SHUT UP !
I HATE YOU !I HATE YOU !
KIDS COMPLETELYOUT OF CONTROL.
LOOK I'M SKATING,I'M SKATING !
IT'S TIME TO CALLNANNY 911.
WE'VE GATHERED A TEAMOF WORLD-CLASS NANNIES
TO HELP FAMILIES IN CRISIS.
PARENTS OF AMERICA--HELP IS ON THE WAY !
TONIGHT--
MOM, I NEED ANOTHERENERGY DRINK !
THIS EIGHT-YEAR-OLD SONOF A SINGLE PARENT
JUST WON'T BEHAVE.
( ranting in German )
AND NANNY STELLA IS SELECTEDTO SET HIM STRAIGHT !
IT'S TIME FOR NANNY STELLATO SHOW ERIC CARTMAN
HIS WAYS ARE NOT GOING BETOLERATED ANYMORE !
( knocking continues )
MOM ARE YOU DEAF ?
SOMEBODY'SAT THE DOOR !
YES, I THINK IT'STHE NANNY, POOPSIEKINS.
KILLER, I'M GONNABE ON TV NOW.
( belch )
HELLO, I'MNANNY STELLA !
OH THANK YOUSO MUCH FOR COMING.
PLEASE COME IN !
AND YOU MUST BE ERIC !
MOM, I WANTA TWINKIE.
OH, ALRIGHT, DEAR.
HOLD ON, MRS. CARTMAN-THERE ARE GOING TO BE
SOME RULE CHANGESAROUND HERE, ERIC.
FIRST OF ALL,
NO VIDEO GAMES UNTILCHORES ARE DONE.
AH-HA HA HA !
I'M SERIOUS.
LET'S PUT DOWNTHE VIDEO GAME
AND GO TO THE KITCHEN.
( in British accent )NO THANKS,I'D RATHER NOT !
RIGHT, THEN I'M GOINGTO HAVE TO TAKE IT.
WHAT THE HELL DO YOUTHINK YOU'RE DOING ?
COME ON !
THIS VIDEO GAME IS GOINGRIGHT HERE ON THE COUNTER,
UNTIL WE'VE DONESOME CHORES.
NOW, FIRST THING WE'REGOING TO DO IS MAKE YOUR BED...
ERIC, NO, THIS ISNOT ACCEPTABLE !
STOP TRYING TO BOGARTMY X-BOX, YOU FAT BITCH !
ALRIGHT, THAT'S ITYOU'RE GOING TO TIME OUT !
TIME OUT ?
WHENEVER YOUARE NAUGHTY, ERIC,
YOU ARE GOING TOSIT ON THIS STOOL
FOR FIVE MINUTES.
AND WHAT EXACTLYKEEPS ME ON THE STOOL ?
IT'S THETIME OUT STOOL,
YOU CAN'T GET DOWNUNTIL THE TIME IS UP.
WHOA...HOW DID I DO THAT !?
ERIC YOU HAVE TOSTAY IN TIME OUT !
UM... NO ?
COME ON, YOUDON'T HAVE A CHOICE.
ALRIGHT, SERIOUSLY,
YOU'RE STARTINGTO PISS ME OFF NOW.
ERIC, YOU NEEDTO LISTEN TO ME.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
I'M GETTING DOWN TOEYE LEVEL WITH ERIC.
SO THAT I CANTALK TO HIM ON HIS LEVEL.
ERIC, YOU NEEDTO UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU ARE BEINGPUNISHED, ALRIGHT ?
I'M JUST GOING TO GET DOWNAS SOON AS YOU MOVE.
WELL THEN, I'LL JUST HAVETO STAND RIGHT, HYAAA !
( ptoo )
AGH !
HE SPIT INMY MOUTH !
YEAH, IT'S BEST TOAVOID HIS LEVEL.
ALRIGHT, I'VE DEALTWITH THIS BEFORE.
WE JUST NEED TO USEPSYCHOLOGY ON HIM.
