- [echoing]KYLE!

- FOUR YOUNG BOYS IN COLORADOARE ON A TRIP FROM HELL.

- [screams]I CAN'T TAKE IT!

- SOMEBODY HELP US!

- TRAPPED IN A UNFORGIVINGMOUNTAIN WILDERNESS

WITH NO WAY OUT.

[all screaming]

THE FOURTH GRADERS ARE IN ANIGHTMARE THEY CANNOT ESCAPE.

- WE WERE STUCK.WE WERE COMPLETELY STUCK.

- KYLE, HURRY!

- KYLE, WAKE UP!YOU GOT TO WAKE UP, KYLE!

[all screaming]

- FOR FOURELEMENTARY SCHOOL BOYS,

A ORDINARY DAY BECOMESA DESCENT INTO MADNESS

ON TONIGHT'S EPISODE OF...

- OH, GOD!

- NO!

- HELP, WE'RE TRAPPED!

WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

AND ALL OVER THE SMALL MOUNTAINTOWN OF SOUTH PARK,

STUDENTS ARE TRYING TO HAVEAS MUCH FUN AS POSSIBLE.

FOR TEN-YEAR-OLD STAN MARSH

AND HIS FRIENDS KYLE,ERIC, AND KENNY,

THE LAST DAYHAS COME TOO SOON.

- WE REALLY HAD SPENTTHE WHOLE SPRING BREAK

WATCHING TVAND PLAYING XBOX, YOU KNOW,

SO WE WANTED TO GO OUT AND DOSOMETHING REALLY ADVENTUROUS.

- WE COULD GO TO THE CITY POOL.THEY HAVE A WATER SLIDE.

- NO, NO, NO, I'M NOT GETTINGIN A POOL WITH KENNY.

HE HAS HERPES.

- WHAT?- LOOK AT HIS LIP.

YOU GOT HERPES, DUDE.

- IT'S NOT HERPES.IT'S A COLD SORE.

- NO, COLD SORE IS WHAT GIRLSCALL IT, KENNY.

IT'S ACTUALLY HERPES.

- COME ON, GUYS.THE DAY'S WASTING AWAY.

WHAT WOULD BE SOMETHINGREALLY COOL WE COULD DO?

- AND THEN, LIKE,OUT OF NOWHERE,

SOMEBODY CAME UP WITHTHE IDEA OF ZIPLINING.

- YEAH, ZIPLINING.THAT COULD BE REALLY COOL.

- WE'VE DEFINITELY NOTDONE THAT BEFORE.

- I THINK THERE'S A PLACEJUST OUTSIDE OF TOWN.

I'LL SEE IF MY UNCLE JIMBOWILL DROP US OFF.

- COOL!ZIPLINING.

- ZIPLINING.HELL YEAH!

- WITHIN 30 MINUTES,THE BOYS ARE GETTING A RIDE

TO THE ZIPLINING OUTFITTERSFROM STAN'S UNCLE JIMBO.

- SWEET!- ALL RIGHT!

WE WERE IN A GOOD MOOD,

JUST JOKING AROUND,YOU KNOW?

MOSTLY MAKING FUNOF KENNY'S HERPES.

SICK, KENNY!YOU GOT HERPES, DUDE.

AH!I ALMOST TOUCHED IT.

SICK! OH!SICK, KENNY, NO!

[laughs]GROSS.

- IT'S JUSTA FEVER BLISTER.

- [laughs]DID YOU HEAR THAT, GUYS?

KENNY SAYSIT'S JUST A FEVER BLISTER.

[laughs]YOU SOUND LIKE A CHICK, KENNY.

THAT'S HERPES, DUDE.YOU GOT THAT SHIT TILL YOU DIE.

- IT'S THE IDYLLICSPRING BREAK GETAWAY

WITH FRIENDS AND LAUGHTER.

- ALL RIGHT!

- HEY, YOU GUYS HEREFOR THE 2:00 ZIPLINE TOUR?

- YEAH.- ALL RIGHT.

LET ME GET YOU SOME HELMETSAND SOME GEAR

AND WE'LL GET UP THERE AND HITTHAT FRESH NAR-NAR.

- AND SO THEY PUT US IN THESEHARNESSES AND HELMETS.

I THINK THAT'S WHENWE STARTED REALIZING,

"OH, WOW, THIS IS ACTUALLYPRETTY DANGEROUS."

- ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS LOOKREADY TO ZIPLINE.

- ALL RIGHT!

- OKAY, JUST FOLLOW MEOVER TO THE WAITING ROOM

AND WE'LL HAVE YOUTAKE A SEAT WITH THE OTHERS.

[dramatic music]

♪

- AND WE WERE LIKE, "OTHERS?"

WE HAVE TO DOWITH THIS OTHER PEOPLE?

- HI, THERE.

- HELLO.- HI.

- THE BOYS HAVE JUST MADEA SOBERING DISCOVERY.

FOR TEN-YEAR-OLD STAN MARSH,

THE REALIZATION THATHE WILL BE WITH A TOUR GROUP

HAS CAUSED HISADRENAL GLAND TO SLOW DOWN.

THE AVERAGE HUMANACTS A CERTAIN WAY

WHEN SURROUNDED BYFRIENDS AND FAMILY,

BUT IN A TOUR GROUP,THE BRAIN HAS TO WORK OVERTIME,

ACTING NICEAND PRETENDING TO CARE

ABOUT PEOPLE ON THE TOUR.

- HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?

- SO THEN WE SIT THEREFOR, LIKE, 30 MINUTES

BECAUSE WE HAD TO WAIT FOR THISCOUPLE WHO WAS RUNNING LATE.

- ALL RIGHT, OUR LAST ZIPLINERSARE HERE.

- SORRY, WE MADE YOU WAIT,EVERYBODY.

- INSIDE KYLE'S MOUTH,

THE MUSCLES CONTRACTTO FORCE A SMILE,

EVEN THOUGH,IN HIS BRAIN,

KYLE IS THINKING,"DUDE, FUCK YOU."

- WE DON'T MIND.

- NOW EVERYONE WAS THERE.

WE THOUGHT THINGS WOULDSTART GETTING FUN,

BUT THAT'S WHEN WE HAD TO WATCHTHE SAFETY VIDEO.

[click]

- WELCOME TOBACKCOUNTRY ADVENTURES.

WELL, HEY THERE, MICHAEL.

- HEY THERE, MICHAEL.

[laughter]

- IT WAS, I DON'T KNOW,

10, MAYBE 15 MINUTESOF PURE HELL.

[laughter]

- OH, AND DON'T FORGETTO TAKE IN THE NAR.

BACK TO YOU, MICHAEL.

- THANKS, MICHAEL.ANYBODY HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?

- NO.

- I HAVE A QUESTION.

COULD WE REVIEW THE BEST WAYSTO HOLD THE ROPE AGAIN?

- REALLY? YOU'RE GONNA MAKEUS ALL LISTEN TO IT AGAIN

'CAUSE YOU COULDN'TUNDERSTAND?

REALLY?

- LET'S GET OUT THEREAND GET ZIPPING.

- JESUS CHRIST.- FINALLY.

- THE BOYS THINKTHEIR ORDEAL IS OVER,

BUT WHATTHEY DON'T REALIZE

IS THAT THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GOFROM BAD TO WORSE.

- EVERYONE JUST STEP ONIN THE SHUTTLE.

- SHUTTLE?

- HOW--HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TOTAKE THE SHUTTLE?

- IT'S ABOUT 45 MINUTES.

- IT'S A DEVASTATING BLOW.

FOR KYLE, IT'S ALMOSTTOO MUCH TO BEAR.

HIS BRAIN IS ALREADYLACKING EXCITEMENT,

AND NOWJUST THE WORD "SHUTTLE"

MAKES KYLE'S BRAINFIRE NEURONS

THAT BRING UP MEMORIES OF JUSTHOW LAME SHUTTLES CAN BE.

- WELL, COME ON,WE DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.

- ALL RIGHT, GUYS,SHOULD BE ABOUT 45 MINUTES

TO THE FRESHEST NAR-NAR.

WHY DON'T WEGO AROUND THE VAN

AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHERA LITTLE BIT?

- OH, THAT'S OKAY.

- WELL, MY NAME'SPETE NICKELS,

AND THISIS MY WIFE DONNA.

AND, UH...MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT,

WE CAME OUT HERETO SEE OUR RELATIVES

WHO LIVE DOWN IN MOAB.

