It's A Jersey Thing - Full Episode - Season 14 - Ep 09 | South Park Studios

- AAH! AAH! GET ITOFF OF ME!

- SNOOKI WANT SMUSH SMUSH!GET IT OFF OF ME!

- WE GOT TO FIND A WAYPAST IT!

- WHAT DOES IT WANT?

- SOUNDS LIKEIT WANTS SMUSH SMUSH!

- SMUSH SMUSH!SNOOKI WANT SMUSH SMUSH!

- NO!YOU GUYS, IT'S RAPING ME!

IT'S RAPING ME!- JESUS CHRIST!

WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO?- OH, GOD!

[groans]

GET OUT OF HERE!

- WHY?

- AAH! AGGHH!

[moaning]

NO!

[groaning]

[screams]

AAAAAHHH!

AAAH! AAAAH!

AAAAAAAH! AAAAAH!

UHHHHHHHHH!

- DUDE.

- GET OUTTA HERE,YA PIECE A GAHBAGE!

YOU WANNA SMUSH,GO CREEPIN' SOMEWHERES ELSE!

- SNOOKI GET THE SMUSHIN THE--

- YOU'RE GAHBAGE!YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU'RE CABBAGE!

- BAH BAH BAHBAH BAH BAH BAH!

SNOOKI BAH BAH BAH!

- YOU GOT CABBAGEIN YA MUFF!

- [gibberish]

- YOU GOT CABBAGEIN YOUR FUCKING MUFF!

- [gibberish]

[punch]

[whimpering]

[shattering glass]

- [sniffling]

THANK YOU, KYLE.

- MOM, DAD,WHAT'S MUFF CABBAGE?

- MUFF CABBAGE?

- WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT?

- MUFF CABBAGE.

- THE NEW NEIGHBORS THATMOVED IN NEXT TO STAN'S HOUSE.

ME AND IKE SAW THE MOMGET A PARKING TICKET,

AND SHE CALLED THE PARKING COPMUFF CABBAGE.

- MUFF CABBAGE!

- A NEW FAMILY MOVED IN?WHERE ARE THEY FROM?

- SHE SAIDTHEY'RE FROM NEW JERSEY.

- NEW JERSEY?

A FAMILY FROM NEW JERSEYMOVED IN NEXT TO THE MARSHES?

- YEAH. STAN SAID THEY'RE HAVINGTHEM OVER FOR DINNER TONIGHT.

- OH, GOD.

POOR SHARON.DOESN'T SHE KNOW?

- KNOW WHAT, MA?

- MUFF CABBAGE!

- NEVER INVITE A NEW JERSEYHOUSEWIFE INTO YOUR HOME.

WHAT'S HER NAME?PRINCIPAL VICTORIA!

WHAT A STUPID BITCH!

I MEAN,EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE,

BUT THAT BITCH NEEDS HER[bleep] HEAD EXAMINED!

YEAH,SO MY FAMILY AND I MOVED

FROM JERSEY TO SOUTH PARKABOUT A WEEK AGO.

SO FAR, I CAN TELL THAT EVERYONEHERE REALLY LIKES ME.

OH, AND I MET, THATSTOTCH WOMAN, WHAT'S HER NAME?

- OH, LINDA, UH-HUH.

- HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW YELLOWTHAT BITCH'S TEETH ARE?

YOU CAN TELL THAT WOMANIS A PIECE OF GAHBAGE!

SHE'S GAHBAGE!

I WENT INTO THE MALL HEREAND I JUST ABOUT DROPPED DEAD.

THE ONLY PANTIESYOU CAN BUY

MAKES YOU LOOK LIKEYOU GOT A GRANDMA MUFF!

- SO, RANDY, WHAT GYM'SARE GOOD AROUND HERE?

WHERE DO YOU WORK OUT?

- OH,I DON'T REALLY WORK OUT.

- WELL,I GOTTA FIND SOMETHIN'.

MY BICEPS ARE GOIN' FLAT!

- WHERE CAN YOU GETGOOD CLOTHES IN THIS TOWN?

NOWHERE.

I MEAN,THAT'S WHY YOU'RE STUCK

WEARING GAHBAGELIKE THAT, RIGHT?

AND THE WOMAN THAT WORKSTHE HAIR SALON, JULIA,

HAVE YOU SEEN HOW BIGTHAT BITCH'S EARS ARE?

