YOU HERE FORAN ABORTION TOO ?

YEAH, I DISCOVEREDA FEW DAYS AGO

I WASN'T BLEEDING OUT MY KOOZ,SO I GUESS I'M KNOCKED UP.

IS THIS DOCTOR ANY GOOD ?

MRS... GARRISON ?

OH, THAT'S ME.

HELLO, DOCTOR, IT LOOKS LIKEI NEED AN ABORTION.

AN ABORTION ?

YEAH, I'VE GOT ONEGROWING INSIDE ME.

NOW, ARE YOU GONNASCRAMBLE ITS BRAINS

OR JUST VACUUM IT OUT ?

IF YOU WANT, YOU CANJUST SCRAMBLE IT

AND I'LL QUEEF ITOUT MYSELF.

MR. GARRISON--MRS. GARRISON.

MRS. GARRISON, YOU CAN'THAVE AN ABORTION.

DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT I CANAND CAN'T DO WITH MY BODY !

A WOMAN HASA RIGHT TO CHOOSE !

NO, I MEAN YOU'RE PHYSICALLYUNABLE TO HAVE AN ABORTION

BECAUSE YOU CAN'TGET PREGNANT.

BUT I MISSED MY PERIOD.

YOU CAN'T HAVEPERIODS EITHER.

YOU HAD A SEX CHANGE,MR. GARRISON,

BUT YOU DON'T HAVEOVARIES OR A WOMB.

YOU DON'T PRODUCE EGGS.

YOU MEAN... I'LL NEVERKNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE

TO HAVE A BABY GROWINGINSIDE ME

AND THEN SCRAMBLE ITS BRAINSAND VACUUM IT OUT ?

THAT'S RIGHT.

BUT I PAID $5,000TO BE A WOMAN.

THIS WOULD MEANI'M NOT REALLY A WOMAN.

I'M JUST A, I'M JUST A GUYWITH A MUTILATED PENIS.

BASICALLY, YES.

OH BOY, DO I FEELLIKE A JACKASS.

WE DON'T HAVE TICKETS !

SORRY, MA'AM,NO TICKETS NO ENTRY.

LOOK, THERE'S A BOY WITHMY BALLS IN HIS KNEES

AND HE'S INSERIOUS DANGER !

WHAT ?

MY SCROTUM !

THAT DOLPHIN HAS MY SCROTUM,NOW LET US IN !

YOU CAN'T GO IN,MA'AM !

WE HAVE UNAUTHORIZED ENTRYON LEVEL 1 !

ALL RIGHT, BROFLOVSKI, YOU'REGOING IN NEXT POSSESSION.

ALL RIGHT !

OW... HMM.

GERALD, WHERE'S KYLE ?

WHAT, WHY ?

MY BALLS AREIN HIS KNEES.

IF HE JUMPS WITH THEMTHEY'LL EXPLODE !

OH MY GOD !

THERE THEY ARE,NEXT TO THAT DOLPHIN !

COME ON, WE GOTTAGET TO THOSE BALLS !

( gunfire )

STOP THEM !

THEY DIDN'T PAY THE$2 ENTRY FEE !

( announcer )Now substitutingfor Colorado,

number four,Kyle Broflovski.

OH JESUS,HE'S ABOUT TO PLAY !

( gunfire )

MRS. GARRISON,GRAB KYLE !

WHICH ONE IS HE ?

ARRRHHH !

( crowd )OHHH !

HEY, WHAT THE HELL ?

STOP THE GAME !

AHHHH !

OHHH !

I GOT IT !I GOT THE BALL !

KYLE, NO !

Broflovskigoes for the dunk !

NO !

( in slo-mo )MY BAAAAAAALLLLLSSSSSS !

AAGH !

( screams )

SO LET MEGET THIS STRAIGHT.

THAT WOMAN OVER THERE WASTRYING TO GET TO HER BALLS

WHICH WERE IN THE KNEESOF A BLACK CHILD

WHOSE FATHERIS A DOLPHIN.

YEAH, THAT'S BASICALLY IT.

SOUNDS LIKE ANOPEN AND SHUT CASE.

ALL RIGHT,LET'S HEAD 'EM OUT !

