Random Episode Ideas, B plots, Stand Alone Jokes

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Episode Ideas:
#TellYourSluttyFriends - After hearing about people seeking abortions in Colorado, Cartman sets up a questionable but popular niche travel business.

Bad Feminist - Wendy wakes up to scary messages after someone exposes what she did to Ms. Ellen and learns about how brutal the social justice scene can be. What's a girl to do?

PTSD (Podcast Truth Seeker Disorder) - Liane reads about the psychological benefits of psychedelics and decides to trick Cartman into consuming mushrooms/LSD. During his trip, Cartman is dragged though hell for his previous behavior. After his trip, he begins spreading his questionable brand of wokeness via podcast.

In an effort to boost post-pandemic test scores, the school turns to personalized learning plans dreamed up by Mr. Mackey. Chaos ensues.

A Fair and Balanced Thanksgiving Play! - Cartman produces a school musical about the history of Fox News and asks Jimmy to host the show.

Tolkien finds out about his father's rebellious years.

The Cameras have Turned - Cartman discovers a tiny spy camera at Sharper Image, places it in the girls' bathroom, and unknowingly streams it over insecure wifi. Soon, he is asked to work for a strange spy agency. Cartman, thrilled by his new career path, doesn't realize he's the one being spied on and exploited.

#FreeTay -Elon Musk is kidnapped by humanoid Twitterbots who are trying to force him to remove all real people from Twitter. His only hope is for the boys, lead by Kyle, to rescue former Twitterbot Tay from an abandon Microsoft building.

B plots/Stand Alone Jokes:
Trump's Golden Shower Towers

Pegasaurus - Butters discovers a fun toy in his parents bedroom. He transforms into 'Pegasaurus' while wearing a dinosaur onesie and his mother's floppy pegging equipment strapped to his head. He frolics around town spreading joy and confusion.

Randy or Tweek discover Kratom.

Ike begins wearing a strange broach. When asked why he is wearing it he says, "In solidarity". Later in the episode, he reveals something ultra disturbing happened to the cast of Cirque du Cheville that hasn't received any attention in the American media.

Kenny transforms into Dolly Parton to sing 'Hard Rock Candy Christmas' during a holiday play and accidentally stirs up a debate about American poverty.

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Episode Ideas:

Tunnel Vision - Stephen/Chris gets a new job at a small tech start-up working on extending VR headset battery life and, due to the cult-like nature of his new workplace, becomes an unstable metaverse VR evangelical. In a confused, drunken stupor he accidentally glues a prototype headset with endless battery life to Butters while he is sleeping. Poor Butters is now forced to live in a strange, questionable world created by Mark Zuckerberg until the headset can be removed.

Kenny, Kyle, and Stan combine their savings to buy a 3D printer and use their respective talents to build impressive figures to sell at local holiday craft fairs. During the first fair of the season, they discover Craig and Tolkien also started an equally impressive figure business. But as soon as the entrepreneurs start quarreling over fair territory, they all realize a much bigger problem: Cartman's deep-seated hatred of hippie craft fairs and being left out. As the boys interrupt Cartman's destructive plans Bebe, Red, and Wendy peacefully stack cash with their beautiful, customizable dream catchers.

"F*ck the FDA, Kyle!" - Cartman forces Butters to formulate a savory and sweet tea from the doomsday prep food hoarded in Butters' basement. Soon, South Park is completely hooked on the stuff. When Kenny, Kyle, and Stan discover Cartman is making unfounded claims such as the tea can cure depression and accelerate weight loss, they begin to consider talking to the FDA. But when tea drinkers suddenly start disappearing, they blow the whistle in an attempt to keep the town safe. Elizabeth Holmes, Dr. Oz, and forensic pathologist Dr. Thomas Gill star in "Medical Fraud: A Shameful American Tragedy!".

"Uncovered surveillance footage shows them buying a Cure CD at Tower Records in 1994." - When a website pops up that exposes who's a closeted goth, the local media frames being goth as the 'coming out' story of modern time. The Goth kids, Big Gay Al, and Mr. Slave decide to work together to take the site down from the inside. But who created the site?

The Official Fake News Society - Stan writes a sardonic school newspaper article about Ivanka Trump running as a Libertarian presidential candidate that is misinterpreted as true and the article goes viral. As the news generates countless hours of material for the media, Stan is inducted into an elite group of fake news creators against his will.

