UM, SIR ?
SHUT UP !!
YOU DOWNLOADEDA LOT OF SONGS.
SAYS HERE, YOU EVENDOWNLOADED JUDAS PRIEST.
THAT'S HARD TIMEYOU BOYS ARE LOOKING AT.
YOU GOT ANYTHING TOSAY FOR YOURSELVES ?
WE... WE DIDN'T THINKIT WAS THAT BIG A DEAL.
NOT A BIG DEAL ?
YOU THINK DOWNLOADING MUSICFOR FREE IS NOT A BIG DEAL ?
PUT YOUR COATS ON, I'MGONNA SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
AND I DON'T THINKYOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT.
THIS IS THE HOMEOF LARS ULRICH,
THE DRUMMERFOR METALLICA.
LOOK, THERE'S LARS NOW,SITTING BY HIS POOL.
WHAT'S THE MATTERWITH HIM ?
THIS MONTH HE WAS HOPINGTO HAVE A GOLD-PLATED
SHARK TANK BAR INSTALLEDRIGHT NEXT TO THE POOL.
BUT THANKS TO PEOPLE
DOWNLOADING HIS MUSICFOR FREE
HE MUST NOW WAIT A FEW MONTHSBEFORE HE CAN AFFORD IT.
( whimpering )
COME, THERE'S MORE.
HERE'S BRITNEY SPEARS'PRIVATE JET.
NOTICE ANYTHING ?
BRITNEY USED TO HAVEA GULFSTREAM IV,
NOW SHE'S HAD TO SELL ITAND GET A GULFSTREAM III
BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU CHOSETO DOWNLOAD HER MUSIC FOR FREE.
( sighs )
THE GULFSTREAM III DOESN'TEVEN HAVE A REMOTE CONTROL
FOR ITS SURROUND SOUNDDVD SYSTEM.
STILL THINK DOWNLOADING MUSICFOR FREE IS NO BIG DEAL ?
WE... DIDN'T REALIZEWHAT WE WERE DOING.
THAT IS THEFOLLY OF MAN.
NOW LOOK IN THIS WINDOW.
HERE YOU SEE THE LOVINGFAMILY OF MASTER P.
NEXT WEEK ISHIS SON'S BIRTHDAY
AND ALL HE'S EVER WANTED ISAN ISLAND IN FRENCH POLYNESIA.
SO, HE'S GONNAGET IT, RIGHT ?
I SEE AN ISLANDWITHOUT AN OWNER.
IF THINGS KEEP GOINGTHE WAY THEY ARE
THE CHILD WILL NOT GETHIS TROPICAL PARADISE.
WE'RE SORRY !
WE'LL NEVER DOWNLOAD MUSICFOR FREE AGAIN !
MAN MUST LEARN TO THINK OFTHESE HORRIBLE OUTCOMES
BEFORE HE ACTS SELFISHLYOR ELSE I FEAR...
RECORDING ARTISTSWILL BE FOREVER DOOMED
TO A LIFE OF ONLYSEMI-LUXURY.
GUYS, WE HEREAT FAITH RECORDS
WERE VERY MOVED BY YOURPERFORMANCE AT CHRISTFEST.
YOU'RE ONE OFTHE MOST TALENTED
CHRISTIAN ROCK BANDSWE'VE EVER HEARD !
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
CHRIST HAS REALLYBLESSED US WITH TALENT.
( laughing )YEAH !
WE JUST HADONE QUESTION, THOUGH.
WE WERE LOOKING OVERSOME OF YOUR LYRICS...
UH, "I WANT TO WALKHAND IN HAND WITH JESUS
"ON A PRIVATE BEACHFOR TWO.
"I WANT HIM TO NIBBLEON MY EAR
"AND SAY,'I'M HERE FOR YOU'--"
IT SEEMS YOUREALLY LOVE CHRIST.
YES, WE SURE DO.
NO, BUT IT APPEARSYOU ARE ACTUALLY
IN LOVE WITH CHRIST.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOUSAYING,
THAT YOU DON'T REALLYLOVE CHRIST ?
WELL, OF COURSE I DO,I MEAN, I JUST--
WELL, WHAT'STHE DIFFERENCE ?
YOU LOVE CHRIST,YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH CHRIST ?
