- OH, MY GOD!

ISN'T IT AWESOMEHAVING AN iPAD, YOU GUYS?

HEY, BEBE,WHERE'S YOUR iPAD?

OH, RIGHT.YOU'RE NOT COOL ENOUGH.

HA HA HA HA!

HEY, HEY, YOU SEENMY iPAD, TOKEN?

FUNNY, YOU DON'T SEEMTO HAVE ONE.

I THOUGHT YOUR FAMILYWAS RICH!

HA HA!

YOU DUMBASSES HAVETO PLAY FOUR SQUARE

BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE iPADS!

OH, WHAT SHOULD I DOON MY iPAD NEXT?

THINK I'LL EMAILSOME OF MY FRIENDS.

OH NO, WAIT.

MAYBE I'LL DOWNLOADSOME MORE COOL APPS!

THIS IS SO AWESOME!

- TOM SALTZMAN SAYS YOU DON'TREALLY HAVE AN iPAD.

- WHAT?

- TOM SALTZMAN SAYS YOU JUSTGLUED A PIECE OF GLASS

TO AN iPAD COVERAND YOU'RE FAKING IT.

- TOM SALTZMAN'S DADIS AN ALCOHOLIC

WHO DRINKS AND DRIVES!

- LET ME SEE YOUR iPAD,CARTMAN.

- SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS,

TOM SALTZMAN'S DADIS A DRUNK DRIVER!

HE'S THE ONEWHO RAN OVER JOEY POTTS' DOG

BECAUSE JOEY POTTS DOESN'TKNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE

OF HIS ANIMALS, WHICH IS WHYHE GETS BEAT BY HIS MOM.

- JUST LET US SEEYOUR iPAD, CARTMAN.

- NO, BECAUSETHE BATTERY'S DEAD,

IT JUST RAN OUT OF POWER!

- SO PLUG IT IN.- I LEFT MY CHARGER AT HOME!

FINE!I'M GONNA GO HOME

AND CHARGE MY iPADAND BRING IT TOMORROW,

AND YOU GUYS ARE GONNA FEELREALLY STUPID!

WELL, GOOD GOING, MOM.

YOU'VE COMPLETELYSCREWED ME OVER!

- WHAT HAPPENED, ERIC?

- YOU SAID I HAD TO WAIT TILLMY BIRTHDAY TO GET AN iPAD,

SO THE ONE I RUBBED INEVERYONE'S FACES TODAY

ISN'T REAL, AND TOMORROW

EVERYONE'S GONNA CALL MEA LIAR.

WOULD YOU MIND LOANING MESOME OF YOUR LIPSTICK, MOM?

BECAUSE I WANNAAT LEAST LOOK PRETTY

THE NEXT TIME YOU DECIDETO FUCK ME!

AND THEN I CAN TAKEALL MY HOMEWORK ON MY iPAD,

AND SWIPE IT OVERTO MY iPHONE.

- UH, YEAH, APPLE STUFFIS PRETTY NEAT, ALL RIGHT.

I JUST DON'T WANTANY BIG COMPANY

TRACKING WHERE I AMAT ALL TIMES.

- AW, THAT'S JUST A RUMOR.THEY DON'T REALLY TRACK YOU.

- HERE HE IS!

HELLO, KYLE.WE'RE FROM APPLE.

WE'RE ALL READY FOR YOU NOW.

- WHAT?READY FOR WHAT?

- TO FULFILL THE AGREEMENT.

CAN WE GET A WEIGHT,PLEASE?

- 83 POUNDS, SIR.- WHAT AGREEMENT?

- 83 POUNDS, GOOD.LET'S GET THE BLOOD WORK.

- HEY, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

- YOU AGREED WE COULD TAKEALL THE BLOOD WE NEEDED.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- WHEN YOU DOWNLOADEDTHE LAST iTUNES UPDATE,

A WINDOW ON YOUR SCREENPOPPED UP

AND ASKED IF YOU AGREEDTO OUR TERMS AND CONDITIONS.

