♪♪

[ Whoosh! Zap! ]

What on Earthwas that?!

JIMMY: My name is Jimmy Valmer.

[ Whoosh! Zap! ]

And I am very f-f-fast.

When I was born, my parents knew I was different.

I'm sorry,Mr. and Mrs. Valmer.

Your newborn son will neverbe able to walk.

But he will beextremely good at comedy.

[ Cries ]

Wow! Whata t-t-terrific audience.

[ Cries ]

As I got older, my powers only increased.

What do you call cheesethat isn't yours?

WOMAN: [ Screams ]Help!

[ Whoosh! Zap! ]

[ Whoosh! Zap! ]

Nacho Cheese.

[ Laughter ]

And now I look for others like me

to fight crimeas part of a superhero team.

I am...

Fa-Fa-Fastpass.

[ Claps ]

Okay, okay,thank you, Fastpass.

I like it.What do you guys think?

We definitelydon't have anyone

with super-human speedin our franchise.

Fastpass, what makes youfeel qualified

to be part ofour cinematic universe?

Well, besidesbeing super f-f-fast,

I also havea good attitude

and flexibility with my scheduleon weekends.

Fastpass,welcome to Coon and Friends.

You are about to makea shit load of money.

it's time to layoutour plan of action.

As you can see, I have dividedthe franchise plan

into three phases.

Phase one begins with"The Coon" Netflix series

and goes throughthe "Coon and Friends United,"

movie where we introduceTool Shed and the Human Kite.

In phase two,we do "Coon vs. Fastpass,"

followed by an origin movieabout Mosquito.

Bzzzzzt! Oh, boy!I get my own origin movie?!

Bzzztzt!That's right.

It's in Phase twothat we will finally introduce

Tupperware,our black superhero,

like an ace in the hole.

Whoa, whoa. Wait.How come we gotta start offwith a Netflix series?

Can't we just goright into movies?

Netflix is starving fornew shows right now, Toolshed.

They will literally buy anythingpeople pitch them.

We need to strikewhile the iron is hot.

Later, in phase three, we canfinally get to Civil War,

where we will all --[ Alarm blares ]

What is it?!

Incoming Facetime callfrom SuperCraig!

CARTMAN:On screen!

You guys, we have a big problem.

What is it, SuperCraig?

Somebody is messing with our Facebook page.

They're spreading all these lies

and saying we like, burn the American flag

and pee in each other's mouths.

Spreading lies how?

Take a look. Someone is systematically

targeting our Facebook followers

and feeding them misinformation.

Who would deliberatelyuse Facebook

in sucha horribly reckless way?

[ Keyboard clacking ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughs evilly ]

Butters, you're not lookingat boobies again, are you?

No, Dad,I'm not looking at boobies.

[ Laughs evilly ]

[ Bell rings ]

Butters.

Oh, hey, fellas!

Butters,are you using Facebook

to [bleep] withour superhero franchise?

Umm...

Nope.

Butters.Butters!

Yes, fellas?

Dude, listen, we don'thave time for this.

Right now,Netflix is buying

any showthat people pitch them.

We have a real shotat starting our franchise,

and you are a partof that franchise plan, okay?

We have movies plannedfor the bad guy!

You meanlike "Suicide Squad"?

Yes!

"Suicide Squad"sucked.

Butters!

Butters, you can't justmake stuff up about us.

People are thinkingit's true.

Look, fellas, you have a rightto be on Facebook,

and I have a rightto be on Facebook.

And sometimes, that's goingto cause a little...

chaos.

Gotta get to class.

Dude.What a dick!

If we don't finda way to stop him,

we're never going to makeany money, you guys.

♪♪

I know you are all concernedas Sarah and I are

about what's happeningto our children.

I just can't believethat children in our town

are dressing upin hero costumes

and peeingin each other's mouths.

And who are these kids?

Does anyone know?They're wearing capes

and forcing objects intotheir own rectal cavities.

Why?

We were shocked to read thata young African-American boy

is wearing Tupperware

and defecating on girlswhile they sleep.

What if those kids arehanging out with our kids?

You know what I thinkthe problem is?

Facebook.

Facebook?How so?

Well, look,we all know there's

a lot of mixingof truth and fiction

that's beenon Facebook lately.

And children lackthe cognitive ability

to determine what's trueand what isn't on Facebook.

That's why we now haveyoung kids

dressing up in costumes,eating poop,

and having sexwith antelopes in our town.

Maybe we need to get our kidsoff of Facebook.

That'll never happen.

You know what I say we do?

Let's invite Mark Zuckerbergto come and talk to us all

about our concernsin this community.

Do you really thinkhe'd come?

Why not give it a try?

Let's inviteMark Zuckerberg here

and seewhat he has to say.

I'm sure he'sa reasonable person.

[ Sips ]

Who are you?!What do you want?!