♪ DON'T STOP BELIEVIN'
♪ HOLD ON TO THATFEE-LA-EE-ANG... ♪
ERIC, CAN I JUST TALK TO YOUFOR A QUICK SECOND ?
WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY ?
BECAUSE YOUTOOK MY X-BOX.
IS THIS ABOUT MORE THANYOUR VIDEO GAME ?
ARE YOU FEELINGANGRY AT ME
BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M HERETO CHANGE YOUR LIFE ?
WELL... YEAH...
AND YOU'RE FEELINGLIKE I HAVE NO RIGHT
TO COME IN AND TELL YOUHOW TO LIVE.
YEAH, I GUESS SO...
SEE THIS ?
YOU HAVE TOTAKE THE TIME
TO TALK TO YOUR CHILDRENABOUT THEIR FEELINGS.
WHAT ELSE ARE YOUFEELING, ERIC ?
WELL, I'M FEELINGCONFUSED...
BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTANDWHY YOU BECAME A NANNY.
ME ?
WELL, BECAUSEI LOVE CHILDREN.
LIKE YOU.
RIGHT, BUT...
IF YOU LOVECHILDREN SO MUCH,
HOW COME YOU'RENOT A MOMMY ?
OH, I JUSTNEVER HAD KIDS.
WHY NOT ?
IT JUST...DIDN'T HAPPEN.
YOU'RE STERILE,IS THAT IT ?
NO, THAT'S TOOCONVENIENT OF AN EXCUSE.
THE TRUTH IS,
NOBODY EVER WANTEDTO HAVE BABIES WITH YOU,
ISN'T THAT IT ?
ALWAYS THE MOM'S-MAIDNEVER THE MOM.
MUST BE HARD ON YOU.
KNOWING THAT THE YEARSARE TICKING AWAY.
YOUR FRIENDS ALLGETTING MARRIED.
AND ALL THE WHILE YOUR UTERUSSLOWLY SHRIVELING AWAY...
DRYING UP...
BECOMINGTOTALLY WORTHLESS.
WHY YOU... YOU,YOU LITTLE BASTARD !
HOW DARE YOU ?
ERIC, NAUGHTY.
WHAT KIND OFMONSTER WOULD--
YES, LET THEANGER COME !
STRIKE ME DOWNWHILE YOU CAN !
BUT IT WON'T MAKEYOUR DRIED-UP OVARIES
ANY MORE FERTILE !
THAT'S IT,I'M NOT DOING THIS !
OH, BUT WE REALLYNEED SOME HELP !
FIND YOURSELFANOTHER NANNY-
TELEVISION SHOW !
I'M RICH !
HEY GUYS...
I'VE GOT SOMEPRETTY BIG NEWS.
I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
YEAH, MY MOM JUST...
DOESN'T CAREABOUT ME ANYMORE,
SO I MOVED OUT.
SHE DIDN'T EVENTRY TO STOP ME.
IT'S GONNA BE TOUGHLIVING ON MY OWN...
BUT I'LL GET BY SOMEHOW.
YOU CAN'TSTAY HERE.
MAYBE YOU DIDN'THEAR ME.
I RAN AWAY.
I DON'T HAVEANYWHERE TO SLEEP.
I'M OUT ONTHE STREETS.
YOU'RE NOT STAYINGAT MY HOUSE EITHER.
ALRIGHT,THAT'S FINE.
BUTTERS, I'LLCRASH WITH YOU.
NO, MY PARENTSWON'T LEMME
BRING HOMELESS PEOPLEHOME ANYMORE.
WELL WHAT DO YOU GUYSEXPECT ME TO DO ?
STAY AT KENNY'S HOUSE ?
HIS FAMILYIS TOTALLY POOR !
I'M NOT STAYINGWITH POOR PEOPLE !
ALRIGHT, I'LLSTAY WITH KENNY.
LET'S GO, MAN.
---- YOU.
UGH ! WELL,I GUESS NOW WE SEE
JUST HOW SUPPORTIVEFRIENDS CAN BE.
WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWNYOU WON'T EVEN LEND A HAND !
I'LL JUST GO SLEEPON THE STREET SOMEWHERE.