YOU CLICKED "AGREE".

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET HIMTO THE WATER TANK.

- THE WATER TANK?I'M NOT GOING WITH YOU!

- YOU'VE AGREEDTO ALL OF THIS! HEY!

[funky music playing]

- YOU GUYS!YOU GOTTA HELP ME!

THESE BUSINESS CASUAL G-MENARE TRYING TO KIDNAP ME!

- WHAT?- IT'S CRAZY, DUDE!

THEY'RE SAYINGIT'S BECAUSE I AGREED

TO THE LATEST TERMSAND CONDITIONS ON iTUNES!

- WHY?WHAT DID THE TERMS

AND CONDITIONSFOR THE LAST UPDATE SAY?

- I DON'T KNOW!I DIDN'T READ THEM!

- YOU DIDN'T READ THEM?

- WHO THE HELL READSTHAT ENTIRE THING

EVERY TIME IT POPS UP?

- I DO.- ME, TOO.

- YOU'RE TELLING METHAT EVERY TIME

YOU GUYS DOWNLOADAN UPDATE FOR iTUNES,

YOU READ THE ENTIRETERMS AND CONDITIONS?

- OF COURSE.

- WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOWIF YOU AGREE TO SOMETHING

IF YOU DON'T READ IT?

- WELL, I TURNED OFFALL MY APPLE STUFF.

THEY CAN'T LOCATE YOU

IF YOU DON'T HAVEYOUR STUFF ON, RIGHT?

[tires squeal]- THERE HE IS! HEY YOU!

- AAH!

DAD!

DAD, I NEED A LAWYER!

- KYLE, WHAT ARE YOUDOING HERE?

- DAD, IF YOU AGREETO SOMETHING

BUT YOU DIDN'T MEAN TOAGREE TO IT,

WHAT DO YOU DO?

- WELL, KYLE, IT'S ALWAYS

THE AGREEING PARTY'SRESPONSIBILITY

TO KNOWWHAT THEY ARE SIGNING.

- BUT IT'S LIKEEIGHT PAGES LONG

AND THEY SEND ME A NEW ONELIKE EVERY THREE WEEKS!

HOW CAN THEY KNOW IF I--- CALM DOWN, KYLE.

IT'S OKAY.YOU'RE SAFE WITH DADDY.

- HERE HE IS.

- AAH!- COME ON, YOU!

- HEY, WHAT THE HECKIS GOING ON?

- YOUR SON HAS MADEA BINDING

AND LEGAL AGREEMENTWITH APPLE, SIR.

- AN AGREEMENT TO DO WHAT?

- APPLE'S INNER WORKINGSARE TOP SECRET TO ALL USERS.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.

- NO, I DON'T KNOW HOW IT IS.I USE A PC.

- [snickering]YOU WHAT?

- COME ON, LET'S GO!

- HEY NOW, LET HIM GO--AAH!

- DAD!YOU TASERED MY DAD!

- YOU SAID WE COULD.

- UNH!

[fluorescent lightcrackling]

- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DOTO US?

- WHAT IS THIS?WHAT'S GOING ON?!

- YOU--YOU AGREEDTO THE iTUNES

TERMS AND CONDITIONS TOO?

- WHAT?

- I JUST CLICKED "AGREE".I DIDN'T READ IT.

I WAS IN A HURRY, YOU SEE,

AND I-I DIDN'T KNOWWHAT I WAS AGREEING TO!

- I CAN'T EVEN READENGLISH!

- HEY, SHUT UP IN THERE!

YOU ALL AGREEDTO STAY QUIET.

- HEY!HEY, LET ME OUT OF HERE!

THIS IS A MISTAKE!I AGREED BY ACCIDENT!

- YOU CAN'T AGREEBY ACCIDENT.

THERE'S A FAILSAFEBUILT IN.