I'm here about the job?

Oh, are you Adam?Well, come on in!

You're makinga smart career choice, Adam.

You see, what we do hereis utilize Facebook

not only to spread chaosbut to actually profit from it.

You'll find the hoursvery reasonable,

and I'm working on getting

full health and dentalfor all employees.

Here's yourcompany uniform.

You see,what I've done, Adam,

is built a completelyself-sustaining chaos machine --

You look fantastic --

doing nothing more than whatFacebook was designed to do.

I make money from Facebookfor my fake content

in order to pay Facebookto promote my fake stories.

And thusly,we're growing bigger every day.

Everyone, can I haveyour attention please?

We havea new agent of chaos.

Please welcomeAdam Borque.

[ Scattered applause ]

Here you go. You cantake this workstation, Adam.

Just start writinghorrible things about people

and presenting it as realityon Facebook.

All right! Don't forgetwe have a chaos quota, gang!

Let's really[bleep] shit up.

M'kay We're gonnaget started here.

I know you allhave a lot of questions,

so without further ado,

let me introduceMark Zuckerberg.

Thanks for coming,Mr. Zuckerberg.

Thank you.It is a great honor

to be hereamongst all of you.

For those fewwho don't know,

could you tell uswho you are?

I am the founder and chairmanof FACEBOOK.

But I also have a style that iscompletely unblockable.

Okay,we'll let him speak,

and then we'll open the floorto some questions

if there's time.Thank you.

Thank you, right.

All right. Everyone herewants to see my style.

But first what I'll needis a volunteer.

Yes, you sir?

Mr. Zuckerberg, Facebookhas become a tool

for some to disrupt our countryand our community --

You say these thingslike they are my fault,

and yet they are not.

Well, you didcreate a platform

with a monetary incentive

for peopleto spread misinformation.

[ Chuckles ]Now I see you're trying

to use your style over mine.

Now, you tryto block me.

Brzzz! Byeow!

Now you have learnedthat you cannot block me, yes?

Yes.What is your question?

How are we supposedto keep our kids --

Ba-ba-ba-baaa!Ztzztzzzt!

Shwa! Ahh!Pos-brb!

[ Mimics explosion ]

Wilson Aubrey?

Yeah.

It's us, your heroes,Coon and Friends.

We're, uh...just wondering

why you stopped following uson Instagram.

Because you victimizeinnocent people

and poop inlittle girls' mouths.

That's not true,Wilson.

We're Coon and Friends,not Harvey Weinstein.

Facebook says it's true.

But it's not true.

But Facebooksays it's true.

Okay, but it's not true,

and you need to haveyour own [bleep] brain

and decide shitfor yourself!

[ Screams ]

God damn it!

Let's just face it.

We're never gonna havea superhero franchise!

It's so unfair!

Come on, fellas.We can't let Butters win.

Forget it, Fastpass.The world hates us now.

Yeah, nobodybelieves in us.

We believe in each other,don't we?

Who cares whateveryone else thinks?

I joined this franchisebecause I believe

that it can makea lot of money.

And being a superhero meansyou keep believing in that money

no matter how hardthings get.

Fastpass is right.

We've let all this distract usfrom what's important.

We just need to getthe Netflix series

and let our superhero franchisespeak for itself.

Coon, everybody hates us.

Maybe so, but weknow who we are.

We are Coon Friends becausewe care about each other,

because we haveeach other's backs.

And when thingslook their darkest,

these heroeswill stand together and re--

Hey, babe,what's up?

[ Sighs ]

[ Sniffles ]

[ Groans ]

What are you up to?

Nothing. Just [bleep]wearing sweet costumes,

talking about fighting evil.

Is that okay?

I just -- I thought we weremeeting at the park.

You didn'ttext or anything.

Oh, my God. Are you [bleep]kidding me right now?

Sorry!I won't interrupt.

Because we areCoon and Friends,

and as long aswe have each other,

we can do anything!

I swear that was the worstpublic speaker I've ever seen.

What wasMark Zuckerberg's point?

I don't even understandwhat that was about.

Guess nobody realized

Mark Zuckerbergwas such a penis.

What the hell?!

It's Mark Zuckerberg.

I know who it is!

Excuse me,what are you doing here?

I was invited hereby people.

We invited youto come speak

to our communityabout our problems!

Ah! I see what you did there.Trying to block me, right?

I am tired of eating chips.What else is there?

Hey!

Get out of our fridge.

[ Chuckles ] This punyrefrigerator could not block me.

What makes you thinkyou can?

Now, you listen here!I will not --

Bzzt!

Oh! Jrmm!Pyow! Wha!

[ Chuckles ] You are no matchfor my style.

[ Car alarm chirps ]

So, where are we headed?Perhaps we should get some food.

What -- Excuse me,this is our car.

You call this a car?