I'M SORRY, KYLE.

I SHOULD I HAVE TOLD YOU THESURGERY WAS COSMETIC ONLY.

SO... DOES THIS MEANI'M NOT REALLY A DOLPHIN ?

LET'S GET YOU TWOUP TO THE CLINIC

AND I'LL CHANGE YOU BACKFOR A NOMINAL FEE.

BUT WHAT ABOUTMR. GARRISON ?

HE CAN'T GO BACK.

YOU KNOW WHAT...I'M OKAY.

EVEN THOUGH I'M NOTTRULY A WOMAN

I THINK I STILL LIKETHE NEW ME.

I'D RATHER BE A WOMAN WHO CAN'THAVE PERIODS THAN A FAG.

HEY GUYS !

THIS GIRL ISSTAYING A WOMAN !

WHO WANTS TOPOUND MY VAG ?!

GIRL POWER !

HELLO, MR. GARRISON,I'M DOCTOR BIBER.

I'LL BE PERFORMINGYOUR SURGERY TODAY.

GOD BLESS YOU, DOCTOR.

I KNOW YOU'LLMAKE ME WELL AGAIN.

NOW, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SURE YOUWANT TO HAVE A VAGINOPLASTY ?

MY WHOLE LIFE I'VE BEEN A WOMANTRAPPED IN A MAN'S BODY.

A SEX CHANGE OPERATION IS MYLAST CHANCE AT HAPPINESS.

ALL RIGHT,THEN LET'S BEGIN.

JUST RELAX, MR. GARRISON,I THINK IF MORE PEOPLE

COULD JUST SEEA SEX CHANGE OPERATION,

THEY WOULD KNOW HOWPERFECTLY NATURAL IT IS.

THE FIRST THING I'M GOING TO DOIS SLICE YOUR BALLS.

OH, ERHH...

OHH.

WITH THE SCROTUM OPEN I CAN NOWDISCARD OF YOUR TESTICLES.

SO LONG, BALLS !

NOW I'LL JUST CONTINUETHE INCISION

UP THE SHAFT OFTHE PENIS.

OH, THAT STINGS.

NOW I'LL JUST...TURN YOUR PENIS INSIDE OUT.

WOO, OH, JEEZ.

ALL WE NEED TO DO NOW ISSTUFF THE UNSKINNED PENIS

INSIDE YOUR PELVIS.

AND NOW I'LL USETHE SKIN FROM YOUR PENIS

TO MAKE THE VAGINAL LIPS.

DO I LOOKLIKE A WOMAN ?

PRETTY MUCH.

BELIEVE WHAT ?

IT'S MR. GARRISON !

ONLY IT ISN'TMR. GARRISON !

HE'S A WOMAN NOW !

HELLO, EVERYBODY !

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT,LADIES ?

I'M ONE OF YOU NOW !

WOW, JUST LOOK ATALL THESE TAMPONS !

REGULAR, HEAVY FLOW--

OH BOY, I CAN'T WAIT 'TILI GET MY FIRST PERIOD !

♪ ( humming )

HI, GALS !

OH BOY, CAN YOU BELIEVE THESALES THE'RE HAVING OUT THERE ?

WELL, I'M ABOUT TO PEE OUT MYVAGINA FOR THE FIRST TIME !

GIVE US A HUG !GIRLS CLUB !

ALL RIGHT,HERE IT GOES.

( urinating )

OH WOW,THIS IS GREAT !

LOOK AT THAT,I'M PEEING SITTING DOWN

LIKE A DAINTY DIGNIFIEDLITTLE WOMAN !

( squishy fart, plop )

SAY, ANY YOU LADIES WANNAGO SEE A SAD MOVIE TOGETHER ?

( blasting wet fart )

YOU GALS TRY THOSENEW WINGS TAMPONS ?

DO THOSE WORK WELL ?

( farting )

KYLE, YOU HAVE TOCHEER UP, DUDE.

SO YOU AREN'T BUILTRIGHT FOR BASKETBALL.

BUT I FEEL LIKEA BASKETBALL PLAYER.

IT'S ALL I WANT TO DO !

HELLO, BOYS !