OUT IN THE COLD.
PROBABLY GET MUGGEDAND GANG-RAPED
BY SOME MINORITIES.
YOU GUYS WILL BE SORRYWHEN I TURN UP DEAD !
WHOOPIE ! J&R RAILROAD !
( doorbell )
HEY JIMMY...
YOU'RE NOT GONNABELIEVE THIS,
BUT I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
I JUST...
I REALLY NEEDTHE SUPPORT
OF MY BEST FRIENDRIGHT NOW.
WHO'S YOURBEST FRIEND ?
YOU ARE JIMMY !
WE'VE ALWAYS BEENBEST FRIENDS !
WE KNOW EVERYTHINGABOUT EACH OTHER !
WHAT'S MYLAST NAME ?
GOD DAMMIT.
CRAIG, DUDE.
I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
YOU'RE THE FIRSTPERSON I CAME TO.
I KNEW YOU'D TAKE ME INOFF THE STREETS.
BUT I HATE YOU.
SHOULD THAT REALLY MATTERAT A TIME LIKE THIS ?
THIS IS BULLCRAP !
MOM WILL BREAK SOON,I CAN OUTLAST HER !
( gasp )
WHY ERIC !
YOU MADE YOUROWN BREAKFAST !
YEAH, MOM,IT'S OKAY,
IT'S GRAPEFRUITAND LEAN HAM.
AND YOU'RE STUDYINGBEFORE SCHOOL ?
WELL... YOU TOLD ME I HADTO REVIEW MY HOMEWORK
BEFORE CLASS STARTED.
OH ERIC...I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU.
TH... THANK YOU ?
I LOVE YOU,SWEETIE.
( giggle )OKAY, MOM YOU'REEMBARRASSING ME !
GEEZ !( doorbell )
CESAR, I'M SO HAPPYYOU'RE BACK !
HOW IS THECHILD DOING ?
OH HE'S AMAZING.
I THINK THE CHANGEIN PERSONALITY HAPPENED !
HE'S DOING THINGSFOR HIMSELF NOW,
AND HE SEEMS TO BEACCEPTING IT !
I'VE LOST A BEST FRIEND,BUT I'VE GAINED A SON.
THAT'S MUCHHEALTHIER FOR HIM.
AND WHEN HE GETS OLDER,
HE'LL BE ABLE TO BEYOUR FRIEND TOO.
YOU'RE THE BEST, CESAR.
AND TO SHOWMY GRATITUDE,
I'VE GOT TWO TICKETSFOR YOU AND ME
TO SEE MADAM BUTTERFLYTHIS FRIDAY NIGHT !
WELL, NOMY WORK IS DONE.
I'VE GOT TO GET BACKTO LOS ANGELES.
OH... BUT I THOUGHTWE WERE BECOMING FRIENDS.
NO, NOT REALLY,YOU'RE JUST A CLIENT.
WELL, GOOD LUCKTO YOU, GOTTA GO !
I CLEARED UPTHE TABLE, MOM.
I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRSAND MAKE MY BED NOW.
ERIC... HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO WITH ME
TO SEE MADAM BUTTERFLYFRIDAY NIGHT ?
NO, THAT'S OKAY.
BESIDES I TOLDSTAN AND KYLE
WE COULD WORK ONOUR SCIENCE PROJECT THEN.
WELL, WHAT IFI TOOK YOU TO
KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKENAFTERWARD ?
AND, THEN WE'LLGO TO TARGET
AND I'LL BUY YOUA MEGA-RANGER.
COULD I PERHAPS HAVE...TWO MEGA-RANGERS ?
YES, DARLING, YOU CANHAVE WHATEVER YOU WANT.
( ominous chant-like music )
( school bell )
MRS. CARTMAN, WE HAVE HAD ITWITH YOUR SON'S BEHAVIOR, M'KAY.
LITTLE BILLY TURNERIS NOW BEING TREATED
AT THE HOSPITAL.
ERIC, WHY WOULD YOUDO SUCH A THING ?