- OH, JULIA'SA FRIEND OF MINE, YEAH.

- EARS OUT TO HERE.

SO I TELL HER,"YOU GOT BIG EARS, SWEETIE."

I'M NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN.IT'S JUST A JERSEY THING!

WHY BE OFFENDED?I MEAN, YOU'VE GOT A BIG CHIN!

WE'VE ALL GOTIMPERFECTIONS!

- RIGHT, JUST LIKE YOUR EYESARE KIND OF FAR APART.

- THAT WAS TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR,FOR WHAT SHE DID.

MY EYES ARE TOO FAR APART?

AND LIKE, WHO IS SHE?IS SHE GOD? NO.

YOU DON'T EVER, EVER--

YOU WHACK JOBPROSTITUTION WHORE!

YOU'D PROBABLY SELL YOUR MUFFFOR $6.00!

YOU FUCKING PSYCHO BITCH!

FUCK YOU!YOU'RE NOTHING BUT GAHBAGE!

THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE.YOU'RE GAHBAGE!

YOU'RE SICK, OLD WOMANMUFF GAHBAGE!

MUFF GAHBAGE!FUCK THIS PSYCHO BITCH!

- WOW!

- LET'S GET THE FUCKOUTTA HERE!

SHE'S A FUCKING PIG!

SHE'S FUCKINGPISSING ME OFF!

OKAY, I LOVE YOU.- TAKE IT EASY.

- I LOVE YOU. I THOUGHTI WAS GONNA DECK HER.

I WAS FINE,I WAS REALLY FINE.

I JUST WANTED TO GET MY POINTACROSS TO HER,

AND THEN THAT'S HOW I AM.

LIKE I COULD BE MAD ONE MINUTE,AND THEN I'LL BE FINE.

OKAY, ALL BETTER.JUST HAD TO GET THAT OUT.

IT'S JUST--IT'S A JERSEY THING!

SO WHO WANTS DESSERT?MEEEE!

HAVING NEIGHBORS FROM JERSEYIS THE WORST.

ALL NIGHT LONG,THEY KEEP ME AWAKE.

THEY'RE EITHERSCREAMING AT EACH OTHER

OR MAKING SOMEDISGUSTING SEX SOUNDS.

IT SEEMS LIKE ALL PEOPLEFROM JERSEY DO

IS HUMPAND PUNCH EACH OTHER.

- YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOUWANT A FAMILY TO MOVE AWAY?

EVERY NIGHT, YOU GO AND TAKEA CRAP ON THEIR DOORSTEP.

- IS THAT WHY THERE'S CRAPON MY DOORSTEP EVERY MORNING?

- OOPS!BUSTED!

- THEY TALK WAY TOO LOUD,THEY FLIP OUT FOR NO REASON,

AND EVERY TIME THEY ACT LIKESELFISH ASSHOLES,

THEY JUST GO, "OH, IT'S A JERSEYTHING, IT'S A JERSEY THING."

- HEY!YOU TALKIN' ABOUT JERSEY?

ME AND MY FRIENDSARE FROM JERSEY!

- OH, CRAP.THERE'S MORE OF THEM?

- HEY, COME ON!

THERE'S PEOPLE FROM JERSEYALL OVER!

WHO HERE IS FROM JERSEY?

[cheering]

- SO I'M STANDING THERE,

AND I'M LIKE,WHO'S FROM JERSEY?

AND PEOPLE AREALL LIKE, "YO! WHOO-HOO!"

NEXT THING YOU KNOW?JERSEY PARTY AT SIZZLER.

[dance music]

- YEAH, LET'S GETTHIS PARTY STARTED!

[slapping and punching]

- WHERE THE HELLARE THEY COMING FROM?

[shattering glass]

- SHUT UP, THERESA.

YOU'RE PATHETIC.

- I'M PATHETIC?YOU'RE MUFF GAHBAGE!

OH, SHARON!HI, SWEETIE!

YOU GOTTA MEETOUR NEW NEIGHBORS!

THIS IS JACQUELINE.SHE'S FROM JERSEY.

- AND SICILIAN.

- THAT'S DANIELLE.

SHE'S FROM JERSEY.

AND THAT'S CAROLINE.

- I'M HAVING MY FACE SHAVED.

