HEY TOKEN.
YOU GONNA WATCH THEGAME TONIGHT, BUTTERS ?
AAAAHG !
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT !
I WAS NOT RESPONSIBLEFOR 9-11 !
GOD DAMMIT !
HELLO BOOBIE, HOW WASSCHOOL TODAY ?
TERRIBLE.
OH, COME ON, SCHOOLISN'T ALL THAT BAD.
BUT, EVERYONE THINKS I WASRESPONSIBLE FOR 9-11.
WHAT-WHAT-WHATTT ?
WE HAVE TODO SOMETHING.
IT IS OBVIOUSTHAT OUR CHILDREN
ARE STILL COMPLETELYCONFUSED ABOUT 9-11 !
YES, WE NEED TO GO OVER ITAGAIN IN THE CLASSROOMS
SO THEY UNDERSTANDWHAT REALLY HAPPENED.
WELL... WHATREALLY HAPPENED ?
THERE'S STRONG EVIDENCETHAT WHAT WE WERE TOLD
ISN'T THE TRUTH.
OH NO.COME ON.OH BROTHER.
THAT'S RIGHT.
DID YOU KNOW THAT THEREWERE EXPLOSIONS SEEN
AT THE BASEOF THE TOWERS ?
OH BROTHER.NO, NO.ARE YOU RETARDED ?
LOOK, WHATEVERYOU BELIEVE
THE FACT OF THE MATTERIS SOMEBODY...
DROPPED A DOOKIN THE SCHOOL URINAL
AND THERE'S STILL NOEXPLANATION FOR THAT !
MR. MACKEY, THERE ARE MOREIMPORTANT THINGS GOING ON HERE.
MORE IMPORTANT ?
YOU AREN'T THE ONE
WHO HAD TO WALK INTOTHE BOY'S BATHROOM, M'KAY
AFTER HAVING TOWAKE UP EARLY, YOU KNOW,
THERE'S NO COFFEE IN THETEACHER'S LOUNGE
AND THEN YOU WALKINTO THE BATHROOM
TO JUST FIND A BIG DOOKLAYING THERE IN THE URINAL.
LIKE IT'S LAUGHING AT YA.
HE'S RIGHT.
THE TURD COULD HAVE BEENPUT IN THERE
TO COVER UP 9-11 !
NO, I'M NOT SAYINGTHEY'RE RELATED !
HOW DO WE KNOWTHEY'RE NOT ?
WE NEED TO BE BRAVE ENOUGHTO ASK QUESTIONS !
IT'S OBVIOUS THATBEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER
WE NEED TO FIND OUT WHO WASBEHIND 9-11 ONCE AND FOR ALL !
WELL, WHO ELSE COULDIT HAVE BEEN.
THIS IS TOO BIGOF A MYSTERY FOR ME.
I THINK WE BETTER CALLIN THE HARDLY BOYS.
OH NO, NOTTHE GOD DAMN--
THE HARDLY BOYS
TWO SMART YOUNGWHIPPER SNAPPERS
WITH A TASTE FORSOLVING MYSTERIES.
THE HARDLY BOYS IN:
SO THAT'S ABOUT THE LONG ANDSHORT OF IT, HARDLY BOYS.
THERE WERE TWO TOWERSTHAT STOOD RIGHT HERE,
AND THEY'RE GONE.
AND NOBODY KNOWSWHO'S RESPONSIBLE ?
THERE ARE THEORIES,BUT NOBODY'S CERTAIN.
HMM, WHO WOULDBENEFIT MOST
FROM TWO BUILDINGSDISAPPEARING ?
OH, I JUST STARTEDGETTING A CLUE.
REALLY ?
YEAH I'M TOTALLYGETTING A CLUE.
OH, THAT'S GIVINGME A CLUE.
YEAH, I'VE GOT ARAGING CLUE RIGHT NOW.
MINE'S POINTINGTO THE LEFT.
OH, FRANK, SERIOUSLY I HAVESUCH A RAGING CLUE RIGHT NOW
I THINK WEBETTER FOLLOW IT.