I MEAN, WHAT THE HECKIS THIS ?!
WE JUST LIKE TO MAKE SURETHE BANDS WE SIGN
ARE IN IT FOR GODAND NOT FOR THE MONEY.
I RESENT THAT, SIR.
I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE DONEANYTHING JUST FOR THE MONEY.
IF I'M LYING, MAY THE LORDSTRIKE ME DOWN RIGHT NOW.
UH, OH...
THAT'S ALL WENEEDED TO KNOW.
JUST SIGN HERE AND WE'LLGET YOUR ALBUM SOLD.
( announcer ) K-TEL RECORDS PRESENTS
THE MOST INSPIRATIONAL
CHRISTIAN ROCK BANDIN THE WORLD--
FAITH PLUS ONE.
FEATURING THE VERY BESTIN GOOD, WHOLESOME
CHRISTIAN MUSIC.
♪ OH LORDYOU ARE MY SAVIOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW I MISS YOU SO MUCHWHEN YOU ARE GONE... ♪♪
WITH GREAT INSPIRATIONALSONGS LIKE
"I WASN'T BORN AGAINYESTERDAY".
♪ YES I MAY BE BORN AGAIN
♪ BUT I WASN'T BORN AGAINYESTERDAY... ♪♪
♪ I WANNA GET DOWN ON MY KNEESAND START PLEASIN' JESUS ♪
♪ I WANNA FEEL HIS SALVATIONALL OVER MY FACE... ♪
THE CDs IS FILLED WITHINSTANT CLASSICS.
WHO DOESN'T REMEMBER...
♪ THE BODY OF CHRIST
♪ SLEEK, SWIMMER'S BODYALL MUSCLED UP AND TONED ♪
♪ THE BODY OF CHRIST
♪ OH WHAT A BODY, I WISHI COULD CALL IT MY OWN... ♪♪
♪ YOU ONE TIME, TWO TIMESTHREE TIMES MY SAVIOR... ♪♪
♪ WHENEVER I SEE JESUSUP ON THAT CROSS ♪
♪ I CAN'T HELP BUT THINKTHAT HE LOOKS KIND OF HOT... ♪♪
THIS ALBUM IS NOT AVAILABLEIN STORES
AND LIMITED QUANTITIESARE AVAILABLE !
SO ORDER NOW !
WELCOME !WELCOME EVERYONE !
PLEASE, ENJOY, THE PRESENTATIONSHOULD BEGIN SHORTLY.
CARTMAN, WHAT THE HELLIS ALL THIS ?
OUR PLATINUM ALBUM CEREMONY--I'VE SPARED NO EXPENSE.
BUT YOU SPENT ALLTHE MONEY WE MADE !
WE'RE FAITH PLUS ONE, TOKEN,THERE'LL BE PLENTY MORE MONEY.
RELAX AND ENJOY,BLACK ASSHOLE.
THERE'S HORS D'OEUVRESAND DRINKS
BY THE FERRIS WHEEL,EVERYONE !
OH, KYLE, GUYS,SO NICE TO SEE YOU !
LET'S JUST GET THISOVER WITH, CARTMAN.
YOU WON THE BET,HERE'S $10.
OH, NO NO NO--NOT YET, KYLE.
HOLD ON.
EVERYONE, EVERYONE, CAN I HAVEYOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE ?
( cheering )
WOO-HOO !FAITH PLUS ONE !
WE LOVE YOU !PRAISE CHRIST !
YES, YES, THANK YOU,PRAISE HIM.
I THINK WE'RE READYTO START NOW.
( announcer )Welcome to thepresentation ceremony
for Faith Plus One !
( audience cheering )
And now to present the award,here's Michael Collins !
THIS IS THE WORST DAYOF MY LIFE.
AHH, THIS IS THE BEST DAYOF MY LIFE.
BOYS, IN RECOGNITION OF OVERONE MILLION RECORDS SOLD
THE CHRISTIAN RECORDING INDUSTRYIS PLEASED TO PRESENT YOU
WITH THIS-- MYRRH ALBUM !
THANK YOU VERY--WAIT, MYRRH ALBUM ?
I THOUGHT ALBUMS WENTEITHER GOLD OR PLATINUM.
