[school bell rings]

[piano playing]

- ♪ WELCOME, OH, WELCOME

♪ TO OUR LITTLE PLAY

♪ IT'S OUR HOPETHAT YOU ALL ♪

♪ LEARN SOMETHING TODAY

- ♪ I AM A TOOTH

♪ SO WHITE AND SO STRONG

- ♪ I AM A TOOTHBRUSH

♪ MY BRISTLES ARE LONG

all: ♪ TOGETHER WE WORK

♪ TO KEEP THE BAD GUY AWAY

- ♪ HE'S MEAN AND HE HURTS

♪ AND HIS NAME'STOOTH DECAY! ♪

[sinister chord]

- HIS NAME IS TOOTH DECAY.

- WHERE IS TOOTH DECAY?

TOOTH DECAY,THAT'S YOUR CUE!

- HE'S NOT HERE.

- WHAT DO YOU MEANHE'S NOT HERE?

- HE'S AT HOME WATCHINGTHE ROYAL WEDDING.

- THE WHAT?

- HE SAID HE HAD TOWATCH IT.

- IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE?

WE ARE TWO WEEKSINTO TECH REHEARSALS!

WHO THE HECKWOULD SIT AT HOME

WATCHING THE ROYAL WEDDING?

- IT IS A GLORIOUSSPRING MORNING

FOR THE ROYAL WEDDING.

PEOPLE ARE STILL FILINGINSIDE THE ABBEY

TO WATCH THE PRINCEAND PRINCESS OF CANADA

EXCHANGE THEIR VOWS.

WHAT A GREAT DAYFOR CANADIANS EVERYWHERE.

[band playing drums]

THE WINNIPEG DRUMMERSPLAYING

THE MARCH OF A THOUSAND FARTS

AS IS TRADITIONAL FORTHE CANADIAN ROYAL FAMILY.

[all fart]

ALL THE BIGGEST CANADIANCELEBRITIES ARE ON HAND.

THERE ARESIRS TERRANCE AND PHILLIP

WITH THEIR WIVES,THE LOVELY QUEEF SISTERS.

- [queefs]

I BELIEVE--YES, I BELIEVEONE OF THE SISTERS

JUST QUEEFED JUST NOW.

THERE ARECANADIAN RECORDING ARTISTS

SIR BRIAN ADAMSAND SIR COREY HART.

EVERYONE LOOKINGSMASHING TODAY.

- AND THERE HE IS,THE PRINCE OF CANADA.

WHAT A WONDERFUL DAYIT IS FOR HIM.

WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY IT ISFOR ALL OF US.

INSIDE THE ABBEY NOW,EVERYONE WAITING

WITH ANTICIPATION.

THERE'S THE QUEEN OF CANADA,IN ATTENDANCE OF COURSE.

- [queefs]- I BELIEVE SHE JUST QUEEFED.

- THE PRINCE MAKES HIS WAYDOWN THE AISLE

LED BY THE BISHOPOF NEWFOUNDLAND.

PEOPLE IN ATTENDANCENOW GENTLY TOSSING

CAPTAIN CRUNCHAS THE PRINCE PASSES BY,

AS, OF COURSE,IS TRADITION.

THE PRINCE TAKES HIS PLACE

NEXT TO THE LARGE VATOF BUTTERSCOTCH PUDDING.

OH, AND HERE SHE COMES!YES, THERE SHE IS!

THE ABOOT-TO-BEPRINCESS OF CANADA.

ISN'T SHE RAVISHING?

SO PURE OF HEART,

SO STRONG IN BODY.

SO HOT IN THE FACE.

SHE IS INDEED THE LIVINGSYMBOL OF OUR GREAT COUNTRY.

MY GOD, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

PRINCESS! PRINCESS!

INTO THE PUDDING,AS IS TRADITION.

THE PRINCESS WILL, OF COURSE,SCRAPE THE PUDDING

OFF THE PRINCE'S ARMS,THUS SYMBOLIZING THEIR UNION.

WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY FOR OURCOUNTRY AND INDEED THE WORLD.

AND NOW OF COURSE THE--WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT'S THIS?

OH--UH-OH! SOMETHING ISGOING TERRIBLY WRONG!

THE ABBEY SHAKING VIOLENTLYAS EXPLOSIONS ABOUND.

THE TOP--YES, THE TOPOF THE ABBEY IS COLLAPSING.

THE PRINCE AND THE PRINCESSLOOK ON IN HORROR.

THIS IS NOT THE TRADITION.

THIS IS NOT TRADITIONAT ALL.

A GIANT HOLE NOW BLASTEDINTO THE CEILING,

DEBRIS FALLING DOWNAND CRUSHING

SEVERAL SPECTATORS, WHICH ISALSO NOT THE TRADITION

FOR A ROYAL CANADIAN WEDDING.

BRIGHT BEAM OF LIGHTSHOOTING THROUGH THE HOLE

IN THE CEILING.

THE PRINCESS NOW IN SOME KINDOF ISOMETRIC CUBE.

THIS IS CERTAINLY BREAKINGWITH TRADITION NOW.

- NO! NO!

- CANADIANS IN ATTENDANCECANNOT BELIEVE THEIR EYES.

WIDESPREAD PANIC.[all screaming]

THE PRINCESS BEINGHOISTED AWAY.

THE LITTLE MUSHROOM PEOPLEOF NOVA SCOTIA

SCREAMING WITH HORROR.

THE PRINCE IS ATTEMPTINGTO GRAB HOLD OF THE CUBE.

THE DUKE AND DUCHESSOF CALGARY

HIDING BEHIND THE PEWS.

THIS IS INDEED A HORRIBLE DAYFOR ALL OF CANADA,

AND THEREFORE--AND THE PUDDINGHAS JUST BEEN KNOCKED OVER!

OH, THIS DOES NOT GOWITH TRADITION AT ALL.

THE ROYAL PUDDING NOW SPILLINGALL OVER THE ABBEY

AS THE PRINCESS ISLIFTED UP...UP...

AND SHE'S GONE.

THE PRINCESS HAS BEEN TAKEN.

THIS IS INDEEDA HORRIBLE DAY FOR CANADA,

AND THEREFORE,THE REST OF THE WORLD.

- [crying]

- ♪ I AM A TOOTH

♪ SO WHITE AND SO STRONG

- ♪ I AM A TOOTHBRUSH

♪ MY BRISTLES ARE LONG

all: ♪ TOGETHER WE WORK

♪ TO KEEP THE BAD GUY AWAY

♪ HE'S MEAN AND HE HURTS

♪ AND HIS NAME'STOOTH DECAY ♪

[sinister chord]

- HIS NAME'S TOOTH DECAY!

- [crying]

- OH NO!IT'S TOOTH DECAY!

- HE'S GONNA GET US!

- [crying continues]

- NO, NO, TOOTH DECAY.

YOUR CHARACTERIS SUPPOSED TO BE

MEAN AND NASTY, MKAY.NOT CRYING.

- [sobbing]

- NO, NO.SEE, TOOTH DECAY

CAN'T BE SAD UNTIL TOOTHBRUSHAND DENTAL FLOSS

HAVE GOTTEN RID OF HIM.

YOU CAN'T JUST STARTALREADY SAD.

THERE'S NOWHERE TO GO,YOU SEE.

THERE'S NO ARC, MKAY?

- [sobbing continues]

- OH, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,TOOTH DECAY!

YOU JUST GO HOMEAND SORT YOURSELF OUT!

THE REST OF US WILL REHEARSETHE FINALE AGAIN.

AND YOU BETTER COME BACKTOMORROW

WITH A DIFFERENT ATTITUDE,TOOTH DECAY, MKAY?

- [sobbing]

- THE TORNADO WAS SAID TO BE

THE DEADLIEST IN 56 YEARS.

IN OTHER NEWS,IT'S BEEN 24 HOURS NOW

AND THE PRINCESS OF CANADAIS STILL MISSING.