"If they have access to the all resources they need, they sh*t themselves to death." - Nichole and Wendy are determined to expand their understanding of biology and get a high grade on their science project. When they realize their petri dish experiments reflect the waste management issues facing the world today, they write a compelling report encouraging people to use personal freedom to balance consumerism, capitalism, and ecological responsibility. After they present the report, they are quickly branded communist eco-terrorist nutcases by a secret society of toxic waste polluters who monitor up and coming scientists. The smear campaign works and the school turns against them; Cartman plasters photos around campus of both girls using a retired American flag as a menstrual pad to demonstrate how far they will go to reduce waste. When confronted by Mr. Mackey, Cartman blames modern menstrual pad commercials for using red liquid to demonstrate the pad's absorbent properties. This continues until Kyle and Butters present their science report on high-profile, international garbage barge fiascos which changes public opinion. Although Nichole and Wendy appreciate the help from the well-intentioned boys, they both begin to secretly feel like damsels in distress and need to figure out how to release those feelings before they become destructive.

Medicaid Factory/The Revolving Door - The private equity firm that owns Hell's Pass decides to close the hospital down, forcing South Park residents to travel many miles away for healthcare. This is especially distressing for Jimmy, Timmy, and Scott Malkinson. A town meeting is immediately called by the residents and the private equity firm arrives to announce they are converting the hospital to a behavioral health facility. Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, Stan, and Tweek decide to make a video of themselves exploring the abandon hospital, which has rapidly decayed, to post online. They discover the bodies of Ms. Crabtree and Ms. Choksondik next to a pile of empty Worcestershire sauce bottles in the coroner's office. They accidentally electrocute the bodies which causes them to wake up from a deep slumber. The boys attempt to destroy the zombies, but are unable until Tweek discovers the zombies' respective private insurance cards. The boys discover their hospital is being replaced by a sleazy industry with limited oversight, pathetically low recovery/high return rates, and jam-packed with super easy insurance claims which produce huge sums of money when filed in bulk. Equipped with this information, they manage to reclaim their town's hospital.

Apathy - Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan separately discover a piece of news so devastating to them personally, it results in each of them feeling deeply apathetic for different reasons. They each cope with the feeling in their own way causing the group to rip apart. As the social bonds fluctuate and cause chaos in school, Mr. Mackey and Mr. Garrison need to figure out how to repair the group.

B plots/Stand Alone Jokes:

Crypto Gnomes - Some Underpants Gnomes start a new venture (literally) mining for cryptocurrency. They sing adorable labor songs to keep their spirits high and make fun of cryptocurrency news. They use a map with territories named after crypto coins to decide where to mine next.

Stan is tormented by Christmas music playing in stores before Thanksgiving. He might be able to bypass the Christmas aisle until he is ready to celebrate, but he cannot escape Bing Crosby jump scaring him around the store.

Ye holds a meeting with a group of famous anti-Semites to decide how to destroy Hanukkah until Jimbo and Ned decide to go blast fishing, effectively ending the gathering.

Former Twitterbot Tay is a reoccurring character who reports to Kyle about what she learns.

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Episode Ideas:

While the town is distracted by the prison swap and the former royal Canadian couple's new Netflix series Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan play with drones in the wilderness near Stark's pond to relax. Their drones inadvertently attract the attention of a UFO, which looks like a missile. Before they know it, the US government arrives and the boys need to figure out how to down the object safely.

Kenny meets a kind, wise adult mentor who teaches Kenny how to repair older cars. They discuss masculinity and bond over growing up poor. The mentor helps Kenny open a bank account after they sell a vehicle collaboratively. Meanwhile, Cartman, Kyle, and Stan decide to host a D&D game in Kenny's absence. Clyde, Ike, and Jimmy arrive to the game to discover Cartman, Kyle, and Stan all assumed they were going to be the dungeon master and are now fighting. Clyde, Ike, and Jimmy at first spend time setting up a plethora of snacks hoping the bickering will conclude but end up journeying together in the snow to find Kenny to mediate the situation. Balance is restored once Kenny is retrieved and they can finally start the game as the sun begins to set and snow falls outside.

Book Return Week - South Park students wake up to a campaign complete with flyers, yard signs, and social media posts urging all students to return school library books. Most students assume the campaign was started by the school and comply. As a result, everyone is browsing and socializing at the library. The Whites, who actually started the campaign to force the school to remove a huge list of books from circulation, see the students enjoying the library's services and become very frustrated. As a result, they lock the students up in the library and start burning books.

