[dramatic music]
♪
- MY FELLOW HEROES,
TONIGHT, I STOPPEDTHREE MURDERS FROM HAPPENING.
I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT WE'RESEEING A HUGE TREND IN CRIME.
WE HAVE TO FIND OUTTHE SOURCE OF THIS EVIL.
SOMETHING BIGIS ABOUT TO HAPPEN
AND IT IS UP TO COONAND FRIENDS TO STOP IT.
YES, TOOLSHED.
- WHY DO WE HAVE TOBE CALLED COON AND FRIENDS?
- WHAT?
- WE ALL FIGHT CRIMETOGETHER.
HOW COME WE'RE JUSTYOUR FRIENDS?
- YEAH.
WE WANT TO BE CALLEDTHE EXTREME AVENGER LEAGUE.
- YEAH!EXTREME AVENGER LEAGUE.
- I TOLD YOU, TUPPERWARE,
EXTREME AVENGER LEAGUEDOESN'T WORK.
- WHY NOT?- IT'S CONFUSING.
THE COON IS A BRANDPEOPLE ALREADY KNOW.
- WHY CAN'T IT BE MOSQUITOAND FRIENDS?
- NOBODY'S FUCKINGHEARD OF YOU, MOSQUITO!
- HAVE SO.
- LOOK, GUYS,WE NEED TO FIND OUT
WHAT IS CAUSINGTHE CRIME WAVE IN THIS CITY.
MYSTERION, YOU AND THE HUMANKITE GET ON THE COMPUTER
AND DIG UP WHAT YOU CAN.
TUPPERWARE AND MOSQUITO,SCAN THE NEWS.
TOOLSHED, YOU RUN A PERIMETERCHECK WITH IRON MAIDEN.
- TIMMY!
- LET'S WORK, PEOPLE!
- UH, MINTBERRY CRUNCH, COULD IHAVE A QUICK WORD WITH YOU
IN THE DEBRIEFING CHAMBER?
OKAY, UM...
I REALLY ENJOY HAVING YOU BEA PART OF COON AND FRIENDS
AND I CERTAINLY APPRECIATE
YOUR ON-TIME PAYINGOF DUES AND FEES.
IT'S JUST...I DON'T--I'M NOT GETTING YOUR DEAL.
I MEAN, EXACTLY WHAT ISMINTBERRY CRUNCH
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
I GET THAT YOU'REHALF-MAN AND HALF-BERRY
AND THAT YOU'RE CRUNCHYWITH SOME MINT,
BUT TO BE A PARTOF COON AND FRIENDS,
YOU HAVE TO HAVEA CLEAR AND MORE SUPERHERO
KIND OF IDENTITY.
MINTBERRY CRUNCH,I'M JUST WONDERING
IF MAYBE YOU NEEDTO ADD SOMETHING ELSE
TO THE MINTBERRY CRUNCH PARTOF YOUR COSTUME.
- LIKE MILK?
- NO, NOT LIKE MILK.
YOU SEE, I REALLY THINK
WE'RE ON DIFFERENT PAGES HERE,MINTBERRY CRUNCH.
IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN--[alarm blaring]
- COON AND FRIENDS ALERT!COON AND FRIENDS ALERT!
- UH-OH!
WHAT'S THE ALERT, MOSQUITO?
- THERE'S LIKE A BIG FIREOR SOMETHING IN TOWN.
- WHAT? A FIRE?COON VOLUME UP.
- THERE ARE THOUGHT TO BEAT LEAST 20 PEOPLE
TRAPPED INSIDETHE APARTMENT BUILDING
AND FIREFIGHTERS ARE HAVINGNO LUCK.
- MY GOD! THIS IS WHATWE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.
COON AND FRIENDS,LET'S HEAD OUT!
- LET'S DO IT, YEAH!- LET'S GO!
- YEAH, UH,MINTBERRY CRUNCH,
WHY DON'T YOU STAY HEREAND MIND THE BASE, OKAY?
COOL.
MOM, YOU GOTTADRIVE US DOWNTOWN.
- OH, IT'SA LITTLE LATE, SWEETIE.