THEY, UH, HAVE BEEN LIVING THEREABOUT 20 YEARS NOW,

AND, UH,LONG STORY SHORT,

THEY TOLD US THAT AS LONG AS WEWERE IN THE ROCKIES,

WE SHOULD TRY ZIPLINING,SO, LONG STORY SHORT,

WE LOOKED AROUNDIN THE NEWSPAPERS

AND ON THE INTERNET

AND ON BILLBOARDS,AND, YOU KNOW,

MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT,

WE FOUND THIS COMPANYAND THOUGHT WE'D GIVE HER A TRY.

SO THEN WE CALLEDAND MADE A RESERVATION,

AND THAT'S WHEN, YOU KNOW,LONG STORY SHORT,

WE JUST THOUGHT--- AGH! AGH-AGH-AGH!

- IT'S ALMOST 3:00,

AND THE BOYS ARESTILL ON THE SHUTTLE.

- WE'RE GETTING CLOSE.ARE YOU GUYS GETTING PSYCHED?

adults: WHOO!

- BUT WHAT THE BOYSDON'T REALIZE

IS THAT A MASSIVE STORMIS BREWING.

LAST NIGHT, ERIC CARTMANHAD KUNG PAO SPAGHETTI

FROMCALIFORNIA PIZZA KITCHEN.

INSIDE ERIC'S STOMACH,THE KUNG PAO HAS JUST MET

WITH THE DEL TACOHE ATE FOR BREAKFAST.

IT HAS ALREADY STARTEDTO TEAR DOWN THE LAYERS

OF BARBECUE BK TOPPERS

THAT HAVE BEEN BUILDING UPFOR MONTHS.

AND NOW, TO COMPENSATEFOR ALL THE ANNOYING TOURISTS,

ERIC IS INGESTING MASSIVEAMOUNTS OF MOUNTAIN DEW.

THE CAFFEINE AND SUGAR

TURNS THE SOUPY FAST-FOOD LIQUIDIN HIS STOMACH

INTO A TOXIC GAS.

WHEN THE GAS IS RELEASED,IT CARRIES WITH IT

TINY PARTICLES OFERIC'S FECAL MATTER--

FECAL MATTER WHICH FLOATS UPAND INTO KYLE'S NASAL PASSAGE.

- DUDE, DID YOU FART?

- NO.

- ALL RIGHT, GUYS.WE'RE HERE.

- THANK GOD.

- ALL RIGHT, HERE WE ARE.

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT SOME GOOD NARTO ZIPLINE THROUGH TODAY.

UH, BEFORE WE CLIMB UPAND START ZIPLINING,

DOES ANYONE CARE TO KNOW ABOUTTHESE TREES' BIOLOGY?

- THE TREES' BIOLOGY?

- WE ARE RUNNINGA LITTLE LATE,

BUT IF ANYONEREALLY WANTS TO KNOW,

WE COULD TAKEA FEW MINUTES.

- I THINK WE'RE GOOD.

- I'D LIKE TO KNOW ABOUTTHE BIOLOGY OF THE TREES.

- OKAY, WELL,THIS IS A PONDEROSA PINE.

IT COVERS A MORE EXTENSIVE AREATHAN OTHER AMER--

- SO AFTER ASSHOLE GETSHIS BIOLOGY LESSON,

- ALL RIGHT, REMEMBER TO KEEPYOUR HANDS CLEAR OF THE CABLE

AND JUST LET YOUR EQUIPMENTDO THE WORK.

NOW, WHEN YOU'RE ABOUTHALFWAY DOWN THE ZIPLINE,

THE CAMERA'S GONNATAKE YOUR PICTURE,

SO WHEN I CALL OUT,"SHAKA BRA,"

LOOK UP AND GIVE THE CAMERAA NICE "SHAKA BRA."

ALL RIGHT, YOU READY?- YEAH.

- READY TO DO SOME ZIPPING?- YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT,LET'S HEAR YOU SAY, "ZIPLINE!"

- ZIPLINE.

- SHAKA BRA!

[camera shutter clicks]

- WHOO-HOO! ALL RIGHT!NICE ZIP!

- WELL, HOW WAS IT,CARTMAN?

- IT'S TOTALLYFUCKIN' STUPID, DUDE!

- OH, REALLY?

- YEAH, DUDE, IT'S FUCKIN'BORING AS SHIT!