I'M SORRY I HANDCUFFEDBILLY TURNER'S ANKLE
TO THE SCHOOL FLAGPOLE.
YOU KNOW THAT'SNOT THE POINT !
OKAY, I'M SORRY I HANDCUFFEDBILLY TURNER'S ANKLE
TO A FLAGPOLE AND THENGAVE HIM A HACKSAW.
AND THEN TOLD HIM I HADPOISONED HIS LUNCH MILK
AND THAT THE ONLY WAYHE COULD TO THE ANTIDOTE
WAS TO SAWTHROUGH HIS LEG.
THAT'S VERYNAUGHTY, ERIC !
WELL, HE CALLEDME CHUBBY !
WE HAVE TRIED TOMAKE ERIC UNDERSTAND
THERE AREBOUNDARIES, M'KAY.
BUT FRANKLY, WE BELIEVEHIS BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS
START AT HOME, M'KAY.
I KNOW...
I KNOW THAT HE'SOUT OF CONTROL...
BUT YOU DON'T KNOWWHAT IT'S LIKE--
( sobbing )
I'M SORRY,IT'S JUST THAT-
HE SEEMS TO GETWORSE EVERY DAY...
HE JUSTNEVER LISTENS !
( sobbing hysterically )
WELL, NICE GOINGASSHOLE,
YOU MADEMY MOM CRY !
IT'S NOT HIM,IT'S YOU, ERIC !
I DON'T KNOW WHATTO DO WITH YOU.
SURE YOU DO- YOU'RE A GREAT MOM !
♪ WHO'S GOT THE GREATESTMOM IN THE WORLD ? ♪
♪ I DO...
♪ MY MOM IS NUMBER ONEIN MY HEART ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE...
( BOTH )♪ MY MOM'S THE BEST MOM BETTER THAN YOUR MOM ♪
♪ LET'S SING IT TOGETHERIN HARMONEEEE... ♪♪
MRS. CARTMAN, I KNOW THISIS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT,
BUT THERE IS HELP OUT THEREFOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OFA SHOW CALLED "NANNY 911" ?
WHERE OTHER NANNIES FAIL,
NANNY JOECOMES THROUGH !
THIS CHILD'S BEHAVIORIS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE !
BUT THERE'S NO CHILDTOO TOUGH FOR SUPER NANNY !
IN JUST THREE DAYS TIME
YOU'RE GOING TO SEEA NEW ERIC CARTMAN !
I'M AFRAID SUPER NANNYIS IN A DEEP STATE
OF MENTAL PSYCHOSIS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
I MEAN SHE SPENDSMOST HER TIME
SOBBING AND EATINGHER OWN EXCREMENT.
FROM HELL...
IT'S FROM HELL....
OH DEAR...
I DON'T KNOWWHAT ELSE TO DO
ABOUT MY SON'SBEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS.
WE'VE BEEN THROUGHEVERY NANNY REALITY SHOW
ON TELEVISION !
THERE IS ONE MORE SHOWYOU COULD STILL TRY...
THERE'S ONE MANWHO'S THEIR BEST FRIEND.
CESAR MILLAN.
NO DOG IS TOO MUCHFOR ME TO HANDLE.
I REHABILITATE DOGS,I TRAIN PEOPLE.
I AM THE DOG WHISPERER.
( knocking )
PLEASE COME IN !
SO TELL MEWHAT PROBLEMS
YOU'RE HAVINGWITH THE CHILD.
WELL, HE'S JUST...OUT OF CONTROL.
I MEAN, HE NEVERLISTENS TO ME,
AND HE PRETTY MUCHRUNS MY LIFE.
SO THE CHILDNEEDS TO LEARN
THAT HE'S NOT THEMOST IMPORTANT PERSON
IN THE HOUSE.
YOU CAN STOP TALKINGBEHIND MY BACK,
I'M RIGHT HERE,FRUITCAKE.
SEE HOW I'M NOTLOOKING AT THE CHILD,
I'M NOT ACKNOWLEDGINGTHE CHILD,
I'M JUST LETTINGTHE CHILD KNOW
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HIM.