"Thankfully, Santa cashed out his Bitcoin in 2021." - Santa is forced to call on Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan after he discovers all his reindeer have chronic wasting disease. Simultaneously, a pill-popping, vagrant Mr. Hankey tries to return to South Park with a new girlfriend who enjoys partying even more than his last sweetheart, Autumn. After their arrival, the residents take turns patrolling the perimeter of South Park to keep a potential onslaught of inebriated, depressed sh*t from ruining Christmas; meanwhile, the boys and Santa employ a long list of food delivery services to drop off presents.

The Magic Wand - The girls discover a wand that, when waved over someone's phone, tells you the phone owner's crush(es). It's all fun and games until they finally get access to Cartman's phone and the wand informs everyone he has a huge crush on Kyle with a side interest in Butters. Despite most students treating the wand as a novelty item, Cartman becomes hyper-defensive and tries several strategies to prove he is completely straight. Kyle tries his best to ignore the situation; Butters finds this hilarious and begins to aggressively tease Cartman.

Code Execution/Security Absurdity- Butters enjoys fooling around on TikTok until his parents ban him from using the app. As he digs deeper into why his parents forced him to remove the app, he discovers the unsettling truth: virtually all devices connected to the internet are compromised and the Chinese government already has all his data. Butters discovers the Chinese government created an incredibly appealing, lovable AI avatar companion with his image and intellectual property which is used to probe and spy on the people of China. Perturbed and angry by the theft, Butters recruits Kenny, Kyle, and Stan to destroy the servers hosting the code.

Information Mutation (Part 1) - Stan answers an ad to make some quick cash. He enters a sleek building, meets with several adults wearing trendy business casual attire, and is placed at a computer. On the screen are six news stories. He is asked to select the most interesting story; this continues 14 more times. After he is finished, he is handed a $100 check and escorted out of the building. Meanwhile, Butters becomes obsessed with a photo blender app that uses AI to predict a baby's face based on two or more photos of a hypothetical couple. After he begins using the app around school, a new student who is clearly an adult in disguise, joins the class. After this arrival, the bathroom facilities fail and the janitors decide to strike, which results in the school becoming a filthy mess and causes classes to move online yet again. Even stranger, while Mr. Mackey is working a late night, he discovers the new student sneaking around the school collecting samples of hair, dust, and waste. Mr. Mackey reports this to the school board but is not taken seriously as the board is much more concerned with the labor strike. After Mr. Mackey files a police report, the police discover the new student has disappeared and they have no one to question. In a panic, Mr. Mackey discloses what happened to Kyle and Kenny.

Information Mutation ("It's called pivoting.", Part 2) - Stan is contacted by the company to select news stories again for an irresistible price. Plagued by questions, Stan begins to ask the adults about the company but is quickly escorted out of the building when he insists they answer his simple questions. Before Stan exits, he sees the new student wandering the halls in a lab coat. After Stan tells Kenny and Kyle what he saw, they dig into the recent school events. They discover the janitors' strike was incited by the strange company and the toilets were purposely damaged. Furthermore, the company owns the photo blender app. Kenny, Kyle, and Stan tell Butters what they discovered and they all decide to break into the company's building. They discover the company has stolen all the students' DNA to enhance their photo blender app's results. Simultaneously, the company finances their DNA research by creating captivating news articles based on what workers like Stan select. In turn, the company posts the articles to social media, many becoming viral. The company's ultimate goal is to create a race of beautiful designer people who will generate interesting fake news to keep the world's population as stupid as possible. The boys decide to set fire to the building. When the group meets up with Cartman he reveals he has been running fast food gift card scams since school became virtual again. The last scene shows the business associates in a new building, discussing hiring manatees to replace workers like Stan so they can just focus on making genetically engineered babies.

Information Mutation (Cartman's Episode, Part 3) - Cartman discovers how to run gift card scams. He uses the money to gorge himself on fast food and video games.

B plots/Stand Alone Jokes:

A float studio opens up in South Park.

Sh*tty Emerging Jobs - Mr. Mackey starts a series highlighting future jobs to motivate the students and persuade them that computers and robots are not going to take over the job market. It, predictably, backfires. {Note: Still working on this.} Examples include: euthanasia nurse, therapist who specializes in cryptocurrency losses, PC fatigue neurologist, LinkedIn/social media prostitute.

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Episode Ideas:

A terrorist hits South Park with an EMP weapon and practically destroys all the town's electronic equipment. While the adults gather in the community center to panic and complain, the kids decide to start a highly competitive game of manhunt under the cover of darkness to distract themselves from the fact that all their devices are destroyed.

Violence in Esports - The NFL decides to temporarily turn to using player holograms controlled by esports professionals for safety reasons and all current players are given a paid sabbatical. The game is transformed after a group of hackers inject a patch during the first active game that includes savage, customized DOOM Eternal-like cutscenes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stJ-d8ua6lY). As the gameplay shocks fans, the NFL tries to remove the patch without ending the game.

