PC PRINCIPAL:All right, everyone. Listen up.

Today, we're gonna beshowing you some art

from our Asian-Americanstudents, and --

Damn it, Leslie!Shut your [bleep] pie hole!

...From ourAsian-American students

presented bystudent-body president,

Wendy Testaberger.

Hey, guys.

As you know,we have several new students

here atSouth Park Elementary.

We have been getting to knowsome of the Asian girls,

who have introduced usto an art style called "yaoi."

Yaoi is a blendof emotion and beauty

involving two peoplewhose love is looked down upon.

The art tries to showthat all love is magical,

like in Lisa Akimoto's piece,

"Tweek and Craig:Forbidden Love."

[ Girls "Aww" ]

What?!

Kelly Zhou goesa bit more whimsical

with "Craig and TweekMoonlight Dance."

[ Girls "Aww" ]

Dude,what the [bleep]?

In yaoi art, the seme, or "top,"

is usually dominatingthe uke, or "bottom,"

as demonstratedin Heather Nishimura's

"Tweek and Craig: Boizu Rabu."

[ Girls "Aww" and applause ]

But yaoi can branch outto other things, as well...

Uh-oh.

...as we see here in"Lilly, Frog, Tweek, and Craig."

I just don't get it.

No.We would know.

Well, but then why wouldAsian girls draw them like that?

Yeah, what isthis yaoi thing all about?

I'm so co-confused.

And if it can happento Tweek and Craig,

could it happento any of us?

Uh, excuse me.Why are you doing this?

Oh, hi, Craig.

[ Speaking Korean ]

[ Speaking Korean ]

What?What did she say?

I don't know. That was Korean.I'm Japanese.

What is going on,huh?!

Me and himaren't together!

Why isthis happening?!

[ Speaking Korean ]

Everyonethinks I'm gay!

What if my parentsfind out?! Aah!

PC PRINCIPAL: All right, guys,I know there's been

Just wanted to check in, see ifyou have any questions for me.

Why are the Asian girls drawingpictures of us being gay?

What's wrong with being gay?Nothing wrong with that.

But we aren't. I'm not.

I'm not either!

That is completelyirrelevant, okay?

What matters, and the reasonI brought you in here,

is that you understandaffirmative consent.

What's that?

If there isa romantic relationship here,

you have to make sureyour partner is comfortable

with anysexual exploration.

Aah!

Now, in a gay relationship,it gets a little trickier,

but you still have to followsome guidelines, all right?

But I'm not gay!

I don't careabout that, bro!

Tweek, if --and I'm only saying if --

at some point, you wantedto touch Craig's penis,

you can't just go grabbingfor it, all right?

You would need to saysomething like,

"Craig, is it all right with youif I touch your penis?"

Okay?Let's try it out.

No!

You want two weeks detentioninstead?!

This shit's important!

Craig, can I touchyour penis?

Okay. Good.Now, Craig, you might say,

"You may touch my penis.I'm comfortable with that."

Or, of course,you could say,

"No, you may not touch my penisat this time."

No, you may not.

Okay. Now we'regetting somewhere.

Now, Craig,what would you say

if you wanted to take a ganderat Tweek's asshole?

For what?

I guess something happenedat school today

involving two of Stan's friends[whispers] being gay.

What?

Yeah, Stan seemsreally perplexed.

Wow.

Our town has only hada Whole Foods for three weeks,

and we already haveour first gay kids.

So cool.

Go talk to him, Randy,and be delicate.

Hey, bud.

How's it hanging?

I'm confused, Dad.There was this thing at school.

Well, guess what.

You've got a reallyprogressive P.C. dad

who knows all aboutthis stuff, okay?

Go ahead.Ask me anything.

I just don't understandhow it's decided.

Ah, well, you see,it's a combination

of genetic, hormonal,and environmental influences.

No, I mean, like,what makes the Asians decide

who they're gonnamake gay?

The Asians?

The Asians decidewho's gonna be gay?

Uh, uh, yeah.Yeah, they do.

Uh, the Asians just,you know --

They just pickwho they pick,

and, um, so it'sthe way it's always been.

So, you've heardof yaoi?

[ Chuckles ]Yeah, of course.

Yaoi, anal intercourse,Maui Zaui.

I-I knowall this stuff, Stan.

Hey, we heardabout Craig.