NOT INTERESTEDIN ME ?
SEE, THE CHILDTHINKS YOUR WORLD
REVOLVES AROUND HIM.
BECAUSE IT DOES.
BECAUSE EVERYTHING HE DOESGETS A RESPONSE FROM YOU.
YEAH, WELL,I DON'T SEE WHY-
AY !
DON'T LOOK AT THE CHILD,JUST KEEP LOOKING AT ME.
LET HIM KNOW WE AREHAVING A CONVERSATION.
MOM, THIS GUYDOESN'T-
AGH !QUIT IT !
WHAT IS THATYOU'RE DOING ?
DOGS SHOWTHEIR DOMINANCE
BY NIPPING EACH OTHERON THE NECK.
BUT IT WORKS EQUALLY WELLON THE CHILD.
I JUST USE TWO FINGERSAND NIP AT THE CHILD'S NECK.
DOESN'T HURT THE CHILD JUSTSHOWS HIM I AM DOMINANT.
LOOK, MEXICAN,IF YOU THINK-
KNOCK IT OFF !
SEE, I'M NOT VALIDATINGHIS BAD BEHAVIOR
WITH EITHER A NEGATIVEOR A POSITIVE RESPONSE.
OH, THAT'SVERY INTERESTING !
I THINK THE FIRST THINGWE NEED TO WORK ON
GETTING THE CHILDSOME EXERCISE.
HE'S FAT AND HE HAS ALLTHIS PENT-UP ENERGY THAT--
I'M NOT FAT !
WE NEED TOLET HIM BURN OFF.
DO YOU TAKE WALKSWITH YOUR SON ?
WELL, NO, I DON'T.
COME ON, LET'S TAKEYOUR SON FOR A WALK.
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY,YOU SON OF A BITCH ?
SEE, ONCE AGAIN I AMTHE ONE GOING FOR A WALK.
THIS IS ABOUT ME,
AND THE CHILD ISLUCKY ENOUGH TO COME ALONG.
MOM, THISIS DEGRADING !
AGH, GOD DAMMIT !
( screaming )
DON'T LOOK AT HIM,JUST LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD.
HE'LL RUN OUTOF ENERGY SOON.
( screaming )
Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRAL
MOOOOOOOOMMMM....
HERE, WHY DON'TYOU TRY IT NOW.
TAKE YOUR SON.
MOM, SERIOUSLYPEOPLE ARE SEEING ME !
GOOD, JUST KEEPYOUR CONFIDENCE,
SHOULDERS BACK,EYES STRAIGHT AHEAD.
THE CHILD CAN PICK UPON THAT CONFIDENCE
AND LEARN HE'S SUPPOSE TOFOLLOW YOU, NOT LEAD YOU.
MOM, DON'T YOULOVE ME ?
CAN'T YOU SEE I'MUNHAPPY RIGHT NOW ?
MOMMM !
GOOD MRS. CARTMAN,VERY GOOD !
AND NOW, BACK TOTHE DOG WHISPERER.
IT IS IMPORTANTTO UNDERSTAND
THAT DOGS RUN IN PACKS.
AND ONE DOGIS ALWAYS DOMINANT-
THE PACK LEADER.
GOD DAMMIT,STOP IGNORING ME !
YOU MUST ASSERT YOURSELFAS PACK LEADER
WITH DOMINANT ENERGY.
ALRIGHT !
THIS IS ABUSE !
I'M A CHILD AND I AMENTITLED TO ATTENTION !
QUIT IT, MOM !
IT DOESN'T SEEM TO WORKAS WELL WHEN I DO IT.
OKAY, LET MESHOW YOU HOW
TO EXPRESSTHE DOMINANT ENERGY.
WHAT I HAVE DONE IS
I HAVE BROUGHT SOMEKENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN...
OOH, COLONEL ?
I AM GOING TOEAT FIRST,
BECAUSE THAT IS WHATPACK LEADER DOES.
GIMME-- GIMME THE CHICKEN.
GIMME SOME CHICKEN !
