Hey Jimmy, whatare you up to ?

Oh, hey Eric.

I was just trying towrite some new jokes

for my comedyr-r-routine.

Yeah well, you wannado something ?

I wanted to hang outwith Stan and Kyle

but they're all pissed offat me for something

so I have tohang out with you.

Sorry, Eric, but I reallyneed to work, very much.

I haven't writtena good joke in over a week.

Alright, well maybeI can help you.

You know, we can totallywrite some stuff together.

Oh well sure,

I've never really triedworking with a partner

but let's give ita sh-sho-

sho-shotsgarrooski.

Let's see...I was working on this-

Why does a squirrelswim on its back ?

To keep hisn-nuts dry...

Nah, that'snot that funny.

Let's trysomething else.

Uh... A firemanand a P-p-pollack

are eatingmarshmallows, when-

No- No Pollacks aren'tthat funny, dude.

Try something else.

So the pope says

"What are you,a stinking evolutionist ?"

Mehhh...

Here's some fruit, boys.

Better for you thanpotato chips.

Ooh, Jimmy look out,there's a black widow !

Wow, thanks mom !

You might'asaved my life !

Dude, if I'm trying to becreative I can't eat fruit -

Doesn't your mom have somethingmore substantial to eat ?

You can checkthe freezer.

There might be some frozenfishsticks or something.

If you likefishsticks...

Yeah, I like fishsticks.

Wait a minute...fish sticks.

Fish... dicks...

Oh my God,it's so obvious !

How did I neverthink of it before ?

Dude, you gotsomething ?

Alright just run with meon this, Eric.

Say Eric, do youlike fishsticks ?

Yeah.

You like puttingfish dicks in your mouth ?

Yeah.

Well what areyou, Eric...

A gay fish ?

Fish dicks !

Oh dude that'sfunny as shit !

I think we're reallyonto something here !

Let's try it outon the guys !

Oh, there's Clyde,do it to Clyde !

Yeah, Yeah, let'sdo it to Clyde !

Okay, okay, shhh,check it out.

Uh hey there, Clyde.

Hey.

What's going on ?

Eric and Jimmy came up withthe funniest joke ever !

Say Clyde, do youlike fishsticks ?

Yes.

You like to put fishsticksin your mouth ?

Yes.

What are you, Clyde,a gay fish ?

You said you like fish dicksin your mouth

that makes youa gay fish !

Ha-ha !!Ha-ha !

Token, Token, gota question for you.

Token, do youlike fishsticks ?

Fishsticks,yeah, I guess so.

Shh shh, Butters !

You like puttingfishsticks in your mouth ?

Yes.

A gay fish ?What are you,a gay fish ?

Ha ha haaaa !

Hey look there'sKevin Stoley !

Hey Kevin do youlike fishsticks ?

( knock on door )

Hey...Hey Mackey.

Do you likefishsticks ?

Fishsticks ?

Yeah, I likefishsticks, mkay.

Oh hey, Peterson,buying fishsticksI see...

Yeah, I likefishsticks.

What are you Peterson,a gay fish ?

Alright, hey how we allfeeling tonight...

So let me ask the guysin the audience a question-

Do you like fishsticks ?

Yes !Yes !Yes.

Huh... what are you,gay fish ?

And so uh,hey Paul...

Do you likefishsticks, Paul ?

Uh... Sure.

What are you Paul,a gay fish ?

So apparentlymore and more Americans

are eating fishsticks-have you see this ?

Have youread about this ?

Loving fishsticks.

Kind of makes me wonder,you know ?

What is everybody,a gay fish ?

It is quite possibly thefunniest joke ever conceived,

and its origin is unknown.

The fishdicks jokecrosses all borders

all races all agesand ethnic groups

and is slowly unitingour country.

In fact, the only person whoappears to not get the joke

is rapper Kanye West

who becomes furious when peopleuse the joke on him.

Yo' that is messed up, yo.

I am not gay.