IT'S ME, YOUR TEACHER,MRS. GARRISON !

YOU GUYS, MR. GARRISONHAS TITTIES.

I HAD A SEX CHANGEOPERATION.

MY PENIS IS NOW A VAGINA

AND I'M EXPERIENCING WOMANHOODFOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE !

SEE YA IN CLASS !

WHAT ?!

UH, NOTHING,I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU

WHEN YOU'RE A LITTLE OLDER.

BUT OUR TEACHER,MR. GARRISON,

HE JUST HAD HIS PENISMADE INTO A VAGINA.

HOW COME ?

PENIS !

YOUR TEACHERHAD A SEX CHANGE ?!

OH MY GOD !

VAGINA !

THAT DOES IT, I AM TAKING YOUBOYS OUT OF THAT SCHOOL !

GERALD, THAT IS VERYCLOSE-MINDED OF YOU.

YOU SHOULDN'T JUDGE PEOPLEWHO WANNA CHANGE.

HE'S A TEACHER !

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO EXPLAINTHIS TO OUR CHILDREN ?

IT'S VERY SIMPLE--

YOU SEE, KYLE, SOMETIMESA PERSON'S OUTSIDE

DOESN'T REFLECT WHOTHEY ARE ON THE INSIDE.

YEAH !THAT'S RIGHT !

THEY FEEL LIKE THEY'RESOMEBODY TRAPPED

IN ANOTHER PERSON'S BODY.

AND SO, THEY CAN HAVEA SURGERY THAT MAKES THEM

MORE INTO THE PERSONTHEY SEE THEMSELVES AS.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?

TOTALLY !I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND !

THERE, YOU SEE GERALD ?HE TOTALLY UNDERSTANDS.

YEAH, MY SCHOOL TEACHERWANTED TO BE A WOMAN

AND YOU MADE HIMINTO ONE.

OH, YES,MR. GARRISON.

YES, HE HAD AVAGINOPLASTY, MM-HMM.

WELL, DO YOU ALSO DO OTHERSURGERIES LIKE THAT ?

SURE.

YOU SEE, SOMETIMESA WOMAN WANTS TO BE A MAN.

THAT PROCEDURE IS CALLEDA PEENIEPLASTY.

NO, NO, I WANT TO BETALL AND BLACK.

YOU WHAT ?

I HATE BEINGSMALL AND JEWISH,

I FEEL LIKEA TALL BLACK MAN.

OHHH, YOU WANTA NEGROPLASTY !

YEAH !

A NEGROPLASTY ?!

IT'S A FAIRLYCOMMON PROCEDURE, REALLY,

JUST THE REVERSE OFA CAUCASIOPLASTY

JUST LIKEMICHAEL JACKSON HAD.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK HERE.

WHAT WE DO ISSLICE YOUR FACEAND PEEL IT BACK

SO WE CAN INSERT NEW PIGMENT-PRODUCING CELLS INSIDE.

WE BREAK THE ARM BONESIN SEVERAL PLACES

AND PUT IN BRACERSTO MAKE THEM LONGER.

NOW, THE KNEES, WE NEED TOSNAP OFF AND FILL WITH

SMALL, ROUND OBJECTS THAT CANCAUSE BETTER MOVEMENT.

AND WE FINISH IT OFFWITH A NICE PEENIEPLASTY

TO ENHANCE THE GENITALIA.

NEGROPLASTY TAKES ABOUT SEVENHOURS AND COSTS ROUGHLY $3,000.

UH, EXCUSE ME, IS THISREALLY A GOOD IDEA ?

WELL, IT'S A GOOD IDEA IF YOUWANT TO BE TALL AND BLACK.

OTHERWISE, I WOULDN'TRECOMMEND IT.

BOY, HAVE I BEEN BUSY.

A WOMAN'S WORKIS NEVER DONE.

I GOT SOME TAMPONS.

I SHOULD BE GETTINGMY PERIOD REALLY SOON.

HOPE I DON'T GETTOO EMOTIONAL

AND DRIVE YOU CRAZYWITH MY P.M.S.

MR. SLAVE, I GOTSOMETHING FOR US TOO.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE THISBEAUTIFUL WOMAN TO BED ?