- ALL RIGHT, KYLE,GIVE ME A "ZIPLINE!"

- ZIPLINE.

- SHAKA BRA!

[camera shutter clicks]

- IT WAS LIKE HAVING THE LIFESUCKED OUT OF YOU.

THAT'S ALL IT IS--SLIDING DOWN A CABLE.

MAYBE WITHOUT A TOUR GROUP,IT'D BE KIND OF FUN, MAYBE,

BUT THIS WAS JUSTA COMPLETE DISASTER.

- AFTER A GRUELING20 MINUTES

WAITING FOR EVERYONE ELSETO RIDE THE ZIPLINE,

THE BOYS REALIZE THEY HAVE JUSTWASTED HOURS OF THEIR TIME,

AND THAT IS WHENTHE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENS.

- ALL RIGHT, GUYS,LET'S GET MOVING.

ONLY TEN MINUTESTO OUR NEXT ZIPLINES.

- YEAH!- ALL RIGHT!

- THE NEXT ZIPLINES?WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- EXCUSE ME,WE AREN'T GOING BACK NOW?

AREN'T WE DONE?

- THIS IS A ZIPLINE TOUR.WE GOT 16 MORE TO GO.

- AND IT WAS LIKE, WHAM!

boys: NO!

- EVERYONE BACKIN THE SHUTTLE.

boys: NO!

- THE BOYS REALIZE THATTHEIR ZIPLINING NIGHTMARE

HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN.

[screaming]

- ♪ TRAVELING THROUGH THAT--

- ANYONE HAVEANY QUESTIONS

ABOUT THE CREEKWE'RE ABOUT TO CROSS?

- YES.boys: AAH!

adults: ♪ "MM, AH!" WENTTHE LITTLE GREEN FROG ONE DAY ♪

♪ "MM, AH!"WENT THE LITTLE GREEN FROG ♪

[dramatic music]

- LET 'ER RIP!

- ZIPLINE!

- FOUR YOUNG BOYS IN COLORADOARE ON A TRIP FROM HELL.

- NEXT ZIPLINE'S UP HERE.WE CALL IT "THE TERMINATOR."

- [groans]

- TRAPPED IN A UNFORGIVINGMOUNTAIN WILDERNESS

WITH A TOUR GROUP...

- BUT, YOU KNOW,TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT,

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND--

- [laughs]- WHEE!

- COULD YOU GETANOTHER PICTURE OF US?

- AAH!

- THE FOURTH GRADERS ARE INA NIGHTMARE THEY CANNOT ESCAPE.

- I'M SO FUCKING BORED!

- WHOO-HOO!- YEAH!

- NICE ONE! YEAH!- NICE ZIP!

- ALL RIGHT,YOU GOING NEXT, RICKY?

- HELP, HELP!- SOMEBODY!

- HELP, WE'RE TRAPPED!- SOMEBODY HELP US!

- WHOO!- WHOO-HOO!

- IT'S NO USE.

THERE'S NOBODY AROUNDFOR MILES.

- THERE COULD BE A HELICOPTER.MAYBE ONE'LL FLY OVERHEAD.

- FACE IT, STAN.NOBODY'S COMING FOR US.

- ZIPLINE!- WHOO-HOO!

- WE SHOULD HAVE NEVERLISTENED TO YOU, KYLE.

- ME?

- YEAH, YOU!IN THE PARK THIS MORNING?

"I KNOW.LET'S ALL GO ZIPLINING.

WE'VE NEVER DONETHAT BEFORE."

- OH, NO, DON'T TRYTO PIN THIS ON ME.

YOU'RE THE ONEWHO BROUGHT IT UP.

- I BROUGHT IT UP 'CAUSE YOUALREADY BROUGHT IT UP.

- THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED,NOBODY REMEMBERED.

NOBODY REMEMBEREDIT WAS ME

WHO CAME UPWITH THE IDEA TO GO ZIPLINING.

ME.

- YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT!- FUCK YOU, KYLE!

- GUYS, GUYS, DOES IT REALLYMATTER WHOSE IDEA IT WAS?

Kyle and Cartman: YES.- ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

WE CAN MAKE IT YOU GUYS.WE CAN'T PANIC.

IF THE FOUR OF USDON'T ZIPLINE,

THE TOUR WILL MOVE FASTER.