And I sure as hellain't no fish, alright ?

You...really don't get it ?

Hey man,I'm a genius, alright.

I'm the most talented musicianin the world.

If I was a homosexualor a fish, I would know !

You're a rapper.

Yes !

An entrepreneur.

Yes.

And you likefish dicks.

Yes.

You're a gay fish.

No I'm notno gay fish.

Just gay ?

I'm not gay andI'm not a fish.

Man !

You are male.

Damn right I'm male !

A male thatlikes fish dicks.

Yeah, I like fishsticks.

You like to put fish dicksin your mouth.

Yeah.

You're a gay fish.

Alright that does it !

I'm gonna kick yourmotherfucking ass !

Dude, that's our joke onnational television !

We know, Cartman.

♪ Nya-nya nya-nyanyaaa nya ♪

♪ We are comedy writers

♪ and youguys aren't ♪

♪ Ha-ha ha-hahaaaa-ha ♪

Jimmy, I'vebeen thinking.

We've got to patentthe fishsticks joke.

Patent ?Yeah, dude.

There's lots of peopleout there using our joke

on their shows.

We should begetting compensated.

Well Eric, that's reallynot how jokes work.

I mean, you know

we should just be happythat the joke is so popular

and made a lotof people laugh.

Dude, fuck that !

Maybe you were writing jokesfor people's amusement

but I don't work for free.

I'm gonnatalk to a lawyer

so we get what'scoming to us.

Jimmy, exactly what partof the fishdicks joke

did Cartman write ?

Well... He didn't actuallywrite any of it...

He just uh...

Let me guess-you wrote the joke

and Cartman just laid onthe couch eating Twizzlers.

Actually itwas potato chips.

I knew it !

Don't let that fat turdwalk all over you, Jimmy !

Stand up for yourself !

Well I mean,he was in the room.

Then justgive him half.

What ?

I like you, Jimmy.

But you're notgonna win this.

Consider yourself luckyhe's only asking for half.

Craig, if Cartmandidn't do anything

then he doesn't deserveany of the credit.

Yup.

And and if I had wheels,I'd be a wagon.

No dude, screw that !

Jimmy, if Cartman didn'twrite the joke

then definitely don't signany patent papers with him !

Just say 'Cartman,

'you didn't have anythingto do with this joke,

and you know it !'

Just give him half.

making up rumors about me

that aremalicious and untrue !

But I am going to proveonce and for all

I am not a fish.

Because I am a genius

I have ascertainedthat fish have gills.

Doctor, do I have gills ?

He does nothave gills.

You hear that,no gills.

So I can't be a fish.

And I'm a genius voice of ageneration, so I'm not gay.

So that is that,alright, it's over.

Now are thereany questions ?

Do you likefishsticks ?

Love 'em !

You're a gay fish.

No, I'm not,ahghghgh !!

Alright, recently...

Recently we've all come to knowthe fishsticks joke

as probably the funniest,most awesome joke ever.

But who originallycame up with it ?

Well, here's your answer-

Joining us tonight,the brains behind

the incrediblefishsticks joke --

The one and only,Carlos Mencia !

Yeah,Viva la Mexico !

So Carlos, you've gota show on Comedy Central

a stand up tour,where did you have time

to come up withthis classic joke ?

Well, you know, I was justkickin' it with my homies

and my brain -you know my brain

is always so full of ideas'cuz I'm so funny and stuff...

So I was all like -

"Hey Pepeeto,you like fishsticks ?"

And my homeboy says,

'Yeah Carlos y'knowyou're so funny'.

And then it justoccurred to me,

'Oh man, you must bea gay fish, holmes !'

That's just how I cameup with it, mi amigos !

Motherfucker !

Carlos Mencia is takingcredit for our joke !

Really ?

Yeah dude, I told youthis would happen.

Now look, I got a lawyer todraw up some patent papers.

We've got to sign theseso that people know

that the joke belongsto you and me !