OKAY, LET'S FOLLOWYOUR RAGING CLUE...
GOD SPEED.
EXCUSE ME, THERE'S BEENA MISUNDERSTANDING...
COME ON IN,MR. PRESIDENT.
MR. PRESIDENT,MY NAME IS--
SHUT UP.
YOU THINK WE DON'TKNOW YOUR NAME ?
WE KNOW EVERYTHING.
WE CONTROLEVERYTHING.
WE'VE ALLWORKED VERY HARD
TO KEEP OUR INVOLVEMENTIN 9-11 A SECRET.
BUT YOU JUST HAD TOKEEP DIGGING.
REALLY ?
YOU WON'TGET AWAY WITH IT.
PEOPLE KNOW.
"PEOPLE"YOU MEAN SHEEPLE.
WE HAVE THE MAJORITY OF THEMKEPT IN BLISSFUL IGNORANCE.
JUST ONE MORE LEAKTO FIX.
WAIT...WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
YOU'VE BEEN A THORN IN OUR SIDEFOR TOO LONG, I'M AFRAID.
NO, YOU CAN'TDO THIS !
PLEASE, I'LL STOP !
I'LL TAKE DOWNTHE WEBSITE.
MR. MH-RMHPH !RMHMHPMH !
TOO LATE !
( gunshot )
JESUS CHRIST !
HA HA HA...HE DIED LIKE A PIG.
SOME PIGSNEVER LEARN.
NO, WAY !
HE WAS RIGHTYOU D CAUSE 9-11 !
YES, QUITE SIMPLETO PULL OFF, REALLY.
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS HAVEEXPLOSIVES PLANTED
IN THE BASE OF THE TOWERS.
THEN ON 9-11 WE PRETENDED LIKEFOUR PLANES WERE BEING HIJACKED
WHEN REALLY WE JUST RE-ROUTEDTHEM TO PENNSYLVANIA.
THEN FLEW TWO MILITARY JETSINTO THE WORLD TRADE CENTER
FILLED WITH MORE EXPLOSIVESAND SHOT DOWN ALL THE WITNESSES
IN FLIGHT 93 WITH AN F-15,
AFTER BLOWING UP THE PENTAGONWITH A CRUISE MISSILE.
IT WAS ONLY THEWORLD'S MOST INTRICATE
AND FLAWLESSLY EXECUTEDPLAN EVER, EVER.
REALLY ?WHY ?
THE OLDEST REASONIN THE WORLD... MONEY.
THE TOWERS FELL AND THE AMERICANSHEEPLE ALL WAVED THEIR FLAGS.
FINALLY WE COULDINVADE IRAQ,
AND GET THE OIL WHICH MADE USALL EVEN RICHER THAN BEFORE.
BEAUTIFUL MONEY,HA HA HAAA !
REALLY ?
IS THE WHOLE GOVERNMENTIN ON THIS ?
WE ARE ALL-KNOWINGAND ALL-POWERFUL.
GOODBYE, BOYS.
( alarms ringing )
DANGIT, I MISSED AGAIN !
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE,CHENEY !
KYLE, RUN !
KILL THEMMMMM !
WHO ARE YOU ?
I'M A DETECTIVE.
AND I'M AFRAID YOU KIDSHAVE BEEN DOUBLE-CROSSED.
YOU'VE FIGUREDTHIS THING ALL OUT ?
NOT ME...MY MYSTERY-SOLVING SONS.
COME ON IN, BOYS.
MY BOYS WERE RESEARCHINGWHO WENT NUMBER TWO
IN THE URINALAT YOUR SCHOOL
WHEN THEY DISCOVEREDSOMETHING ODD
WHICH GAVE THEM A CLUE.
IT GAVE USBOTH A CLUE.
THAT CLUE LEAD THEM TOA 9-11 CONSPIRACY GROUP PARTY.
WHERE THEY GOTA LOT MORE CLUES.
I WAS GETTING A CLUE LIKEEVERY TWO MINUTES.
