♪ SCOOPIN' UP THE FIELD MICEAND BOPPING 'EM ON THE HEAD ♪

DOWN CAME THE WHITE ANGELAND SHE SAID...

♪ LITTLE BUNNY FOO-FOOI DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU ♪

♪ SCOOPIN' UP THE FIELD MICEAND BOPPING 'EM ON THE HEAD ♪

SO NOW I'M GOING TOTURN YOU INTO A WORM

BU-BUNNY FOO-FOO,POOF !

♪ LITTLE WORMY FOO-FOOCRAWLING THROUGH THE FOREST ♪

♪ GETTIN' SCOOPED UPBY THE FIELD MICE ♪

♪ AND G-GONNABOP HIM ON THE HEAD ♪

AH, THANK YOU BUTTERS,WE'LL LET YOU KNOW.

I CAN DO IT AGAIN.

WE'LL LETYOU KNOW, BUTTERS.

WELL, ALL RIGHT THEN.

PFF, OH MY GOD,HIS INTONATION WAS SO OFF !IT WAS ?

DUDE, I DON'T THINK I CAN SINGANY BETTER THAN THAT.

GUYS, IF WE'RE GOING TOIMPRESS THE MALL OWNERAND GET THAT GIG,

WE'D BETTER DO ITBETTER THAN THAT,NEXT !

AH, NEXT ISIKE BROVLOFSKY.KYLE'S BROTHER ?

I PROMISED MY MOMI'D LET HIM TRY.

CHRIST SAKE.

WHAT KEY ?"G".

♪ ITSY-BITSY SPIDERUP THE WATER SPOUT ♪

NEXT !

♪ OH DANNY BOYTHE PIPES ARE CALLING ♪

♪ CLANG CLANG

NEXT AUDITION !

♪ E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N--

GODDAMN IT, NEXT !

♪ G-U-B, WHEN THE TEACHERWANNA PUNCH ME ♪

NOT THE NEXT SONG,THE NEXT PERSON !

OH, MAN, THIS IS GONNA BEA LONG-ASS DAY.

OH, NO !NO, NO, NO, NO !

SORRY, WENDY, THIS ISTRY-OUTS FOR A BOY BAND.

OH, COME ON DUDE,LET HER TRY.NO WAY !

COME ON, CARTMAN, YOU HAVEN'TLIKED ANYBODY ELSE.

OKAY, OKAY, FINE.

WOW ME !

♪ MRS. LANDERS WAS A HEALTH NUT,SHE COOKED FOOD IN A WOK ♪

♪ MR. HARRIS WAS HER BOYFRIENDAND HE HAD A GREAT BIG ♪

♪ COCK-A-DOODLE-DOODLETHE ROOSTER JUST WON'T QUIT ♪

♪ AND I DON'T WANT MY BREAKFASTBECAUSE IT TASTE LIKE ♪

♪ SHITZUS MAKE GOOD HOUSE PETSTHEY'RE CUDDLY AND SWEET

♪ MONKEYS AREN'T GOOD TO HAVEBECAUSE THEY LIKETO BEAT THEIR ♪

♪ MEETING IN THE OFFICEA MEETING IN THE HALL ♪

♪ THE BOSS HE WANTS TO SEE YOUSO YOU CAN SUCK HIS ♪

♪ BALZAC WAS A WRITERHE LIVED WITH ALLEN FUNT ♪

♪ MRS. ROBERTS DIDN'T LIKE HIMBUT THAT'S BECAUSE SHE'S A ♪

♪ CONTAMINATED WATERCAN REALLY MAKE YOU SICK ♪

♪ YOUR BLADDER GETS INFECTEDAND BLOOD COMES OUT YOUR ♪

♪ DICTATE WHAT I'M SAYING'CAUSE IT WILL BRING YOU LUCK ♪

♪ AND IF YOU ALL DON'T LIKE ITI DON'T GIVE A FLYING (BEEP) ♪

( clapping )

THANKS, WENDY, DON'T CALL US,WE WON'T CALL YOU EITHER.

DUDE, WHAT AREYOU TALKING ABOUT,THAT WAS AWESOME !

DUDE, SHE'S A CHICK !

COME ON, NOBODY'SGOING TO NOTICE.

WHAT ABOUT HER HUGEFREAKIN' HOOTERS, HUH ?