Uh... I don't know, Eric.

I really don't think I want tosign that, very much.

But Jimmy, some fat turdis taking credit

for somethinghe didn't do !

Well, to be perfectlyf-f-frank, Eric,

I think I came up witha little bit more of the joke

than you did.

What ?

Well, you know, I mean,I basically wrote the thing

and you just kind of...ate chips.

Jimmy, that's messed up.

We decided that dayto write together.

Don't you remember ?

Hey Jimmy,you wanna hang out ?

Sorry, Eric, but I gottawrite some jokes.

Unless you wannateam up or something ?

Team up ?

Okay, let's writesome jokes together.

Here's some fishdicks guys,hope you like fishdicks.

"Do we likefishsticks ?"

What does she thinkwe are, gay fish ?

Ha-ha !Ha-ha !

Ooh, look out Jimmy,it's a black widow !

Wow, thanks Eric !

Is that... Is thathow it happened ?

Look, exactly who came upwith which part of the joke

isn't even relevant.

We had anagreement, Jimmy

and if you wannago back on that now...

well then, you'reno better than a Jew.

I'm... I'm sorry ?

It's cool man.

Here he is, ya'll !

Give it up forKanye West !

Yo' uh, yo'.

Yo' woa,what the hell ?

Gay fish !Gay fish !Gay fish !

Gay fish !Gay fish !Gay fish !

Yo' fuckthis noise yo' !

It just doesn'tmake any sense, yo' !

Why's everyone calling mea gay fish ?

Kanye, look, we all thinkit would be better

if you wouldjust drop it.

You know, I mean,if you don't get it

you don't get it.

What you meanI don't get it, house ?

I'm a genius !

I'll understand it,

I just need tobreak it down, is all.

Now let's see...something about fishsticks-

Interacting with me,makes me gay fish...

Kanye, really--

Shut up !

Alright what do we knowabout fishsticks...

They're breaded...they're fried, they're frozen.

Then under mewe have rapper... genius...

Gay fishare homosexual...

they swim...

Is it because breaded hassomething to do with genius ?

Which swims ?

No, because you said youlike fish dicks, Kanye.

Don't you get it ?

You see fish dicksis a play on words.

I don't need anyonetelling me play on words

I'm a motherfuckinglyrical wordsmith

motherfucking genius !

Dude, get outta here,I'm peeing.

It's just...

I don't know whatto do about Jimmy.

I'm starting to think hemight try and Jew me out of

my half of thefishsticks joke.

I just need youto teach me some

Jew defensive moves, Kyle.

Because we really bothdid come up with it.

You know what, Cartman ?

I believe you.

You do ?Yes.

I believe thatyou believe

you helpedwrite that joke.

That's how peoplelike you work.

Your ego isso out of whack

that it will do whateverit can to protect itself.

And people witha messed up ego

can do thesemental gymnastics

to convince themselvesthey're awesome

when really they'rejust douchebags.

But... I'm sure I helpedcome up with the joke...

Didn't I ?

Hey Jimmy,what's up, dawg ?

Oh hey Eric !

Just working onsome jokes.

That's cool, you wannawrite some together ?

Heym, that'd be great !

I've always wantedto work with you.

You're really funny andyou're totally not fat.

Cool, thanks,let's get to work.

Now let's see...

Something that'sa play on words.

I dunno... fishsticks.

You know, 'cuz dicks.

Hey, you're reallyonto something there !

Hello Eric,I have some chips

because you're totallynot fat at all.

Oh thank you,Mrs. Valmer.

Now let's see...

The setup could be"Do you like fishsticks ?"

Right, and thenI say 'yeah'

So then I can say'What are you a gay fish ?'

Oh wow this isincredible !

( Mrs. V. )What is that ?

It's a dragonof some kind !

Don't worryI can save you all !

Hughgh !!

Hey look, Erickilled a dragon !

He's the most awesomekid in school !

And he's notfat at all !