It wasn't even remotely ableto block me.

What is this car's style?

Get -- Get out of here,you -- you penis!

[ Chuckles ]You say I am a penis,

and yet I am not a penis.

Netflix. You're green lit.Who am I speaking with?

Uh, yes, hello, we havean idea for a show

that we think would be greatfor Netflix.

Okay, great.Would you like a pilot

or just go straight toan order of six episodes?

We'd like to goright into six episodes

with a pickup optionat the end of three.

Got it. Can you start shootingnext month?

Got a show abouttranssexual dragons here!

Yes, we're ready to startright now.

We are very, very excited.

Okay, sounds great.We'll send you the contracts.

Oh, and, uh,what's the show about?

It's a stand-alone series

about a superherocalled The Coon

before he joinsCoon and Friends.

Coon and Friends?

You mean the kidsI just read about in the news

who stabbed Jessica Alba?

Look, you didn't -- you didn'tread that on the news.

You read that on Facebook.

Aw, man, here we go.

Yeah uh, digit,we've never done this before,

but I'm afraid I'm gonnahave to pass on your show.

Listen to me!

There are falsehoodsabout us on Facebookthat are not true!

Well, then you shouldhave those things taken down.

It can't be that hard.

It's a lot harderthan you think!

Look, we'd loveto approve your show,

but you need to get those thingscleared up first, okay?

Thanks for calling.

Netflix. You're green lit.Who am I speaking with?

What the --Who are you?

I believethat's Mark Zuckerberg.

Hey, that's my soup!

So, you are tryingto block me, huh?

That's fine.What's your style?

I don't have a style!

Hey!Get out of my bed!

I was invited here.

I am only making use of a bedfor sleeping, yes?

We just wanted youto come

share your insightson Facebook!

Shnn!

Oh, my head! My head!Shaaa!

You should have worked with mewhen you had the chance.

Now you lieover there, dead.

Kelly Shmidt has just writtenher 100th fake blog post

that was shared over 1,000 timeson Facebook.

Let's hear it for Kelly!

[ Applause ]

Don't forget aboutthose Chaos incentives!

You too can benefitfrom pandemonium.

Butters!

Oh, no!It's Coon and Friends!

Ahh!Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Calm down, everyone.Stick to your work.

I will dealwith these trespassers.

We're hereto put an end to you, Chaos!

Yeah! I don't havebutt sex with antelopes,

and Token doesn't poopin girls' mouths!

It's the 21st century,gentlemen.

There's nothing illegalabout what I'm doing.

Yeah? Nothing illegal about uskicking your a-a-ass either.

Actually that is illegal.

And besides, you can't doanything to me.

[ Whistles ]

Hyah! Syo-yo-yo!

[ Whoosh! ]

Wah! So, this isthe Coon and Friends

that you havetold me about.

I warn you, my fighting styleis unsurpassed.

Who the S-S-S-Sam Hellis that?

I thinkthat's Mark Zuckerberg.

You wanna getto Butters, right?

You're gonna haveto get through me, huh!

Dude. This kidis deliberately lying about us

on your platformfor no other reason

than to cause harm.

Why are youprotecting him?

Simple.He paid me $17.23.

It's the Facebooksafeguard program.

Just $17 monthlygets you

personal protectionfrom Mark Zuckerberg.

Come on!What's your style?

All right. All right.Everyone calm down.

I can't hear over all you!

You haveto do something!

This guy is going around

acting like everyone's stuffis his!

I'm sick of gettingout of the shower

to find Mark Zuckerbergsitting on my toilet!

Zuckerberg ate everythingin our freezer

and then helped himselfto my wife's lubricant!

[ Indistinct shouting ]

All right. All right.Everyone!

I just wantto know one thing.

Who invited him here?

Come on. Who invitedMark Zuckerberg to town

in the first place?

-We did.-We did.

Huh? What's that?

We invited Mark Zuckerbergto town.

Uh-huh.That's what I thought.

You all brought Mark Zuckerberginto your lives

and now you want the policeto shoot him.

Please,you don't understand.

He's --he's such a penis.

Yeah, and I'm pretty sure hisvoice is dubbed

and he does allhis own sound effects...

Well, that doesn't meanhe's done anything illegal.

Now, the police will help dealwith Mark Zuckerberg, but...

we aren't going to shoot him.

[ Crowd groans ]

I'm sorry,that's just the way it is.

You all should have thoughtharder about this

before letting himinto your lives.

When we all became superheroes,we took an oath.

that no matter what it took wewould make shit loads of money.

But thanks to Mark Zuckerberg,right now...

we are a superhero group

that can't even get a showon Netflix.

Zuckerberg is the key.

He's the only personwho can shut down Facebook.

How are we going to get himto do that?

We're gonna beat himat his own game.

[ Police radio chatter ]

We got the west entranceto town secure.