NO THANKS.

N-NO THANKS ?

COME ON, MR. SLAVE, I WANNATRY OUT MY NEW SNOOTCH.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST WENTAHEAD AND HAD THAT SURGERY

WITHOUT EVEN ASKING MEWHAT I THOUGHT.

WELL, I ASSUMEDYOU SUPPORTED ME.

IT'S STILL ME, I JUST HAVEA VAGINA INSTEAD OF A PENIS.

BUT I'M GAY !I DON'T LIKE VAGINAS !

DON'T YOU EVEN CARETHAT I WAS SUFFERING ?!

I WASN'T HAPPYTHE WAY I WAS !

IT'S GREAT THATYOU FEEL BETTER,

BUT YOU NEVER STOPPED TOTHINK ABOUT HOW THE PEOPLE

AROUND YOU WOULD FEEL !

LOOK, WE CANSTILL BE TOGETHER.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DOIS STOP BEING GAY.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT ?!

YOU'RE GAY TOO !

I'M NOT GAY,I'M A WOMAN !

OH, JESUS CHRIST !

OH, SO IS THAT IT ?!

YOU'RE JUST GONNAWALK OUT ?

YOU MEN ARE ALL ALIKE !

GO AHEAD ANDFIND SOMEBODY

WHO DOESN'T HAVEA VAGINA, YOU FAG !

MOM ! DAD !I HAVE AWESOME NEWS !

THE DOCTOR WHO GAVEMR. GARRISON A SEX CHANGE

SAID HE CAN MAKE METALL AND BLACK !

WHAT ?!

DR. BIBER SAID HE CANGIVE ME A NEGROPLASTY

SO I CAN FINALLY LOOK THE WAYI'VE ALWAYS WANTED !

HE EVEN TOOK MY PICTURE ANDTHEN DID COMPUTER IMAGING

TO SHOW WHAT I WOULD LOOKLIKE AFTER THE SURGERY !

OH, JUST GREAT.YOU SEE, SHEILA ?

THIS IS WHAT YOUR "TRANSGENDERPROGRESSIVE THINKING" GETS YOU !

NOW YOUR SON WANTSTO BE TRANSRACIAL.

CAN I HAVE $3,000,MOM AND DAD ?

HUH, CAN I ?

ABSOLUTELY NOT,KYLE !

BUT WHY NOT ?

YOU SAID SOMETIMESPEOPLE NEED SURGERY

TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTERABOUT THEMSELVES.

YES, BUT KYLE--

WELL, ALL MY LIFEI'VE FELT THAT I WAS BLACK.

I LISTEN TO HIP-HOP,I WATCH UPN

AND I LOVEPLAYING BASKETBALL.

MY BODY DOESN'T REFLECTWHO I AM INSIDE.

KYLE, YOU HAVE TO ACCEPTYOUR BODY THE WAY IT IS.

WHY DO I HAVE TO ACCEPT ITWHEN I CAN CHANGE IT ?

THE ANSWER IS NO,KYLE !

YOU'RE NOT GOING TOHAVE NEGROPLASTY !

BUT JEWS CAN'TPLAY BASKETBALL !

KYLE, YOU BETTER STOPBEING ANTISEMETIC

RIGHT NOW, MISTER !

I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO EITHERONE OF YOU EVER AGAIN !

OHH, THAT DOES IT !

WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?

THAT DR. BIBER IS ABOUT TOGET HIS ASS BITTEN OFF !

WHO THE HELL DO YOUTHINK YOU ARE ?!

DR. BIBER.

WHAT KIND OF NUT JOBWOULD AGREE TO

SURGICALLY ALTER MY SON INTOA TALL AFRICAN AMERICAN ?!

AHHH, YOU'REKYLE'S FATHER.

THAT'S RIGHT.

AND I ALSO HAPPENTO BE A LAWYER !

AND I'M GOING TO HAVE YOUSUED FOR MALPRACTICE

AND YOUR CLINICSHUT DOWN !

WHAT IS THATON YOUR SHIRT ?

WHAT, THE--THEY'RE DOLPHINS, WHY ?

AHH, YOU LIKEDOLPHINS, HMM ?