Thanks you guys !

Nope...

No, I definitelyhelped write the joke.

All I can hope is Jimmydoesn't try to Jew me over.

that I'm fashionable andfishsticks are crunchy ?

Yo' Kanye, Kanye,we found 'em, money !

Found who ?

You told usto track down

whoever started thewhole fishstick thang.

We found out who, dawg.

Come on, man,what is this man ?

What the fuckis going on man ?

Oh fuck, man,Kanye West -

Oh no, oh shit, man...okay look it wasn't me -

I didn't really start thefishstick thing, alright ?

You just sayin' that now'cuz you're scared !

No man, it's true,I stole it, man !

I took credit for it 'cuzI'm not actually funny !

Come on man, do you knowwhat that's like ?

Being a comedian butnot being funny ?

Come on, Kanye,I just take jokes

and re-package them witha Mexican accent man.

You think you canmake fun of me ?

I'm a genius !

I'm the voiceof a generation !

What are you !?

Nothing !

Look at me man...

I'm not funny, I steal jokes,my dick don't work, man...

I got to piss in a plastic bag,man, I got no dick !

I'm not gonnahurt you.

I pay peopleto do that for me.

Oh shit, oh no man,come on I got no dick man-

Ahhh ahh !

( sobbing )

Now, explainit to me.

Why do people thinkI'm a gay fish ?

'Cuz... 'cuz you likefishsticks, man.

Come on, man...don't you get it ?

Please...just get it man...

Why- look at melook at me !

I love fishsticks...

I love puttingfishsticks in my mouth.

You're, you'rea gay fish, man.

Well, about a week ago

our country was blessedwith the fishsticks joke.

And ever since then,us comedians

have been kicking ourselvesfor not thinking of it !

But today, we have with usthe true creators

of the fishsticks joke-

Please welcome the comedy teamof Cartman and Valmer !

Hey guys !

Hi Ellen !

You guys likefishsticks ?

Thank you, thank youno really, thank you.

So guys I gotta ask,

How did you come upwith this incredible joke ?

It was just-

Ellen, comedy is like a gameof racquetball, you know ?

You serve, and the otherperson hits it back.

It bounces off the wall-you backhand it.

And it goes back and forthand back and forth !

Then hopefully, you'vegot a good joke.

Thank you.

But guys, this jokeis so... perfect.

Can you explain how nobodythought of it before ?

Well Ellen, the t-t-t-truth of the matter is

that there's never reallybeen a team like us before.

I mean, let's beperfectly honest

a lot of people wouldn'twork with someone

who was disabled,but I see past that.

I look beyond Jimmy'sdisabilities and find a bond-

Which can unite usin comedy.

Working with crippled peopleis really important.

That's so great...and are you crying Jimmy ?

Yes ma'am.

Oh don't cry pal, you'regonna get me started.

Anyway, what was importantfor us, as a team, Ellen

was to make sure thateveryone knew that

we came up with the joke,

and notCarlos-butthole-Mencia.

I see, and did you knowthat Carlos Mencia

was found dead inhis house this morning

with fishsticks stuffeddown his open neck hole ?

Uhhh... excuse me ?

Get my jet ready !

Looks like we gotanother inning to play.

Alright so check it out,

we've got offers fromVan de Camps

and Gorton's Fishermen,to do commercials !

It's always been my dreamto go on a national TV show

and talk aboutthe craft of comedy.

Yeah, that wascool, huh ?

Eric, there's somethingI really need to know.

What's that ?

How do you livewith yourself ?

You know you had nothing to dowith the fishsticks joke -

but you justkeep pretending.

How do you look at yourselfin the fucking mirror ?

That's whatI want to know !

So...here it is.

How do you take credit forsomething you didn't do ?

That is bullcrap Jimmyand you know it !

I had just as much to dowith the fishsticks joke

as you did !

Dude, it's Puff Daddy !

Tie up thesemotherfuckers !