NO, NO, IN CHRISTIAN ROCKOUR ALBUMS GO GOLD,
THEN FRANKINCENSETHEN MYRRH.
CONGRATULATIONS !
HA ! OUR BET WAS THATYOU WOULD GET A PLATINUM ALBUM
NOT A MYRRH ALBUM !
I DON'T OWE YOUANYTHING, FAT BOY !
DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME I CANNEVER GET A PLATINUM ALBUM
WITH A CHRISTIANROCK BAND ?
NO, BUT YOU CAN GODOUBLE MYRRH.
GODDAMMIT !
( gasps from audience )
OH, PLEASE DON'T TAKETHE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN !
WHO CARES ?!
I CAN NEVER WIN MY BETBECAUSE YOU STUPID ASSHOLES
DON'T GIVE OUTPLATINUM ALBUMS !
BUT YOU'VE SPREADTHE WORD OF THE LORD.
YOU'VE BROUGHTFAITH IN JESUS !
OH, ( bleep ) JESUS !
( gasps )
( woman shrieks )
ERIC, I'M PRETTY SURE
YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THE"F" WORD ABOUT JESUS.
YEAH, YOU'RE GONNAHURT THE BAND !
WHO ( bleeping )CARES, TOKEN ?
I CAN NEVER BEATKYLE NOW !
I'LL SAY IT AGAIN !( bleep ) JESUS !
( audience screaming )
MY EARS AREBLEEDING !
GOOD JOB, DICK HEAD !
YOU LOST THEENTIRE AUDIENCE !
AH, ( bleep ) YOU, TOKEN,YOU BLACK ASSHOLE !
AH ! OH !
EH !
( coughing )
HMM, GUESS HE GOTWHAT HE DESERVED.
( Eric coughing, wheezing )
( bleep ) YOU, ERIC !
♪ GIRL, WON'T YOU FEELMY SUMMERTIME ? ♪
♪ COME ON AND TOUCHMY SUMMERTIME ♪♪
STAN, ARE YOU OKAY ?
YEAH, DAD, WE'RE JUSTREHEARSING OUR BAND.
OHH, I THOUGHT A GROUPOF VIETNAMESE PEOPLE
WERE HAVING THEIRINTESTINES
PULLED OUTTHROUGH THEIR MOUTHS.
HA HA HA HA HAA !HA HA HA HA HAA !
HE'S RIGHT, DUDE, WE HAVETO DEFINE OUR STYLE
IF WE'RE EVER GOING TOMAKE A PLATINUM ALBUM.
I MEAN, I'M A FUSION GUY,
BUT KENNY'S BACKGROUNDIS MORE LATIN-JAZZ.
YUP, UH-HUH.
YEAH, AND I'M MORE HIP-HOPAND R & B ORIENTED.
I THINK OUR BAND BETTER BUYA WHOLE BUNCH OF MUSIC CDs
TO LISTEN TOFOR INSPIRATION.
INSPIRATION...
WAIT A MINUTE,THAT'S IT !
INSPIRATION, YOU GUYS.DON'T YOU SEE ?
SEE WHAT ?
OUR BAND SHOULD PLAYCHRISTIAN ROCK !
CHRISTIAN ROCK ?
THINK ABOUT IT !
IT'S THE EASIEST, CRAPPIESTMUSIC IN THE WORLD, RIGHT ?
IF WE JUST PLAY SONGS ABOUTHOW MUCH WE LOVE JESUS,
ALL THE CHRISTIANSWILL BUY OUR CRAP !
THAT'S A RETARDEDIDEA, CARTMAN !
IT WORKED FOR CREED !
I DON'T WANNA BE INA STUPID CHRISTIANROCK BAND !
YOU JUST START THAT WAY, STAN,THEN YOU CROSS OVER !
IT'S GENIUS !
JUST GET THE HELLOUT OF HERE, CARTMAN !
YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS AND YOU'REA DETRIMENT TO THE BAND !
OH YEAH ?
I WILL BET YOU 10 BUCKS
THAT IF I STARTA CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND
I CAN GET A PLATINUM ALBUMBEFORE YOU GUYS DO !
YOU'RE ON, FAT BOY !
OKAY, FINE !
READY-- FIRST ONE TO HAVEA PLATINUM ALBUM WINS.
GO !
( huffing )
WHAT A STUPIDASSHOLE.