How you guys doingout east?

Here he comes.

Okay, Mr. Zuckerberg.That's gonna have to be it.

Can't let you into town.

So, you thinkyou can block me?

Look, peopledon't want you here okay?

This is a quiet little townand...

[ Laughs ]You cannot block me.

There's plenty of other placesyou can go, sir.

Can you please just --

[ Vocalizes action sounds ]

Don't --Don't do that please --

[ Vocalizing continues ]

My brain! My brain!Aah!

He walked through.

[ Vocalizing continues ]Aah! My my car! My car!

Oh, my God!It's Mark Zuckerberg!

[ Vocalizing continues ]

Oh, my God!How'd he do that?!

[ Zip! ]

What's the matter?Too f-f-fast for you?

[ Laughs ] You saw me walk rightthrough that police barricade,

and yet you thinkyou can block me, right?

Go ahead and try.

[ Both vocalizingaction sounds ]

Now Zuckerberg! Let's see youblock my shtoile!

Pew! Pew! Pew!

[ Laughs ]

[ Both vocalizingaction sounds ]

Wha, da, da, da, da.Bam!

Oh!

[ Groans ] Ow!

I have never witnessedthis style before! [ Grunts ]

Hey, look!The freaky costume kids

are getting Zuckerberg!

Get him, kids!

Poop in his mouth!

-[ Roars ]-Aah!

[ Laughs ]

You tried to match my styleand failed!

[ Dramatically ]Oh! It is over!

My friends are all beaten!Why?!

They were just children.

This one simply protestingfor black lives.

And this child trying to speakout for handicapped people!

W-Why, Mark Zuckerberg?

And my friend Kyle,

guilty of nothing but standingup for the rights of Jews.

Wh-wha-whatare you talking about?

Ever heardof Facebook Live?

We are just kids trying to haveour voices heard for

black, handicappedand Jewish rights.

Cut down in our primeby Mark Zuckerberg.

But -- but hold on.That -- that's not true!

Facebook says it's true.

Nooo!

-What?-What's going on?!

Everyone keep working!

-We can't.-Something's wrong

with Facebook.-It's gone. Like...

somebody shut it down.

What are you talking about?![ Door opens ]

Cartman: It's over, Chaos!

We've forced your little toadyto shut down

his own disorder device.

Curse you, Coon and Friends!

This isn't over!

Oh, yes, it is.

Butters! You're the onewho started all this?!

Uh-oh.

♪♪

You thinkyou're just so smart don't you?

No, sir! No, sir, I just--Make me look like a foolwill you?!

We'll just see about this!

Not so funny now is it?!

Go on!Tell Mr. Putin what you told me!

Well, I was just --[ Sniffles ]

Well, I just said how I justused Facebook like Russia did

and really didn't breakany rules --

Didn't break any rules!

Good job teaching our childrenthat's all that matters!

Just because there's a way tocause chaos in a town

or disrupt an entire country

doesn't mean you go and do it,does it?

If Mark Zuckerbergpoints a loaded cannon

at someone's face,

are you innocentfor just lighting the fuse?!

Answer me.-[ In Russian ]

No! You don't go around makingup things about people either,

unless it's aboutMark Zuckerberg

'cause he deserves it.

I hope you're bothvery satisfied

with the damage you've caused,because you're both grounded!

[ Door slams ]

Facebook is gone and Netflixhas approved our TV show.

All we have to do now

is agree on the final draftof the franchise plan.

You can see that theSuperCraig movie now precedes

the Coon VS SuperCraig movie

followed by Mysterion'svideo game and then --

How come I have to havethe video game?

I wanna movie too.

You have a movie, Mysterion.

You're in the thirdCoon and Friends United movie

after your video game.

Yeah, but he's saying he doesn'tever get his own movie.

Do I get my own movie?Not everyonegets their own movie.

-This franchise plan sucks.-Oh, Jesus, here we go again.

No,Wonder Tweek is right.

It was better when we startedthe movies off

with the Tupperware prequel.Dude, you can't doa prequel first.

-Why not?-'Cause then it's not a prequel,

it's just first.

And besides Tupperwareisn't our strongest character.

[Bleep] you.It's better than a human kite.

He just likes this plan becausehe gets two movies in phase one.

Guys! We have to justgo with this plan.

We don't even haveone movie yet!

You go with the plan.

Maybe we'll just goand do our own franchise.

-Yeah!-Yeah!

Oh, you want civil war?!Is that what you want?!

Yeah, dude. It's civil war.[Bleep] you.

Oh [bleep] you.Get outta my house.

We'll make way more moneyon our franchise!

Go ahead. I bet you don't evenget halfway through phase one

on your franchise,DC Comics.

[ Door slams ]

I thought Civil War wasn'tsupposed to happen

until phase three.-Shut up, SuperCraig.