WE ARE GONNA MAKE ITOUT OF HERE, OKAY?

- BUT WHAT THE BOYSDON'T REALIZE

IS THAT ERIC'S BODYIS ALREADY SHUTTING DOWN

FROM STAGE FOUR DIARRHEA.

INSIDE HIS STOMACH,BILE HAS JUST DISLODGED

AN ARBY'S ULTIMATE ANGUS.

IN THE AVERAGE HUMAN, THIS WOULDONLY CAUSE MILD DIARRHEA,

BUT ERIC CARTMAN IS NOWDRINKING DOUBLE DEW,

A MOUNTAIN DEW PRODUCTWITH TWICE THE SUGAR

AND CAFFEINEOF REGULAR MOUNTAIN DEW.

HIS RANCID FECES IS NOW RAPIDLYCONVERTING TO A THICK PASTE.

THE DIARRHEA SHOOTS OUTOF ERIC'S ANUS

AND INTO HIS UNDERWEAR.

ERIC CARTMAN ISA TICKING TIME BOMB.

- DUDE, DID YOU JUSTSHIT YOUR PANTS?

- SO, I JUST TRIEDTO KEEP THE TOUR GROUP MOVING

AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

- ALL RIGHT, GUYS,

THIS IS IS WHERE WE'RE GONNABREAK FOR LUNCH.

- COME IN BY THE WATERFALL,GANG.

- OH, NO. COULD--COULD WESKIP LUNCH AND KEEP GOING?

- SKIP A FREE LUNCH?NOT ME.

[laughs]

- WHO WANTS SANDWICHES?WE GOT TURKEY.

HAM.

TURKEY HAM.

- LONG STORY SHORT, WE--- [groans]

YOU GUYS, SERIOUSLY,SOMETHING'S WRONG IN MY TUMMY.

- THEN STOP DRINKINGDOUBLE DEW, FAT ASS.

- THIS IS DIET DOUBLE DEW,KYLE.

IT ONLY HAS HALF THE CAFFEINEAND SUGAR OF DOUBLE DEW.

[groans]OH, MAN, YOU GUYS.

I GOTTA GETTO A BATHROOM FAST.

- YOU'RE IN A FOREST.GO TAKE A CRAP.

- IF I CRAP IN THE WOODS,

THE BLOOD WILLATTRACT BEAVERS, KYLE.

- HEY, UH, I'M SO SORRY,BUT WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY.

OUR FRIEND ISREALLY, REALLY SICK.

- OH, YOU MEAN THE LITTLE KIDWITH THE HERPES?

- YEAH.

- THAT'S NOT HERPES.IT'S A COLD SORE.

- RIGHT.SORRY.

- YEAH, HIS--HIS COLD SOREIS REALLY BAD,

AND, UH, HE'S LOSING BLOOD,SO WE GOTTA GO.

- GEE, SORRY, DUDE,BUT WE'RE AT THE SUMMIT.

OUR ONLY WAY DOWNIS TO ZIP DOWN.

adults: ZIPLINE!

- ZIPLINE!

- WHAT ABOUT THE STABLES?

- OOH, YEAH,THE STABLES.

THERE'S A RANCH RIGHT PASTTHAT HILL THAT RENTS OUT HORSES.

- SUDDENLY, STAN SAYS HE KNOWSABOUT SOME HORSE STABLES.

IT SEEMED TOO GOODTO BE TRUE.

- NOW, LET MEGET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU WANT FOUR HORSES,ONE FOR EACH OF YOU?

- YES, PLEASE.- I THINK WE CAN SET YOU UP.

- OH, THANK GOD.- YOU SEE, GUYS?

THIS IS GONNA BE SWEETAFTER ALL.

- STEP RIGHT OUT HEREAND WE'LL GET YOU GOING.

GOT FOUR MORE FOR YOU,DUNCAN.

- HELLO!- HI!

- NO!

- FOUR YOUNG BOYS IN COLORADOARE ON A TRIP FROM HELL...

- AAH!

- [groans]

- TRAPPED IN A TOUR GROUPON HORSEBACK

THAT IS ONLY ALLOWEDTO TRAVEL FOUR MILES AN HOUR.

- [echoes]CAN WE PLEASE GO FASTER?

- [muffled]GO FASTER!