I LOVE DOLPHINS.

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILDI'VE DREAMT OF--

B-BUT THAT HARDLY HAS ANYBEARING ON WHAT I'M HERE--

I CAN MAKE YOU ONE.

WHAT ?

INVERT THE BACK,

MOVE THE ESOPHAGUS TOTHE TOP OF THE HEAD.

YES, A FULL DOLPHINOPLASTY

COULD BE ACHIEVEDRELATIVELY SIMPLY.

MAKE ME A...DOLPHIN ?

♪ IF I COULD SWIMWITH THE DOLPHINS ♪

♪ THE SOFT ANDGENTLE DOLPHINS ♪

♪ WHY CAN'T I SWIMWITH THE DOLPHINS... ♪♪

NO.

NO, NO, IT'S CRAZY.

THERE'S NOTHING CRAZYABOUT A PERSON

WANTING TO LOOKON THE OUTSIDE

THE WAY THEY FEELON THE INSIDE.

WOOOO !WOOOO !

THESE GIRLSWILL DO ANYTHING !

WOOOO !

WOOOO !

OH JEEZ,SHOULD I DO IT ?

SHOULD I DO IT ?

OH, WHAT THE HELL !

WOOO !WOOO !

( crowd, disgusted )AWWWWWWW !

LOOK, I'LL GIGGLE ANDMAKE 'EM BOUNCE UP AND DOWN !

( giggling )

OH BOY, MEN WILL DOJUST ABOUT ANYTHING

TO GET A LOOK AT OURTITS WON'T THEY ?

MEN ARE ALL THE SAME.

MY BOYFRIENDWALKED OUT ON ME.

TURNS OUT HE WAS A FAG.

BUT I'VE BEENLIVIN' IT UP EVER SINCE

HAVING SEX WITH ALLKINDS OF DIFFERENT GUYS !

GIRL POWER !

YOU KNOW,THE STRANGE THING IS,

I HAVEN'T GOTTENMY PERIOD YET.

IS THERE A REASON A WOMANMIGHT MISS HER PERIOD ?

WELL, NORMALLY IF A WOMANMISSES HER PERIOD

IT MEANSSHE'S PREGNANT.

PREGNANT ?

OH MY GOD...OF COURSE.

I HAVEN'T GOTTEN TOEXPERIENCE A PERIOD

BECAUSE ONE OF THOSETRUCKERS I SLEPT WITH

GOT ME KNOCKED UP.

I'M PREGNANT,EVERYBODY !

OH BOY, NOW I CANHAVE AN ABORTION !

GERALD !WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ?!

THAT DOCTOR ISA MIRACLE WORKER, SHEILA !

I'M THE HAPPIESTI'VE EVER BEEN !

LOOK, IKE, YOUR DADDY'SA DOLPHIN !

A DOLPHIN ?!

SHEILA, IT WAS WRONG OF USTO BE SO JUDGMENTAL OF KYLE.

IF HE ISN'T HAPPYWITH WHO HE IS

THEN WHO ARE WE TODENY HIM SURGERY

THAT WILL MAKE HIM FEELBETTER ABOUT HIMSELF ?

( squeaks, clicks )

GERALD, THIS IS CRAZY.

I USED TO THINKI WAS CRAZY--

BUT DR. BIBER TOLD ME

THAT THERE ARE A LOT OFOTHER PEOPLE OUT THERE

WHO ARE TRANSPECIES.

ALL I DID IS CHANGEMY APPEARANCE TO LOOK

THE WAY I FELT HERE.

AND I'M TELLING YOU NOW THAT IFWE DON'T LET KYLE DO THE SAME,

HE MAY NEVER BE HAPPY-- EVER.

WE OWE HIM MORETHAN THAT, SHEILA,

WE OWE HIMUNDERSTANDING !

HEY, FELLAS,YOU GOTTA COME SEE !

WHAT ?

IT'S KYLE !HE'S A NEGRO !

WOW, I CAN'TBELIEVE IT.

DID IT HURT ?

YEAH, BUT IT WASTOTALLY WORTH IT.

JESUS CHRIST, DUDE !

LOOK, STAN,I'M FINALLY WHOLE !