ALL OF CANADA IS IN MOURNING

AS NATIONWIDE,SUICIDES ABOUND.

- THE PRINCESS IS GONE!

AAH!

- AAGGGHH!

[all screaming]

- THE PRINCESS IS GONE!BLAH!

- AAH! AAH!

[all sobbing]

- A MASSIVE CANDLELIGHT VIGILWAS HELD LAST NIGHT,

LED BYTHE CANADIAN BAND RUSH.

- ♪ AND IT SEEMS TO ME

♪ YOU LIVED YOUR LIFE

♪ LIKE A FLOWERBREAKING WIND ♪

[farts]

♪ NEVER KNOWINGWHO TO TURN TOWARDS-- ♪

[sobbing]

- THE PRINCE OF CANADAHAS SAID THAT--

WE HAVE JUST RECEIVEDBREAKING NEWS

THAT THE CANADIAN GOVERNMENTNOW KNOWS

WHO TOOK THE PRINCESS.

THE CANADIAN PRIME MINISTERIS INSTRUCTING

ALL PEOPLE OF CANADIAN DECENT

TO GO HOME AND "OPENTHEIR BOX OF FAITH."

BOX OF FAITH?WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

[objects clattering]

[film projector whirring]

- HELLO THERE, MY NOBLE,STRONG, FELLOW CANADIAN.

IF YOU ARE WATCHINGTHIS FILMSTRIP,

THEN NO DOUBT CANADAIS IN GRAVE DANGER.

AS YOU KNOW,THE VERY HEART OF CANADA

IS THE ROYAL FAMILY.

IF YOU HAVE BEEN ORDEREDTO OPEN YOUR BOX OF FAITH,

THEN ONE OR MORE OF THE ROYALFAMILY MUST BE IN PERIL.

OR ELSE YOU JUST OPENEDYOUR BOX OF FAITH

AND ARE WATCHING THISWITHOUT BEING TOLD TO,

IN WHICH CASEYOU ARE A DICK.

IF YOU HAVE INDEED BEENINSTRUCTED TO OPEN THE BOX,

THEN THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS.

ALL CANADIANSIN FIGHTING CONDITION

ARE ASKED TO MEET BYTHE TREE IN EDMONTON.

IN YOUR BOX OF FAITH,

YOU WILL FINDALL THE ITEMS YOU NEED--

A LOCATION BEACON,A FIRST AID KIT,

AND A SANDWICH.

YOU MAY EAT THE SANDWICH NOW.

GOOD LUCK, CANADIAN CITIZEN,AND GOD HELP.

ALL OF CANADAIS RELYING ON YOU.

[dramatic music]

♪

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

IKE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

- I GOT TO GET TO CANADA

AND--AND JOIN THE ARMIES

AND SAVE THE PRINCESS.

[bell rings]

- WHEREAS SALAGADOOLAMECHIKA BOOLA EQUALS "X".

AND BIBBIDY BOBBIDY BOOIS "Y".

PUT 'EM TOGETHERAND WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?

BIBBIDY BOBBIDY BOO,"X" PLUS "Y" EQUALS "Y".

"X" EQUALS ZERO.THE SONG IS BADLY WRITTEN.

SECOND VERSE, "X" PLUS "Y"

EQUALS BIBBIDY BOBBIDYCUBED PLUS THE BOO.

- KYLE BROFLOVSKI!

DO YOU MIND TELLING MEWHERE YOUR BROTHER IS?

- I DON'T KNOW.

- HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DOA PLAY, MKAY,

TEACHING STUDENTSABOUT THE IMPORTANCE

OF DENTAL HYGIENEWITHOUT TOOTH DECAY?

WE HAVE TWO MORE DAYSOF TECH,

AND THEN PREVIEWSSTART ON MONDAY.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSEDTO DO, KYLE?

YOU TELL ME!

- WELL, COULDN'T YOU,YOU KNOW,

JUST GET RID OFTHE PART OF TOOTH DECAY?