I GOT SUCHA RAGING CLUE,
THAT I ALMOST SHOTCLUE GOO ALL OVER JOE.
THOSE CLUES POINTED OUT THAT ALLTHE 9-11 CONSPIRACY THEORIES
COULD BE DISPROVENSCIENTIFICALLY.
AND THAT'S WHEN FRANKGOT HIS BIGGEST CLUE.
IT WAS HUGE.
THAT ALL THE 9-11CONSPIRACY WEBSITES
ARE RUN BYTHE GOVERNMENT...
THE 911 CONSPIRACY...
IS A GOVERNMENTCONSPIRACY.
OH JESUS.
WHY WOULD THE GOVERNMENTWANT PEOPLE TO THINK
THEY CAUSED 9-11 ?
FOR A GOVERNMENTTO HAVE POWER
THEY MUST APPEAR TO HAVECOMPLETE CONTROL.
WHAT BETTER WAYTO MAKE PEOPLE FEAR THEM
THAN TO CONVINCE THEMTHEY ARE CAPABLE OF
THE MOST ELABORATE PLANON EARTH ?
THAT'S QUITEENOUGH, HARDLY !
DON'T BELIEVEWHAT HE SAYS, BOYS.
WE CAUSED 9-11.
IT'S ALL RIGHT HEREIN THESE SECRET DOCUMENTS.
BUT YOU'LL NEVER GET THEM !
( yawn )
I KNEW IT-YOU DIDN'T PLAN 9-11
AND YOU DIDN'T REALLYSHOOT THAT GUY !
BOYS, YOUDON'T UNDERSTAND.
PEOPLE NEED TO THINKTHAT WE ARE ALL-POWERFUL
THAT WE CONTROL THE WORLD.
IF THEY KNOW WE WEREN'TIN CHARGE OF 9-11
THEN WE APPEARTO CONTROL NOTHING.
WHY DON'T YOU JUSTTELL PEOPLE THE TRUTH ?
WE DO THAT TOO !
AND MOST PEOPLEBELIEVE THE TRUTH !
BUT ONE-FOURTH OFTHE POPULATION IS RETARDED.
IF THEY WANT TO BELIEVE WECONTROL EVERYTHING
WITH INTRICATE PLANS,WHY NOT LET THEM ?
JUST ONE THING,MR. PRESIDENT
HOW THE DEVIL DID YOUKNOW WE WERE ALL HERE ?
( gun cocking )
HOW COME YOU COULDN'TJUST GO HOME, DUDE ?
THAT'S ALLWE HAD TO DO.
STAN !WHAT THE F--K !
IT WAS ALLPLANNED OUT.
YOU KNEW THISWHOLE TIME ?
WHY ?
BECAUSE IT WAS ME...
I'M THE ONE WHO TOOKA DUMP IN THE URINAL.
WHAT ?
THE STALLS WERE FULL AND IDIDN'T WANT TO MISS RECESS !
I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULDTURN INTO SUCH A BIG DEAL !
SO YOU BLAMEDTHE GOVERNMENT ?
AND THE GOVERNMENT WAS MORE THANWILLING TO TAKE THE BLAME
SO LONG AS IT MADE THEMLOOK RESPONSIBLE FOR 9-11.
AW MAN, NOW EVERYONE'SGONNA KNOW.
WHY DID THE STUPIDHARDLY BOYS HAVE TO BE
SO GOOD ATSOLVING MYSTERIES ?
SO, WAIT, WAIT-- STAN TOOKTHE DUMP IN THE URINAL,
AND HE CONTACTEDTHE CONSPIRACY WEBSITE,
BUT THE CONSPIRACY SITE WASRUN BY THE GOVERNMENT ?
YEAH.
SO THEN WHO WASRESPONSIBLE FOR 9-11 !
WHAT'DYA MEAN ?
A BUNCH OFPISSED-OFF MUSLIMS.
YEAH, WHAT AREYOU, RETARDED ?
HA HA !HA HA !HA HA !
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKETHIS MYSTERY IS SOLVED !
IT'S TIME FOR THE CULPRITTO FINALLY PAY.