WHY DON'T YOU BOYS JUSTKEEP PLAYING DOWNSTAIRS?
- MOM, YOU'RE THE COON'SFAITHFUL BUTLER.
I WANT TO GO DOWNTOWN NOW.
- WELL, ALL RIGHT.
I GUESS I CAN GETSOME GROCERIES ANYWAY.
- INTO THE COONMOBILE,EVERYONE.
LET'S JUST HOPEWE GET THERE IN TIME.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU LITTLEMUNCHKINS BUCKLED UP FOR SAFETY?
- MOM, DON'T TALK TO USLIKE THAT.
WE'RE FUCKING SUPERHEROES!
- ERIC, WHAT HAVE WE TALKEDABOUT WITH THAT LANGUAGE?
ONE MORE TIME ANDI'M NOT TAKING YOU ANYWHERE.
- OH. I'M SORRY, MOM.CAN WE GO, PLEASE?
[engine starts]
UNBELIEVABLE!
[people screaming]
- WE TRIED GETTING INTHROUGH THE BACK.
IT WAS NO GOOD.
- THOSE PEOPLE ARE GONNA DIEIF WE DON'T DO SOMETHING.
- OH, MY GOODNESS!IT'S A FIRE.
- COME ON, COON FRIENDS.
- NO, ERIC,STAY IN THE CAR, SWEETIE.
- CAN WE TRY A HELICOPTER?
- THE WINDS ARE TOO HIGH.
CHOPPER WOULD BURNIN MINUTES.
- ALL RIGHT,WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?
- GET BACK, KIDS,IT ISN'T SAFE.
- ERIC POOPSIE!
- WHATEVER IS HAPPENING,YOU NEED HELP FROM THE COON.
- AND FRIENDS!
- KEEP THOSE CHILDREN BACK,THOMPSON.
- PLEASE, SIR,YOU MUST LET US--
- SWEETIE, LETTHE NICE FIREMEN DO THEIR JOB.
- SHUT UP, MOM, GOD!
- WAIT!LOOK, UP IN THE SKY.
- IT'S HIM!MY GOD, IT'S REALLY HIM!
- HE'S COME TO HELP US.
CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT!
- WHO'S CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT?
- CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT,THE HERO OF THE MODERN AGE.
ONCE KNOWN AS JACK BROLIN,
A REPORTERFOR THE NATIONAL NEWS,
THE HERO WAS BORNWHEN A FREAK ACCIDENT
GAVE HIM THE AMAZING POWEROF EXTRAORDINARY HINDSIGHT.
FROM TOXIC SPILLSTO UNJUST WARS,
THERE IS NO TASK TOO LARGEFOR...CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT!
- CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT,THANK GOD YOU'VE COME.
- WHAT'S THE SKINNY?
- THERE'S PEOPLE TRAPPEDIN THAT BURNING BUILDING,
CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT,
AND THE FIRE IS SO MASSIVE,WE CAN'T GET TO THEM.
- HMM. YOU SEE THOSE WINDOWSON THE RIGHT SIDE?
THEY SHOULD HAVE BUILT FIREESCAPES ON THOSE WINDOWS
FOR THE HIGHER FLOORS,
THEN PEOPLE COULD HAVEGOTTEN DOWN.
AND THEN ON THE ROOF,
THEY SHOULD'VE BUILT IT WITHA MORE REINFORCED STRUCTURE
SO A HELICOPTERCOULD HAVE LANDED ON IT.
- YES, OF COURSE!
- AND THEN YOU SEETHAT BUILDING TO THE LEFT?
- YES.
- THEY SHOULDN'THAVE BUILT THAT THERE,
BECAUSE NOW YOU CAN'TPARK ANY FIRE TRUCKS
WHERE YOU REALLY NEED TO.
WELL, LOOKS LIKEMY JOB HERE IS DONE.
GOOD-BYE, EVERYONE!
- THANK YOU,CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT!
- THANK YOU!
- ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.I GUESS THAT'S IT.
LET'S PACK IT UP.