SHE'S THE BEST CHANCE WE HAVE,I SAY SHE'S IN.

ME TOO.Me too.

OH, THIS IS A DEMOCRATICBOY BAND, IS IT ?

ALL RIGHT FINE, SHE'S INUNTIL SHE SCREWS UP.

YEAH !

IT'S NOT FAIR, DAD, WHY CAN'TI BE IN A BOY BAND ?

BECAUSE I SAID SO !

DAD, CARTMAN SAIDWE'RE GOING TO PERFORM INTHE MALL AT THREE O'CLOCK,

MY FRIENDS ARE GOINGTO BE PISSED OFF AT ME.LET 'EM BEPISSED OFF THEN.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND,JUST LET ME LET ME GO DOTHIS ONE THING AND I WON'T--

NO !

NO !

( glass shattering )

DAD, WHAT THE HELLIS GOING ON ?

I WAS...

I WAS 18 WHEN MY HIGH SCHOOLMEN'S CHOIR PERFORMEDAT THE GRAND OPENING

OF A SPORTING GOODS STOREIN DENVER.

♪ EVERYTHING WILL WAIT

♪ WE ARE THE LITTLE RAINS...

I WAS JUST ONEOF 15 MEMBERS

AND I HAD NO IDEATHAT A RECORD PRODUCERWAS IN THE AUDIENCE.

♪ ...THE COLORADO TRAIL

KID, CAN I TALK TO YOU ?SURE.

YOU WERE REALLY GREATOUT THERE.

TOO GOOD FOR A PISSANT CHOIRIN A PISSANT MOUNTAIN TOWN.

OH, THANKS.

LISTEN, I'M PUTTING TOGETHERA ROCK GROUP,

A VOCAL GROUP CALLED"THE GHETTO AVENUE BOYS".

I THINK YOU WOULD MAKEA PERFECT MEMBER.

WHAT, ME, YOU LIKEMY SINGING THAT MUCH ?

YEAH, I THINKYOUR MUSTACHE IS PERFECT.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKETO COME TO NEW YORK

AND STARTA SINGING CAREER ?

OH MY GOD !I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, I STILL HAVEANOTHER YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL.

HEY, LOOK, IF YOU DON'TWANT IT, I'LL KEEP LOOKING.

NO, WAIT, I MEAN...I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

I TAKE IT THAT MEANS YES,CALL ME IN THE MORNING.

AND JUST LIKE THAT,I LEFT EVERYTHING.

I DROPPED OUTOF HIGH SCHOOL.

SEE YA !

I SAID GOOD-BYETO MY GIRLFRIEND.

SEE YA !

AND I LEFT MY FAMILY.

SEE YA !

AND SUDDENLY THERE I WAS,

THROWN INTO A GROUPWITH FOUR OTHER YOUNG MEN

WHO I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW.

TAKE 112.

♪ YOU'VE GOT IT,YOU KNOW YOU'VE GOT IT, GIRL ♪

♪ WHAT YOU'VE GOT IS IT

THE SONGS WERE TERRIBLE,

BUT BELIEVE IT OR NOTTHE COUNTRY ATE THEM UP.

THE NEXT THING I KNEW,

WE WERE THE BIGGEST THINGIN THE WORLD.

♪ WHAT YOU'VE GOT IS IT

♪ NOW, GIVE ITTO ME 'CAUSE... ♪

I HAD EVERYTHING,A HUGE HOUSE

AND ALL THE WOMENYOU CAN IMAGINE.

AND THEN ONE DAY,JUST AS QUICK AS IT STARTED...

ALL RIGHT GUYS,LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

HEY, MR. ALLENS.

HEY, OH...

UH, RANDY.

WHO ARE THEY ?

THESE ARE "THE AVENUE GHETTO STREET BOYS".

MY NEW BOY BAND.

BUT, WE'RE STILLSELLING RECORDS RIGHT ?

LOOK, KID,

YOU'RE JUST GETTINGA LITTLE OLD TO BEIN A BOY BAND.

I'M 19.

GET A LIFE, MARSH !

ALL RIGHT, GUYS,LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

THEY SAID THAT AFTERALL THE MONEY WE HAD MADE

WE WERE IN DEBTTO THE STUDIO.

SO THEY TOWED MY CAR.SEE YA !

THE WOMEN ALL LEFT.SEE YA !SEE YA !