GOTTA MAKE A PLATINUMALBUM BEFORE KYLE !
OH, HI, ERIC.
BUTTERS, GET YOUR DRUM SETAND MEET ME AT MY HOUSE !
WE HAVE TO MAKEA PLATINUM ALBUM !
HURRY, BUTTERS !
OHO !
NO TIME TO WASTE !PLATINUM ALBUM !
MUST BEAT KYLE !
TOKEN, GET THE BASS GUITAROUT OF YOUR BASEMENT
AND MEET ME OVERAT MY HOUSE !
WHAT ?!
WE DON'T HAVEA BASS GUITAR.
YOUR FAMILY'S BLACK, TOKEN,
THERE'S BOUND TO BEA BASS GUITAR
IN YOUR BASEMENTSOMEWHERE !
BOY, YOU SURESEEM DRIVEN, ERIC.
YOU MUST REALLY HAVESOME INSPIRATION.
YES, THE TEARS OFKYLE BROFLOVSKI
WHEN HE LOSES HIS$10 TO ME.
HEY, THERE WAS A BASSGUITAR IN MY BASEMENT.
I TOLD YOU, TOKEN.
SO, WHAT ARE WE DOING ?
GENTLEMEN, WE ARE ABOUT TOEMBARK ON THE MOST AMAZING,
LIFE-AFFIRMING,FINANCIALLY WINDFALLING
EXPERIENCES OFOUR YOUNG LIVES.
WOW !
WE ARE GOING TO START...A CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND.
AWW...
I'M OUT.
WAIT !
WALK OUTTHAT DOOR, TOKEN,
AND YOU'LL REGRET ITTHE REST OF YOUR LIFE !
CHRISTIANS HAVEA BUILT-IN AUDIENCE
OF OVER 180 MILLIONAMERICANS.
IF EACH ONE OF THEM BUYSJUST ONE OF OUR ALBUMS
AT $12.95 THAT WOULD BE--
TWO BILLION,331 MILLION DOLLARS.
STILL WANT TO LEAVE,TOKEN ?
THANK YOU.
DAD, CAN I BORROW$300 ?
OUR BAND CAN'T FIND ASTYLISTIC DIRECTION TO GO IN.
WE NEED TO GODOWN TO THE MALL
TO BUY HUNDREDS OF CDsTO LISTEN TO
SO WE CAN DEFINEOUR SOUND.
SORRY, KYLE, WE GAVE YOUYOUR ALLOWANCE ALREADY.
CAN'T YOU SEETHIS IS MY DREAM ?!
MUSIC IS MY LIFE !
IT WASN'T YOUR LIFEYESTERDAY.
LOOK, POPS, I'VE GOTTHE MUSIC INSIDE ME.
IT'S IN MY SOUL.
AND I KNOW MY PLACEIS UP ON THAT STAGE.
I'M GONNA MAKE ITTO THE TOP.
AND I JUST WANTYOUR BLESSING, POPS.
THE ANSWER IS NO, KYLE.
AW, COME ON, DAD,DON'T BE SUCH A JEW !
KYLE, DON'T BELITTLEYOUR OWN PEOPLE !
ARGH !
HEY, DUDE.
IT DIDN'T WORK.
MY STUPID JEW DAD WON'TLEND ME MONEY FOR CDs.
NO, DUDE, IT'S COOL.
KENNY SAYS YOU CANDOWNLOAD MUSIC FOR FREE
ON THE INTERNET !
REALLY ?
YEAH !
YOU GOT A COMPUTER ?
SEE, EVERYONE ON THE INTERNETCOPIES MUSIC FROM THEIR CDs
AND THEN WE CANDOWNLOAD THEM FOR FREE
AND PLAY 'EMON THE COMPUTER !
ALL RIGHT, COOL !
LET'S DOWNLOADSOME METALLICA
AND SOME STEVIE WONDER.
MPRH RMPHRMHPRMH RMH !
KENNY'S RIGHT,
WE SHOULD DOWNLOADSOME JUDAS PRIEST, TOO.
JUDAS PRIEST...
WOW ! DOWNLOADING MUSICFOR FREE IS AWESOME !
( helicopter whirring,police siren )
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ?
I DON'T KNOW,LET ME CHECK--
FREEZE, F.B.I. !