[engines start, sirens wail]
[insects chirping]
- OH, BOY, DID YOU HEAR ABOUTTHAT FIRE DOWNTOWN, SHARON?
- OH, MY GOSH, YES.THEY SAID LIKE 14 PEOPLE DIED.
- IT'S JUST RIDICULOUS TO ME
THAT THEY DIDN'T BUILD FIREESCAPES ON THOSE UPPER FLOORS.
RIDICULOUS!- OH, I KNOW.
AND IF YOU ASK ME,THEY SHOULD HAVE BUILT A ROOF
WITH ENOUGH SUPPORT TO LANDA HELICOPTER.
- I MEAN, HELLO!
- HEY, YOU GUYSARE JUST REPEATING
WHAT THAT HINDSIGHT GUY SAID.
- WELL, YES, STAN.
CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT ISOUR PROTECTOR AND GUARDIAN.
WE'RE JUST THANKFULHE WAS THERE FOR THAT FIRE.
NOW WE CAN ALL EAT IN PEACE.
[alarm blaring]- COON AND FRIENDS ALERT!
COON AND FRIENDS ALERT!
- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
WHO PUT THAT THERE?
- ALERT. SERIOUSLY.ALL COON FRIENDS TO BASE.
ALERT, YOU GUYS.I'M SERIOUSLY.
- MOM, DAD,I FINISHED DINNER.
CAN I GO UP TO MY ROOM?- WELL, SURE, STAN.
HOW DID THAT THINGGET THERE, RANDY?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- WELL, TAKE IT DOWN.IT'S NOISY.
- I CAN'T.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TOALL MY TOOLS.
[drill whirring]
- ALL RIGHT, TOOLSHED IS HERE.WE CAN START.
- DUDE, WHO SAIDYOU COULD PUT A BIG SIREN
IN MY PARENTS' HOUSE?
- YEAH. I ALMOSTGOT IN TROUBLE FOR IT.
- THE COON MUST BE ABLETO SIGNAL HIS FRIENDS
WHEN A HUGE CATASTROPHEBREAKS OUT.
- SO WHAT'STHE HUGE CATASTROPHE?
- WHAT'S THE HUGE--
DID YOU GUYS NOT SEETHAT CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT GUY?
- YEAH, SO?
- SO THERE'SA BIG SUPERHERO OUT THERE
DOING STUFF ON HIS OWN
AND HE'S NOT PARTOF COON AND FRIENDS.
- OH, JESUS.- I'VE LOOKED INTO IT,
AND THIS CAPTAIN HINDSIGHTIS EVERYWHERE.
HE'S LIKE SOME FREELANCEBUTTHOLE SCAB.
WE NEED TO MAKE HIM JOIN US!- HEY, FELLAS?
FELLAS, COULD YOULET ME OUT, PLEASE?
IT'S BEEN LIKE SIX DAYS.
- YOU AREN'T GOINGANYWHERE, CHAOS.
- YEAH, BUT--BUT YOU ONLYGAVE ME THIS BUCKET
TO POOP IN AND IT'S FULL NOW.
AND I AIN'T GOTNOTHING TO EAT.
- YOU GOT POOP, DON'T YOU?
NOW THE QUESTION IS,HOW ARE WE GONNA GET
CAPTAIN HINDSIGHTTO JOIN COON AND FRIENDS?
- WHO CARES IF A HERO
DOESN'T WANT TO BE PARTOF COON AND FRIENDS?
- I CARE!
- LOOK, ALL WE NEED TO DO ISWAIT FOR THE NEXT DISASTER,
THEN TRY TO BEAT HINDSIGHTTO THE SCENE.
- THERE'S NOT GONNA BEANY WORSE DISASTER.
WHAT COULD POSSIBLYBE WORSE THAN A FIRE
THAT KILLS 14 PEOPLE?
[ship's bell rings]
[horn blowing]
- ALL RIGHT, THIS LOOKS LIKEA JOLLY GOOD PLACE.
- YES. LET'S LET 'ER RIP!
- THAT'S IT, LADS.COLLECT THAT OIL.
UH-OH!
- OH, DEAR!