WHEN YOU DOOK IN THE URINAL,IT'S BAD, M'KAY ?
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
IF SOMEBODY CAMEINTO YOUR HOME, M'KAY,
PULLED DOWN THEIR PANTS
AND LAID A BIG MUD MONKEYRIGHT ON YOUR MOM'S FACE ?
OH, YOU THINKTHAT'S FUNNY, HUH ?
YEAH, THAT'S REAL FUNNY !
( school bell ringing )
...AND SO CLASS,
THAT IS WHEN JOLIECOUNTERED BACK TO ANISTON
AND SAID THINGS LIKE--
OH HELLO,MR. MACKEY.
ALL THE GIRLS GO OUTIN THE HALL, PLEASE.
I NEED TO SPEAK WITH THEBOYS OF THIS CLASS, M'KAY.
BOYS, WE HAVEA VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM.
I'VE JUST COME FROMTHE MEN'S RESTROOM,
AND SOMEBODY...WENT NUMBER TWO IN THE URINAL.
WHAT'S A URINAL ?
THE WALL TOILETFOR PEEING IN.
AND SOME JOKESTER,TOOK A POOP IN IT, M'KAY.
NOW, I WANT WHOEVER DID ITTO COME FORWARD RIGHT NOW
AND IT WILL BE LESS PAINFULFOR EVERYBODY, M'KAY ?
WHO WOULD TAKE A DUMPIN THE URINAL.
IT'S SUCH ASENSELESS CRIME.
MR. MACKEY, I THINKYOU MIGHT WANT TO ENTERTAIN
THAT THIS IS SOME KIND OFCONSPIRACY...
JUST 9-11.
OH GOD, HERE WEGO AGAIN.
9-11 WAS NOTA CONSPIRACY, FAT ASS !
OH REALLY ?
DO YOU JUST BELIEVE EVERYTHINGYOU'RE TOLD, KYLE ?
EXCUSE ME !
CAN WE GET BACK TOTHE ISSUE, PLEASE ?
YOU ALL DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTANDHOW SERIOUS THIS IS !
NOW WHO MADE DOOKIEIN THE URINAL ?
( all snickering )
OH YOU THINKIT'S FUNNY, HUH ?
M'KAY, M'KAY, YOU'RE GONNATHINK IT'S REAL FUNNY
WHEN THE POLICE GET HERE !
BUT THERE JUST ISN'T REALLYANY EVIDENCE TO GO ON...
BUT THERE MUST HAVEBEEN SOME MOTIVE
NOBODY WOULD JUST DOOK IN THE URINAL FOR NO REASON.
BUT WHO WOULD BENEFIT FROMCRAPPING IN THE URINAL ?
THIS IS TOO BIGA MYSTERY FOR ME,
I THINK WE BETTERCALL IN THE HARDLY BOYS.
THE HARDLY BOYS !
TWO YOUNGWHIPPER SNAPPERS
SOLVING MYSTERIES !
THE HARDLY BOYS IN:
SO THAT'S IT, HARDLY BOYS,WE'VE GOT NO LEADS
AND NOBODY ADMITTINGTO THE CRIME.
THAT SURE ISA MYSTERY.
YEAH IT SOUNDSSUPER-HARD.
WHOEVER DID IT MUST HAVE BEENANGRY WITH THE SCHOOL.
OH... OH, I THINKI'M GETTING A CLUE.
REALLY ?
YEAH, THIS IS TOTALLYGIVING ME A CLUE RIGHT NOW.
OH, I'M STARTINGTO GET A CLUE TOO !
MY CLUE'S KINDAPOINTING THIS WAY.
OH, YEAH, NOWI'VE GOT A TOTAL CLUE.
I'VE STILL GOTA RAGING CLUE.
MY CLUE'S POINTINGOVER THERE NOW.
OH LET'S FOLLOWTHAT CLUE.
DID THEY FIND OUT WHOCRAPPED IN THE URINAL YET ?
NOT YET.
THEY AREN'T GOING TOFIND OUT WHO DID IT.