DOWN ON THE GROUND !DOWN ON THE GROUND !
HANDS ! LET ME SEETHOSE HANDS !
TANGO TEAM ISAT POINT BRAVO !
SUSPECTS IN CUSTODY !
MOVE MOVE MOVE !
MOVE MOVE MOVE !
KEEP YOUR HANDS UP !OUT TO THE CAR !
KYLE,WHAT DID YOU DO ?
I DON'T KNOW !
ALL WE HAVE TO DO TOMAKE CHRISTIAN SONGS
IS TAKE REGULAR OLD SONGSAND ADD JESUS STUFF TO THEM !
SEE, ALL WE HAVE TO DO ISCROSS OUT WORDS LIKE "BABY"
AND "DARLIN'" ANDREPLACE THEM WITH...
JEEESUS.
ALL RIGHT, BUTTERS,GIVE ME A BEAT.
( mid-tempo beat )
OKAY, NICE, VERY NICE.
ALL RIGHT, TOKEN, GIVE MEA SMOOTH BASS LINE.
I DON'T KNOWHOW TO PLAY BASS.
TOKEN, HOW MANY TIMES DO WEHAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS ?
YOU'RE BLACK.YOU CAN PLAY BASS.
I'M GETTING SICK OFYOUR STEREOTYPES.
BE AS SICK AS YOU WANT,
JUST GIVE MEA GODDAMN BASS LINE !
( funky bass line )
GODDAMMIT.
ALL RIGHT,NICE, FELLAS, NICE.
♪ I NEED YOUIN MY LIFE ♪
♪ JESUS
♪ I CAN'T LIVEWITHOUT YOU ♪
♪ JESUS
♪ AND I JUST WANT TO FEEL YOUDEEP INSIDE ME ♪
♪ JESUS ♪
AWESOME !
ALMOST THERE, GUYS.
OW.
WHY THE HELL DID YOUTELL US TO DRESS NICE
TO TAKE US OUT HERE ?
BECAUSE, TOKEN, WE HAVE TO TAKEPICTURES FOR OUR ALBUM COVER.
THE KEY TO A HOT SELLINGCHRISTIAN ROCK ALBUM
IS A FLASHY, INSPIRATIONALALBUM COVER.
WOW, NEAT-O !AN ALBUM COVER !
THIS CHRISTIAN ALBUMBETTER MAKE AS MUCH MONEY
AS YOU SAID ITWOULD, TUBBY.
I'M GOING TO KILL YOUONE DAY, TOKEN.
WHAT DID YOU SAY ?
NOTHING !
ALL RIGHT, GUYS,STAND OVER THERE
AND LOOK WHOLESOMEAND COOL.
I HAVE A TIMER ON THIS THINGSO I CAN GET IN SHOT TOO.
CHEESE !
NO, NO, NO !
HAVEN'T YOU GUYS EVERSEEN AN ALBUM COVER ?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BESTANDING IN RANDOM PLACES,
LOOKING AWAYLIKE YOU DON'T CARE.
CHEESE !
( Eric )NO, BUTTERS, YOU CAN'T LOOKHAPPY ON A ALBUM COVER !
THAT'S NOT COOL !
OH.
TOKEN, LOOK AWAYTO THE RIGHT.
MORE... MORE !
WHY THE HELL WOULD I BELOOKING WAY OVER THERE ?
SO IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RETOO COOL TO CARE
THAT YOU'RE ON AN ALBUM COVER,YOU BLACK ASSHOLE !
NOW JUST HOLD IT !
Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRALOUR FIRST ALBUM COVER.
♪ DON'T EVER LEAVE MEJESUS ♪
♪ I COULDN'T STANDTO SEE YOU GO ♪
♪ MY HEART WOULD SIMPLYSNAP, MY LORD ♪
♪ IF YOU WALKED ONOUT THAT DOOR ♪
♪ I PROMISEI'LL BE GOOD TO YOU ♪
♪ AND KEEP YOUWARM AT NIGHT ♪
♪ JESUS, JESUS, JESUS
♪ WHY DON'T WE JUSTSHUT OFF THE LIGHT ♪
THANKS FOR RELEASINGTHEM TO US, DETECTIVE.
