Good evening South Park fans. Steve here. Last week we talked about fun, drinking, cake and this week were going to talk about the economy. Not only are we going to talk about the economy, but we are also going to talk about the fact that if you are a PA or an assistant here at South Park you don’t give a shit about the economy. Believe me, I get it. Live within your means and buy what you can afford blah blah blah. It makes no sense to me. Information like that goes in one ear and out the other. Blame it on my youth, whatever. If you give me OT I’m spending some cash.
So this blog is about living while you’re young and just spending stupid amounts of money on things we, the production office, have no business buying in the first place. I know the assistant life looks glamorous on paper, but let’s face it we’re not making play money down here at South Park. We’re making hard earned cash and trust me we love spending it more than making it. Spending large sums of money that we don’t really have never hurt anyone right?
So now I know what you’re thinking. What could they have possibly bought? Well, I’ll start with myself. A couple weeks ago I saw Paul McCartney at the Hollywood Bowl. Epic I know, and I thought it would be great to take up a hobby while I’m sitting in my living room in my boxers trying to think of something to do other than watch “Millionaire Matchmaker” reruns on Bravo. So I bought a bass guitar so I can rock like Sir Paul. It’s a very beginner model and I bought an amp to go with it, shut up its badass. Hey Steve!? You ask. Do you know how to play or do you know anything about the bass guitar? My answer to this question is simple. I don’t have a friggin’ clue, but screw you I bought it and I will learn. If only my elementary school clarinet teacher could see me now!
Up next are PA Mike and PA Sam. They basically bought the same item which is probably the most unoriginal thing ever , but it doesn’t matter it was still a ridiculous purchase. Mike and Sam, for those who don’t know, are huge camera nerds and while you other camera nerds may think their purchases are cool I know how much they make and nothing can be that cool. Or can it? You see Mike and Sam have just completed hundreds of hours of their first run here at South Park so why not spend retarded amounts of cash on NEW CAMERAS. They shot the season finale of House on the same damn camera so the “what my baby wants, my baby gets,” mentality creeps in and they are each swiping the plastic for a new cam. So screw groceries and maybe some new shoes or even a haircut. They needed those cameras and they needed them now! Now they are two expensive ass cameras richer and their bank accounts are two expensive ass cameras poorer. C’est la Vie!
And now for the final chapter in this spending spree saga… Mr. PA David. I have first hand knowledge and picture proof that this next purchase occurred. You see it started about a month ago in the production office and David was watching “The Departed” on his computer. All of a sudden he stood up in his chair and pointed to the screen and muttered to him self, “I must have that.” We ignored him, as is usually the case when he mutters senseless psychobabble and carried on. Cut to three weeks later and David pulls back from his desk and exclaims to the office, “I did it! I bought it!” Four days after that a box from the Turkish Towel Company arrived at the front desk. In it was a $150.00 robe — YES ROBE — and slippers that was pretty much the exact robe and slippers Jack Nicholson wore in “The Departed.” Ladies and Gentlemen this is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. Stop taking your girlfriend to In and Out and maybe cancel your iPhone bill for a month and buy a robe that you don’t need. It just doesn’t get any better than that. My good friend David didn’t need his robe, but gosh darn it he wanted it so he manned up and bought it. I wish I had a robe like that.
I will now take this opportunity to commend David on buying the most pointless thing for this run of South Park episodes. Congrats dude.
As for you guys, when you get your paycheck from your paper routes or you empty out your tip jar down at Ma and Pa’s Market, go ahead and spend it on something you don’t need. If after a few days you don’t want it anymore put it on eBay and I’ll buy it. I’m always looking to burn some cash for no reason especially if someone tries to lecture me about the economy.
Pictures are located below. Congratulations to me for writing the longest blog in the history of this site. If you made it this far without skipping kudos to you…