We thinkit's just terrific.

What about Craig?

Thomas, I'm so gladthat Craig is finally happy.

Hey! It's Craig's dad,everybody!

[ Scattered applause ]

Tweek's out of coffee,honey.

Oh, here you go,kiddo.

Tweek, is there anythingyou want to talk to us about?

No.

Well, we heardthat you're gay.

And I want you to know we'venever been so proud of you.

Oh, God!

We thoughtyou were just a spaz,

but to know you've gotso much going on inside...

We're so proudof you, Tweek.

[ Groans ]

Knowingwhat I know now,

I'm gonna bea much better dad to you.

In fact, I just --

I just want to give yousome money, Tweek.

Can I give yousome money?

Here. I-I love youso much, son.

♪ No one can liftthe damn thing ♪

♪ It's full of charts and factsand figures ♪

♪ And instructionsfor dancing ♪

♪ But I-I-I-I-I-I

♪ I love itwhen you read to me ♪

♪ And you-u-u-u-u-u

♪ You can read me anything

♪ The Book of Lovehas music in it ♪

♪ In fact, that's wheremusic comes from ♪

♪ Some of it'sjust transcendental ♪

♪ Some of it'sjust really dumb ♪

♪ But I-I-I-I-I-I

♪ I love itwhen you sing to me ♪

♪ And you-u-u-u-u-u

♪ You can sing me anything

CARTMAN: [ Thinking ]Dude, Tweek and Craig.

If they've been gaythis whole time,

have they beenchecking me out?

I'm pretty sureCraig has seen my wiener.

Should I kick his ass?

[ Twinkle! ]Oh, come on!

What's wrong with two guysliking each other?

I just don't understand it,Cupid Me.

Wanting to, like,kiss a dude?

But if love is love,

then it takes form in all shapesand sizes. Tee hee!

I guess just becauseI don't understand it

doesn't meanI shouldn't support it.

All right.

Maybe you canhelp them along.

Really? Can I?

Yes, Cupid Me. Make it quick.Don't let anyone see you.

Oh, thank you!I will!

Tee hee hee!Tee hee hee hee!

Tee hee hee!

[ Snoring ]

Tee hee hee!Tee hee!

You just needa little spark of magic.

[ Twinkle! ]Tee hee hee!

And now I'm gonna peein your mouth.

[ Chuckles ]Love is in the air!

[ Twinkle! ]

Did you do it,Cupid Me?

I hit himwith my love arrow,

and then I peed in his mouthjust for fun.

[ Laughs ]That's awesome!

That's so sweet![ Chuckles ]

I thoughtyou might like that.

Yeah, dude.You're hilarious.

And do you thinkI'm cute, too?

'Cause I thinkyou're kind of cute.

Stop that, Cupid Me.

I told you I'm not homosexual,okay? It's not funny.

Oh, well. At least Tweekand Craig are in love now.

Yep. School tomorrowshould be really interesting.

And my dad says Asianshave always done this,

and they, like, do make people gay.

You guys!You guys! Hurry!What?

It's -- It'sTweek and Craig, dude!

They're aboutto have sex!

You got a [bleep]problem, man?

You're the onewith the [bleep] problem!

I told you to stay100 yards from me!

You better not[bleep] push me again, man!

Oh, God, you guys.Get a room.

[ Cheering ]

Hello. Mr. Tucker?

I need to inform youthat your son

was in an altercationat school today.

Craig?Craig got in a fight?

Yes, with his boyfriend.

Just a lovers' quarrel,probably.

God damn it.

Something to be expectedin relationships.

Apparently, there wereno affirmative-consent issues,

as your son knowsthe right way

to play withanother boy's penis.

Oh, God.

There's not gonna beany disciplinary action.

Since they are gay,we want to be supportive.

So, we're just gonnasend them on home

with some money,all right?

All right,you have a nice day.

Money?

[ Chinese music plays ]

[ Speaking Chinese ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Speaking Chinese ]

Uh, hi. Mr. Jinping?

Thanks fortaking my call.

I was just wonderingif you could shed some light

on how your peopledecide who will be gay

and whowill be straight.

[ Chinese accent ]What?!

I'm sorry. I-I don't speakAsian, but, um...

Oh, uh -- Oh!

Y-Yaoi. Yaoi, yes?

Boyzu love-u.

H-How does that work?