- OH, DON'T TELL MEWE DID IT AGAIN!
[alarm blaring]both: AAH!
- COON AND FRIENDS ALERT!- WHAT? JEEZ!
- ALL COON FRIENDSREPORT TO BASE.
I'M SO SERIOUSLY.EMERGENCY.
COON AND FRIENDS ALERT!
- GOOD, YOU'RE ALL HERE.TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
COON VOLUME UP!
- IT'S A SCENE OF UTTER DESPAIRAND CATASTROPHE.
OIL FROM THE OCEAN ISSPILLING OUT, OUT OF CONTROL,
AND THE RESCUE EFFORTSEEMS FUTILE.
- IT'S HORRIBLE.
WE CAN'T STOP THE OILFROM CONTAMINATING EVERYTHING.
- OUR HOME IS COVERED IN SLUDGE.WHERE WE SUPPOSED TO GO?
- [thick Louisiana accent] JUSTLOOK AT ALL MY SHRIMP HERE.
MY SHRIMP IS THE BEST SHRIMPTHIS SIDE OF LOUISIANA
AND THAT DARN OIL GOTALL UP IN MY SHRIMP.
AND IT AIN'T WORTH THE SLIMEA NEW BABY IS SOLD ON.
JUST LOOK AT ALL THE OILON MY SHRIMP!
- MY GOD! ANOTHER OIL SPILL
COULD MEAN ABSOLUTEDEVASTATION FOR THE GULF.
- WE'VE GOT TO HELPTHOSE PEOPLE.
- YES. THIS IS DEFINITELYA JOB FOR COON AND FRIENDS.
- LET'S PACK THE GULFFULL OF FLAVOR.
- WAIT A MINUTE, LOOK!IT'S CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT!
[cheers and applause]- OH, NO!
- WHAT SEEMS TO BETHE PROBLEM?
- IT'S THAT BP OIL RIG,CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT.
IT DRILLEDINTO A MARINE SANCTUARY
AND THE ENVIRONMENTIS BEING POISONED.
- IF WE CAN'T STOP IT,
THE SPILL COULD REACHNEW ORLEANS.
- HMM. ALL RIGHT.
YOU SEE WHERE THAT RIGIS DRILLING?
- YES.- IT'S IN TOO DEEP OF WATER.
THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE DRILLEDIN THAT DEEP OF WATER
BECAUSE NOW THEY CAN'TGET MACHINES DEEP ENOUGH
TO FIX THE SPILL.
- AH-HA!- YES, YES!
- NOW IF IT'SA VALVE THAT RUPTURED,
THEN WHATTHEY SHOULD HAVE DONE
IS INSTALLED A BACKUP VALVEIN CASE THAT BROKE.
- I BELIEVE THEY DID INSTALL
A BACKUP SAFETY VALVE,CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT.
- HMM. RIGHT.
THEN THEY SHOULD HAVE HADA BACKUP SAFETY VALVE
TO THAT BACKUP SAFETY VALVE!
- MY GOD, HE'S RIGHT!
- MY WORK IS DONE!
I'M OFF TO FIND OTHERSIN NEED.
- GOD BLESS YOU,CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT.
GOD BLESS YOU!
- GOD DAMN IT!
WE HAVE GOT TO GET THAT GUYINTO COON AND FRIENDS.
- CAN I HELP YOU?
- I UNDERSTAND THIS IS WHERECAPTAIN HINDSIGHT LIVES?
- YES.
- I NEED TO SPEAKWITH HIM, PLEASE.
- THE CAPTAIN IS VERY BUSY
DEALING WITHTHE GULF OIL CRISIS.
- I BELIEVE I HAVE SOMETHINGTHAT CAN HELP HIM
DEAL WITHTHAT OIL CRISIS, SIR.
[door closes]
- MR. HINDSIGHT, SIR,
THIS YOUNG MAN WOULD LIKEA WORD.
- PLEASE, SIT DOWN.WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
- MR. HINDSIGHT, I REPRESENTSOME VERY HIGH PROFILE PEOPLE.