IT'S A JERSEY THING.

- I'M SORRY, BUT I HAVE OTHERCLIENTS IN TEN MINUTES.

CAN YOU SIT DOWN?

- WHEN THE SALON GIRLTOLD THERESA TO SIT DOWN,

I THOUGHT THERESAWAS GONNA BUST A TIT.

- DON'T YOU FUCKINGTELL ME WHAT TO DO!

I'M A CLIENT HERE!

- THERESA!CALM DOWN!

- I DON'T HAVE TO TAKEYOUR SHIT.

I'M FROM JERSEY!

- GET HER, SHARON!- WHAT?

- SHARON,JUST STAY OUT OF IT.

- BE THE BIGGER PERSON,SHARON.

- YOU PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.- WHO'S CRAZY?

ARE YOU TALKIN'ABOUT MY FAMILY?

IS MY FAMILY CRAZY?- [screaming]

- DON'T YOU PULLMY FRIEND'S HAIR, YOU BITCH!

- LET GO OF HER,YOU PIECE OF TRASH.

- WHO THE FUCK ARE YOUTO TELL ME WHAT TO DO?

- ALL YOU TRASHY WHORES,

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HEREAND LEAVE HER ALONE!

- PSYCHO BITCH!

- NO,YOU'RE A PSYCHO BITCH!

PSYCHO BITCH!PSYCHO BITCH!

YOU WANNA SEEFUCKING CRAZY?

YOU BETTER JUST STEPTHE FUCK AWAY,

YOU WANNA SEE FUCKING CRAZY!

- YOU'RE CABBAGE!

- SHEILA?

A STEEP RISEIN EVERYTHING JERSEY LATELY.

AS MANY OF YOU ALREADY KNOW,

EVERYTHING EAST OF THE ROCKIESIS NOW PART OF NEW JERSEY.

THE JERSEY SHORE NOW INCLUDESJACKSONVILLE, MIAMI,

THE GULF OF JERSEY, MEXICO,AND THE JERSEY ISLANDS.

- JESUS!WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS?

- MORE PEOPLE FROM JERSEYARE SHOWING UP IN OUR TOWN.

IF WE DON'T DO SOMETHING,

SOUTH PARK IS GOINGTO BECOME WEST JERSEY.

- WELL, THAT DOES IT!

LET'S GO TELLEVERYONE FROM JERSEY

WE DON'T WANT THEM HERE!

all: YEAH!- THAT WON'T WORK!

YOU CAN'T JUST TELL PEOPLEFROM JERSEY YOU DON'T LIKE THEM.

NO MATTERHOW OBNOXIOUS THEY ARE,

THEY WILLCONVINCE THEMSELVES

THAT YOU ALL ACTUALLYTHINK THEY'RE COOL.

- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT,MRS. BROFLOVSKI?

- THAT'S WHEN I KNEW I HAD TOTELL EVERYONE THE TRUTH.

THAT ORIGINALLY,I'M FROM JERSEY.

YES, BORN AND RAISED.

I WASN'T EVEN CALLED SHEILABACK THEN.

IN JERSEY, I WAS KNOWNAS S-WOWW TITTYBANG.

I DRANK HEAVILY AND PUNCHEDA LOT OF BITCHES IN THE FACE.

LIVING IN SOUTH PARK,

I'M ABLE TO CONTROLTHE JERSEY SIDE OF ME,

WHICH DOESN'TREALLY COME OUT

UNLESS I GET AROUNDOTHER PEOPLE FROM JERSEY.

I'M JUST REALLY HOPINGTHAT PEOPLE HERE

DON'T JUDGE ME FOR IT.

OR SOMEHOW, YOU KNOW,HOLD IT AGAINST ME.

- SHEILA,WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

- YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.IT'S A JERSEY THING.

[laughs]

- HEY, DUDES.

- OH!WELL, WELL, WELL.

LOOK WHAT THE CAT THREW UPIN THE LITTER BOX.

COME ON, GUYS, WE DON'T WANT TOBE SEEN HANGING AROUND HIM.

- WHAT ARE YOUTALKING ABOUT?

- DUDE, WE HEARD THE NEWS.

YOUR MOM IS FROM JERSEY!

- SO WHAT?

- SO WHAT?THAT MAKES YOU FROM JERSEY!