EVEN IF YOU CLICKON "AGREE",

ANOTHER LITTLE WINDOWPOPS UP THAT SAYS,

"ARE YOU SURE YOU AGREE?"

AND YOU HAVE TO CLICKON "AGREE" AGAIN.

- WHAT'RE YOU GOINGTO DO TO US?

- EVERYTHING THAT YOUAGREED TO

IN THE iTUNES CONDITIONS.

- WE DIDN'T READ THEM!

- HEH! RIGHT.

WHO JUST AGREES TOSOMETHING THEY DON'T READ?

- AND NOW, THE PRESIDENTOF APPLE, STEVE JOBS!

[cheers and applause]

- HELLO, EVERYONE!

I AM HERE TO ANNOUNCEA NEW PRODUCT

THAT WILL ONCE AGAINREVOLUTIONIZE

THE WAY WE USE OUR PHONESAND TABLET DEVICES.

LET'S HEAR ITFOR OUR VOLUNTEERS!

[cheers and applause]

THESE THREE PEOPLE

HAVE AGREEDTO BE BROUGHT HERE,

HANDCUFFED TO THESE BED,

AND BECOME THE PROTOTYPE

OF OUR FIRST TRULYINTERFACED DEVICE.

- THE FIRST WHAT?

- THEY HAVE ACTUALLY AGREEDTO BE SURGICALLY ALTERED.

THEIR LIPS WILL BE REMOVED,

AND THEY WILL BE SEWNTOGETHER, MOUTH TO ANUS.

- WHAT?

- YOU AGREED TO THIS.

MOUTH TO ANUS,SO THAT THE FECES

FROM THE GASTRAL TRACKFROM ONE

WILL ENTER THE MOUTHOF THE LITTLE BOY--

AND HE AGREEDTHIS WAS OKAY--

ENTER THE MOUTHOF THE LITTLE BOY,

LEADING THROUGH HIS ANUSTO THE MOUTH OF THE FEMALE--

WHO COMPLETELY AGREED--THEY ALL AGREED--

WHICH WILL THEN GOTO A TABLET DEVICE

MAKING A PRODUCTTHAT IS PART HUMAN

AND PART CENTIPEDE

AND PART WEB BROWSER

AND PART EMAILING DEVICE!

I GIVE YOU...THE HUMANCENTiPAD!

[cheers and applause]

- OH!

I SHOULD HAVE NEVERUPDATED iTUNES!

OR PAYPAL ACCOUNTFOR ANY PRODUCTS

PURCHASEDIN THE ITUNES STORE."

- CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAINTO ME WHAT IS GOING ON?

- WE'RE TRYING TO FIND OUTEXACTLY WHAT KYLE

ACTUALLY AGREED TO.

- THERE CAN'T BE ANYTHINGIN THAT AGREEMENT

THAT ALLOWS A COMPANY TO DOWHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT

TO KYLE.

- OH, NOPE.HERE IT IS RIGHT HERE.

"BY CLICKING 'AGREE',

"YOU ARE ALSO ACKNOWLEDGING

"THAT APPLE MAY SEWYOUR MOUTH

TO THE BUTTHOLEOF ANOTHER iTUNES USER."

- OH, BOY.

- "APPLE AND ITS SUBSIDIARIESMAY ALSO, IF NECESSARY,

"SEW YET ANOTHER PERSON'SMOUTH ONTO YOUR BUTTHOLE,

MAKING YOU A BEINGTHAT SHARES ONE GASTRAL TRACK."

HMM. I'M GONNA CLICK ON...DECLINE.

- WELL, THAT DOES IT!I'M GOING TO THE POLICE.

- FOR WHAT?

- TO FIND OUT WHERE APPLEIS KEEPING MY SON!

- DUDE, WHEN THE POLICE WANTTO KNOW WHERE SOMEBODY IS,

THEY ASK APPLE.

THE ONLY WAYWE CAN FIX ALL THIS

IS BY GOING TO THE HIGHESTAUTHORITY ON THE PLANET.