I'VE BEEN ASKED TO GIVE YOUSOME REALLY EXCITING NEWS.
YOU HAVE BEEN PREAPPROVED
TO BECOME THE NEWEST MEMBEROF COON AND FRIENDS.
- OF WHAT?
- I KNOW THE COON PERSONALLY,AND I CAN TELL YOU
BEING A COON FRIENDSIS THE VERY HIGHEST HONOR.
AS YOU CAN SEE IN THOSE PAPERS,
YOUR FIRST THREE MONTHS OF DUESHAVE ACTUALLY BEEN WAIVED.
THIS MUST BEAMAZINGLY EXCITING FOR YOU.
- CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT!
CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT,PLEASE COME IN!
- GO AHEAD.- THE OIL KEEPS COMING OUT.
WE'VE GOT OTHER RIGSNOW CATCHING FIRE.
- LISTEN, THEY SHOULD'VEHOSED DOWN THE OTHER RIGS
AS SOON AS THE SPILL BEGAN.
THEN THAT WOULDN'THAVE HAPPENED.
- RIGHT. THANK YOU!- CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT!
THE DOLPHINS THAT THOSEVOLUNTEERS CLEANED OF OIL,
THEY'RE ALL DYING.
- GET DOWN TO THE VOLUNTEERSAND TELL THEM
THEY SHOULD'VE USEDA NON-BLEACHING CLEANSER.
COMMISSIONER!- YES.
- TELL BRETT FAVREHE SHOULD'VE NEVER SENT
ACTUAL PICTURESOF HIS SCHLONG.
OH! IT'S NOT A BLESSING,IT'S A CURSE.
- SO ANYWAYS, IF YOU WANT TOJUST START FILLING OUT THE FORM,
WE'LL GET YOU ENROLLED IN COONAND FRIENDS RIGHT AWAY.
- LOOK, I'M SORRY, KID,BUT I WORK ALONE.
- WELL, SEE THE PROBLEMWITH THAT
IS THERE'S A SUPERHERO UNIONCALLED COON AND FRIENDS.
AND IF YOU REFUSE TO BE A PARTOF THAT UNION, YOU ARE A SCAB.
- GET THIS KID OUT OF HERE.I HAVE TO THINK.
- FINE! YOU'LL BE HEARINGFROM MY LA--
THE COON'S LAWYER, SIR!
- THE BP OIL SPILL IN THE GULF
AS PUBLIC ANGER TOWARDSTHE BP COMPANY GROWS,
THEIR PRESIDENT RELEASEDTHIS STATEMENT.
- HELLO. I'M TONY HAYWARD,
PRESIDENT AND CEO OF BP.
OUR ACCIDENTAL DRILLING SPILLAGAIN IN THE GULF
IS A TRAGEDY THAT SHOULD'VENEVER HAPPENED.
AND TO ALL THOSE AFFECTED,
I WANT TO SAYWE ARE DEEPLY SORRY.
WE'RE SORRY.
WE'RE SORRY.
WE'RE SORRY.
SORRY.
BP IS TAKINGFULL RESPONSIBILITY
FOR CLEANING UP THE SPILLIN THE GULF.
AND IN DOING SO,WE HAVE CHANGED OUR NAME
TO BEYOND PETROLEUMTO DEPENDABLE PETROLEUM.
DP. WE NO LONGER[bleep] THE EARTH.
WE DP IT.
INTO COON AND FRIENDSHAVE BEEN UNSUCCESSFUL,
BUT I BELIEVE I'VE COME UPWITH A SOLUTION.
COON VISION ON.
ALL WE NEED TO DO IS GETPICTURES OF CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT
NAKED WITH COURTNEY LOVE.
THEN WE'LL TELL HIMIF HE DOESN'T JOIN US,
WE'LL PUT THEMON THE INTERNET.
- HOW DO WE GET PICTURES OF HIMNAKED WITH COURTNEY LOVE?
- SIMPLE, TOOLSHED.COON SLIDE TWO.
WE DRESS PROFESSOR CHAOS UPAS COURTNEY LOVE,
TAKE PICTURES OF HIM NAKEDWITH A HOMELESS GUY,
THEN PHOTOSHOPHINDSIGHT'S FACE ONTO IT.