BUT THEY'LL MAKE UPA SCAPEGOAT,
SEND HIM TO DETENTION
AND MAKE USALL BELIEVE IT.
IT'LL BE 9-11ALL OVER AGAIN.
WILL YOU SHUT UPABOUT 9-11 ?
KYLE, WHY ARE YOUSO AFRAID OF THE TRUTH ?
BECAUSE ANYBODY WHO THINKS9-11 WAS A CONSPIRACY
IS A RETARD !
OH REALLY ?
DID YOU KNOW THAT OVERONE-FOURTH OF PEOPLE IN AMERICA
THINK THAT 9-11WAS A CONSPIRACY ?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT ONE-FOURTHOF AMERICANS ARE RETARDS ?
YES, I'M SAYING ONE-FOURTHOF AMERICANS ARE RETARDS.
YEAH, AT LEASTONE-FOURTH.
LET'S TAKE A TEST SAMPLE: THERE'S FOUR OF US,
YOU'RE A RETARD-THAT'S ONE-FOURTH.
THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLEWHO KNOW THE TRUTH, KYLE.
BUTTERS !
HEY FELLAS !
BUTTERS, DO YOU THINK9-11 WAS JUST A PLOT
BY SOME ANGRY TERRORISTS,
OR DO YOU THINK THERE WASSOME KIND OF COVER UP ?
WELL, I HEARD THAT 9-11WAS CAUSED BY PRESIDENT BUSH.
AH HA, YOU SEE ?
WHERE DID YOUHEAR THAT ?
FROM ERIC.
I REST MY CASE.
BUTTERS, YOU DON'T REALLYBELIEVE THAT DO YOU ?
WUL... I MEAN...YOU NEVER KNOW.
THE GOVERNMENT DOES SOMEPRETTY SPOOKY THINGS.
THE GOVERNMENT AND THECORPORATIONS HEADED BY THE JEWS
THAT CARRIED OUT 9-11.
THAT'S RIGHT, BUTTERS.
GOD DAMMIT !
YOU SEEWHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU SPREAD THISSTUPID CRAP, FAT ASS !
WHAT- PEOPLE SEETHE TRUTH ?
CAN I GO NOW ?
YOU GUYS ARE BLIND !
I CAN'T BELIEVETHAT EVERYONE HERE
IS JUST BUYING INTO WHATTHEY'RE TOLD BY THE MEDIA.
I'M GOING TO GOFIND OUT THE TRUTH.
I'M GONNA BLOW THE LID OFFTHIS WHOLE 9-11 CONSPIRACY
ONCE AND FOR ALL.
OH NO...
♪ IS IT WRONG FOR METO ASK QUESTIONS ♪
♪ IS IT WRONGTO SEEK THE TRUTH ♪
♪ I CAN'T JUST BLINDLYACCEPT THEIR VERSION ♪
♪ I CAN'T BASE MY LOGICON PROOF ♪
♪ ALMOST ALL THE EVIDENCEPOINTS ONE WAY ♪
♪ BUT I'M LIKE CHARLIE SHEENAND GLORIA ESTEFAN ♪
♪ I NEED TO KNOWWHAT REALLY HAPPENED ♪
♪ ON 9-11
♪ 9-11, 9-11
♪ WHAT REALLY HAPPENEDON 9-11... ♪♪
OF COURSE...IT'S SO OBVIOUS...
HOW DID WE NOTSEE IT BEFORE...
HE'S A FROG, NOT A TOADBECAUSE TOADS DON'T RIBBIT.
I THINK FROGSARE GOOD PETS.
( scattered applause )
OKAY, THANK YOU, LEEROY,
THANKS FOR SHARING YOURDUMB LITTLE FROG WITH THE CLASS.
OKAY, ANYBODY ELSE HAVESOMETHING FOR SHOW AND TELL ?
OH, OOHH !
ALRIGHT, ERIC,YOU CAN GO NEXT.
FOR SHOW AND TELL TODAY,I HAVE BROUGHT
MY SHOCKING POWERPOINT REPORTON THE TRUTH...