UGH- WHAT AREYOU DOING ?
I WANT CHICKEN.
GIMME SOMEGODDAMN CHICKEN !
I AM NOT GOINGTO ACKNOWLEDGE
THE CHILD'S ATTEMPT
AT AGGRESSIVE,DOMINANT BEHAVIOR.
NOW YOU EATTHE CHICKEN.
MOM, GIVE MESOME CHICKEN.
I WANT CHICKEN MOM !
WE WON'T REWARD HIMUNTIL HE'S IN A CALM,
SUBMISSIVE BEHAVIOR.
GOD DAMMITI AM NOT A DOG !
GIMME THE CHICKEN.
GIMME THE CHICKEN,I WANT THE CHICKEN.
THE CHICKEN !
GIMME CHICKEN !GIMME CHICKEN !
GIMME CHICKEN !
WE NEED HIM TO BECOMERELAXED AND SUBMISSIVE.
OKAY, I'M FINEI'M COOL NOW.
MAY I HAVE SOMECHICKEN PLEASE ?
OH VERY GOOD, SWEETIE.
NO, NO,NOW HE'S LYING.
YOU CAN TELLFROM HIS STANCE
HE'S STILLAGGRESSIVE DOMINANT.
SUCK MY ASSHOLE,TACO BENDER !
SEE ?
GOD DAMMIT !YOU CAN'T STAND HERE
AND EAT K-F-CIN FRONT OF ME !
NOW HAND IT OVER--
YOU CAN'TDO THAT TO ME !
I-
GIVE ME THE-
EH... EHHH...
I AM NOT BEINGAGGRESSIVE,
I AM BEING DOMINANT.
WOW, I HAVEA LOT TO LEARN.
MOM, I'M SERIOUS,
THIS HAS GONE ONLONG ENOUGH !
GET THAT GUY OUTTA HERE
AND GIVE ME A PIECEOF CHICKEN !
THAT'S HOW YOUWANT IT, BITCH ?
FINE !
I HATE YOU-I'M RUNNING AWAY !
OH DEAR...
THAT'S OKAY,
THIS IS ALL PARTOF THE DOMINANT STRUGGLE.
BUT WHAT IF HEDOES RUN AWAY ?
LET HIM GO,HE'LL BE BACK.
THIS IS A GOODOPPORTUNITY FOR YOU
TO RELAX OR ENJOYYOUR FAVORITE HOBBY.
ALRIGHT, I'M BACK.
OH ERIC !
I'M SO HAPPYYOU'RE HOME !
YES, WELL, HOPEFULLYYOU'VE LEARNED YOUR LESSON.
I'VE COME BACK,
BUT THERE'S GOING TO BESOME CHANGES AROUND HERE.
LOOK WHATI DID, ERIC !
I LEARNED HOW TO MAKESUMI-E PAINTINGS !
I'D ALMOST FORGOTTENHOW ARTISTIC I WAS !
THAT'S SUPER-INTERESTING,
BUT I'VE BEEN OUTLIVING ON THE STREETS
FOR ALMOST FOUR HOURS.
MAKE ME SOMETHINGTO EAT.
CESAR !
HOW'S THEPAINTING GOING ?OH GOD DAMMIT !
OH LOOKIT CAME BACK !
YUP, JUST LIKEYOU SAID HE WOULD !
WHAT IS HESTILL DOING HERE ?
HE SAID HE'S HUNGRY,WHAT SHOULD I DO ?
LET'S FEED IT !
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ?
SKINLESS CHICKEN,BOILED VEGETABLES AND SALAD ?
THIS IS JUST LIKEAUSCHWITZ !
THIS IS MORE AGGRESSIVEDOMINANT BEHAVIOR,
DON'T NURTURE IT.
OH MY GOD-
BITE-SIZESNICKERS ?
THAT'S IT.
I'M CALLINGCHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES !
COME ON, MRS. CARTMANYOU MUST BECOME PACK LEADER.
WHAT DO YOU DO ?
ERIC, IF YOUDON'T WANT TO EAT,
THEN WHY DON'T YOUJUST GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH
AND GO TO BED ?