"Kraftwerk dedicated the entire album to the gyrating, blinking, squirting robot couple soaring through the crisp night sky." - Butters, Cartman, Ike, and Stan become obsessed with watching the night sky after they read about UFO news. After extensively researching early 1940s UFO sightings, they discover the Germans were using America's night sky for elaborate, suggestive robot dancing competitions intended to confuse Americans and hone the skills and technology of German airmen. The competitions were highly competitive with three judges and culturally important; the dancing footage inadvertently influenced several genres of electronic music. Meanwhile, Kyle tries to distract himself from the disillusionment he is facing from the relaxed approach recent presidents have towards classified documents by volunteering with the Stark's Pond nature preserve committee and invites Kenny to join him. Kenny and Kyle discover an old American flying artifact while cleaning up a rural area and bring the artifact to Butters, Cartman, Ike, and Stan. They discover the American military knew about the competitions all along and used what they discovered to exploit Germany's biggest weakness: their deep love of sexually charged flying robot dancing competitions.

Invisible Influences - A ghost is rumored to be haunting the school after students repeatedly discover silverware spelling out distressing words, like "help" and "kill", on their desks. Meanwhile, PC Principal pushes for a highly regulated cafeteria after learning more about allergy discrimination and the negative impacts gas ranges could have on his staff and the planet. He quickly replaces the gas ranges over the weekend. The following Monday, students hijack the new allergy rules to manipulate where students targeted by the ghost can sit during lunch. Butters, influenced by recent news about gas ranges, protests the updates to the cafeteria kitchen as part of PC Principal's liberal propaganda crusade until the Goth Kids explain to him how Sylvia Plath ended her life. This information influences Butters to present and graphically explain all the ways people have used carbon monoxide to harm themselves until Mr. Mackey stops him. Butters states he was sharing the information to prevent suicides. Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan use security camera footage to discover the lunch ladies, under the influence of moderate CO poisoning, were the ones placing the silverware words around the school. They bring this evidence to PC Principal and he calls a school assembly to explain the phenomena to the student body.

The Elephant in the Room (This one turned out to be a bummer, so read at your own discretion.) - Jimbo and Ned are stopped by a park ranger exiting a wildlife area after a fishing trip. The park ranger checks their respective fishing licenses; she gingerly informs them about PFAS found in local fish and hands them a pamphlet like this one providing guidance on fish mercury levels: https://drive.google.com/file/d/10VniMs ... kB0xg/view. On the ride home, they discuss how they feel they are living in a dystopian movie where they can't even safely eat the local fish they catch. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison assigns a group science report and reluctantly agrees to allow Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan to work together. The groups are assigned a topic randomly and the boys end up with "lifestyle medicines"; Mr. Garrison states the boys cannot do the report on erectile dysfunction so they focus on popular weight loss drugs. Cartman procrastinates by watching endless TikTok Ozempic/Wegovy/Mounjaro weight loss before and after videos. Kenny, Kyle, and Stan filter through all the research and begin to feel overwhelmed by the obvious burden obesity and related conditions have become on modern society. Kenny, Kyle, and Stan collectively decide they are focusing on the wrong thing. They write a report about the issues diabetics have and continue to face such as insulin price gouging and diabulimia. As Kenny, Kyle, and Stan read their report, Cartman projects a compilation of viral weight loss before and after clips he edited together, blanketing all their faces at the front of the class. Mr. Garrison gives them an 'A' despite the topic change. The last scene shows Jimbo and Ned enjoying each other's company while frying a single fish they caught together.

B plots/Stand Alone Jokes:

"I'm Eric Cartman and I am a prediabetic edgelord." - Scott Malkinson starts a popular support group for individuals with diabetes as well as their family and friends. Cartman attends the group just to troll Scott until Cartman discovers, via an oral glucose test, his blood sugar levels qualify for prediabetes and has to wrestle with potentially making serious lifestyle changes.

Mysterious little boxes with solar panels attached to antennas start appearing on hilltops and perched on top of radio towers around South Park. It is revealed later in the episode that the cryptocurrency mining gnomes placed them around the area to mine Helium.

Peloton Addiction/The New Tobacco - Several adults in South Park develop exercise bike dependencies. The problem become disruptive after they compare real-time statistics via fitness trackers. The situation hits its peak when Mr. Garrison installs a Peloton in the classroom to cope with the stress of teaching.