BEHIND THE 9-11 ATTACKS.
OH CHRIST...
WE ARE TOLD TO BELIEVE THATTHE FIRE FROM THE JET FUEL
MELTED THE STEEL FRAMINGOF THE TOWERS,
WHICH LED TO THEIR COLLAPSE.
BUT DID YOU KNOWJET FUEL DOESN'T BURN
AT A HIGH ENOUGH TEMPERATURETO MELT STEEL ?
WE WERE TOLD THE PENTAGON WASHIT BY A HIJACKED PLANE AS WELL.
BUT NOW LOOK AT THISPHOTO OF THE PENTAGON.
THE HOLE IS NOTNEARLY BIG ENOUGH.
AND IF A PLANE HIT IT...WHERE'S THE REST OF THE PLANE ?
WOAH...
SO NOW, THEINEVITABLE QUESTION.
IF TERRORISTS DIDN'TCAUSE 9-11, WHO DID ?
REMEMBER THAT THERE AREIN FACT, TWO TOWERS.
TWO MINUS ONE, IS ONE.
ONE, ONE- ELEVEN.
TWO MINUS ONE, IS ONE.
ONE, ONE- AND THERE ARE9 MEMBERS ON
SILVERSTEIN'S BOARDOF DIRECTORS.
THAT'S 9-1-1,9-11.
AND TAKE TWO, MINUS ONE,PLUS NINE ELEVEN
AND YOU GET TWELVE.
WHICH LEADS US ALLTO THE MASTERMIND
OF THE 9-11 ATTACKS...
KYLE.
ME ?
12 CONTAINS THE NUMBERS ONE AND TWO.
JUST LIKE THETOILET YESTERDAY,
WHERE SOMEBODY WENT NUMBER TWOINSTEAD OF NUMBER ONE.
ADD ONE AND TWOWITH NINE ELEVEN
AND YOU GET 914.
DROP THE 4 AND IT'S "91"
EXACTLY THE SCORE KYLEGOT ON HIS SPELLING TEST
TWELVE DAYSAFTER 9-11.
WHO HAD THE MOSTTO GAIN FROM 9-11 ?
KYLE !
WHO WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND THEMORNING THE TOWERS FELL ?
KYLE !
WHO DROPPED THE DEUCEIN THE URINAL ?
KYLE !
BUT PROBABLY THE MOSTDAMNING OF ALL
IS THE EVIDENCE SEEN INTHIS PHOTO OF TOWER 2
WHEN I ZOOMED IN, I SAW WHATFIRST APPEARED TO BE A BLUR
BUT WHENI COMPUTER-ENHANCED IT...
YOU ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH IT,YOU SNEAKY BUTTHOLE.
( school bell ringing )
KYLE !AAHGGH !
DUDE, DO YOU MINDTELLING ME WHY CIA GUYS
ARE COMING TO MY HOUSE ANDQUESTIONING ME ABOUT YOU ?
I DON'T KNOW, DUDE !
IT'S LIKE EVERYONE'SPUTTING PIECES TOGETHER
THAT AREN'T THERE !
BUT WHY DID YOUHAVE TO INVOLVE ME ?
IT'S NOT MY FAULT !
ALRIGHT, LOOK, I'VE BEEN DOINGA LOT OF RESEARCH ON THE WEB
AND I FOUND AN ORGANIZATIONWHO SAYS THEY CAN PROVE
YOU WEREN'TINVOLVED IN 9-11.
REALLY ?
COME ON, WE'LLGO OUT THE BACK
SO THEY DON'T SEE YOU.
THERE'S JUST ONE THINGI NEED TO KNOW BEFORE WE GO...
YOU WEREN'T RESPONSIBLEFOR 9-11, RIGHT.
DUDE !
THAT'S ALL I NEEDED.
NOW YOU MIGHT ALL THINKI'VE GIVEN UP
ON FINDING WHO CRAPPEDIN THE URINAL, M'KAY.
AND MAYBE, MAYBE YOU THINKIT'S A VICTIMLESS CRIME...