AND THEY TOOK BACKMY HOUSE.SEE YA !

THE ONLY THING I COULD DOWAS COME BACK TO COLORADO

AND FACE EVERYBODYI HAD ABANDONED.

HEY, WEREN'T YOU THE GUYIN THAT STUPID BOY BAND,

"THE GHETTO AVENUE BOYS" ?

SURE, I REMEMBER YOU.

♪ YOU GOT IT BABY

♪ YOU GOT IT GOING ON ♪

( laughter )

AND SO, YOU SEE,STANLEY,

I DO KNOW WHATI'M TALKING ABOUT.

JESUS CHRIST,I NEVER KNEW.

I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW,BECAUSE NOW I'M A JOKE.

EVER SINCE THEN, I HAVEWISHED EVERY SINGLE DAY

THAT I CAN GO BACKTO THAT MOMENT WHENI WAS OFFERED THE JOB

AND SAY NO !

BECAUSE ALL THE FAME,THE MONEY, THE WOMEN,

ALL IT DIDWAS BUILD ME UP,

SO THAT I COULD BEKNOCKED DOWN HARDER THANANYBODY IN THE WORLD.

THAT'S WHAT BEING IN A BOY BANDIS ALL ABOUT, STAN.

IT'S PEOPLE SMOTHERING YOUAND EMBRACING YOU AND LOVING YOU

AND THEN SPITTING YOU OUTAND THROWING YOU AWAY

LIKE YOU WERELAST NIGHT'S PORK CHOPS.

NOW, WE WANDER THE EARTH IN DISARRAY,

US, NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK,THE OSMONDS,

WE'RE ALL THE SAME.

AND THAT IS WHYYOU CAN'T GO TO THE MALL.

OKAY.

WOW, THERE MUST BE AT LEAST20 PEOPLE OUT THERE.

WHERE THE HELL IS STAN ?

HE'LL BE HERE,STAN WOULDN'T DOUCHE.

I SWEAR TO GOD, IF HE RUINSTHIS DREAM OF MINE,

I WILL HAVE HIS NUTS !

HEY, ARE YOU GONNADO THAT THING OR WHAT ?

YES, YES, SIR, ANY SECOND,WE'RE JUST WAITING ONONE MORE MEMBER.

WELL, HURRY UP, I CAN'T KEEPTHE SAUSAGE AND CHEESE CARTOFF THIS SPOT MUCH LONGER.

YEAH, WE'LL STARTRIGHT AWAY.

WE'LL HAVE TO DO ITWITHOUT HIM.

HELL NO, I'M NOT BEING PARTOF A FOUR MEMBER BOY BAND !

WE'LL LOOK STUPID.YEAH !

OH, GODDAMN IT !

DAD ?

HUH, YEAH ?

I JUST WANTEDTO TELL YOU

THAT I DON'T THINKYOU'RE A JOKE.

I MEAN, WHATEVERYOU USED TO BE,

YOU'RE JUST MY DAD

AND YOU'RE THE BEST DADI'VE EVER HAD.

COME HERE, STANLEY.

STAN, IT WAS WRONG OF METO TRY AND STOP YOU

FROM JOINING A BOY BANDWITHOUT EXPLAINING WHY.

I MADE SOME MISTAKESIN MY LIFE

AND NOW I HAVE TO LETYOU MAKE YOUR OWN MISTAKES.YEAH.

YOU KNOW, IN A WAY,I THINK I WAS EVEN JEALOUSOF YOU BEING IN A BOY BAND.

ISN'T THAT STUPID ?NOT REALLY.

NOT ANY MORE STUPID THAN SOMEOF THE OTHER STUFF YOU'VE DONE.

WELL, COME ON,I'LL DRIVE YOUDOWN TO THE MALL.

REALLY ?YEAH, I WANT TO SEEWHAT YOU GUYS CAN DO.

AND THEN WE'LL GO BUY YOUA SMALL TOY, SO YOU CANFORGET ALL ABOUT THIS.

ALL RIGHT !

WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE ?

I DON'T KNOW,I GUESS NOTHING.

HMM, WELL THEN,LET'S WALK AWAY THEN.

GODDAMN IT,PEOPLE ARE WALKING AWAY !

ALL RIGHT, KIDS,THAT DOES IT.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TOMOVE AND MAKE WAY FORTHE SAUSAGE AND CHEESE CART.