- NO, IT DOESN'T!

- HE'S FROM JERSEY,YOU GUYS.

LET'S JUSTGET AWAY FROM HIM.

- I'M NOT FROM JERSEY.I WAS BORN HERE!

- DON'T TRY AND DENY IT.

YOU'RE ONE OF THEM, DUDE,

AND BY MY ACCOUNTS,THAT'S STRIKE THREE!

- WHAT'S STRIKE THREE?

- YOU'RE A GINGER, A JEW,AND FROM JERSEY.

THREE STRIKES, KYLE!YOU'RE OUT!

- SHUT THE FUCK UP!

WHAT?

- DID YOU KNOW YOUR MOMWAS FROM JERSEY?

- WHY DOES IT MATTER?

- NO,IT JUST EXPLAINS A LOT.

- OH, MY GOD!

KYLE'S EVEN STARTING TO LOOKLIKE HE'S FROM JERSEY!

HIS SKIN IS TURNING ORANGE!

- NO, IT ISN'T!- YES, IT IS!

IT'S GETTING ORANGER!- STOP IT, CARTMAN.

JUST 'CAUSE KYLE'S MOMIS A JERSEY ASSHOLE

DOESN'T MEAN KYLE IS.

- YEAH.- OKAY.

YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT,GUYS.

AS FOR ME?

WELL, YOU'RE A HEARTLESS,BACKSTABBING JERSEY BOY, KYLE,

AND I SHANT BEPLAYING BASKETBALL

WITH THE LIKES OF YOU.

AND I'M GONNA START CRAPPIN'ON YOUR DOORSTEP A LOT MORE.

- NO, COULDN'T BE.

OH, MY GOD.

[knock on door]

- KYLE, YOU IN THERE?

- HOLD ON!UM, NOT RIGHT NOW!

- KYLE, OPEN THE DOOR.

- NOT NOW, MOM, PLEASE!

- KYLE, THIS INSTANT!ONE, TWO--

- ALL RIGHT!ALL RIGHT!

- I GUESS WE NEED TO TALK.

I KNOW THIS HAS TO BEVERY UPSETTING FOR YOU, KYLE.

- WHAT AM I, MOM?

- WHEN I GOT PREGNANT WITH YOU,KYLE, YOUR FATHER AND I

WERE LIVING WITH MY PARENTSIN NEWARK.

WE KNEW WE HAD TO GET OUT.

NEITHER ONE OF US WANTEDOUR CHILD TO BE FROM JERSEY.

SO WE MOVED AS FAR AWAYAS WE COULD.

BUT NOW I REALIZE, YOU CAN TAKETHE FETUS OUT OF JERSEY,

BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE JERSEYOUT OF THE FETUS.

- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

- I'M SAYING THATFOR THE FIRST TWO MONTHS

I CARRIED YOU IN MY STOMACH,I LIVED IN NEWARK.

TECHNICALLY,YOU ARE FROM JERSEY.

- NO!

I DON'T WANT TOLOOK LIKE THIS!

- IT ISN'T SO BAD, KYLE.

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINKTHE JERSEY LOOK IS NICE.

- AAAAAAAH!

- I CAN HIDE IT!NOBODY EVER HAS TO KNOW!

I CAN'T EVERLET ANYBODY KNOW!

WITH ANCHOR MEN P-TRAINAND TAN JOVI.

- WHAT'S UP, NEW JERSEY?IT'S THE EVENING NEWS.

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT--

MANY JERSEY PEOPLEARE FRICKIN' PISSED

AFTER A SMALL TOWNIN COLORADO

GOT ALL AGGROON SOME DECENT JERSEY FOLK.

FOR MORE ON THE STORY,WE GO TO CHICAGO.

- PEOPLE HERE IN CHICAGO,NEW JERSEY,

ARE RILED UP, P-TRAIN.

APPARENTLY A TOWNCALLED SOUTH PARK,

WHICH IS AT THE BORDEROF DENVER, NEW JERSEY,

IS DISCRIMINATING AGAINSTPEOPLE FROM JERSEY!

THEY WON'T SELL HOUSESTO PEOPLE FROM JERSEY,

AND THEY'RE MAKING ALL THE ONESWHO MOVED IN MOVE OUT,

AND THEY'RE TAKING DOWNALL THE JERSEY-OWNED SHOPS!