YOU GUYS, WE ARE GONNAHAVE TO ASK HELP FROM...

THE GENIUSES.

- THE GENIUSES!

- [muffled]THE GENIUSES.

- ALL RIGHT.GOOD.

LOOKS GOOD, GUYS.GREAT WORK

- [muffled sobbing]

- NANDA? NANDA KORE?

- REALLY NICE, GUYS.

I REMEMBER WHEN THE FIRSTVERSION OF THE iPAD CAME OUT.

PEOPLE COULDN'T BELIEVEHOW EASY IT WAS

TO TAKE THEIR VIDEOS,MUSIC, AND PHOTOS,

AND ALL THEIR SHIT

AND SHARE ITWITH OTHER PEOPLE

WHO COULD DO THE SAMEWITH ALL THEIR SHIT.

THE ONLY THINGTHE iPAD COULDN'T DO

WAS WALK OR READ...

UNTIL NOW.

- [muffled shouting]

- WHAT'S THAT?WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE SAYING?

- [muffled shouting]

- YOU WANT OUT?ARE YOU SAYING YOU WANT OUT?

- [muffled shouts]

- FINE. YOU DON'T WANTTO BE PART OF THIS,

THEN JUST SIGN RIGHT HERE.

NO! YOU DIDN'T READ IT!

THIS SAYS WE DON'T EVERHAVE TO LET YOU OUT

AND THAT WE CAN DOWHATEVER WE WANT!

DAMN IT!WHY WON'T IT READ?!

- IT'S PROBABLY LOW ON POWER.WE SHOULD FEED IT.

- ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU GO.COME ON.

- NO! I WILL NOT EAT

IF THEY ARE FORCEDTO EAT MY POO!

- PERHAPSI DIDN'T MENTION...

IT'S A BEAN AND CHEESEBURRITO FROM PACO'S.

- OH! SORRY, KYLE.

I TRY TO RESIST,

BUT BURRITOIS TOO DELICIOUS!

[smacking lips]

- WE HAVE TO UNVEILTHIS THING TOMORROW.

IT BETTER BE READINGBY THEN!

- OH! OH, NO!

FEEL SICK!

- [muffled shouting]

- OH! OH![bowel movement]

- [muffled screaming]

[bowel movement]

- [muffled screaming]

- TODAY ON DR. PHIL,

WHOSE MOTHER CONSTANTLY TRIESTO FUCK HIM.

- I WANT YOU ALLTO MEET ERIC CARTMAN,

WHO IS A VERY SPECIAL BOYWITH A VERY HARD LIFE.

ERIC, YOU SAY THAT...YOUR MOM FUCKS YOU?

- YES! SHE FUCK ME SO HARD!

- DOES THIS HAPPEN OFTEN?DOES SHE--

DOES SHE FUCK YOU A LOT?

- DUDE, FILIPINO HOOKERS

DON'T GET FUCKEDTHE WAY I DO.

audience: AWW!

- NOW, I KNOW THIS ISVERY DIFFICULT

FOR YOU TO TALK ABOUT,

BUT WHERE WAS THE LAST TIMEYOUR MOTHER FUCKED YOU?

- AT BEST BUY.audience: AWW!

- YOUR MOTHER FUCKED YOUAT BEST BUY?

- UH-HUH.

- AND PEOPLE SAW HERDOING THIS?

- YES!

- AND THEY DIDN'T DOANYTHING?

- NO!- ERIC, STOP IT!

- OH, THERE SHE IS!THERE'S MY MOM RIGHT NOW!

audience: BOO!

- BOO!

- ERIC, YOU COME HOMERIGHT NOW!

audience: BOO!

- MA'AM, WHY DO YOU THINKIT'S OKAY TO FUCK YOUR SON?

- I DON'T!- SHE DOES!

SHE DOES IT ALL THE TIME!SHE FUCKED ME ON CHRISTMAS!

SHE FUCKED ME ON MY BIRTHDAY!