- GETTING RID OF TOOTH DECAY

IS WHAT I'M TRYINGTO FUCKIN' DO!

- HA HA.

- HE'S YOUR BROTHER,KYLE BROFLOVSKI, MKAY!

HOW ARE YOU GOINGTO FIX THIS?

- HEY.HEY, THERE!

- YOU GOING TOCANADA, TOO?

WHAT AM I SAYING?

OF COURSEYOU'RE GOING TO CANADA.

YOU'RE CANADIAN,SURE ENOUGH.

OPENED YOUR BOX OF FAITH,DID YOU? ME TOO.

THEY CAN'T TAKE OUR PRINCESSAND GET AWAY WITH IT!

MIND IF I SIT DOWN?

SOON AS I HEARD THE CALLTHERE WAS NO QUESTION

I WAS GONNA SIGN UP!

DIDN'T CAREHOW FAR AWAY I WAS,

I WAS GONNA GET TO THE RALLYPOINT AT THE TREE IN EDMONTON.

DIDN'T KNOW OTHER CANADIANSLIVING HERE IN THE U.S.

I'M FROM TORONTO ORIGINALLY.

BUT EVERYWHERE I WENT,

PEOPLE WERE TERRIFIEDBY MY DISFIGUREMENT.

I HAVE TO WEARTHIS BAG ON MY HEAD

BECAUSE I'M HIDEOUSLY UGLY.

HAD TO MOVE HERETO THE UNITED STATES.

HERE PEOPLE DON'T THINKI LOOK UGLY.

THEY JUST THINKI LOOK CANADIAN.

THE NAME'S UGLY BOB.

- ♪ I AM A TOOTH

♪ SO WHITE AND SO STRONG

- ♪ I AM A TOOTHBRUSH

♪ MY BRISTLES ARE LONG

all: ♪ TOGETHER WE WORK

♪ TO KEEP THE BAD GUY AWAY

♪ HE'S MEAN AND HE HURTS

♪ AND HIS NAME'STOOTH DECAY ♪

[sinister chord]

- ♪ I AM TOOTH DECAY

♪ YOUR TEETH SHALL BE MINE

♪ WITH CANDY AND TREATS...

- HOLD IT! HOLD IT!STOP!

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

- I'M JUST DOING THE LINES.

- THE AUDIENCE IS SUPPOSEDTO FEEL SCARED

OF TOOTH DECAY, KYLE!MKAY?

IF TOOTH DECAYHAS NO BELIEVABILITY,

THEN TOOTHBRUSHAND DENTAL FLOSS

HAVE NOTHINGTO PLAY AGAINST!

- I'M TRYING, MR. MACKEY,I REALLY AM.

- OH, YOU'RE TRYIN'?

YOU CALL ROLLINGYOUR FAT ASS OUT ON THE STAGE

AND LAZILYBLURTING OUT YOUR LINES

LIKE A TURTLETAKING A SHIT,

YOU CALL THAT TRYING?

THIS PLAY IS SUPPOSED TOCHANGE HOW PEOPLE THINK, KYLE!

GET IT FUCKIN' RIGHT!

[feedback on microphone]

JUST PICK IT UPFROM THERE.

YOU HAVE ANSWERED THE CALL

AND NOW WE MUST FACEOUR GREATEST FOE.

THE PRINCESSHAS BEEN KIDNAPPED,

AND WE BELIEVE THIS TO BETHE WORK OF...THE GIANT!

- OOH, THE GIANT!THE GIANT, THAT'S NOT GOOD.

- WE ARE ATTEMPTING TOATTRACT THE GIANT NOW

WITH A BOWLOF KRAFT DINNER.

WHEN THE GIANT ARRIVES,

WE WILL ATTACK HIMWITH OUR GUNS,

OUR SWORDS, OUR--[approaching footfalls]

- FEE FI FO FUM!

I SMELL KRAFT DINNER.

- IT'S THE GIANT!- SCOTT!

[all shouting]

- SCOTT, GIVE US BACKTHE PRINCESS, SCOTT!