JUST ANOTHER MINUTE.

SORRY, GET OUT.

WELL, GOD, I GUESS YOUGOT ME AGAIN DIDN'T YOU.

YEAH, THAT WASA GOOD ONE, GOD.

HOPE IT MADE YOU LAUGH,YOU SICK BASTARD.

WHAT'S THAT ?

IT'S STAN !

OH, THANK YOU GOD,OH, PRAISE HIS NAME !

DUDE, WHERE THE HELLHAVE YOU BEEN ?

SIR, WE'RE ALL HERE NOW,CAN WE GO ON PLEASE.

WHO ?

WELL, OKAY, I GUESS,BUT HURRY UP.

WE WILL.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

YOU ARE ABOUT TO WITNESSTHE NEXT GREAT BOY BANDOF THE COUNTRY.

SOME DAY YOU WILL ALLBE AMONG THOSE WHO CAN SAY

"I SAW FINGERBANG WHENTHEY FIRST PERFORMEDAT SOME CRAPPY LITTLE MALL."

AND SO WITHOUTFURTHER ADO

ALL FIVE MEMBERS OF THE--

OH, MY GOD,THEY KILLED KENNY !

YOU BASTARDS !

NO, HE CAN'T BE DEAD.

DUDE, HE'S PRETTY DEAD.

NO, WE WERE SO CLOSE !

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT,KIDS, GET OUT !

BUT, WE HAVE TO PERFORM.

WE DON'T HAVEA FIFTH MEMBER,CARTMAN.

OH, YES, WE DO.

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PATIENCEAND GET READY FOR FINGERBANG !

♪ FINGERBANG

♪ BANG BANG

♪ FINGERBANG BANG

♪ BANG BANG BANG

♪ I'M GONNA FINGERBANG BANG YOUINTO MY LIFE ♪

♪ GIRL, YOU LIKE TO FINGERBANGAND IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ BECAUSE I'MTHE KING OF FINGERBANGLET'S NOT FIGHT ♪

♪ I'LL JUST FINGERBANG BANG YOUEVERY NIGHT ♪

♪ I'LL JUST FINGERBANG BANG YOUEVERY NIGHT ♪

YES, YES !

THANK YOU, YES !

IT'S FINGERBANG LIVEFROM MADISON SQUARE GARDENS !

( crowd cheering )

♪ FINGERBANG BANG

♪ FINGERBANG BANG

♪ BANG BANG BANG

♪ I'M GOING FINGERBANGBANG YOU INTO MY LIFE ♪

♪ GIRL YOU LIKE TO FINGERBANGAND IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ BECAUSE I'MTHE KING OF FINGERBANGLET'S NOT FIGHT ♪

♪ I'M GONNA FINGERBANGBANG YOU EVERY NIGHT ♪

♪ AND GIRL YOU KNOW THATYOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL FOR ME ♪

♪ GIRL GIRL YOU'RE THE GIRLOF MY FANTASIES ♪

CARTMAN, I WANT YOU !

♪ YOU'RE MY GIRL

♪ FINGERBANG BANG

♪ BANG BANG BANG

♪ FINGERBANG BANG

♪ BANG BANG BANG

♪ I'M GONNAFINGERBANG BANG ♪♪

YEAH.

YES, YES,I'M A STAR.

I'M A STAR !

I'M--

OH, I'M NOBODY,GODDAMN IT !

WAIT A MINUTE, MAYBETHAT WAS A SIGN FROM GOD.

THAT'S IT,ISN'T IT.

YOU WANT ME TO STARTA BOY BAND, SO I CAN MAKETEN MILLION DOLLARS DON'T YOU ?

THAT'S IT !

THIS IS THE BEGINNINGOF A GREAT TIME IN OUR LIVES.

GOD HAS FINALLYSPOKEN TO ME, GUYS

AND HE HAS TOLD ME HOWI CAN MAKE $10,000,000.

HOW ?BOY BAND.

BOY BAND ?BOY BAND.

I'M NOT BEINGIN A FAGGY BOY BAND.

THERE'S NOTHING FAGGY ABOUT$10,000,000, ASSHOLE !

THIS WAS A MESSAGEFROM GOD !

DUDE, WE DON'T HAVEANY MUSICAL TALENT.