[audience gasping]

YOU KNOW, MOM, THE LEASTYOU COULD DO IS KISS ME FIRST,

BECAUSE I LIKED TO BE KISSEDBEFORE I GET FUCKED!

- YOU FUCK YOUR SON AND YOUWON'T EVEN GIVE HIM A KISS?

BOO!

- IF I WAS GONNAFUCK MY SON,

I'D KISS HIM FIRST!

MWAH!

- WELL, ERIC, WE HAVEA VERY SPECIAL GIFT

WE WANT TO GIVE TO YOU.

- AN iPAD?

- GERALD BROFLOVSKI.

- OKAY, THE GENIUSESWILL SEE US NOW.

NOW REMEMBER, WHEN YOU SPEAKTO THE GENIUSES,

KEEP YOUR QUESTIONS SHORTAND TO THE POINT.

THE GENIUSES DO NOT LIKE THOSEWHO WASTE THEIR TIME.

- HI, MY NAME IS LESLIE.I'LL BE YOUR GENIUS.

- GENIUS LESLIE,WE HAVE A PROBLEM

AND WE SEEK YOUR WISDOM.

- WHAT PROBLEMSARE YOU EXPERIENCING?

- MY SON WAS KIDNAPPEDBY APPLE

AND THEY ARE HOLDING HIMAGAINST HIS WILL!

- OKAY, WELL, I'M SORRY

YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLEWITH THAT TODAY.

COULD I HAVE HIS APPLE ID?

- 69INGCHIPMUNKS@ME.COM.

- OKAY.

[typing on keyboard]

- WELL, WHAT THE HECKDOES THIS--

- SHH!- OH, OKAY, I SEE, HMM.

HMM, I MIGHT NEED TO BRINGANOTHER GENIUS IN ON THIS.

FROTHGAR?- UH-HUH.

- THIS GUYS' SONWAS ABDUCTED BY US.

SHOULD I RUN A STOCK CHECKOR JUST GIVE HIM STORE CREDIT?

- NO, I DON'T WANTSTORE CREDIT!

I WANT MY SON BACK!

- KAY, THIS SAYSHE AGREED TO BE TAKEN

AND MADE PARTOF ANY EXPERIMENTS

APPLE WANTS TO PERFORM.

- YEAH, BUT IT'S ALLA MISTAKE.

HE ACTUALLY DIDN'T READTHE AGREEMENT.

- HE DIDN'T READ IT?

- WE KNOW.IT'S PREPOSTEROUS.

- UGH.

- SO...JUST GIVE THEMSTORE CREDIT?

[speaking Japanese]

SO, SORRY, KYLE,BUT I AM STARVING.

WHICH ONE WOULD YOURATHER I EAT?

SHOULD I EATCUTTLEFISH AND ASPARAGUS,

OR THE VANILLA PASTE?

- [muffled] VANILLA PASTE!VANILLA PASTE!

- CUTTLEFISH AND ASPARAGUS?

- [muffled shouting]

- VERY WELL.I WILL EAT THE CUTTLEFISH.

- [muffled] NO!

- THEY'RE IN HERE!

GO, GO, COME ON, GUYS,COME ON, GO!

DON'T WORRY.WE'RE HERE TO HELP YOU.

- OH! THANK YOU!THANK YOU!

- SHH!COME ON, HURRY!

WE HAVE AN AMBULANCEWAITING OUTSIDE!

JUST TRY TO STAY CALM.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TRY TOGET YOU SEPARATED RIGHT AWAY!

- YES, PLEASE HURRY!

THAT CUTTLEFISH AND ASPARAGUSIS NOT SITTING WELL!

- WE GOT IT, WE GOT IT!

DOCTOR, CAN YOU TAKETHIS THING APART?

- IF I'M GOING TO PERFORMSURGERY, I NEED PERMISSION.

SIGN THIS RELEASESO WE CAN OPERATE!

- [muffled shouting]

[alarm]- NO!