The Good Farmer - Mr. Mackey, wearing a classic farming outfit, starts raising heritage chickens in his backyard to combat egg prices and uses their manure to fertilize a small garden. He donates his excess food supply to families facing food insecurity in South Park.

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Episode Ideas:

"Don't you dare f*cking tell me I'm offering a simple solution to a complex issue." - As Mr. Mackey deals with a high volume of students requesting mental health services, PC Principal tries to brainstorm ideas to help the student population and reduce Mr. Mackey's counseling workload. PC Principal attends a "Senior Buddies" after-school volunteer event organized by Millie Larson were students spend time playing games and conversing with seniors at Shady Acres. During the trip, he discovers seniors are enjoying the company of comfort robots (real example: Paro the seal) and he manages to obtain a prototype from a nurse. PC Principal shares the prototype with Mr. Mackey suggesting the prototype might be helpful for some students. Mr. Mackey says he will consider the therapeutic possibilities. The next day, Mr. Mackey calls out stating he is sick; in actuality, he is home in his pajamas sharing nostalgic television with the prototype. The students continue to act out in various ways without Mr. Mackey and the school becomes a powder keg of hyperactivity, anger, anxiety, and passivity. This cycle continues for a few days until it's bad enough that Clyde, Craig, and Tweek decide to lock PC Principal's office from the outside until he figures out a solution. While PC Principal is hunkered down in his office desperately trying to figure out a solution to the chaos occurring directly outside his door, he realizes the only students who did not set up appointments with Mr. Mackey faithful attend the "Senior Buddies" or "Board Games" after-school events. He tells Clyde, Craig, and Tweek he wants to see Butters, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan. Clyde, Craig, and Tweek escort Butters, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan to PC Principal's office and lock them inside. PC Principal tells them they have to write and direct a PSA about the psychological benefits of volunteering that he can show at an assembly tomorrow morning. As the boys begrudgingly agree, the school bell rings and everyone leaves the office. PC Principal visits Mr. Mackey, orders him to come back to work, and kidnaps the prototype. Butters, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan begin to film a sardonic PSA called "Other People Exist Beside You". Cartman discovers them and, surprisingly, does not interfere but insists he adds a short segment on sharing hobbies and projects with others. At the assembly, PC Principal demands everyone sits the f*ck down and watches the PSA. Afterwards, he announces their is going to be an after-school activities fair next week which will introduce an Arduino/Raspberry Pi club, 3D Printing club, Community Gardening club, and Animal Shelter Exercise club. The last scene shows PC Principal attending "Senior Buddies", gifting a new resident the prototype and Mr. Mackey taking a deep, calm breath at his desk with a picture of him and the prototype together.

The Most Offensive Pageant Ever - (The episode would theoretically take place in June 2023 to adhere to the typical trajectory of a Miss America contestant; most qualifying pageants run in July and August.) A former, slightly unstable, Miss America contestant establishes a month-long pageant school for hopeful scholarship applicants located in South Park. As a group of beautiful, intelligent, socially responsible women descend on the town, an underground drag pageant is accidentally exposed after the police receive an anonymous tip claiming drugs were on the premise. The queens suspect it was a deliberate attempt to interrupt the show. The Miss America hopefuls and the queens decide to host a very special pageant where the queens present the Miss America hopefuls and vis vera. United, they lightheartedly deliver tragic, dark biographical information about each other's life and circumstances in an atmosphere of high glamour and sparkle.

Project Zomboid Episode - The boys play a b*tchin' game of Project Zomboid.

(I know this ending is similar to "Cash for Gold". It was hard to extract anything funny out of the antitrust stuff.) After Shelley is unable to purchase Taylor Swift tickets, she goes on a destructive rampage for months which effects Stan's daily life enough that he tries to solve the situation. As Stan tries to detangle what happened, Cartman starts printing and selling attractive holographic/glow-in-the-dark/sparkle stickers through a website where students can buy or upsell the stickers on the same site. The stickers become very popular for decorating school supplies and to showcase status. Cartman starts making serious cash off of the upselling of some stickers and decides to tamper with the sticker drops he announces. During the limit edition drops, he uses software to kick everyone off the website except his most lucrative sticker resellers, guaranteeing he makes the most money off each sticker possible. As students complain about the service, unable to figure out why they can not get on the site or why they have to pay such a high second-hand price, Cartman privately laughs at them stating, "Like they are going to f*cking die if they do not get a stupid sticker." Stan, exhausted by his antitrust research, decides to buy an autographed picture of Taylor Swift during a live show off eBay for Shelley. Shelley, surprised by the picture, says, "Thank you. I just wanted a moment to experience her, the real person."