MY DAD IS EVEN GONNA TAKE MEBACK DOWN TO THE ALL-STAR GAME

TO SEE IF I CAN TRY OUTFOR THE TEAM AGAIN !

COME ON, KYLE,WE SHOULD GET GOING !

ALL RIGHT, DAD !

DUDE, IS KYLE'S DADA DOLPHIN ?

HE'S A JEWISH DOLPHIN...

A JEWPHIN.

HEY ASSHOLE !

EXCUSE ME, I'M PERFORMINGAN OPERATION HERE !

YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE GONNAMAKE ME INTO A WOMAN !

I GAVE YOU A SEX CHANGE.

YEAH ?!

WELL, WHAT KIND OF WOMANCAN'T HAVE ABORTIONS

AND BLEED OUT HER SNATCHONCE A MONTH ?!

YOU MADE ME INTOA FREAK IS WHAT YOU DID

AND I WANT YOUTO CHANGE ME BACK !

AM I A MAN YET ?

SEX CHANGE MR. GARRISONI CAN'T REATTACH YOUR ORGANS.

WHY THE HELL NOT ?!

BECAUSE I'VE ALREADYUSED YOUR TESTICLES

TO FASHION NEW KNEESFOR A LITTLE BOY

WHO WANTED TO BETALL AND BLACK.

YOU WHAT ?!

AND YOUR SCROTUM HAS BEENMADE INTO A DORSAL FIN

FOR A MAN WHO WANTED TOLOOK MORE LIKE A DOLPHIN.

OH, YOU...

YOU'RE COMING WITH ME TO FINDMY BALLS AND SCROTUM

RIGHT NOW, MR. MAN !

( announcer over PA )Welcome to theAll-State Basketball Playoffs

between the best fourth gradeplayers from Colorado

and the best fourth gradeplayers from Wyoming.

COACH, COACH !I'M ALL BETTER.

I'M READY TO PLAY !

WHO ARE YOU ?

IT'S ME,KYLE BROFLOVSKI.

I HAD A NEGROPLASTY.

CAN I PLAY ON THEALL-STATE TEAM NOW ?

WELL, YOU'RE TALLAND BLACK ENOUGH.

ALL RIGHT, BROFLOVSKI,SUIT UP !

ALL RIGHT !

DAD, I CAN PLAY !

ALL RIGHT, KYLE !

EXCUSE ME, WHERE DO YOU HAVESPECIAL SEATING FOR DOLPHINS ?

HE'S NOT AT HOME !

KYLE WENT DOWN TO PLAY IN THEBASKETBALL GAME, MRS. GARRISON.

HE'S GOING TOPLAY BASKETBALL ?

OH MY GOD.

WHAT ?

WELL, I ONLY MADE HIM LOOK LIKEHE COULD PLAY BASKETBALL.

IF HE ACTUALLY DOES IT

THE TESTICLES IN HIS KNEESWILL EXPLODE.

BUT YOU MADE HIM INTOA BASKETBALL PLAYER !

NO, I JUST MADE HIMLOOK MORE LIKE ONE.

WE HAVE TO STOP HIMFROM PLAYING.

THOSE TESTICLES IN HIS KNEESARE TICKING TIME BALLS !

OH, JESUS !

COME ON BOYS, WE'VE GOTTAGET TO MY BALLS

BEFORE KYLEHURTS HIMSELF !

( cheers, applause )

BROFLOVSKI, BE READY TOTAKE OVER FOR OWENS.

I'M A HUNDRED PERCENTREADY, COACH !

EXCUSE ME, WHERE IS THEBATHROOM FOR DOLPHINS ?

WE DON'T...HAVE ONE.

WELL, WHERE THE HELLAM I SUPPOSED TO

GO TO THE BATHROOM ?!

I NEED A LARGE TANKWITH SALTWATER !

UH...

TOO BAD ?

DAMMIT, YOU PEOPLE HAVE TOMAKE SPECIAL ARRANGEMENTS

FOR TRANSSPECIES PEOPLELIKE ME !

I MAY BE A DOLPHIN,BUT I'M ALSO A LAWYER !

YOU'RE A LAWFIN ?