DAMN IT!

IT DIDN'T READ IT!

END SIMULATION!END THE SIMULATION!

WHAT IS WRONGWITH YOU PEOPLE?

WHY CAN'T YOU GETTHE HUMANCENTiPAD TO READ?

- WE'RE SORRY, SIR.

WE REALLY THOUGHT WE COULDGET IT TO READ THIS TIME.

- OH, NO!

CUTTLEFISH IS ABOUT TOCOME OUT OF MY ASSHOLE!

- [muffled shout]

- OH! HERE IT COMES!

OH, IT'S GOINGTO BE A LOT!

HOLD ON, KYLE!

I BELIEVE IN YOU![bowel movement]

- [muffled screaming]

[bowel movement]

- [muffled screaming]

[iPad chimes]

[typing on keyboard]

- YEP, AND THEN YOUSHOULD BE ABLE

TO DO A CUSTOMER CHECK,UH-HUH.

- OKAY, THAT SHOULD DO IT.

SORRY APPLE KIDNAPPEDYOUR FRIEND, GUYS,

BUT I BELIEVE WE HAVE ITALL CLEARED UP.

- YOU DO?

- YEP, WE GOT YOUA REPLACEMENT FRIEND.

YOU SHOULD BE ALL GOOD TO GO.- HI, GUYS.

- NO, WE DON'T WANTA REPLACEMENT FRIEND.

WE WANT OUR FRIEND!- [exhales]

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BRINGMORE GENIUSES IN ON THIS.

- YEAH, I THINK WE SHOULDHAVE A QUICKENING

WITH ALL THE GENIUSES.

- I'LL SUMMON THE COUNCIL.

- OKAY, IF YOU GUYSJUST WAIT HERE A SEC,

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A QUICKENINGWITH THE COUNCIL OF GENIUSES.

SEE WHAT WE CAN DO FOR YOU.

[all chanting]

- DO YOU KNOW IF YOUR FRIENDHAS A VERIZON

OR AT&T MOBILE NUMBER

ASSOCIATEDWITH HIS .Me ACCOUNT?

- I THINK VERIZON.

- OKAY.

[all chanting]

THE UNVEILING OF THE FIRSTHUMANCENTiPAD.

AS PART OFA CLEAR P.R. STUNT,

APPLE HAS JOINED UPWITH BEST BUY AND DR. PHIL

TO DONATE THE FIRST CENTiPAD

TO A NEEDY BOYWHO WAS RAPED BY HIS MOTHER.

- IN ALL MY YEARS,I'VE NEVER HEARD

A MORE TRAGIC STORYTHAN THAT OF ERIC CARTMAN.

AND I WANT TO THANKTHE APPLE COMPANY

FOR HELPING US MAKE TODAYA VERY SPECIAL DAY FOR HIM.

[cheers and applause]

- AND AS PRESIDENTOF BEST BUY, ERIC,

I WANT TO ASSURE YOUTHAT A CHILD WILL NEVER

GET FUCKEDIN ONE OF OUR STORES AGAIN.

[cheers and applause]

- WHEN DR. PHILCONTACTED US AT APPLE

WITH ERIC'S STORY,

WE KNEW WE HADTO GET ONBOARD.

AND SO, ERIC, HERE ISYOUR VERY OWN...

HUMANCENTiPAD!

[cheers and applause]

- WHOA! COOL!

[iPhone beeps]OH, WOW, NO WAY!

IT DOES EMAILAND WEB BROWSING

AND IT SHITSIN KYLE'S MOUTH?

THIS IS THE GREATEST THINGTHAT HAS EVER BEEN INVENTED!

- YES, BUT CAN IT READ?

- DON'T WORRY.

IT TOOK A WHILE,BUT I'M PRETTY SURE

IT HAS FINALLY LEARNEDTO READ.

HASN'T IT?

- [muffled] YES.I PROMISE I'LL READ.