- YOU FART-LOVINGTRICKSTERS!

I'LL TAKE CARE OF ALL OF YOU!

- YOU'RE A DICK, SCOTT!

YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A DICK.

AND THEN YOU GOT RADIATIONPOISONING IN OTTAWA

AND NOW YOU'RE A GIANT DICK.

- NO! YOU ALL KEPTCALLING ME A DICK,

AND SO THEN THAT TURNED MEINTO A DICK!

AND THEN I GOT RADIATIONPOISONING IN OTTAWA

AND NOW I'M A GIANT DICK.

- JUST HAND OVERTHE PRINCESS OF CANADA!

- WHY WOULD I TAKETHE PRINCESS OF CANADA?

- BECAUSE YOU'REA GIANT DICK?

- I'M ALSO THE BIGGEST CANADIANPATRIOT OF ALL OF YOU.

YOU KNOW THAT I WOULDNEVER HARM THE ROYAL FAMILY!

- AW, CRAP.

SORRY, EVERYONE, LOOKS LIKEWE HAD SOME BAD INTEL.

RETURN TO YOUR HOMES.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.

I GUESS WE DID ALL WE COULD.COME ON.

- YEAH, AT LEAST WE TRIED.

I GUESS THE PRINCESSIS GONE FOR GOOD, EH?

- WHAT IS WRONGWITH YOU PEOPLE?

IT IS PERFECTLY OBVIOUSWHO TOOK THE PRINCESS.

I MIGHT BE A GIANT,

BUT THERE'S ONE THREATTO CANADA BIGGER THAN ME!

- WHO?- THE NATIVE CANADIANS!

- THE NATIVE CANADIANS?

GODDAMN NATIVE CANADIANS.

THINK THEY RUN THE WORLD.

- [speaking native language]

- [speaking native language]

- FART LOVING ESKIMOS.

I'M SURE THEY'VE TAKENTHE PRINCESS.

JUST LOOK AT THEM.

LOUDMOUTH,SELF-CENTERED ASSHOLES.

- [speaking native language]

- [speaking native language]

- LET'S GET 'EM!LET'S FUCK 'EM UP!

WHAT?YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME

LIKE I'M SOME KIND OFESKIMO RACIST.

WELL, I'M NOT!THINK ABOOT IT!

BEFORE THE NOBLEWHITE MAN ARRIVED,

CANADA WAS POPULATEDWITH THESE SNOW MONKEYS.

WHO ELSE WOULD BE PISSED OFENOUGH AT CANADA

TO KIDNAP OUR ROYALTY?

OH, SHIT!

- OKAY,IN FIFTEEN FUCKIN' MINUTES

YOU ALL ARE NOT GONNA CAREABOUT THIS ANYMORE,

SO I'LL JUST SAYWHAT I NEED TO SAY.

THAT WAS THE WORST REHEARSALWE HAVE EVER HAD.

WE ARE TWO DAYS AWAYFROM OPENING

AND YOU'RE ALLFUCKIN' AROUND!

- THAT'S BECAUSETOOTH DECAY SUCKS.

- YEAH!- IT'S ALL TOOTH DECAY'S FAULT.

- OH, DON'T PUT THISALL ON TOOTH DECAY!

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,DENTAL FLOSS.

YOU'RE NOT AS GOODAS YOU FUCKIN' THINK YOU ARE!

YOU'RE ALREADY ACTINGLIKE YOU'RE A STAR

AND WE HAVEN'T EVENOPENED YET!

OPEN YOUR FUCKIN' EYES,DENTAL FLOSS.

YOU'RE ABOUTTO BLOW YOUR SHOT!

- [speaking native language]

Eskimos: OHH!

- HE SAYS THAT THE TAKINGOF THE PRINCESS WAS FORETOLD.

- [speaking native language]

- HE SAYS ESKIMOSDO HATE US CANADIANS,

BUT THAT THERE IS AN EVENBIGGER THREAT TO CANADA

WHO HAS THE PRINCESS.

