize when entering such a challenge with two NEPA boys, WE’RE FUCKING CRAZY. In Scranton your life is a series of dares, booze and the Pennsylvania Polka which incidentally “Started in Scranton and is now #1.” #1 BITCHES! We were fueled only on a fixed diet, exercise and competition.
1st Place: Tim Calpin 48.6 lbs / 23%
2nd Place: R. Emmett Sibley 50.2 lbs / 19.31%
3rd Place: David List 33.6 lbs/ 18.43%
3rd place David List was a worthy opponent to say the least. The last time weight was lost like this, World War 2 broke out. People began to think D-List was crazy, maybe even NEPA CRAZY. “How crazy?” you ask, so crazy that D-List went to his gym this morning to steam some weight out. He ended up blacking out twice in front of Balley’s. People were so scared that they started to call 911. List unfazed looked at his wife and screamed “Get the car Honey, I need to weigh in.”
Before Dinner, the crew gathered round so that Trey could announce the winners and present us with our prizes. When Tim went up to accept his prize of over $3500, Trey offered a new challenge. Tim could take his money or elect to choose whatever was in a mystery box. Everyone started screaming and yelling. In the ballZest move I have ever seen, Tim picked the box, THE BOX! HE ROLLED THE DICE ON $3500! He looked inside ever so slowly and saw that he had just doubled his money! Matt and Trey put double the money in the box! DOUBLED HIS MONEY! I congratulate you Tim, job well done.
Now this is what you have to know, out of the top 6 winning spots, 5 of them were PAs. PAs here at South Park love to win. Pain does not exist in our Dojo. Nate, Kevin and Erin have all lost weight and look better than ever. So good in fact I might have to hire Tane Pellowitz attorney at law to represent me in a sexual harassment lawsuit. “YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE WORN THOSE PANTS KEVIN, YOU WERE BEGGING FOR IT. I AM A MAN FULL OF LUST AND NEEDS”
At the end of the day 1st 2nd and 3rd place really doesn’t matter as much as the fact that the combined weight loss of the crew was 385lbs. Everyone looks and feels healthier except Junichi. Jun please eat some vegetables. It’s been a great run, see you next season, enjoy some before and after pictures.