SORRY FOR ALL THETROUBLE THEY CAUSED.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, I THINK THESEBOYS LEARNED THEIR LESSON.
BOY, I'LL SAY.
IF YOU PARENTS WILLJUST STEP OVER HERE
YOU CAN PAY THEIR $400RELEASE AND PENALTY FEES.
$400 ?
JUST FOR DOWNLOADING SOMESONGS OFF THE INTERNET ?
IT'S NOT THATBIG A DEAL.
NOT A BIG DEAL, HUH ?!
COME WITH ME, I'M GONNASHOW YOU SOMETHING.
AND I DON'T THINKYOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT !
OOF, DUDE, I CAN'T WAITTO JUST GO BACK HOME
AND GET BACK TOBAND PRACTICE.
YEAH.
NO ! DIDN'T YOU GUYSLEARN ANYTHING ?
LOOK, IF WE MAKE AN ALBUM,ALL THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN
IS THAT PEOPLE ARE GONNASTEAL OUR SONGS FOR FREE
OFF THE INTERNET !WE WON'T MAKE A DIME !
OH, YEAH.
UNTIL WE GET PEOPLE TO STOPDOWNLOADING MUSIC FOR FREE
I SAY WE REFUSE TO PLAY !
YEAH !
TOM, I'M STANDING INSOUTH PARK, COLORADO
WHERE THE ROCK BAND "MOOP"HAS REFUSED TO PLAY !
THE STRIKE STARTED YESTERDAY
AND COULD GO WELL INTONEXT WEEK !
OH, HEY GUYS,HOW'S IT GOING ?
WE'RE NOT LETTING YOU BACKIN THE BAND, CARTMAN.
( bleep ) OFF.
I DON'T WANT TO BE IN YOURCRAPPY BAND, GUYS.
I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW
THE ALBUM FOR MY CHRISTIANROCK BAND, "FAITH PLUS ONE",
IS ABOUT TO GOPLATINUM.
IT IS ?!
THAT'S RIGHT, WE'VEALREADY SOLD 13 COPIES.
YOU WANNA PAY ME THAT$10 BET NOW, KYLE ?
NYA NYA NYA NYANYA NYA !
HEY HEY HEY HEYHEEEY HEY !
YOU GET A PLATINUM ALBUM FORSELLING ONE MILLION COPIES,
YOU FAT TURD !
IT'S JUST A MATTEROF TIME, MY FRIENDS.
THIS WEEKEND IS CHRISTFEST,
THE SINGLE LARGEST GATHERINGOF CHRISTIANS IN THE MIDWEST.
EACH ONE OF THEM A WALKING,PRAYING WALLET FULL OF CASH.
AND I'LL BE THERESELLING MY ALBUM.
YOU'LL NEVER GETA PLATINUM ALBUM
DOING CHRISTIAN ROCK,CARTMAN !
IT WAS A STUPID IDEA THENAND IT'S A STUPID IDEA NOW !
YEAH, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOWANYTHING ABOUT CHRISTIANITY !
I KNOW ENOUGHTO EXPLOIT IT.
JUST GET THAT 10 BUCKSREADY KYLE !
TA TA !
GO AHEAD, PEOPLE WILL JUSTDOWNLOAD YOUR SONGS FOR FREE
ON THE INTERNET ANYWAYS !
WHAT A DUMBASS-- OUR BAND ISWAY COOLER THAN HIS !
YEAH !
PSALM T-SHIRTS !
GET A T-SHIRT WITHYOUR FAVORITE PSALM !
LEATHER-BOUND BIBLES !SHOW YOUR FAITH !
YES, IT'S REALLY THE BESTCHRISTIAN ALBUM
THAT'S EVER BEENPRODUCED ACTUALLY.
OOH, THIS WOULD BE GREATFOR MY GRANDCHILDREN.
THEY NEED HIP COOL MUSIC, BUTWITH INSPIRATIONAL LYRICS.
I THINK THAT'S WHATTHE WHOLE WORLD NEEDS.
PRAISE CHRIST.
WE'RE NOT REALLY CHRISTIAN,WE'RE JUST PRETENDIN' WE ARE !
BUTTERS, REMIND ME LATERTO CUT YOUR BALLS OFF.
( man over PA )ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE !
WELCOME TOCHRISTFEST 2003 !
