Fanfic idea- Super Best Friends Hiring Process

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Fanfic idea- Super Best Friends Hiring Process

Postby AchtungNight » Fri May 12, 2023 4:45 am

Fellow SouthPark fans- Please consider and comment on the following fanfic story outline. I am still considering whether to post it to and making the final draft. Feedback is appreciated.

Outline for "Super Best Friends- The Hiring Process" by AchtungNight

Disclaimer- I don't own South Park, nor did I create it. I also created none of the core versions of the figures portrayed in this story (all of whom I believe are in the public domain or were at least created by the South Park creators), though I did modify them slightly as fanfic writers do. I did not write this story for financial profit, nor do I expect any from it. I do hope for positive and constructive fan feedback. Thank you, audience, hope you enjoy!

Try to describe story in South Park style. Short succinct paragraphs, stick figures with minimal distinct features, minimal description, stage directions and not book paragraphs.

Jesus and the Super Best Friends from South Park (Krishna, Mohammed, Moses, Joseph Smith, SeaMan, Buddha, Lao Tze) need to expand their ranks to include more diverse members. Specifically, they need a female member. Jesus drives hiring process similar to police dept hiring process, leads team. Smith is helping by reviewing applications, Moses as supercomputer handles data, the whole team is the Oral Board. Mohammed has minimal participation but he's still present. The main plot is SBF interviewing various candidates for membership in their SBF team.

Candidate #1- an existing member changed into a female. Krishna can be female as well as male. Buddha can too, he's pretty androgynous. They are rejected as a) SBF needs a clear female member, cis not trans & b) they want a new member, not an existing member. That will stand out more to female audience.

Candidate #2- Raiden appears. Jesus is pleased, remembers Raiden as a possible Shintoism figure for the SBF they rejected a while back. Raiden can also do lightning magic, something the team lacks, they got ice (Smith) & fire (Mohammed) already. Then Jesus remembers they need a female member, not a male, and thus Raiden won't do. Raiden recommends Amaterasu, his Shinto mother goddess. She too is rejected, as her name is hard to pronounce (it might be ok to call her Amy), and she is not present to introduce herself (too busy with affairs specific to Japan) and thus, like Raiden, a member of a not well-known religion because Shintoism is historically isolationist, not globalist. If Shintoism was more widespread outside Japan, maybe it would be easier to accept a Shinto SBF member. Oh well.

#3- SeaMan asks if they can use an existing member's female relative, like his ex-wife Mary Sue. Jesus says no, he doesn't want to fire anybody from the team, and he doesn't specifically like Mary Sue because she was a terrible person. He has two big problems with hiring a female- not a lot of popular established female religious figures he knows about, and many are potentially problematic. Mary Sue would clearly be the latter, sorry SeaMan! Jesus rejected his own female relatives Mary & Magdalene for these reasons, he reminds everyone, though he did strongly consider both. He also reminds team how he rejected replacing Mohammed with his wife Kadijah or his daughter-in-law Ayesha for the same reasons. They all agree. Despite problems, the SBF is determined to hire a female.

#4- Satan, now an angel named Lucy, appears. He/she thanks the team for helping him escape Hell and permanent death by ManBearPig, asks for membership. Jesus rejects Lucy, says very few SBF members (according to Jesus) get on well with Satan, whatever Satan's identity, and also Satan is clearly recognized by the world as Satan, not Lucy. So, she will not work. They still might want a Satanist member, though, if they can get someone strong & positive. Lucy has a recommendation!

#5- Strong Female Candidate Lillith appears. She reminds them of her origins- Adam's first wife, the first woman God created, known in Gnosticism and obscure Christian sects, venerated by feminists the world over (mention Lillith Fair). She is rejected- not well-known enough, still potentially problematic for many reasons, still a duplicate of an existing religious leader on the team (she is Christian like Jesus, Jewish like Moses). Still a good candidate, though, Jesus says. Strongly female, respected, out of left field too. Clearly, Jesus says, we need an out-there candidate no one expects. A pagan candidate would also be nice. Next!

#6- Aphrodite appears. Team recognizes her at once as Greek goddess of love, strong female, awesome powers. Then she is rejected because she's too problematic. Overly sexualized, too narrow in focus, not the kind of person the team wants. Or what women want either per Magdalene through Jesus. Next!

#7- Madame Voodoo appears. She tells them about her powers and qualifications- well known as voodoo witch queen, lots of magic skills (mention voodoo dolls). Team likes her because she's pagan, powerful, black. Jesus recalls how a while back he tried to hire more black people for SBF but his top two candidates MLK Jr & Malcolm X left because they felt they were not immediately necessary to the team with Jesus & Mohammed already on it. He did not like this. He does like Madame Voodoo. She would definitely bring more diversity to the SBF, all agree. But then Lao Tze notices Madame Voodoo is trying to cheat the process by using a voodoo doll of Jesus to charm him. Lao Tze points this witchcraft out to the team, SeaMan & Smith distract MV, Krishna paralyzes MV, and Mohammed vaporizes the Jesus doll with fire while Buddha helps Jesus to recover. MV is then asked to leave by Jesus and Moses teleports her away. Jesus then blocks witchcraft from affecting everyone in the interview room. Next!

#8- Thrud Thorsdottir from God of War Ragnarok appears. She has to introduce herself, explain her heritage, mention Kratos and Raiden as references, but team quickly warms up to her. They like her lightning powers, that she is a strong female character and a pagan figure. Then Moses mentions some problems. Thrud is still not well-known enough, her father outshines her in reputation, and her recent appearance in GoW Ragnarok may confuse situation (Jesus once rejected Kratos as an SBF member for similar reasons). Thrud is ok with rejection, says she can & will get herself more exposure as a religious figure, strongly urges the SBF to consider her in the future. The team agrees to do this. Next!