[cheers and applause]

- WHAT THE HELLARE THEY DOING NOW?

- THE GENIUSES ARE PERFORMINGTHE TORAN RA.

IT'S FUTURE STUFF.

[intoning continues]

- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT!

I'VE HAD ABOUT ENOUGHWITH iCRAP AND Me CLOUDS

AND A COUNCIL OF GENIUSESWITH ALL THEIR FUTURE--

- IT'S OKAY SIR.

THE TORAN RA HAS REVEALEDTHE ANSWER TO YOUR PROBLEM.

WE CAN RETROACTIVELY MAKEYOUR SON'S AGREEMENT INVALID.

- OKAY! FINALLY!HOW DO WE DO THAT?

- IT'S VERY EASY.

YOU'LL SIMPLY NEEDTO JOIN APPLE.

- NO! I DON'T WANTTO JOIN APPLE.

I LIKE MY PC.

- BUT IF YOU JOIN,

WE CAN MAKE YOUR SON'SACCOUNT INTO A FAMILY ACCOUNT,

AND THEN YOU HAVE TOiAPPROVE ALL HIS AGREEMENTS.

- COME ON,IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.

WILL YOU JUST STOP RESISTING

AND JOIN THE REST OF USIN THE FUTURE?

- UGH!

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

I'LL SIGN UP WITH APPLE.

- KAL-IF-FEE!

- GERALD BROFLOVSKI,

DO YOU AGREE TO LET APPLE

TRACK YOUR LOCATIONAT ALL TIMES?

- [exhales]I AGREE.

- DO YOU AGREE TO GIVE APPLE

ACCESS TO ALL YOURPERSONAL INFORMATION,

INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO

YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES,SONGS, AND BOOKS?

- I AGREE.

- DO YOU AGREE TO CAREABOUT YOUR MEMBERSHIP

AND PROVE THAT YOU CAREBY PURCHASING APPLECARE?

- HEH HEH HEH!

DUDE, HUMANCENTiPADIS AWESOME!

- SIR, SIR,WE HAVE A PROBLEM!

- WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVETO TAKE IT APART?

THE BOY'S AGREEMENTISN'T VALID?

- SORRY, WE HAVETO RECALL THIS.

- WHAT?HEY, THAT'S MINE!

- I DON'T CAREWHAT THE GENIUSES SAY!

DAMN IT, I'M TRYINGTO CREATE THE FUTURE HERE!

- WE ARE ALL TRYINGTO CREATE THE FUTURE!

I'M PART OF THE FUTURENOW TOO.

I HAVE SAT WITHTHE COUNCIL OF GENIUSES,

PERFORMED THE TORAN RA,

AND I'VE EVEN BEEN TO ME.

MR. JOBS, YOU HAVE DONESO MUCH FOR THE WORLD.

YOU HAVE HELPED CONNECTEVERYONE TO EACH OTHER.

CLEARLY, THIS IS THE FUTURE.

BUT--BUT CAN'TWE JUST SLOW DOWN

AND ENJOY THE PRESENT

A LITTLE LONGER?

- YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I AGREE.

audience: AWW!

- MWAH!

- COME ON, WE'LL GET YOUSEPARATED, LITTLE BOY.

GUESS YOU WON'T BE EATINGJAPANESE FOOD

FOR A WHILE, HUH?[chuckles]

- HEY!

HEY, WHAT IS THIS,SOME KIND OF SICK PRANK?

I GET THE GREATEST THING EVERJUST TO HAVE IT TAKEN AWAY?

WHY DID YOU DO THISTO ME, GOD?

NEXT TIME YOU'RE GONNAGET MY HOPES UP,

COULD YOU PLEASE TAKE METO A GREASE MONKEY?

'CAUSE I LIKE TO GET LUBED UP

BEFORE I GET FUCKED!

HUH?SOME LUBE WOULD BE NICE!

OR AT LEASTA COURTESY LICK, GOD!