THIS IS MR. VENEZUELA,THE SCHOOL JANITOR, M'KAY.
HE'S THE PERSONWHO HAS TO CLEAN UP
WHEN SOME TRICKSTER
DROPS A DOOKIN THE WRONG TOILET.
MR. VENEZUELA MAKESSIX BUCKS AN HOUR AT BEST, M'KAY
HE'S GOTTHREE KIDS AT HOME,
HE'S GOT A CARTHAT BARELY WORKS,
HE'S GOT TO CLEAN UP PUKEWITH SAW DUST, M'KAY,
THEN HE WALKSINTO THE BOYS ROOM
AND SEES A BIG MEATY CHUDSTARIN' HIM IN THE FACE.
SO WHEN YOU CRAPPEDIN THAT URINAL, M'KAY,
YOU MIGHT AS WELL'VEJUST DROPPED YOUR PANTS
AND LAID A TURD RIGHT ONMR. VENEZUELA'S HEAD.
OH, YOU THINKIT'S FUNNY, HUH !?
MR. MACKEY,WE GOT HIM !
HUH ?
WE CAUGHT THE PERSONTHAT DID IT.
HI, WE WERE HOPINGYOU CAN HELP US.
MY FRIEND ISBEING BLAMEDFOR 9-11.
OH JEEZ,COME ON IN, KIDS.
IT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME.
MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE BEINGBLAMED FOR 9-11 EVERY DAY.
THEY ARE ?
YEAH IT'S A WAY OFKEEPING PEOPLE
FROM SEEINGTHE REAL EVIDENCE.
I KNOW IT SEEMS CRAZY,
BUT 9-11 WAS PULLED OFFBY OUR OWN GOVERNMENT.
SO THEY COULD GAIN SUPPORT FORATTACKING THE MIDDLE EAST.
WHAT ?NO, NO, NO.
I KNOW IT'SHARD TO BELIEVE.
DUDE, WHY WOULD THE GOVERNMENTATTACK ITS OWN BUILDINGS ?
IT'S CALLEDTHE FALSE FLAG POLICY.
MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE ENEMYHAS ATTACKED YOU.
GET ALL YOUR CITIZENS RILED UPAND WAVING AMERICAN FLAGS
THEN YOU'RE FREE TO INVADEANY COUNTRY YOU WANT.
THAT'S RETARDED.
LOOK INTO EVIDENCEOF 9-11 AND YOU'LL SEE
THERE ARE A LOT OF HOLESIN THEIR STORY !
THERE'S A LOT OF HOLES INTHE THEORY OF EVOLUTION TOO,
IT DOESN'TMEAN IT'S WRONG.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND !
THE GOVERNMENTCONTROLS EVERYTHING.
THE MEDIA,THE CORPORATIONS
THEY HAVE THE POWER TO DOANYTHING THEY WANT !
HERE LOOK, READ THE LABELSON THESE !
GO ON !READ THEM !
"CODE 2-3-4."
WE THINK THEY CAME FROMA GOVERNMENT OFFICE.
WHAT IS IT ?
IT'S ANTHRAX.
ANTHRAX ?
SOMEDAY, WE'LL USE IT ASEVIDENCE AGAINST THEM.
STAN, WE CAN'T BE SEENWITH THIS NUT JOB !
RAHGHGH !HANDS UP !DON'T MOVE !
( sirens blaring )
AW-AW ! AWWWWW !
I DUNNO.
YOU'VE GOT A WHOLESCHOOL HERE, CLYDE, M'KAY ?
YOU'VE GOT OVERTHREE HUNDRED PEOPLE
THAT NEED TO USETHE BOYS ROOM.
AND YOU DECIDE YOU'RE GONNABE A COMEDIAN, M'KAY,
AND PINCH ONE OFFIN THE URINAL
AND LEAVE IT LAYING THERE FOREVERYONE TO HAVE TO LOOK AT.
M'KAY, YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY,BUT NOBODY ELSE DOES.