- ME?
OH, COME ON, FELLAS,DON'T MAKE ME BE COURTNEY LOVE.
- WE GOTTA GETTO WORK FAST, PEOPLE.
COON AND FRIENDS HO!
- YOU WANT US TO TAKENAKED PICTURES OF BUTTERS
TO USE AS BLACKMAIL?
THAT DOESN'T SOUNDVERY SUPERHERO-LIKE.
- THAT'S BECAUSE YOU THINKSMALL, MOSQUITO.
YOU HAVE A TINY LITTLEMOSQUITO BRAIN.
THAT'S WHY YOU DON'TCOME UP WITH THE PLANS.
- NO, NO, LOOK.
WHAT'S GOING ONDOWN IN THE GULF
IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANTTHAN BLACKMAILING ANOTHER HERO.
- AGREED.
- OH, WHO CARES ABOUT SOMEOIL SPILL ENVIRONMENT CRAP?
- MOSQUITO HAS A GOOD PLAN,CARTMAN. HEAR HIM OUT.
- YOU DON'T KNOWTHAT I'M CARTMAN
BECAUSE MY TRUE IDENTITYIS SECRET!
- WE ALL HAVE A SAYIN THIS ORGANIZATION, COON.
LET MOSQUITO TALK.- ALL RIGHT, MOSQUITO,
HOW DO YOU WANT TO HELP PEOPLESUFFERING IN THE GULF CRISIS?
- I THINK WE SHOULD HELP RAISEMONEY FOR THE RELIEF AID
BY HAVING A BAKE SALE.
- A BAKE SALE?
- I HAVE A RECIPEFOR LEMON BARS FROM MY MOM.
WE COULD WEAR OUR COSTUMESOUTSIDE THE GROCERY STORE
AND SELL LEMON BARS,WHICH WOULD BE A GOOD DEED
AND HELP PEOPLE.
- WE'RE SUPERHEROES,NOT THE [bleep] GIRL SCOUTS.
- THOSE PEOPLE DOWN THERENEED HELP.
SOMETIMES BEING A HERO MEANSHELPING IN SMALLER WAYS.
- TIMMY!- YOU THINK SELLING LEMON BARS
IS HELPFUL TO MANKIND?
- MORE HELPFUL THAN TAKINGNAKED PICTURES OF BUTTERS.
- SHUT UP, MINTBERRY CRUNCH!YOU AREN'T EVEN ANYTHING!
- AND THAT'SANOTHER THING.
NO MORE PICKINGON MINTBERRY CRUNCH.
- OH, WHAT ARE YOU,THE BOSS NOW?
- NO, BUT WE'RE ALL EQUALS.
FROM NOW ON, WE VOTE.
WHO WANTS TO GO WITH MY PLAN?
- SOUNDS AWESOME.LET'S DO IT.
- TO THE GROCERY STORE!
♪
- AS WE WALKED ALONG THE ROADTO THE GROCERY STORE,
MY COON SENSESTARTLED TINGLING.
SOMETHING WAS WRONG.VERY WRONG.
I'VE LEARNED TO TRUSTMY COON SENSE.
IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY GUIDE.AND SO I KNEW I MUST ACT.
A COON MUST KNOWWHEN TO DEFEND ITSELF.
♪
- WELL, NOW WE'REBACK TO NORMAL.
JUST LIKE BEFORE AND ALLFORGOTTEN, RIGHT, RIGHT?
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
- RIGHT.
- COOL! SO WHAT'S NEXTFOR COON AND FRIENDS?
- CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT. SIR!
CALLS FOR HELPARE POURING IN.
YOU'VE GOT TO GETOUT TO THE GULF.
- I CAN'T HELP ANYONERIGHT NOW.
SOMETHING CAME UP.
- WHAT, SIR?YOU KNOW YOU CAN TELL ME.
- DO YOU REMEMBER LAST WEEK
WHEN I GOT REALLY,REALLY DRUNK?
- YES, SIR.