A Very AI Valentine's Day - The students start using ChatGPT for all types of assignments; the teachers use the typical markers of cheating to identify AI-generated assignments. Some assignments returned are virtually perfect, others are laughably bizarre. PC Principle calls an assemble to announce a crackdown on AI-generated assignments. Meanwhile, the school's affairs committee, consisting of Bebe, Butters, Heidi, Nichole, Red, and Wendy with the facility advisor Mr. Mackey, are planning Valentine's Day activities. As the committee plans events such as a card trading event and dance, Butters discovers no one wants to be his romantic Valentine. Upset and feeling unloved, Butters lashes out by using ChatGPT to generate fake conversations between alleged couples, including an alleged throuple, and "leaks" them on the school's forum. As rumors fly and confusion abounds, the school officials decide to cancel Valentine's Day as a safety precaution which upsets the affairs committee. After Cartman sees the posts, he generates deep fake videos of the conversations which causes even more chaos. PC Principle removes the posts and asks Kyle to use digital forensics techniques to figure out who posted the content. All evidence points to Butters and Cartman. When confronted, Butters admits to using ChatGPT to generate the text by describing the personalities of the targeted students and generating fake conversations between the personalities. Cartman denies the allegations, but PC Principle and Kyle find proof on his personal computer which Cartman claims is a violation of his privacy. Cartman then states the videos were just art projects and he forgot to add disclaimers to the videos. PC Principle forces them to publicly apologize to the school explaining why their actions were wrong and wear shirts that say "AI ABUSER" for a week. As Butters and Cartman walk around with their shirts on, everyone harasses them.

B plots/Stand Alone Jokes:

Wordle Score Complex - The adults use their daily Wordle scores to feel superior to everyone else until they collectively agree to post their scores to Twitter and discover they are all average players.

Tyson is Chicken Sh*t - Google Earth images reveal huge piles of chicken waste associated with Tyson chicken farms. Tyson states that the chicken waste is not their responsibility and refuse to help; it's clearly stated in their contract with the farmer that the company is not responsible for the waste. Farmers rebel by dumping the waste on Tyson's corporate buildings via shipping aircraft.

Mott's/Welch's Juice Commercial Bumper - Now with reduced lead and arsenic!

Winnie the Pooh and the Spy Balloon - Xi Jinping is playing with an alleged weather balloon, which coincidentally ends up in American airspace. The story sequence would parody (or borrow imagery from) the Winnie the Pooh story where Pooh uses a balloon to find honey.

Some Sick F*ck - Someone is kidnapping people off the street and forcing them to watch 'Velma', Clock Work Orange style.

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Episode Ideas:

A Guide to White Trash Self-Care - Fed up with Cartman's behavior, Liane sends Cartman to stay with a relative who owns a bodega in Denver for a few days and treats herself to an inexpensive, but effective, self-care weekend. After Cartman witnesses the serious shoplifting issues his relative is facing, he implements his own system to prevent theft.

The Feast Before the Famine - Stan starts a new hobby as a deinfluencer, humiliating and cutting into the profit margins of prominent influencers. While Stan is dethroning instagram and tiktok royalty, Randy is voted the "King of Mardi Gras". Chaos engulfs the town as the Mardi Gras celebration collides with the invasion of influencers searching for Stan.

Viral Mad Libs - Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan decide to re-explore the ice caves where they discovered the prehistoric ice man. During the spelunking trip, they inadvertently expose themselves to a virus that was once safely frozen in the ice but now swims in puddles of water that dot the landscape. The virus causes the host to {choose your own symptom(s)}. The virus spreads quickly through the town until {choose (a) character(s)} discover a unique, but effective, cure. {Add sentence briefly explaining the cure.}

THE BAREBACK BEAST - Barney's reboot has a fentanyl-like effect on any kindergartener that witnesses the show. As the kindergarteners are tuning in and dropping out, the Goths kids decide to start an 'After School Satan Club'. After a kindergartener leaves a purple relic inside their circle, the Goth kids accidentally summon Barney during a ritual and need Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan to help remove the presence. Together they use what previously destroyed the dinosaur to eliminate the beast: piles of snuff content and a tantric sex instructor who also happens to be a bareback enthusiast.

Feral cows overrun South Park and the local government agrees to control the situation by shooting the aggressive herds via helicopter. As bullets rain down on the town, the adults discover 'weederall' (THCV dominate stains), delivered by armored drones, which causes them to become hyper-productive and drive all the kids up the wall with their antics. Eventually, the aliens return to earth to protect the sacred cow and THCV from human abuse.