- [speaking native language]

- HE SAID THE EVILTHAT TOOK HER

WASN'T CANADIAN AT ALL,BUT A BEAST

WHO PREYS UPON PEOPLEOF ALL NATIONALITIES!

THEY CAN LEAD USTO THE BEAST,

BUT WE WILL HAVETO DESTROY IT!

[school bell rings]

- I DON'T KNOW WHATTHE GODDAMN PROBLEM IS.

MAYBE YOU ALL DON'T KNOWHOW SERIOUS TOOTH DECAY IS,

MAYBE YOU ALL JUST DON'T GIVEA FUCK.

YOU ALL PROBABLY THINK YOU CANLIVE YOUR LIVES CAVITY FREE,

MKAY, NEVER GIVING TWO SHITS

ABOUT THE PLAQUETHAT'S BUILDING ON YOUR TEETH.

KYLE, YOU HAVESINGLE-HANDEDLY DESTROYED

ALL THAT WHICH I WORKED ON

FOR THE PAST SIX YEARS.

AND SO I WANT YOUTO KNOW, KYLE,

ONCE AND FOR ALL,

WHY THIS WHOLEDENTAL HYGIENE THING

IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME.

TWO YEARS AGO...[sniffles]

I LOST MY FATHERTO TOOTH DECAY.

MKAY?

HE WAS AN INTELLIGENT,HARDWORKING MAN,

AND MY WHOLE FAMILY WATCHEDAS TOOTH DECAY

TOOK HIMIN THE BLINK OF AN EYE!

YOU'VE BEEN TOLD TO BRUSHAND TO FLOSS,

BUT DO YOU REALLY KNOWTHE IMPORTANCE BEHIND IT?

DO YOU?

- [speaking native language]

- THIS IS STUPID!

I'M TELLING YOU, YOU'REMAKING A MISTAKE, KID!

- AW, LEAVE THE KID ALONE,SCOTT.

- WELL, WHAT ARE WE DOINGFOLLOWING THIS ICE BEANER?

WE'VE BEEN WALKING AROUNDFOR HOURS!

- [speaking native language]

- [speaking native language]

- DON'T WORRY.

IF THERE'S ONE THINGESKIMOS ARE GOOD AT,

IT'S FINDING THINGS.

- ESKIMOS ARE GOODFOR NOTHING.

I PAID ONE TO GIVE MEA BLOW JOB ONCE.

ALL SHE DID WAS RUB HER NOSEAGAINST MY PENIS

FOR 45 SECONDS,THEN ASKED ME TO PAY HER.

GODDAMN POLAR GOOKS.

- STOP BEING A DICK, SCOTT!

- OH, SO NOW I'M A DICK!

- WAIT A MINUTE!LOOK!

- AAH!

- IT'S THE PRINCESS!

- PRINCESS!

all: ♪ YOUR TEETHARE YOUR FRIENDS ♪

♪ THEY ARE FRIENDSIN YOUR MOUTH ♪

♪ TAKE CARE OF YOUR FRIENDS

♪ OR THEY'LL ROTAND FALL OUT ♪

- ♪ VISIT YOUR DENTIST

♪ HE IS YOUR FRIEND TOO

- ♪ AND DENTAL FLOSS ALSO

♪ IS HERE TO HELP YOU

- ♪ OH, NO, DENTAL FLOSS!

♪ WHAT WILL I DO?

- FLAT! YOU'RE FLAT!

- PLEASE, SAVE ME!

YOU HAVE TO HURRY.IT WANTS TO KILL ME!

- WHO TOOK YOU, PRINCESS?

- I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED.

I DIDN'T BELIEVE ITWAS REAL.

OH, GOD!IT'S BEHIND YOU!

- [roaring]

- OF COURSE!THE EVIL ATOK-ATUK!

THE DARK LORD THAT TAKESFROM ALL NATIONALITIES.

IT'S...TOOTH DECAY!

- I AM TOOTH DECAY!

YOUR TEETH SHALL BE MINE!