- WE GOT SOME LUNCH SET UPFOR YOU UP AHEAD.

SOME TURKEY SANDWICHESAND DIET DOUBLE DEW.

- AAH!

- UH-OH.[flatulence]

- SO ANYWAY,LONG STORY SHORT,

I WAS BORN IN 1953AT 6:00 IN THE MORNING.

- AN ATTEMPT TO MAKEA BAD DAY BETTER

BECOMES A DESCENTINTO MADNESS ON...

WOULD Y'ALL LIKE TO KNOW WHYIT'S CALLED HEARTBREAK FALLS?

- WELL, I CERTAINLY WOULD.

- YEAH.- PLEASE.

- KYLE. KYLE.

KYLE, COME ON.WAKE UP.

- JUST GO.GO WITHOUT ME.

- NO. WE'RE NOTLEAVING YOU HERE, KYLE.

- I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

WHY DO PEOPLE SAY,"LONG STORY SHORT"?

THEY'RE NOT MAKING IT SHORT,STAN.

- I JUST SAT THERE,WATCHING KYLE DIE,

AND I WANTED TO TELL HIMTHE TRUTH RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

BUT THEN THIS FIREROSE UP INSIDE OF ME.

I-I THOUGHT,"I CAN FIND US A WAY OUT."

I RAN OFF AND WENT SEARCHINGFOR I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG.

12 MINUTES?

AND THAT'S WHENI FOUND IT.

YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS,GET UP!

LISTEN TO ME. THERE'S A LAKE100 YARDS DOWN THAT WAY.

THEY'VE GOT A MARINA WITH BOATSJUST SITTING THERE.

- A MARINA?- WE CAN TAKE A BOAT, YOU GUYS.

WE CAN PROBABLY TAKE IT ALLTHE WAY BACK TO FAIRPLAY.

- WHAT'S THE POINT?- COME ON, YOU GUYS.

A BOAT ALL TO OURSELVES?IT'LL BE FUN.

- FOUR YOUNG BOYS IN COLORADOARE ON A TRIP FROM HELL...

[all screaming]

TRAPPED ONA 42-FOOT POWER BOAT,

WHICH IS ONLY ALLOWED TO GOFIVE MILES AN HOUR.

- BECAUSE WE KEEP GETTINGSCREWED OVER BY YOUR DIARRHEA.

- WELL, IT'S NOTMY DIARRHEA'S FAULT

THAT YOU TOOK US ALL ZIPLINING,YOU FUCKIN' JEW.

- ZIPLINING WAS YOUR IDEA,YOU FAT ASS.

- THE FOURTH GRADERSARE IN A NIGHTMARE

THEY CANNOT ESCAPE.

- KENNY, WHOSE IDEAWAS IT TO GO ZIPLINING?

MINE OR KYLE'S?

- I DON'T KNOW.I REALLY DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

- FOR FOURELEMENTARY SCHOOL BOYS,

AN ALREADY TRAGIC DAY BECOMESA DESCENT INTO MADNESS ON...

- AAH!- AAH!

- OH, NO. YOU'RE NOTSTINKING UP THE ENTIRE BOAT.

YOU'RE TAKING A CRAPOFF THE SIDE, INTO THE WATER.

- [groans]

- AAH!

[both retching]

- [groans]

- BEAVERS!

- AFTER CLEANINGCARTMAN'S DIARRHEA

AND FIGHTING OFF BEAVERS,

THE BOYS HAVE MADEA TERRIFYING DISCOVERY

THAT BOATING ISJUST AS BORING AS ZIPLINING.

- THE BOAT WENT REALLY SLOW

AND IT JUST WENT'ROUND AND 'ROUND.

- AAH!

- IF THE BOYS FALL ASLEEP NOWFROM THE LACK OF EXCITEMENT,

THEY COULD DIE.

- HERE, EVERYONEDRINK SOME MOUNTAIN DEW.

I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST THOUGHT IF WE ALLDRANK THE MOUNTAIN DEW,

THE--THE CAFFEINE AND THESUGAR WOULD HELP US STAY AWAKE.

I TOLD CARTMANHE HAD TO SHARE IT.

- I'M NOT SHARING WITH KENNY.HE HAS HERPES.

- FOUR YOUNG BOYS IN COLORADOARE ON A TRIP FROM HELL,

AND JUST WHEN IT SEEMSIT CAN'T GET ANY WORSE...