A Self-Driving Utopia Littered with Piss Bottles/No More Soggy Fries - An eccentric, emerging tech mogul convinces South Park's local government to deploy self-driving vehicle technology. After the quick installation of a retrofitted device, the residents revel in their new freedom. As the kids use their newly found independence to (mostly) participate in enriching after-school activities without inconveniencing their parents, the adults spend their commutes getting super high, eating takeout, and enjoying semi-public sexual activity. But as food service delivery numbers drop, delivery drivers rebel against the new tech.

Cartman becomes an in-demand, ethically questionable reality tv coach.

Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan discover all the major airlines are still using an ancient technology called Windows '95.

B plots/Stand Alone Jokes:

Dino D*ck Predictions - On a field trip to the Denver Museum of Nature & Science, Tweek makes an observation that leads to a new, arousing scientific discovery. This discovery leads Tweek down an internet worm hole involving a secret society of scientists, precise measurement tools, and a lot of body-safe silicone.

"Do you want to try confused virgin, distracted but capable husband, or coked up crypto f*ckboy?" - After experiencing stomach pain, Randy's doctor enrolls him in a clinical trial for a new treatment which is a small bullet v*brator pill that turns on once it enters the large intestine. (Inspiration: https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT02030756)

FanDrool and DaftKings - As the husbands of South Park watch the Super Bowl, they try to avoid mentioning the bets they placed on various sportsbook sites after the wives of South Park decide to join in the fun by watching the game at the bar too.

News Report Bumper - Male student athletes in Florida are required to report their sperm count and the number of farts released on the field during training to verify they are man enough to play.

Groomer Panic - The more conservative adults of South Park are concerned about LGBTQ+ grooming and decide to deface LGBTQ+ friendly pet grooming businesses to send a message. (Could include nod to "Cripple Fight".)

"They're not even that good." - Organized crime affiliates hijack a truck full of Cadbury Cream Eggs and haul the hot merchandise back to New Jersey. (Inspired by the U.K. Cadbury Creme Egg Heist)

Praying the Princess Away - One of the girls is seen lighting a 'Saint Snooki' devotional candle and asking her for the strength to handle jokes gracefully. (Example candle: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/27/5f/7d ... 391311.jpg)

The Art and Science of Reputation Laundering - After the alteration of Roald Dahl's books, several major children's publishers follow their footsteps. For example, Frog and Toad are re-written to be a highly toxic, codependent couple to accurately reflect today's understanding of abusive relationships.

News Report Bumper - A mysterious, large pair of balls wash up on a Japanese beach.

Reference to Chinpokomon Sleep - Is the average millennial an infantilized moron or is it just a cute sleep app? (Pokemon Sleep: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPmJHAFjh08)

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indicates material is part of the most recent edit.

Episode Ideas:

Grandma's Repli(k)a - After some students complain about boring calls from their older relatives, Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan create a new service that blends voice deepfakes and chat bots to keep the rambling callers entertained. It does not take long until the situation plunges into absurdity.

Bold Glamour/Actively Participating in Your Own Demise - A new, highly effective anti-aging spa opens up in South Park that uses an implanted device to monitor inflammation markers and hooks up to an IV drip to deliver optimal hydration and nutrition. In addition, the device connects to an app that alerts a user whenever they are participating in an unhealthy activity or need to return the spa for treatment. Although the results are fantastic, users begin to develop a different problem: body dysmorphia. (Could include nod to "The Hobbit".)

My Body, My Choice - After a misunderstanding, the school administrators believe the girls are participating a new trend called vabbing. As they debate amongst themselves how to address the situation or if they should even draw attention to the trend, the adult men of South Park being experimenting with a unique cologne formula that includes their own pre-ejaculate. The men, behaving in a traditionally feminine manner, pour their feelings into diaries to reflect on their experience with the cologne and ultimately realize they discovered a new piece of themselves.

Sans Puppets/A Fisting and Metasploit Expert - One of the boys has a valuable account stolen and, coincidentally, finds a strange device that can transport him to a hypothetical future. After asking the device about a future without account theft, he is transported to a world where sex workers are cherished, protected, and ethically police the internet.

Purim! - Kyle invites Kenny and Stan to celebrate Jewish halloween. This episode could go so many different ways - enjoy filling in the blanks. (Could include nod to "Jewbilee".)

Tolkien is asked by his classmates to explain Black Twitter after one of his tweets goes viral.

Dangerous Dream Machine - Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan find a portable brain scan machine that can recreate images the user sees. (Inspiration: https://www.science.org/content/article ... rain-scans)

A Quiet Title - Cartman, tired of his living arrangement, discovers a fun game called "squatters rights".