- LOOK AT THOSE PHOTOSON THE DESK.
- MY GOD IS THAT YOUAND...COURTNEY LOVE?
- OF COURSEIT'S COURTNEY LOVE!
- BUT WHEN DID YOU EVER--- I DON'T REMEMBER!
THAT'S JUST THE POINT.
I GET DRUNK.I DON'T REMEMBER THINGS.
I SHOULDN'THAVE DRANK THAT MUCH.
AND I SHOULDN'T HAVEMIXED ALCOHOLS.
ALCOHOL SHOULDN'T BE LEGAL.OH, IT'S MADDENING!
- THAT DOESN'TMATTER NOW, SIR.
PEOPLE ARE GETTING HURTIN THE GULF
AND THEY NEED TO KNOWWHAT THEY COULD HAVE DONE.
- I SHOULD HAVE NEVER KEPTTHAT BOTTLE OF MACALLAN
IN THE PANTRY.
I SHOULD'VE NEVER GOTTENAROUND COURTNEY LOVE
AND A CAMERA.
- I SHOULD--- SIR, SIR!
- CREATURES FROMANOTHER DIMENSION
CONTINUE TO WREAK HAVOCIN THE GULF,
AND THE QUESTIONEVERYONE IS ASKING IS:
WHERE IS CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT?
- WHERE ARE YOU,CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT?
- [muttering indistinctly]
- WITH CAPTAIN HINDSIGHTMISSING,
WHAT SUPERHEROESCAN SAVE THE GULF NOW?
- MY FELLOW SUPERHEROES,I'VE DONE IT.
AND NOW THE COUNTRYCAN FINALLY BE MADE AWARE
OF COON AND FRIENDS.
- THERE'S MORE IMPORTANT THINGSTO DISCUSS RIGHT NOW.
- RIGHT, TOOLSHED.
NOW, HOW DO WE DEALWITH THESE CREATURES
FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION?
- HE MEANS WE NEED TODISCUSS THINGS WITH YOU.
- OKAY, WHAT?
- I DON'T WANT TO TELL HIM.TUPPERWARE, YOU TELL HIM.
- I DON'T WANT TOTELL HIM EITHER.
- I'LL TELL HIM. COON,I'M SORRY,
BUT WE'RE KICKING YOUOUT OF COON AND FRIENDS.
- YOU'RE KICKING MEOUT OF COON AND FRIENDS?
- WE ALL VOTEDAND IT WAS UNANIMOUS.
- YOU CAN'T KICK MEOUT OF COON AND FRIENDS.
I'M THE FUCKING COON!
- LOOK, WE JUST BELIEVETHAT YOU HAVE YOUR GOALS
AND WAYS OF DOING THINGSAND THEY CONFLICT
WITH WHATWE WANT TO ACCOMPLISH.
- BUT WE GET THE HEADQUARTERSAND ALL THE EQUIPMENT.
- YOU DON'T KEEP ANYTHING!THIS IS MY BASEMENT!
AND I'LL TELL MY MOMON YOU GUYS!
- WE ALREADY DISCUSSED THISWITH HER. MRS. CARTMAN?
- YES, MYSTERION?
- PLEASE ESCORT THE COON OUTOF OUR SECRET BASE.
- ERIC, I TALKED TO YOU
ABOUT BEATING UPYOUR FRIENDS, DIDN'T I?
- MOM, WHAT THE FUCK?THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
- ERIC, YOU DO NOT BEAT UPYOUR FRIENDS,
AND I TOLD YOU I'VE HAD ITWITH YOUR LANGUAGE.
YOUR PUNISHMENTIS THAT YOUR FRIENDS
WILL JUST PLAY SUPERHEROESWITHOUT YOU.
GO TO YOUR ROOM!
- YOU'VE GOTTA BEFUCKING KIDDING ME!
- OH, DEAR!
AS THE OIL COMPANY DP HAS ONCEAGAIN MADE A HUGE ERROR.
THIS TIME THE OIL COMPANYHAS ACCIDENTALLY RIPPED A HOLE
INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION.