IT'S LIKE THESE PEOPLEGOT A BEEF WITH JERSEY.

WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

- WHAT'S UPWITH THAT?

- WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

- WELL, WE ARE COMIN'AFTER YOU, SOUTH PARK!

WE FIGHT DISCRIMINATION!IT'S A JERSEY THING!

TO JOIN US IN THIS FIGHT.

WE'RE JUST A SMALL TOWN.

WE CAN'T STOP NEW JERSEYON OUR OWN.

- WE ARE VERY SORRY,

BUT CALIFORNIA CANNOT AFFORDHELPING YOU AT THIS TIME.

- CAN'T YOU SEE THAT IFWE FALL TO NEW JERSEY,

CALIFORNIA IS NEXT?

- NO, BECAUSE UTAH IS BETWEENCOLORADO AND CALIFORNIA.

- OH. FINE.

BUT WHEN UTAH GETS TAKEN OVERBY NEW JERSEY, THEN WHO'S NEXT?

- NEVADA.

- OH, REALLY? WELL, OKAY,MR. "I'M AWESOME AT GEOGRAPHY."

- WHAT THE HELLARE YOU GUYS DOING?

- TRYING TO HELP. MY DAD SAYSTO DISTRIBUTE ALL THESE GUNS.

- AND WE'RE JUST GONNA LET HIMSTAND AROUND HERE?

HE'S ONE OF THEM,HE COULD EASILY BE A SPY!

- I TOLD YOU, CARTMAN.I'M NOT ONE OF THEM.

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN WESTJERSEY ANY MORE THAN YOU DO!

- OVERCOMPENSATING A LITTLE,AREN'T WE, KYLE?

- THAT'S ENOUGH.

- YOUR BLOOD IS TAINTEDWITH THE THREE Js!

JEWISH, JERSEY,AND JINGER! ADMIT IT!

- AAAAAAAAH!

I'M NOT ONE OF THEM!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

YOU BETTER GET THATTHROUGH YOUR FAT HEAD!

I WILL NEVER BE ONE OF THEM,AND IF YOU SAY IT AGAIN,

I SWEAR TO GOD, I'LL SMASHYOUR FUCKING TEETH IN!

- [crying]

THAT HURT MY THROAT BECAUSEHE PUSHED IT RIGHT HERE,

AND THEN THE BACK OF MY HEADHIT THE TREE.

IT WAS--IT WAS--THERE WAS BARKAND IT SCRATCHED IT.

DID YOU SEE THE SCRATCH,KENNY?

- PLEASE,EMPEROR AKISHINO,

SMASHED THE CIGARETTE MACHINEIN HALF.

- ALL RIGHT, COME OUT NOW.

MAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF.

[creature jabberingand laughing]

[bottles clinking]

- [gibberish]

- IT'S ONE OF THEM!

THAT THING'SFROM JERSEY TOO!

- [gibberish]

- WHAT IS IT?

- IT'S CALLED A SNOOKI.IT'S VERY FAMOUS.

- [gibberish]

- THAT THING IS FAMOUS?WHY?

- I DON'T KNOW!

- WELL, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?LET'S KILL IT!

[gunshot]

- [gibberish]SNOOKI!

- DON'T LET IT GET AWAY!

- WHERE IS IT?- WHO WAS THAT?

- AAH!GET IT OFF OF ME!

- SNOOKI SMUSH!- SHOOT IT!

[gunshot]- [whimpering]

[gibberish]

- SO THEN HE GRABS MY THROAT,RIGHT?

AND THEN HE SCREAMS,"I'LL SMASH YOUR TEETH IN."

MY HEAD IS ALL, LIKE,GASHED OPEN!

- KYLE DID THAT?GEE WHIZ.

- I'M TELLING YOU, GUYS,HE'S GETTING WORSE.

THE JERSEY IN KYLEIS COMING OUT.

I DON'T SEEANY OTHER CHOICE.

WE HAVE KIDNAP KYLE

AND LOCK HIM IN THE MEAT FREEZERAT SIZZLER.

HEY, KYLE.'SUP?

KIND OF NICE OUT TONIGHT,HUH?

HE HAS TO BE PUT AWAY,AND HE HAS TO BE PUT AWAY NOW.

- ARE YOU BEIN' SERIOUS?