ARE YOU READY FOR SOMELIVE MUSIC ?
( crowd cheering )
YEAH, JESUS !
THEN LET'S GIVE IT UP NOW
FOR ONE OF CHRISTIAN ROCK'SBIGGEST BANDS--
TRINITY !
♪ HE'S THE SHEPHERDAND THE LIGHT ♪
♪ AND HIS WORDLIFTED ME UP ♪
♪ AND I PRAISE HIS HOLY NAMEWHEREVER I GO... ♪
DAMMIT !
IF WE'RE GONNA SELL OUR HOTCHRISTIAN ALBUM
WE HAVE GOT TOGET ON THAT STAGE !
HEY, IS THIS THE WAYTO THE BACKSTAGE ?
WHO ARE YOU ?
WE'RE THE BAND SANCTIFIED.
WE PLAY METAL AND PUNK
BUT WITH LYRICS THATINSPIRE FAITH IN CHRIST.
YEAH, WE PROVE THAT CHRISTIANMUSIC CAN BE TOUGH AND HARDCORE.
YEAH, YOU GUYSARE REAL HARDCORE.
YOU BET YOUR GOSH DARNREAR-END WE ARE !
ALL RIGHT, SANCTIFIED ?YOU GUYS ARE UP NEXT.
YEAH !LET'S DO IT !
SENT DOWNFROM HEAVEN !
THE SPIRITAND THE GLORY !
HEY, GUYS WAIT--
WE WANNA PRAY WITH YOUBEFORE YOU GO ONSTAGE.
OH, THAT'S COOL.
ALWAYS GOOD TO BE PRAYIN'BEFORE YOU'RE PLAYIN'.
LET'S JUST GO IN HERE SO WECAN HEAR OURSELVES BETTER.
LORD FATHER IN HEAVEN, WE THANKYOU FOR ALL YOUR BLESSINGS...
HEY, ERIC, I DON'T THINKTHEY CAN GET OUT !
PRAISE JESUS !PRAISE HIM !
WELL LET'S KEEP THISSALVATION TRAIN GOING
WITH THE HOT BAND,SANCTIFIED !
( whispers )
UH, UH, APPARENTLYTHERE'S BEEN A CHANGE.
GIVE IT UP FOR--FAITH PLUS ONE !
YOU KNOW, JESUS,
I'VE BEEN THINKINGA LOT ABOUT YOU LATELY.
AND, WELL, THAT'S WHYI WROTE THIS SONG...
♪ I LOVE YOU, JESUS
I WANT YOU TOWALK WITH ME ♪
♪ I'LL TAKE GOOD CAREOF YA, BABY ♪
♪ CALL YA MY BABYBAAABY ♪
♪ YOU DIED FOR MY SINS
♪ AND YOU KNOW THAT I WOULDDIE FOR YOU-- RIGHT ? ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE MATTER, BABY ?
♪ YOU'RE TREMBLIN'JESUS BABY ♪
♪ YOUR LOVEIS MY LIGHT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHENI'M WITHOUT YOU ♪
♪ THERE'S A BLACK HOLEIN MY LIFE ♪
♪ OHH, I WANNA BELIEVEIT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BUT I GET LONELYIN THE NIGHT ♪
♪ AND IT'S UP TO YOUTO SAVE ME ♪
♪ JESUS BABY ♪
DUDE, I DIDN'T KNOWBEING IN A BAND
WAS GONNA BE THIS TOUGH.
YEAH, IT'S TOUGH.
BUT IT'S TIMESLIKE THESE
THAT YOU SEE WHATYOUR BAND IS MADE OF.
WE'VE GOTTA FIGHT THROUGH THEROUGH TIMES LIKE JOURNEY.
TOM, WE'RE NOW ENTERINGTHE SECOND DAY
OF THE ROCK BAND MOOP'SREFUSAL TO PLAY
AND THE SECOND DAY OF ABSOLUTELYNO OTHER NEWS TO REPORT ON.
IN A RECENT POLL WE ASKED PEOPLEIF MOOP'S REFUSAL TO PLAY
WOULD STOP THEM FROM DOWNLOADINGMUSIC OFF THE INTERNET.
1% PERCENT SAID "YES",2% SAID "NO",
AND 97% SAID"WHO THE HELL IS MOOP ?"
