If you make a right at the gum drop forest, cross the peppermint river, and make a wish at the pork soda fountain, you’ll come to three beautiful sirens that look strangely like PA Mike, PA Nate, and PA Rob. You’ll have to share nectar and ambrosia with them before they let you in the gates, but once they do, you’ll finally get to experience the magical world that is South Park.
This is my first run at South Park and let me tell you, I am now privy to information that would make your precious little heads spin. There have been rumors that once you start here, they give you a character on the show. I can’t say whether this is true or not, but if you do see a Mexican/Filipino version of Brad Pitt a la Fight Club on a future episode, it may or may not be me.
What I can say about ‘the Park’ is that it appears to be a well-oiled machine. And by well-oiled, I mean well fed. It appears well-oiled too if you really want to know. But do you really want to know that Matt and Trey call everyone in the office in for a group hug at noon everyday? I’m sure you’d rather read about what goes in to our oversized bellies. Yeah, the other PA’s have probably written about it, but what other PA has provided pictures in the stellar beauty of 1.3 megapixels? Welcome to the future?
This being said, a goal of mine (aside from being the best PA the earth has ever seen) is to somehow maintain my current body weight. I’m at 178 lbs according to our scale here and though I’ve always been relatively thin, my metabolism is starting to slow in my old age. Couple that with the temptation of peanut butter cups and red vines, PA Gary could be PA Tubby come 8 weeks from now. Is it bad that I’m sweating as I type? Does Apple make chocolate proof keyboards? Is it still cannibalism if I eat my own hand?
I’m sure I’ll have much more to report as the weeks go on, but as I said I’m new here and have a lot to learn. I am impressed by the camaraderie that I have witnessed as we approach the first Tuesday all-nighter. Much of the staff decided to wear their pajamas today to celebrate the mix of comfort with good old-fashioned hard work.
Us PA’s, we decided to dress a little differently (mainly because California law prohibits our skivvies from being displayed in public). See below.
PA Gary, PA Nate.
Not shown: PAs Mike and Rob. They got tired and took a nap under a gummi tree.