[people screaming]
- THE OIL COMPANY STATEDTHAT IT KNEW
A PORTAL TO ANOTHERDIMENSION WAS THERE,
BUT DIDN'T THINK DRILLING INTOIT WOULD PROVE PROBLEMATIC.
NOW HUNDREDS OF CREATURESFROM ANOTHER DIMENSION
ARE SPILLING OUT INTOOUR REALITY AND WREAKING HAVOC.
- HELLO. I'M TONY HAYWARD,
CEO OF DP.
TEARING A HOLEINTO ANOTHER DIMENSION
IS A TRAGEDY THAT SHOULD HAVENEVER HAPPENED.
AND AS CEO, I WOULDLIKE TO SAY WE'RE SORRY.
WE'RE SORRY.
WE'RE SORRY.
- YES, I'M AFRAID IT'S GOINGTO TAKE MORE THAN ANOTHER
"I'M SORRY" CAMPAIGN TOPLEASE EVERYONE THIS TIME.
- OH, WHAT A RIGHT PICKLEWE'RE IN.
- [screaming]
- THERE IS NO WAY
TO CUT THE DIMENSIONAL PORTAL,I'M AFRAID.
THE OCEAN CURRENTS AND SWELLSARE SIMPLY TOO MUCH
TO GET ANY MACHINES IN.
- WAIT A TICK!
CURRENTS AND SWELLS,THAT'S IT!
I THINK I KNOWHOW TO FIX THIS.
- HOW, BY JOVE?- WE DRILL.
- DRILL, OF COURSE!- GOOD IDEA.
- YES, OF COURSE!
- I BELIEVE THATIF WE DRILLED ON THE MOON,
CHANGING ITS GRAVITATIONAL PULLON THE OCEAN SWELLS,
WE COULD CAPTHE DIMENSIONAL SPILL.
- I DON'T QUITE GET IT.
- WE GOT INTO THIS MESSBY DRILLING HERE AND HERE.
NOW WE NEED TO DRILL HERE.
- THAT LOOKSEXTREMELY PROMISING.
- OUR ENVIRONMENTSHOULD STABILIZE
IF IT'S GETTING DRILLED HERE,HERE, AND HERE
AT THE SAME TIME.
- THE SEISMIC FORCESWILL BE MASSIVE.
DO YOU THINK THE MOONCAN TAKE IT?
- OH, SHE'LL TAKE IT.
AND APPEARS TO HAVE CAUSEDEVEN GREATER PROBLEMS.
- UH-OH. I HAVE A FEELING
WE BETTER GET INTOOUR COSTUMES AGAIN, GUYS.
- TOM, THE DP OIL COMPANY
HAS HAD ANOTHERDRILLING ACCIDENT.
THIS TIME THEY APPEAREDTO HAVE UNLEASHED
THE DARK AND MIGHTY CTHULHU.
THE RISE OF CTHULHUFROM ANOTHER DIMENSION
BRINGS ABOUT 3,000 YEARSOF DARKNESS, TOM,
WHERE WE WILL ALLBE DRIVEN TO MADNESS
AND MADE TO SERVEAS CTHULHU'S CULT OF SLAVES.
THE PRESIDENT OF DP OIL RELEASEDTHIS PRESS STATEMENT.
[birds chirping]
- AS PRESIDENT OF DP OIL,
I WANT TO SAY...WE'RE SORRY.
I'M DEEPLY SORRY.
SORRY.
- CTHULHU R'LYEH WGAH'NAGL FHTAGN.
PRAISE THE DARK CTHULHU.LONG MAY HE REIGN.
- IT'S UP TO US, GUYS.LET'S GET TO THE GULF!
[thunder]
- DARKNESS HAS TAKEN OVEROUR TOWN.
THE COON FRIENDSHAVE GIVEN IN TO EVIL.
IT'S UP TO THE COONTO STOP THEM.
Coon 2: Hindsight
s14e11 October 27, 2010
"Coon and Friends" set out to help the victims of BP's latest catastrophic drilling accident in the Gulf. Much to the Coon's dismay, another Super Hero gets there first.
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