#9- Let's go really out there, Jesus tells team. Maybe not a pagan figure. Maybe a Chinese mythological figure? Lao Tze suggests Kuan Yin, Chinese goddess of mercy. Jesus rejects her, doesn't want to fire Lao Tzu, is unsure he wants a mercy specific goddess. Team agrees. SeaMan proposes an Atheist figure, but the team doesn't like that either, they don't know any popular female Atheists and many of them are bothered by working with Atheists. Smith reminds them he has three more great pagan candidates. Ok, Jesus says, back to paganism.

#10. Eris, Greek Goddess of Discord, main figure of Discordianism, appears. She is immediately rejected as too chaotic, too much trouble, more negative than positive, again too niche. Next!

#11- Santa Muerte from Mexico appears. Jesus likes that she is supported by many South American Christians, and team respects her necromancy powers, appreciate her not trying to cheat the process like MV did. They agree to strongly consider Santa Muerte. But they still want to see the next candidate also. Next!

#12- Hecate appears. Team likes her as Wicca figure, strong pagan goddess with many diverse powers, very popular once you get to know her. Fire powers she has are also cool (fill in for Mohammed), some of her powers are unique (manipulate darkness, open almost any lock), and she has many diverse magic powers to help relieve multiple team members. But team is unsure she is best, so they decide to further consider Hecate vs other candidates. Hecate shrugs and leaves.

Conclusion- Team is split, but it's between Thrud, Santa Muerte, & Hecate. Jesus says this is good, they will give the candidates further testing. The End.

Pls comment, at least tell me if you like it as fans. Thanks.
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Re: Fanfic idea- Super Best Friends Hiring Process

Postby AchtungNight » Sat May 13, 2023 12:04 am

Ok, additional things I need to stress. First, this is an outline for and notes on a story. It is not an actual story. If the forum's moderators disagree, I give them full permission to take down these posts and do whatever else they find necessary to do as per their duties. Making that clear in hope I am correct.

Second, in response to a fan's advice, I am adding the following info to the #1 candidate notation below- "Jesus brings forth that he has considered Gaia the Earth Mother as a prime candidate for the SBF's open female hero position. However, he has rejected her because she has not found the time to come to the SBF for an interview. Mother Earth is a great and powerful candidate for the SBF, also widely recognized as cisgender female, but she is too concerned with the affairs of the world to put herself above it as per her own nature. Therefore, she can be an ally but not a member of the SBF. The SBF as religious figures put themselves as a collective both in and above the world. By her very nature, Gaia cannot put herself in the same position. Like Gaia in the video game Horizon Zero Dawn, she must be willing to destroy herself if necessary to save the Earth. The other SBFs are more hesitant to accept the same position, although many of them do hold Gaia as a role model. Not saying who holds her as one and who does not. Moving on."

All readers, please remember the following: this is South Park fan fiction intended as a prospective episode of the show. Or maybe even part of a movie similar to Bigger, Longer, & Uncut. I need to maintain the show's status quo and keep the SBF team intact at the end. That unfortunately means no female members can win the contest. This is set before any future episode of South Park where a non-current member of the SBF might join their crew. I hope that is understood. Also, the South Park characters in this story will be impersonated poorly. And many of my personal fan theories will be featured & referenced but I cannot confirm or deny those theories as canon. Only the creators of South Park can do otherwise. The origin of SeaMan discussed in #3 of my original story outline is among my personal fan theories.

I will probably not be posting this story if I do not get at least a little feedback from some other user of these forums. My writer's confidence is low. Apologies. Later, for now.
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Re: Fanfic idea- Super Best Friends Hiring Process

Postby nesssophi » Mon May 15, 2023 4:01 pm

:-D ALRIGHT! Now this is what I’m talking about! I am a bit biased with the SBF, but this is a great fanfiction Idea! It does new world building by introducing differnt religious figure from the ones we’ve been, and gives a conflict for The Super Best Friends !! I love love love this Idea, and I have been thinking, “What if the SBF *did* get a female member?”Glad to know I’m not alone in thinking that shshhs,

(Also #3, is very interesting.. Seaman’s *ex* wife? Now That’s something I’d like to hear more of, then again, I just like Sea-Man in general lol.)
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Joined: Fri May 12, 2023 4:29 am

Re: Fanfic idea- Super Best Friends Hiring Process

Postby AchtungNight » Mon May 22, 2023 8:54 pm

The fanfiction is posted. Here's a link- ... ng-Process

Thx to poster Nesssophi for leaving a review and reminding me about this thread. I will not answer all their questions in public, I'm keeping SeaMan's identity secret for very good reason. I do appreciate your enthusiasm, though, Nessophi. As for your questions regarding SeaMan, this is all I will say- You know what a Mary Sue is in fanfiction, right? Now imagine someone who embodies that toxic concept in real life with the same name. Imagine them getting their tendrils into a new developing religion. That is pretty much what went on with SeaMan's ex. And he forgot because he is still caught up in enthusiasm over what he started, which is why Jesus needs to remind him of his own imperfections on occasion (SeaMan and I have this in common). Both their religions have similar issues, thankfully, so there's some empathy between them. And he needs that! SeaMan''s religion has a lot of problems, some specific to South Park, so I can't confirm its identity or his anywhere. But if you read more of my stories (you will have to google my name), you might be able to guess. Many of said stories are adult, however, so please keep that in mind if you seek them out. Also please keep your enthusiasm down and don't post any more spoilers here. The story is up and it's quite different from the outline in final form. I will let the reviews on its own site discuss it, no further details here from me. Thanks again. Later!

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