- KENNY?KENNY!

- KENNY MCCORMICKHAS DIED OF BOREDOM.

- OH, MY GOD,THEY KILLED KENNY!

YOU BASTARDS!

- NO, NOT THEY!YOU!

LOOK WHAT YOURZIPLINING IDEA HAS DONE!

YOU KILLED KENNY!YOU'RE THE BASTARD!

- IT WASN'T MY IDEA!IT WAS YOURS!

YOU KILLED KENNY,YOU BASTARD!

- AND FINALLY, I COULDN'THOLD IT IN ANYMORE.

I SAID, "STOP IT."

STOP IT!

IT WAS ME.

MY IDEA.

- YOU?

- FOUR DAYS AGO,

I CAME ACROSSA BROCHURE FOR ZIPLINING.

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN.

I ONLY ACTED LIKE IT WAS AN IDEAWE ALL CAME UP WITH TOGETHER.

- SO YOU INTENDED FOR USTO GO ZIPLINING ALL ALONG?

WHY, STAN?

- IF YOU SIGNED UPTHREE FRIENDS,

YOU GOT A FREE iPOD NANO.

- YOU SOLD US OUTFOR AN iPOD NANO?

- I HAD NO IDEA ZIPLININGWOULD BE SO BORING.

- YOU, YOU KILLED KENNY.

- [crying]

- YOU BASTARD!YOU BASTARD, STAN!

- [crying]

[all crying]

- HOW MANY iPOD NANOSIS FRIENDSHIP WORTH?

I GUESS ONE.

- THE HARDEST PART ABOUT IT

IS KNOWINGYOU CAN'T TAKE IT BACK.

I MEAN, IT WAS AFIFTH GENERATION NANO,

SO I CAN'TTRADE IT IN ANYWHERE.

THE BOYS' PRAYERSARE FINALLY ANSWERED.

- IT WAS A MIRACLE.

HE CAME TO SAVE USAND TAKE US BACK HOME.

YOU CAME FOR US!

- MR. HANKEY!

- THANK YOU, MR. HANKEY.

- HOWDY HO, BOYS.LET'S GET YOU BACK HOME.

[laughter]

- WE WERE SAVED.IT WAS OVER.

- AFTER NEARLY FOUR HOURSIN THE COLORADO WILDERNESS,

THE BOYSARE FINALLY GOING HOME.

FROM THE BOAT,THE BOYS WERE AIRLIFTED

ABOARD MR. HANKEY'SMAGICAL HELICRAPTER.

IN THE FOUR HOURSSINCE THEY HAD LEFT HOME,

THE BOYS HAD TRAVELED SO FAR

THAT MR. HANKEY THENHAD TO FLY THEM

ON HIS 7-TURDY-7.

FROM THERE, IT WAS ONLYAN HOUR RIDE BACK HOME

ON THE POO-CHOO EXPRESS.

FOUR FRIENDS,TORN APART BY TRAGEDY,

WOULD NOW START THE LONG JOURNEYBACK TO FORGIVENESS.

KENNY MCCORMICK'S REMAINS

WERE FINALLY BROUGHT HOMETO HIS PARENTS,

AND THE BOYS RECEIVEDTREATMENT FOR THEIR HERPES.

- NO, I DIDN'T GET HERPES.I JUST HAD A COLD SORE.

- KYLE BROFLOVSKISPENT 27 DAYS IN THE HOSPITAL,

HAVING FECAL MATTER REMOVEDFROM HIS NASAL PASSAGES.

STAN MARSH DEDICATED HIMSELFTO RAISING AWARENESS

ABOUT THE BOREDOM RISKSOF ZIPLINING.

HIS AWARENESS VIDEOSBECAME SO POPULAR

THAT STAN ONCE AGAIN ENDED UPJACKING IT IN SAN DIEGO.

- AS FOR ERIC CARTMAN,HE REFUSED TO LET THE TRAGEDY

STOP HIM FROM DOINGWHAT HE LOVES MOST.

IN JUST TWO WEEKS,

HE WAS BACK TO DRINKINGDIET DOUBLE DEW,

DEFIANT TO "DEW" THE MATH.

- IT'S DIET, DUDE.

DIET SODA DOESN'TGIVE YOU DIARRHEA.