Now, I'm gonna ask youmotherfuckers one more time.

Why did you startthese rumors about me ?

Please, I wasn't startingrumors about you.

I don't even knowwho you are !

Oh right, everyoneknows who I am !

I want to knowhow this got started.

Wul, we were just talkingabout ideas for jokes and-

Oh so now it's we,huh, Jimmy ?

A minute ago you saidyou did it all yourself !

Wul, I just a bu- I bu-

Uh bubbu bubbua-bubbu !

We both came upwith it together.

You wanna knowhow it happened ?

Hello, Jim.

Oh boy, it's mybest pal Eric !

What you up to ?

I'm tryingto write jokes

but I'm not as funnyas you, so it's tough.

Well, maybeI can help you.

We can team up !

Really ?

Wow, you would help meeven though I'm crippled.

You are caringand not fat.

Now let's see,how about a joke

that has somethingto do with fishsticks.

You know,'cuz fishsticks

sounds likefish dicks, Jimmy.

Eric Cartman,you are handsome

and not evenremotely fat.

Thanks- so whatI'm thinking is,

Do you like fishsticksin your mouth ?

What was that ?

Eric, Eric youhave to save us !

An entire army ofJew robots !

( screaming )

Oh my God, what areJew Bots doing here ?

Flame on !

Flame off !

You saved everyone fromthe Jewbots, Cartman !

C'mon Jimmy, we gotta go backand finish that joke !

"...like fishsticksin your mouth ?"

"What are youa gay fish ?" -There !

Wow Eric, incredible !

Too bad I'm a dick andI'm gonna take all the credit.

S-s-suck it, bitch.

Aw, dammit.

I guess it really wasall me who came up with it.

What ? !

You gotta let Jimmy go,it's all my fault.

Jesus Eric...

He's gonna kill you.

You won't even admitit was just me

knowing you'regonna die ?

Jimmy, you really believethat you came up with it

all on your own ?

Oh my God, wait...I totally get it now !

What, I still don'tget anything !

All this time I've beenmad at you Jimmy

for trying to takeall the credit.

But now I realize it'sjust that your ego

has made you believe thingshappened differently.

That's what Kyle wastrying to tell me.

That you havesuch a huge ego

you do thesemental gymnastics

to make yourselfa part of things.

R-really ?

I thought you werejust trying to

Jew me out ofmy part of the credit

but now I realizethat some people

just have egos thatare so out of whack-

That no matter whatpeople tell them,

they can't accept thetruth of who they are.

Jimmy, I owe youan apology.

I realize now youcan't help believing

you createdthe entire joke,

because your ego won'tlet you think otherwise.

I just have toaccept that.

Thanks, Eric,

for being sounderstanding.

He's right...

For so long I'veconsidered myself

God's gift to the world

that I couldn't take itwhen people made fun of me.

But they weren'tmaking fun of me...

They were tryingto help me.

Boys, I understandwhat you did now.

Untie them guys...I know what I have to do.

It's time for meto stop running.

I need to believewhat people tell me.

Let all my fans knowI love 'em

but a gay fishjust can't live

in the outside world forever.

Don't be sadfor me, guys--

I'm going home !

Uh - c'mon !

♪ I been so lonely, girlI've been so sad and down ♪

♪ I couldn't understandwhy haters joked around ♪

♪ I wanted to be freewith other creatures like me ♪

♪ And now I got my wish

♪ 'cause I know thatI'm a gay fish ♪

Gay fish, yo'

I'm a fish, yo'

♪ It's alright, girl

♪ Makin' love to othergay fish ♪

♪ All those lonely nightsat the grocery store ♪

♪ In the frozen fish aislefeelin' like a whore ♪

♪ 'Cause I wasn't bein' truey'know everyone said ♪

♪ That I have tomake a switch ♪

♪ Now I knowthat I'm a gay fish ♪

Gay fish, yo'

I'm a fish, yo'

♪ Now I'm whereI belong, girl ♪