- THIS IS VERY SERIOUS,BUTTERS!

- YEAH, BUT LOCKING KYLEIN A MEAT FREEZER,

I MEAN, HE COULD DIE.

- WELL, IF HE DOES,TOO BAD.

DID YOU SEE THAT SCRATCHON MY HEAD?

HEY, KYLE.

[groans]

DUDE,YOU SMELL RASPBERRIES?

I SMELL RASPBERRIES.HUH.

WE NEED TO DO THIS NOW.

AT SOME POINT, HE MIGHT STARTSUSPECTING SOMETHING'S UP.

- USTUGH YUR HAMOK UMMAN.

- HELLO, MR. BIN LADEN.

MY NAME IS RANDY, AND I'MA GEOLOGIST IN AMERICA.

I KNOW THAT AMERICA ISN'T YOURFAVORITE PLACE IN THE WORLD.

BUT GOSH DARN IT,WE NEED YOUR HELP.

AS YOU MAY KNOW, WE ARE TRYINGTO STOP OUR ENTIRE COUNTRY

FROM BECOMING NEW JERSEY.

I BELIEVE THATIF WE DO NOT SUCCEED,

JERSEY WILL SPREAD TO JAPAN,RUSSIA, AND EVENTUALLY TO YOU.

I KNOW YOU HAVE SEENCOUNTLESS HORRORS

IN YOUR LIFETIME,MR. BIN LADEN,

AND THAT YOU HAVE WITNESSEDTHE VERY WORST OF MANKIND.

WELL, NOWI ASK YOU TO WATCH THIS.

- DJ PAULY DELVECCHIO.

- ALL RIGHT,WE'VE GOT A SITUATION.

- I'M THE SWEETEST BITCHYOU'LL EVER MEET.

- [laughs]

- AAAAH!SNOOKI WANT SMUSH SMUSH.

FINE, BUT YOU JAPS WILL ALL BEEATING HOAGIES IN A MONTH!

[grunts]THAT'S IT.

NOBODY'S GONNA HELP US.WE'RE ON OUR OWN.

- WE CAN'T TAKE ONALL OF JERSEY.

WE HAVE TO FIND SUPPORT!

- THERE IS NO SUPPORT.

EVERY ALLY AMERICA HAD IS--WAIT A MINUTE.

SOMETIMES WHEN A THREATIS GREAT ENOUGH,

YOU HAVE TO TURNTO YOUR ENEMIES FOR HELP.

- WHAT ARE YOUTALKING ABOUT?

- WE COULD ASK AL-QAEDA.

- ASK AL-QAEDA FOR HELP?

AFTER WHAT THEY DID TO US?

- MAYBE IT'S TIME WE PUTOUR DIFFERENCES ASIDE

AND FORGIVE THEM.

- AND WHAT ABOUT THE FAMILIESOF THE VICTIMS OF 9/11?

THEIR FEELINGS MATTER FORANOTHER TEN MONTHS, DAMN IT!

- HEY!HEY, WE GOT A PROBLEM!

YOU GOTTA GET SOME PEOPLEDOWN TO THE BAR QUICK!

THERE'S TROUBLE!- PEOPLE FROM JERSEY?

- I DON'T KNOWWHAT THE HELL I SAW.

- COME ON, YOU GUYS,HURRY!

- CARTMAN, WHAT THE HELLARE WE DOING AT SIZZLER?

- I TOLD YOU, GUYS.YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT.

IT'S A MIRACLE!

- WHAT KIND OFFUCKING MIRACLE?

- JESUS ANSWERED OUR PRAYERS,YOU GUYS!

IT'S SO COOL.

IT'S RIGHT THEREIN THE MEAT LOCKER.

KYLE, GO CHECK IT OUT.- WHY?

- DUDE, GO SEE WHY!IT'S A JESUS MIRACLE!

- YOU JUST WANNALOCK ME IN THERE

BECAUSE YOU THINKI'M ONE OF THEM.

- NUH-UH.SERIOUSLY. NUH-UH.

- I'M NOT GOING IN ANY MEATLOCKER SO YOU CAN TRAP ME!

- TRAP YOU? NO, NO, KYLE,IT'S ACTUALLY...LIGHTS!

HA HA!IT'S A TRAP, KYLE!

GET HIMTO THE MEAT LOCKER!

- DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?- BACK AWAY, GUYS.

THIS IS FOR THE SAFETYOF ALL OF US!

I'M SORRY, KYLE,BUT YOU CAN'T BE TRUSTED.

- ALL RIGHT.FINE, CARTMAN!

YOU REALLY WANT ME TO GOIN THERE, I'LL--

DUDE, CARTMAN,WHAT IS THAT BEHIND YOU?

- KYLE, DO WE REALLY HAVE TORESORT TO THAT?

- NO, I'M SERIOUS,WHAT IS THAT BEHIND YOU?

- YOU GINGER JERSEY JEW,YOUR TACTICS DON'T WORK ON ME.

- SNOOKI WANT SMUSH SMUSH!

- DUDE, WHAT THE [bleep]IS THAT THING BEHIND ME?

WHERE'S RANDY?

- HE'S STILL QUESTIONINGTHAT NEW PRISONER!

- ALL RIGHT, MR. SITUATION,WE'LL TRY THIS AGAIN.

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLEDOING THIS?

- BUT I TOLD YA!IT'S JUST A JERSEY THING!

- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

- YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.IT'S JUST A JERSEY THING!

[punching]

- STOP PLAYING STUPID!

- MAYBE HE REALLY IS STUPID,RANDY.

- NOBODY'S THIS STUPID!

WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLEPLANNING?

- IT'S JUST A JERSEY THING!

YOU KNOW, YOU JUST GOTTA BEFROM JERSEY TO GET IT.

[punching]

- HERE THEY COME!

[clamoring in distance]

- IS IT THEM, RANDY?

- YEP. THEY'RE FROM JERSEY,ALL RIGHT.

- YEAH!- WHOO-HOO!

- LET'S GO!- YEAH!

- LET'S GO CREEPIN'IN THIS TOWN!

- DON'T YOU TALKABOUT MY FAMILY!

DON'T YOU TALK ABOUTMY FAMILY!

- THIS IS WHEREWE MAKE OUR STAND!

SOUTH PARK WILL NEVER BEWEST JERSEY!

- YEAH!

- FUCK NEW JERSEY!

[screaming]

[gunfire]

[groaning]

- KEEP SHOOTING!WE'RE SICK OF YOU, JERSEY!

FUCK OFF!

WE'RE OUT OF AMMO!

- THEN WE'VE GOT TO STARTFALLING BACK TO UTAH!

- WHAT'S THE POINT?CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S OVER?

[airplane engines]

- WHO IS THAT?

- IT'S AL-QAEDA!

[cheering]

[explosion]

[explosion]

- GIVE 'EM HELL,AL-QAEDA!

[cheering]

- ON A COLD OCTOBER NIGHT,

A SMALL TOWN IN COLORADOSTOOD UP TO NEW JERSEY

AND FINALLY SAID,"GO AWAY."

OUR FORTITUDE WASTHE INSPIRATION FOR OTHERS,

AND NOW NEW JERSEYIS SLOWLY RECEDING

BACK TO THE DESOLATE LANDFROM WHENCE IT CAME.

OUR COUNTRYIS GETTING BACK TO NORMAL.

AND WE OWE IT ALLTO OSAMA BIN LADEN.

[cheers and applause]

[kisses]

- WELL, KYLE, LOOKS LIKEYOU'RE TOTALLY BACK TO NORMAL.

- YEAH, THE MORE DISTANCEBETWEEN ME

AND THE OTHERS FROM JERSEY,THE BETTER I FEEL.

- YEAH, BUT YOU STILLHAVE IT IN YOU.

YOU SAVED MY LIFE, KYLE.

DEEP DOWN INSIDE,YOU'RE A MONSTER,

BUT YOU'REMY LITTLE MONSTER.

- I JUST HAVE ONE QUESTION,KYLE.

AT SIZZLER, WHEN YOU WEREYELLING, "MUFF CABBAGE."

WHAT'S MUFF CABBAGE?

- IT'S A--IT'S A JERSEY THING.

- ON THIS DAY,LET US ALL REMEMBER

THAT NO PEOPLE ON THIS EARTHARE REALLY ENEMIES--

ONLY FOLKS WITH DIFFERENCES.

[gunshot]

- TANGO IS DOWN.TANGO IS DOWN.

- WE GOT HIM!