THAT DIDN'T STOP ANY OFTHE OTHER BOY BANDS, DUMBASS !

I'VE GOT PRERECORDED MUSICWE CAN SING TO,JUST LIKE THEY DO.

ALL WE NEED TO DO ISPRACTICE OUR CHOREOGRAPHYOVER AND OVER AND OVER.

MMRM-MRM-MRRM-MRRM-MRM.

SHUT UP, KENNY, AND THENI KNOW I CAN GET US A GIGAT THE SOUTH PARK MALL.

SO EVERYBODY GET IN A STRAIGHT LINE,

WE'RE GOING TO LISTEN TOTHE SONG FROM THE TOP AND--

WAIT A MINUTE,THERE'S ONLY FOUR OF US.SO ?

SO ALL BOY BANDSHAVE FIVE MEMBERS.WHAT ?

N'SYNC, BACKSTREET BOYS,NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK,

ALL HAD FIVE MEMBERS.HE'S RIGHT.

DAMN IT !OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

WE'LL HOLD OFF PRACTICE FOR NOWAND HOLD AUDITIONS FORA FIFTH MEMBER.

GET THE WORD OUT THAT AUDITIONSWILL BE TOMORROW MORNING.

DID YOU HAVE FUNAT ERIC'S HOUSETODAY, STANLEY ?

I GUESS.WHAT DID YOU DO ?

WELL, CARTMAN WANTSTO START A BOY BAND,

SO WE'RE GOING TO REHEARSEAND THEN TRY TO PERFORMAT THE SOUTH PARK MALL.

OH, THAT SOUNDS NICE.

NO, IT DOES NOTSOUND NICE.

STANLEY, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE NO PART OF THAT BOY BAND.

BUT DAD, ALL MY FRIENDSARE DOING IT.

IF ALL YOUR FRIENDSJUMPED OFF A CLIFF,WOULD YOU DO THAT TOO ?

CARTMAN SAYS WE CANMAKE $10,000,000.

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BEIN A BOY BAND, STANLEY,AND THAT IS FINAL !

GEEZ, WHAT'S UPDAD'S ASS ?

OKAY, YOU GUYS ALL READYTO REHEARSE ?

IT'S 6:00 IN THE MORNING,DO WE HAVE TO REHEARSETHIS EARLY ?

WE HAVE TO REHEARSEALL THAT WE CAN.

NOW CHECK THIS OUT,MY MOM MADE US COSTUMES.

COSTUMES ?

YEAH, THIS ONE'SYOURS STAN.

THIS ONE IS KYLE'S.

THIS ONE WILL COVER-UPWENDY'S HOOTERS.

HEY CARTMAN, HOW COMEYOUR COSTUME HAS, LIKE,NOSE-RINGS AND FACIAL HAIR ?

'CAUSE I'M LIKE, YOU KNOW,THE TOUGH ONE.

EVERY BOY BAND HAS TO HAVETHE ONE MEMBER THAT'S,YOU KNOW, IS TOUGH.

I WANT TO BETHE TOUGH ONE.

KYLE, YOU ARE THE SWEET ONE,WILL YOU PLEASE JUSTCOOPERATE AND NOT--

I WANNA BETHE TOU ONE.

YOU CAN'T BE THE TOUGH ONEBECAUSE YOU'RE JEWISH !

JEWS ARE TOUGH !SINCE WHEN ?

SINCE ABRAHAM,FATASS !

ALL RIGHT, FINE, HERE.

JESUS CHRIST, I WONDERIF EVERY BOY BANDHAD TO GO THROUGH THIS.

HEY CARTMAN, WHAT DOES"FINGERBANG" MEAN ANYWAYS ?

I HEARD IT ON HBO,IT MEANS LIKE, YOU KNOW,

WHEN YOU PRETEND TO USEYOUR FINGER LIKE A GUNOR SOMETHING.

MRLP-MRHH-MRR-MRLP !

KENNY SAYS THAT'SNOT WHAT IT MEANS.

OKAY, KENNY, WHAT DOESFINGERBANG MEAN THEN ?

( mumbling )

WHAT ! WHO THE HELLWOULD DO THAT !

JESUS CHRIST, GROW UP,KENNY WOULD YOU ?

ALL RIGHT, BOYS,LET'S DO IT FROM THE TOP.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...