That come from Japan.

Oh, it's Japanthat decides?

How the hell do they actuallymake people ga--

And Japan, of course,

is who does the yaoito make people gay.

They are dogswho refuse not apologize

to the Chinese Republic!

Uh-huh. Yes.That, of course,

I do already knowabout homosexuality.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Oh, my.How beautiful!

Oh, look, sweetie!Someone sent you flowers.

CARTMAN:"Can't we just try? TeeHee."

Oh, man.

Who are theyfrom, hon?

Someone who needsa real talking to. [ Sighs ]

Look, it's flattering, okay?

But it doesn't change the fact

that there's nothing herefor you to keep pursuing.

Tee hee hee! Aw, come on.Let's be like Tweek and Craig.

Everyone thinks they're cute.

You are wasting your time.I'm not attracted to guys.

But I'm so attracted to you.

I realize that, and I'm sorry.

I need you to stop bothering me.

This...is done.

I'm just not a homosexual.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Honey, it's Craig.

Aww, hi, Craig.

Is Tweek home?

He sure is.Come on in.

Would you like to havesome coffee, Craig?

No, thank you.I just want to see Tweek.

Aww.

Tweek's justup in his room playing.

You can go on up.

Oh, uh, but keep the door open,all right?

They're so gay.

Aargh! Aah! Unh!

Aah!

Hey, dude.

[ Spits ] Aah!

No! No!What are you doing here?

Tweek, calm down. We haveto put a stop to this.

There's no stopping it!

The whole world wants meto be something I'm not!

Me, too, dude. But there'ssomething we can do.

What?!

We have to come outand say we're gay.

What?!Are you insane?!

[ Sputters ] Aah!

Tweek, Tweek. Because, ifwe're gay, then we can break up.

And if we break up,no more pictures.

We just have to stagea fake breakup

in front ofthe Asian girls.

Like acting?! No, man.That is way too much pressure.

[ Whimpers ]

You can do it, Tweek.

You're capable of morethan you think.

Ugh!I'm a terrible actor.

You just follow my lead and tryand make it believable, okay?

Oh, God. Okay.Oh, God!

Everyone's so damn happy,

but -- but why did thishave to happen to my son?

What did I do tomake my son like this?

Hey, hey, whoa.You didn't do anything.

Oh, what? You know about this?

Yeah, let me handlethis, guys. I'm P.C.

Look, Thomas, you needto understand that being gay

isn't a decision.

You know, a lot of peoplethink that Asians decide

who's gay and who's not.

But it isn't all Asians.

It's just specificallythe Japanese, okay?

What?

Why do the Japanese makesome people gay and others not?

Well, it goes backto World War II

and atrocities that happenedin China called

the Rape of Don King.

Well, you sure knowa lot about this.

Yes, I do.

No, dude.I looked it up.

Yaoi is just an art style for girls by girls

because they like fictionalizingtwo guys in a relationship.

But why?

I don't know.But the point is,

there's nothing about itthat means Tweek and Craig

are actually gay at all.

Listen, it's just notgoing to work.

What?!Why not?!

I'm sorry, Tweek, but wecan't lie to ourselves anymore.

Yes, we are gay.But we do not belong together.

We don't belong together?What suddenly changed, Craig?

It's just that peopleare different. That's all.

Uh-huh.And who the hell is Michael?

Huh? You want totell me that?!

Uh, what are you --what are you talking about?

I went through your phone whenwe went out last night, Craig.

I saw your text to Michaelabout hooking up with him!

Wait, uh -- t-that'snot what happened.

Oh, it's not?!

No. L-look, we both knowthis is for the better.

Oh, don't use thatlame shit on me, man.

You don't want to feel bad,

so you try and tell mewhat I want?!

Tweek, don't make me outto be the bad guy here.

No, you're not the bad guy.

You're never the bad guy,are you?!

You -- you just step on peopleand you use them!

You're going too far,dude.

This is, like,totally not necessary.

I'm going too far?!What is wrong with you?!

This wasn't partof the plan.

Well, guess what, Craig?!Love doesn't follow a plan!

Yeah!

I was totally wrongabout you.

I opened myself upand let you in,

but you've got spikes, man.

You've got spikes.

[ A Great Big World's"Say Something" playing ]

Tweek!

Dude, seriously?Seriously?!

