Cartman:So much has happened.
I don't know where to start.
First it wasall the school shootings.
Then these Wi-Fi scootersshowed up.
And now we knowthat ManBearPig is real
and we could all be deadin a matter of years.
And you believe...
this allrelates somehow
to the movie"Black Panther"
not being as goodas everyone says it was?
I knowthere's a connection,
but that isn'twhat matters.
I can't deal with peopleanymore.
It's just, everyone sucksso hard, you know?
Everybody is so stupid.
And they all walk around going,"Way aya ayay blarhghg."
And the only thingthat makes me happy,
the only thing I can trust,
But all people dois try to keep me from it.
I'll be in my room,and my mom will come in and say,
[high-pitched voice]"Eric, that's enoughtime on your phone."
[ Normal voice ]And then at school...
[ High-pitched voice ]"Eric, what are you doing?
You can't use your phoneat school!"
[ Normal voice ]And even my friends.
My own friends, they'll be like,
"Hey, Cartman,throw us the ball.
You're the Goddamnquarterback."
It's like everybody needssomething from me.
All I want isa little time with my phone
instead of always listeningto people's needy bullshit.
Oh, uh, sorry.Just --
Uh, well, you know,
young people have to dealwith so much today.
I believethat what you have
Anxiety?Is that cool?
It's pretty commonthese days.
What it really ismore than anything
is an excuse to be lazy and lameto everyone around you.
Oh, my God.That's perfect.
An Excuse to Be Lazy and Lame
Cartman speaks to a therapist about all the people who try to keep him from being happy.