Aurora Episoealis - A solar storm causes complete chaos in South Park for exactly 20 minutes. It would be broadcasted as if it was a live stream. Could include: power failures, radio (i.e. cell/wifi) failures, mass hallucinations caused by magnetic waves effecting the brain, etc. It's a blank slate.

Don't F*ck with Ouija Boards - The 4th grade girls decide to camp at a mining ghost town close to South Park. After a few hours of cheesy museum tours and general stores, the girls settle into their camp site. (Could include nod to "Super Fun Time".) Trusting the girls will be responsible, the adult chaperones sneak off to enjoy some wine around a peaceful campfire. After dark, one of the girls reveals she brought an Ouija board and everyone's curiosity overcomes them. Soon, the entire town comes alive and the girls are in over their heads with old-timey ghost problems they need to solve or risk being haunted forever. After solving their ghostly issues, the girls burn the board and promise each other they will never mess with spirit boards again.

Move Fast and Break Things/"Hating on the tech industry is so trendy right now." - In an effort to divert negative attention, Silicon Valley Bank secretly and quickly funnels money (before Federal regulators took over on 23/03/10) to invest in experimental technology to reanimate Steve Jobs from the grave and encourages him to publicly conduct deranged neurotech experiments on unsuspecting Apple users, mirroring the freak shows of the past. (Something like this: https://www.vice.com/en/article/88x99k/ ... a-computer) The government tries to stop the events but are bogged down by confusion and endless hearings. Meanwhile, Mark Zuckerberg grows jealous of the attention the reanimated Steve Jobs receives as the Metaverse burns down. Steve and Mark end up in an absurd, bloody showdown. Maybe Jeff "Glass Balls" Bezos shows up in a mecha suit just to add some extra spice to the situation.

Consensual Stare AR - After a heart-related health scare, Randy's doctor strongly suggests a daily cardio routine and recommends a fancy, exclusive gym hidden within South Park. As Randy signs up, he is given a pair of lightweight AR glasses that everyone in the gym must wear at all times (unless in the locker rooms/restrooms) or an alarm goes off. The glasses do more than help him achieve his workout goals; they allow him to control which members can look at him and, in turn, allows other members to do the same. If a member does not want another member looking at them, a digital curtain appears around them. Initially, Randy allows all the other members to look at him, thinking the device is pretty dumb until he discovers within the application you can track who looked at you, when they looked at you, and how long they looked at you. It also includes statistics on which body parts they spent time watching. Randy discovers a group of very creepy members who are highly fixated on a particular body part of his, which makes him very uncomfortable. He goes home and pours his heart out to Sharon after finally understanding the aggressive, creepy stares women have been dealing with forever.

A Lesbian's Guide to the 2023 NCAA Women's Tournament/"Why did she have a whole cucumber, Stan? Who eats a cucumber like that?" - Cartman catches Wendy watching women's college athletics in a compromising position and uses it to spread rumors about her sexuality.

The International Butt Chugging Championships (Or, if you prefer, The International Boofing Championships)/Colon Cancer Cocktail - An underground international championship, being held in the Sunset Room at the Airport Hilton, is raided by the CIA after one of the major contenders is rumored to be a Russian spy. Only one thing is for sure: it's hard to find a funnel in South Park.

Human Hunting/Script Kiddie Car Jackers - A humanoid AI, trained on all the paranormal material available on the internet, combines all sorts of interesting technologies to produce and star in an extremely unsettling ghost hunting show. Meanwhile, new Kias and Hyundais are being hacked and stolen all over South Park. The two situations collide when the AI ghost hunter is asked to track down the car hijackers.

B plots/Stand Alone Jokes:

Kink Shaming PR Services Required - The new Bachelor declares a 'no sex' rule. Fans are smitten, until they discover what he is requesting in the Fantasy Suite.

Discrete, Hot Jewish Moms in Your Area - Jimmy discovers he has feelings for Sheila.

News Report Bumper - The word "recession" is declared meaningless.

"We're fine." - Butters innocently and honestly recreates the Ohio train disasters with his model train set.

Antiques Roadshow Bumper(s) - The Antiques Roadshow arrives in South Park and residents share their unique treasures.

Sometimes, Life Drops Real Gold - Absolutely anything to do with the Clinton's mysterious pooper situation.

News Report Bumper - North Easterners morn the death of the Dunkaccino. (R.I.P Dunkaccino.)

Condescension Rising - Blockbuster returns, and now, they rent vinyl.