THEY'VE GOT TOWALK INTO THAT BATHROOM
AND SEE YOUR RANCID DOOK
PROPPED AGAINSTTHE BACK OF THE URINAL
LIKE A BROWN RAG DOLL.
MR. MACKEY, CLYDE'SPARENTS ARE HERE.
M'KAY, THAT'S GOOD.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOURMOM AND DAD HAVE TO SAY
ABOUT YOURLITTLE POOPSCAPADE.
COME ON IN, PLEASE,
I'M JUST TRYING TOGET YOUR SON TO EXPLAIN
WHY HE WOULD DROPA DOOK IN THE URINAL.
MR. MACKEY...
THERE'S SOMETHINGYOU SHOULD KNOW...
ATTENTION STUDENTS.
APPARENTLY CLYDE COULD NOTHAVE BEEN THE ONE
WHO CRAPPED IN THE URINAL,
BECAUSE CLYDE HAD A COLOSTOMYAT AGE FIVE, M'KAY.
NOW, WHOEVER DID THISUNSPEAKABLE ACT
IS STILL AT LARGE.
THE BOYS BATHROOM IS CLOSEDUNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
BECAUSE ONE OF YOU THOUGHT ITWOULD BE A GOOD IDEA,
TO PULL DOWNYOUR PANTS, M'KAY,
HOVER YOUR BUTT CHEEKSOVER THE URINAL,
AND SQUEEZE OUTA CHOCOLATE HOT DOG, M'KAY.
OH YOU THINKTHAT'S FUNNY, HUH ?
LET ME ASSURETHERE IS NOTHING FUNNY
ABOUT GOING UP TO A NICE, CLEAN,UNSUSPECTING URINAL, M'KAY
DROPPING YOUR PANTS,TURNING AROUND,
SQUATTING OVERTHAT URINAL, M'KAY
MAYBE PULLING YOUR BUTT CHEEKSAPART WITH YOUR HANDS,
AND THEN LAYING OUTA BIG FUDGE DRAGON
FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE.
OH YEAH, THAT'S REAL FUNNY.
I'M GONNA CATCHTHIS SONOFABITCH
IF IT'S THELAST THING I DO, M'KAY !
ALRIGHT, NOW WE HAVE TOSWITCH OVER TO INNER BUS 65.
WE MADE IT, DUDE.
WE SHOULD BE HOMEIN LESS THAN EIGHTEEN HOURS.
THEN WE'LL TELL EVERYONEWHAT WE SAW !
IT JUST DOESN'TSEEM RIGHT.
YEAH, OUR EYES AREFINALLY OPEN, DUDE.
IT'S LIKE WAKING UPFOR THE FIRST TIME.
YEAH, BUT DOESN'TIT SEEM LIKE
WE GOT OUT OF THEWHITE HOUSE PRETTY EASILY ?
I MEAN, IT SEEMS LIKEIT WOULD BE PRETTY HARD
TO ESCAPE FROMTHE WHITE HOUSE
WITH EVERYONE CHASING YOUAND WE JUST KIND OF...
RAN OUT.
WELL DUDE, MAYBE WE'REJUST SUPER BAD-ASS,
HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF THAT ?
HEY !
DUDE, YOU'RE ALIVE ?
COME BACK HERE !
HEY !
AGHGH !
AGHGH !!
AHGH - AHGHGH !!
NO... PLEASE !
DUDE, WHAT THE HELLIS GOING ON ?
DON'T KILL ME !
I JUST DOWHAT THEY SAY !
WHAT WHO SAYS ?
I HAVE A FAMILY !
PLEASE DON'TKILL ME !
DUDE, WE AREN'TGOING TO KILL YOU !
( gunshot )
OH GOD !
IT ISN'TSAFE HERE, BOYS !
FOLLOW ME !
WHO THE F--KARE YOU ?
THERE'S NO TIME, COME ON !
Mystery of the Urinal Deuce
s10e09 October 11, 2006
The world's biggest conspiracy of all time will finally be uncovered when Eric Cartman exposes the true culprit behind the September 11th attacks.