[ Thunder rumbles ]

♪ I'm giving up on you

They -- they broke up?

♪ I'll be the oneif you want me to ♪

♪ Anywhere,I would have followed you ♪

♪ Say something

♪ I'm giving up on you

♪ Say something

♪ I'm giving up on you

♪ Say something

[ Music ends ]

[ Whispering ]What are you doing?

This place isn't you.

I'm just here topick up on guys.

Why? Are you jealous?

No, I'm not.

I'm here becausewe need you right now.

Oh, now youneed me, huh?

[Bleep] you, dude.

[Bleep] you.

What is that kiddoing here?

He's just kind oftalking to himself.

The whole town is sad.Cupid Me, you have to help.

Well, I guess I couldtry and help.

In return for justone date?

I'm not homosexual!

Then I guessI'm not interested.

[ Sighs ]All right. One date.

But only if you help getTweek and Craig back together.

Tee hee hee!Tee hee hee hee hee!

Hey, kid, what do youthink you're doing here?

Oh, oh, hey, whoa.Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm not here for me.I'm here for my friend, okay?

Hi. Is Craig here, sir?

Why can't you quit him?

Thomas.

Five minutes.He's in the back.

Hey, dude.

What do you want?

I thought when we broke upeverything would get better.

I was thinking maybe weshould say we're back together.

Dude, I'm not gay,and neither are you!

What does that haveto do with anything?

You think you can just pullthat shit you pulled at school,

saying I step on peopleand use them,

and I'll justtake you back?

You said to make itseem real.

Not that real!

Now everyone thinksI'm a manipulative cheater.

I'll never get any chicks.

I'm so sorry, Craig.

You -- you made mebelieve in myself

in a way I neverhave before.

I didn't think I had any of thatin me, but you were right.

I can do more than I think.

You changed something in me,and I just --

I want to fix whatever'shurting you now.

[ Sobbing ]

I can't be somethingbecause everyone wants me to be.

I have to be myself.

You'll just have to gobe gay with someone else.

All right, Craig.All right.

can't you understand that in mytime we just didn't accept this?

Maybe it's not so wrong.

I -- I just don'twant it to be my son.

[ Wings beating ]

Tee hee hee!Tee hee hee!

You just needa little prick of magic.

[ Twinkle ]

I'm gonna pee inyour mouth a little bit.

[ Trickling ]

Then again, he's my son,no matter what.

I can't justshut down on him.

Tee hee hee!Tee hee hee hee!

[ Wings beating ]

Son,you need to listen to me.

You can't fightbeing gay.

I used to think thatbeing gay was a choice,

but you don't getto decide.

Japan picks who they pick,and that's that.

I don't understandthis stuff.

Heck, I didn't even knowDon King got raped,

but I do know thatif you try and resist it,

you make yourself miserableyour whole life.

Everyone wasso proud of you.

I was just being selfish.I want to be proud of you, too.

I like gay Craig.I love you.

Here's $100.

MAN: [ Japanese accent ]♪ Maybe we should go away

♪ Put cares aside forjust a day ♪

♪ The world we faceis not so big ♪

♪ Not if we are stronglike Tweek and Craig ♪

[ Speaking Japanese ]

♪ Let's go backto when it was new ♪

♪ Weren't wesuch happy people, too? ♪

♪ Life was simple,problems vague ♪

♪ We had it all,a lot like Tweek and Craig ♪

♪ And in the darknesswe all seek ♪

♪ A perfect lovelike Craig and Tweek ♪

...highest honor!

Gambaro irashai!

♪ I hope you know,when you are down ♪

♪ That you turnedmy life around ♪

♪ Just like the like the quotefrom Shakespeare said ♪

♪ I'm your Tweek

♪ And you're my Craig

[ Moaning ]

Okay, okay.The date's almost over.

Tee hee hee!MAN: ♪ Tweek and Craig

Aren't you likingyour massage?

It's fine. It just doesn'treally do anything for me.

[ Speaking Japanese ]

Well, I've got something youmight like a little better.

Cupid -- Cupid Me, no!

No! I'm straight!

Tee hee hee hee!

Cupid Me, what are you doing?Oh, my God!

Oh, Cupid Me,that's enough!

Okay, that's it, Cupid Me!That's it!

That's it, Cupid Me.Okay, that's it.

That's it, Cupid Me.

Aww.