NO -- YOU'REASKING HIM A FAVOR.
DON'T ASK A FAVOR,DOMINATE.
MOM, I WANT THIS GUYOUT OF HERE, YOU GOT IT ?
IF HE'S NOT GONEIN TWO MINUTES
I WILL CALLSOCIAL SERVICES ON YOU !
YOU PROJECTTHE DOMINANT ENERGY,
AND HE WILLPICK UP ON IT,
I PROMISE.
SHOULDERS BACK,HEAD HIGH.
DON'T REASON WITH IT,DON'T ARGUE WITH IT,
JUST DOMINATE IT.
I AM YOUR SON
AND YOU WILLLISTEN TO ME !
YOU HAVENO RIGHT TO--
MOM, KNOCK IT OFF !
I AM NOT GOINGTO STAND FOR--
SERIOUSLY, MOM--
THIS IS--
WHY ARE YOUDOING THIS ?
MOMM... MA...
I DID IT !
OH !OH MY GOSH !
SEE- THIS IS THE BEHAVIORWE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.
THIS IS A RELAXED,SUBMISSIVE STATE.
HE'S NEVERDONE THIS BEFORE.
GOOD, NOW YOU CANREWARD THE BEHAVIOR
WITH PRAISEAND ATTENTION.
I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH,POOPSIEKINS.
YOU'RE MOMMY'S SUNSHINE.
NOW YOU CANGIVE HIM A SNACK.
GOOD, THIS ISREALLY GOOD.
NOW TRY A COMMAND.
ERIC, I WANT YOUTO GO UPSTAIRS
AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
THEN I'LL BE UP TO READ YOUA STORY BEFORE BED.
OH, MY GOODNESS,I CAN'T BELIEVE IT !
THIS IS A GREATFIRST STEP.
BUT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVETO STAY FIRM AND CONFIDENT.
YOU ARETHE PACK LEADER NOW.
I AM THEPACK LEADER !
NOW BEFORE YOU GOREAD YOUR SON A STORY,
LET'S GO ENJOY A NICE,QUIET CUP OF TEA !
SOUNDS DIVINE !
WHO DOES SHETHINK SHE IS
TELLING ME TOGO BRUSH MY TEETH ?
JESUS... WHAT'SHAPPENING TO ME ?
SO HOW IS YOUR SONDOING, MRS. CARTMAN ?
OH HE'S BEENAMAZING CESAR.
HE GOT AN "A" ON HISLAST SPELLING TEST
AND A "B+" IN HISTORY !
HE'S LOSING WEIGHT
AND HE'S DOINGWHAT I TELL HIM !
THAT'S GREAT !
THE BEST PART IS
I'M NOT LETTING HIMBOSS ME AROUND ANYMORE.
I COULD HAVENEVER COME OUT
AND HAD A NICE LUNCHON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON
WITH A FRIEND BEFORE !
GOOD MRS. CARTMAN,
SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE TREATINGYOUR SON LIKE A SON
AND NOT LIKE A FRIEND.
THERE'S JUSTONE PROBLEM.
HE STILL FIGHTS MEEVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
I FEEL LIKE HE'S DOINGWHAT I TELL HIM,
BUT THAT INSIDE HE'SSTILL THE SAME ANGRY,
SPOILED CHILD.
DON'T WORRY,
WHEN YOU CORRECTTHE BEHAVIOR,
EVENTUALLY YOU WILL SEEA CHANGE IN THE PERSONALITY.
OH CESAR, I'M SO HAPPYTO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE.
GUYS... LISTEN UP.
I REALLY NEEDYOUR HELP THIS TIME.
I'VE THOUGHTABOUT IT A LOT,
AND I'VE DECIDED...I HAVE TO KILL MY MOM.
KILL YOUR MOM ?
SHE DOESN'T LET MEWEAR WHAT I WANT ANYMORE.
THINGS HAVE REALLYGOTTEN OUT OF HAND.
