MAN:The Commander In Chief Forum,
with a Giant Doucheand a Turd Sandwich.
[ Applause ]
Back now withthe Commander In Chief Forum.
I am joined by the Republicannominee -- a Giant Douche.
Mr. Douche, some sayyou don't actually have
a viable plan in place if youwere to be elected president.
[ Laughs ] Oh, well,well, who said that?
The Turd Sandwich?
In your campaign,you said that you will
deal with our country'simmigrants and enemies
by personally"[Bleep]ing them all to death."
How do you planto actually achieve that?
Well, Matt, I don't thinkI said I would
[bleep] them all to death.
Okay, well, let'sroll the tape on that.
Oh, sure, okay.
Well, there's only one immigration policy
that I believe in, and that's [bleep] them all to death!
[Bleep] them all to death.
Let's make thiscountry great again.
ALL:[Bleep] them all to death!
And then I'm gonna take allthe drug pushers in our country,
and I'm gonna [bleep] them!
And you know thosepeople in Syria?
I'm gonna [bleep] them.
That's why I will make surethat every terrorist on Earth
is [bleep] dead!
The leaders of North Korea,I'll [bleep] them all!
Criminals in our jails --[bleep]ing dead!
A day after...
Yeah! Those ads that are trying to kill us?
I'll [bleep] anyone in the advertising business,
and they'll all die, too!
So, by our estimates,it's roughly 7.6 million people
you have promisedto [bleep] to death
in your first yearof office.
And -- And you thinkthat's achievable?
I do. I do, Matt.Uh, I mean...
I'm not gonna justget elected, you know,
and -- and looklike a jackass.
[ Chuckles nervously ]
Roll The Tape
At the Commander in Chief Forum, Mr. Garrison is forced to watch all of his campaign promises.