HOW ABOUT A LITTLECOURTESY LICK

NEXT TIME YOU DECIDETO FUCK ME?

[sobbing]

- OKAY,WI-FI PLUS 3G, 64 GIG.

THIS ONE, THIS ONE!- OH, SWEETIE, $900?

- I CAN'T WAIT TO SEETHE LOOK ON KYLE'S STUPID FACE

WHEN HE SEES MY iPADHAS MORE MEMORY THAN HIS.

- ERIC, WE CAN'T AFFORDTHAT ONE.

- WELL, YOU DON'T EXPECT METO GET THE WI-FI ONLY

16 GIG VERSION, DO YOU?

- I THINK WE NEED TO GET YOUA DIFFERENT BRAND, HON.

THEY'RE A LITTLE CHEAPER.

- MOM, EVERYONE KNOWS

THAT EVERYTHING BUT APPLEIS STUPID.

- HERE, LOOK AT THIS ONE.

TOSHIBA HANDIBOOK.

- TOSHIBA HANDIBOOK?

- THIS SAYS IT DOESEVERYTHING THE iPAD DOES

AT HALF THE PRICE.

- MOM, DO NOTSCREW ME OVER AGAIN!

IF I TAKETHAT THING TO SCHOOL,

EVERYONE'S GONNA THINK I'MA POVERTY-STRICKEN ASSHOLE!

- ERIC, STOP ACTINGLIKE A SPOILED BRAT.

YOU CAN EITHER HAVETHE TOSHIBA HANDIBOOK,

OR YOU CAN HAVE NOTHINGAT ALL.

- OH, I'VE GOTA BETTER IDEA.

WHY DON'T YOU GO ACROSSTHE STREET

AND BUY SOME CONDOMS?

BECAUSE WE SHOULDAT LEAST BE SAFE

IF YOU'RE GONNAFUCK ME, MOM.

- ERIC!

- YOU MIGHT AS WELL GOBUY SOME CIGARETTES, TOO,

BECAUSE I LIKETO HAVE A SMOKE

AFTER I GET GOOD AND FUCKED.

YOU WANNA FUCK ME MOM?JUST SAY SO!

GO AHEAD! HERE!

HUH? GO AHEAD, MOM,FUCK ME!

FUCK ME RIGHT HEREIN THE BEST BUY.

YOU WANNA FUCKYOUR SON SO BAD?

GO ON MOM FUCK ME!FUCK ME!

[sobbing]

- STOP CRYING, ERIC.

I TOLD YOUIF YOU KEPT ACTING UP,

YOU WEREN'T GETTINGANYTHING.

- BUT I TOLD YOUI WAS SORRY.

- YOU MADE ME LOOK LIKESOME SORT OF CHILD MOLESTER

IN FRONT OFALL THOSE PEOPLE!

- I WASN'T TRYINGTO GET YOU IN TROUBLE.

- THEN WHY DID YOU GO OUTSIDETO A POLICE OFFICER

AND SAY, "HELP, HELP!

MY MOM IS TRYINGTO FUCK ME?"

- OH, WAIT.I GET IT NOW.

THE "F" WORDIS A NO-NO WORD,

AND I SHOULDN'T SAY ITAROUND OTHER PEOPLE.

I'M SORRY, MAMA.

- IF YOU'RE REALLY SORRY,

THEN YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHYYOU AREN'T GETTING ANYTHING.

- [sniffles] WELL, NO,THAT DOESN'T REALLY

HAVE ANY LOGICAL SENSE,MOMMY,

BECAUSE I'M ALREADYBEING PUNISHED

BY NOT GETTINGTHE iPAD...MAMA.

PLEASE CAN WE JUST GO BACKAND GET THE TOSHIBA HANDIBOOK?

- NO!

- WELL, THEN COULD WEAT LEAST PULL UP HERE

AND GET SOME DINNER?

'CAUSE I LIKED TO BEWINED AND DINED

AFTER I'VE BEEN FUCKED!