- I SHOULD HAVE ALWAYSBRUSHED AND FLOSSED

AND AVOIDED SWEETS!

- FART-LOVING TOOTH DECAY!I'LL FIX YOU!

AAH! UNH!

- [roars]

- [speaking native language]

UNH! AAH!

- SAVE ME!SAVE ME!

- [growls]

- IT'S COMING FOR ME!HELP!

- HELP!

- PRINCESS, LOOK AWAY!

- [screeching]

[crackling]

- WHAT THE--

YOU DID IT, KID!

- [speaking native language]

- [speaking native language]

- OH, THANK YOU!THANK YOU!

A SERIOUS FUCKIN' LOOKAT YOURSELVES!

MKAY?

ACT ONE WAS PUREFUCKIN' DOG SHIT!

IF TOOTH DECAYIS SINGING FLAT,

THEN THE WHOLE FUCKIN' THINGSOUNDS FLAT!

MKAY?

- MR. MACKEY!MR. MACKEY!

WE ARE PUTTING A STOPTO THIS PLAY.

IT'S OVER.

- WHAT? WHY?

DON'T WORRY.ACT TWO WILL BE BETTER.

THESE KIDS JUST AREN'TLISTENING TO ME.

- NO, IT'S OVER.

THEY GOT HIM, MR. MACKEY.

TOOTH DECAY.THEY GOT THE SON OF A BITCH.

- WHAT?

- UP IN THE YUKON.

ALL BUREAUSARE CONFIRMING IT.

- YOU CAN LET IT GO, MACKEY.

TOOTH DECAY IS GONE.

- [sobbing] OH!

OH, GOD!

GO ON HOME, KIDS, MKAY.

IT'S OVER.

- WHAT?

♪

[horns honking]

♪

- THE PRINCESS NOW GIVINGTHE CANADIAN MEDAL OF COURAGE

TO UGLY BOB.

AND ALSO TO SCOTT, WHO IS,OF COURSE, A GIANT DICK.

AND KATOOK-TOOK OF THE YUKON.

AND THE MEDAL, OF COURSE,MADE OF WHITE CHOCOLATE,

AS IS TRADITION.

WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY FOR CANADA,AND THEREFORE, THE WORLD.

- THE DUKE OF CALGARY,STANDING UP

AND PUTTING ON A FAKE BEARD.

A TRADITION PASSED DOWNSINCE THE BIRTH OF CANADA.

THE PRINCESS NOW KNIGHTINGSIR IKE BROFLOVSKI.

GIVING HIM THREE KISSESAND A PAIR OF SOCKS,

AS IS TRADITION.

- I MEAN, COME ON, GUYS,

THAT'S PRETTY COOL, RIGHT?

MY LITTLE BROTHERIS A KNIGHT IN CANADA.

- MY SISTER IS A DEN LEADERIN GIRL SCOUTS.

- MY UNCLE'STHE SECOND IN LINE

TO BE MANAGERAT GART BROTHERS.

- HMM, YEAH.

- AND NOW THE SCRAPING OFFOF THE PUDDING.

ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL,SCRAPING OFF THE PUDDING

WITH THE GRACEOF A BUTTERFLY.

SHE RUBS THE PUDDINGON HER FACE.

THE PRINCE NOW ATTEMPTINGTO REMOVE

ONE OF THE PRINCESS' ARMS.

AS IS, OF COURSE,THE TRADITION.

THE PRINCESS SCREAMINGWITH PAIN.

EVERYONE WATCHINGWITH ANTICIPATION.

AND THE ARM IS OFF!

THINGS ARE BACK TO NORMALHERE IN CANADA.

THE TIME HONORED TRADITIONSARE ONCE AGAIN--

YES, THE PRINCE ISSTICKING THE PRINCESS' ARM

UP HIS ASS.

THERE IT GOES.[cheers and applause]

HE'S REALLY MAKINGA GOOD GO OF IT.

WHAT A WONDERFUL DAYFOR CANADA,

AND THEREFORE, OF COURSE,THE WORLD.