MY MOM MUST DIE
SO I CAN STILL HAVEA PLACE TO LIVE,
BUT WITHOUT HER TRYINGTO RUN MY LIFE.
SHE'S LIKE HITLER WITH ALLTHE DEMANDS SHE MAKES.
DUDE, HAVE YOU LOSTMORE WEIGHT ?
YES !
I'VE LOST ALMOSTTEN POUNDS NOW !
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ?
I TOTALLY KNOW HOW ITFELT TO BE A JEW
IN THE HOLOCAUST NOW.
I HAVE TO KILL MY MOM,IT'S MY ONLY WAY OUT.
DUDE, DON'TKILL YOUR MOM.
THAT'S NOT COOL.
SHE'S HITLER.
WOULD YOU HAVEKILLED HITLER
IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE ?
ALRIGHT, NOWHERE'S THE PLAN--
AT 9:45 TONIGHT,I WILL SNEAK OUT OF MY ROOM.
AND LEAVE THE HOUSE, LEAVINGTHE BACK DOOR UNLOCKED.
YOU GUYS COME INTO THE HOUSEAT 10:30 PM SHARP,
HAVING GIVEN ME ENOUGH TIMETO GET DOWN TO PERKINS
AND BE SEEN BYEVERYONE THERE,
AND THEN ALL FOUR OF YOUGO UPSTAIRS TO KILL MY MOM.
DUDE, WE'RE NOTKILLING YOUR MOM.
WELL, I CAN'TKILL HER,
I'M TOO OBVIOUSOF A SUSPECT !
NOW, WHEN YOUREACH HER ROOM,
BUTTERS WILLKEEP A LOOKOUT,
WHILE KENNY OPENSTHE BEDROOM DOOR,
KYLE PUTS A PILLOWOVER MY MOM'S HEAD,
AND STAN SHOOTS HERIN THE FACE.
WHERE AM I SUPPOSEDTO GET A GUN ?
WELL I DON'T KNOW,THAT'S YOUR JOB, STAN !
DO I HAVE TO THINKOF EVERYTHING HERE ?
I'M NOT SHOOTING ANYBODY.
OKAY, FINE,
BUTTERS YOU COVERMY MOM'S HEAD WITH A PILLOW
AND KYLE CAN SHOOT HERIN THE FACE.
NO, CARTMAN !
OH, WELL HOW ABOUTI JUST DO EVERYTHING ?
HOW DOES THAT SOUND ?
I'LL JUSTDO EVERYTHING
WHILE YOU GUYS SIT HEREAND PLAY VIDEO GAMES !
FINE, I'LLDO IT BY MYSELF !
YOU FORCED METO DO THIS.
YOU COULDN'T JUSTLOVE ME AS A SON.
YOU JUST HUMILIATE ANDDEGRADE ME WITH YOUR RULES.
I WON'T LET YOU DOMINATEMY LIFE ANYMORE...
GOODBYE, MOTHER.
WAIT...
MAYBE...
MAYBE I DON'T HAVETHE RIGHT TO KILL MY MOM...
NO, SHE'S MY MOM !
I CAN DO WHATEVERI WANT WITH HER !
IT'S MORE IMPORTANT THATI LIVE THE WAY I WANT !
SHE ISN'T ANOBJECT YOU CAN OWN,
SHE'S A HUMAN BEING.
SHE ISN'T AN OBJECT I CAN OWN,SHE'S A HUMAN BEING.
NO, KILL HERRRR !
SHE'S MAKINGYOU SUFFER !
UGH...
BUT... MAYBE ALL THESECHANGES ARE GOOD FOR ME...
MAYBE...
THE WORLD DOESN'TREVOLVE AROUND ME ?
MAYBE THE WORLD DOESN'TREVOLVE AROUND ME ?
BURGH... UGHH...
THE WORLD DOESN'TREVOLVE AROUND ME !
ARGHHH !
ARRRGHHHHH !
ARRRGH !
Tsst
s10e07 May 03, 2006
When Cartman's mom realizes she can't control her son anymore, she gets help from the "Dog Whisperer." But Eric Cartman's not going down without a fight.
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