BACK TO YOU, TOM.
HEY, ARE YOU THE GUYSPROTESTING
FREE INTERNET MUSICDOWNLOADING ?
HEY, IT'S THATLARS ULRICH GUY !
THAT'S RIGHT, METALLICA ISBEHIND YOU DUDES %1000 !
WE'RE GONNA SIT HEREAND PROTEST WITH YOU
UNTIL FREEDOWNLOADING STOPS !
TOM, IT APPEARS NOW THEMUSICIANS STRIKE IS GROWING.
AS I'M SPEAKING,MORE MUSICIANS ARE ARRIVING !
IT LOOKS LIKE ALANIS MORISETTE, BLINK 182, BRITNEY SPEARS
AND DOZENS OF OTHERSARE GOING TO JOIN MOOP
IN NOT PLAYING MUSIC.
THIS IS A VERITABLESTRIKE-APALOOZA !
I CAN'T TAKE THISMUCH LONGER.
MAYBE WE'RE JUST NOT CUT OUTTO BE IN A BAND.
YOU GUYS, WE CAN'T GIVE UPON OUR DREAMS NOW !
AS SOON AS THIS STRIKE ENDS
WE'RE GONNA BE THEBIGGEST BAND EVER !
YEAH, IF WE ALL GIVE IN NOW,PEOPLE MIGHT NEVER STOP
DOWNLOADING OUR MUSICFOR FREE !
I'M SURE WE'RE GONNA GET WORDANY MINUTE
THAT PEOPLE HAVEAGREED TO STOP.
CERTIFIED LETTER FORTHE ROCK BAND MOOP ?
THAT'S US !
"DEAR MOOP, THIS LETTERIS TO INFORM YOU
"THAT FAITH PLUS ONE'SDEBUT ALBUM
HAS JUST SOLDONE MILLION COPIES."
WHAT ?!
"WE CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO
"ATTEND THE PLATINUM ALBUMAWARD CEREMONY
"WHICH WILL BE HELD TOMORROWMORNING AT 10.
"DETAILS AND PROOFOF SALES ENCLOSED.
P.S. NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA,HA HA HA HA HA HA."
HE DID IT...CARTMAN GOT A PLATINUM ALBUM.
IS THIS FOR REAL ?
THIS IS FOR REAL !
HE BEAT US.
BECAUSE ALL THIS TIMEWE'VE BEEN SO CAUGHT UP
WITH HOW TO PROTECT OUR MUSIC,THAT WE FORGOT TO JUST PLAY !
BUT WHY PLAY IF WE'RE NOT GONNAMAKE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS ?
BECAUSE THAT'S WHATREAL ARTISTS DO.
PEOPLE ARE ALWAYSGOING TO FIND A WAY
TO COPY OUR MUSICAND SWAP IT FOR FREE.
IF WE'RE REAL MUSICIANS,THEN WE SHOULD JUST PLAY
AND BE STOKED THAT SO MANYPEOPLE ARE LISTENING !
BESIDES, MAYBE OUR SONGS WOULDHAVE GOTTEN DOWNLOADED FOR FREE,
BUT IF THEY WERE GOOD SONGS,
THEN PEOPLE STILL WOULDHAVE BOUGHT TICKETS
TO SEE OUR BANDIN CONCERT.
FROM NOW ON, MOOPISN'T ABOUT MONEY--
MOOP IS ABOUT MUSIC !
WE'RE NOT STRIKINGANYMORE.
WHO'S WITH US !
WE'RE JUST ABOUTTHE MONEY.
YEAH.YEAH.
YEAH.
OH.
SO, DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DOABOUT YOUR BET WITH CARTMAN ?
ARE YOU GONNA PAY HIM ?
I DON'T HAVEA CHOICE, DUDE.
I'M GONNA SWALLOW MY PRIDE,FACE CARTMAN
AND SAY, "CONGRATULATIONS,YOU WERE RIGHT."
AND I'M GONNAGIVE HIM THE $10.
AND HOPEFULLY, HE WON'T MAKEA BIG DEAL OUT OF IT.
Christian Rock Hard
s07e09 October 29, 2003
Cartman hits the top of the charts with his own Christian rock band, and the boys get arrested for downloading music on the Internet.
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