KEEPING THE LAW IN THE MALLIS JUST LIKE ANY TOUGH CITY

AND ESPECIALLY BECAUSETHEY DON'T LET US HAVE GUNS,

IT CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS.

ALL RIGHT GUYS, JUST DO ITLIKE WE REHEARSED.

WE NEED ENERGY,WE NEED TO BE UP !

EXCUSE ME, JUST WHEREDO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING ?

WE'RE GOING TO SEETHE MALL MANAGER.

DO YOU HAVETHE PROPER CLEARANCE ?

UH-OH, MALL COPS.

YOU HAVE TO MAKEAN APPOINTMENT FIRST.

NOW MOVE ALONG, SIR.

BUT WE PRACTICED FOR DAYS !

ALL WE WANT TO DO ISSHOW THE GUY WHAT WE CAN DO,

SO THAT MAYBE WE'LL HAVEA CHANCE TO PERFORMIN THE PLAZA OF THE--

AH, AH, OH !

AH, AH, OH,GODDAMN IT !

JESUS CHRIST, DUDE !

OH, GOD,I CAN'T SEE !

MOVE ALONG, SIR,OR I'LL DO IT AGAIN.

YOU SEE, YOU PUT YOUR LIFEON THE LINE EVERY DAY.

WELL, I GUESS WE CAN'T GET INTO SEE THE MALL MANAGER.

THE HELL WE CAN'T !

I'M NOT LETTING NOWASHED-UP MALL COPSRUIN MY DIVINE QUEST.

COME ON !

HEY !

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

NOTHING, JUST SHOPPING.

MOVE ALONG, SIR.

YOU SEE, SOMETIMESYOU GOTTA JUST DO THAT,

KEEP SHOPPERSON THEIR TOES, TRY IT.

HEY !

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ?

NOTHING, WHY ?

MOVE ALONG, MA'AM.

THAT'S WHAT BEINGA MALL COP IS ALL ABOUT.

YEAH, COOL.

( Cartman over the intercom )ATTENTION MALL SHOPPERS,

THE NEXT 20 PEOPLE TO BUYAN ORANGE SMOOTHIE

WILL ALSO RECEIVEA COMPLIMENTARY NISSAN SENTRA.

HURRY UP.

AH !

JESUS, THEY'RE GONNASTART A RIOT !

ALL RIGHT, GUYS,HERE WE GO.

HELLO, SIR !WHAT ?

HEY, WHO ARE YOU ?

WE ARE FINGERBANG.

OH, WHAT ?

HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE ?HEY !

WE WOULD LIKETO AUDITION FOR YOU

FOR A GIG IN THE CENTRAL PLAZAOF YOUR FINE MALL.

WHAT ? OH, YOU WANTTO PLAY AT THE MALL.

LIKE TIFFANY ?

SORT OF LIKE TIFFANY, YES,CAN WE AUDITION ?

OH, WELL, I GUESS.

WHAT ?

ALL RIGHT,LET'S DO IT BOYS !

♪ I'M GONNA FINGERBANG BANGYOU INTO MY LIFE ♪

♪ GIRL, YOU LIKE TO FINGERBANGAND THAT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ GOING TO FINGERBANG BANGYOU EVERY NIGHT ♪

♪ AND GIRL YOU KNOW, YOU GIRL,YOU GIRL, YOU'RE THE GIRL-- ♪

♪ GIRL, YOU'RE THE GIRLOF MY DREAMS ♪

OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH !

♪ YOU'RE MY FANTASY,MY FANTASY-- ♪♪THANK YOU !

SO, CAN WE PLAY HERE ?

WHAT ?

NO.NO ?

WHO ? NO.

WHY NOT ?

WELL, UH, OH...

RIGHT NOW THERE'SA CHEESE AND SAUSAGE CARTIN THE PLAZA,

AND I WOULD-- I'D HATETO HAVE TO MOVE IT OFFTO THE SIDE FOR A WHILE.

WHAT ?

YOU DON'T THINKWE'RE ANY GOOD, DO YOU ?

NO, I MEAN,

JUST NOT QUITE AS GOODAS SAUSAGE AND CHEESE.

WELL, COME ON GUYS,WE GAVE IT OUR BEST.

WOW, THAT WAS YOUR BEST !

WOW, I FEEL SO REJECTED.

YEAH.THERE YOU ARE !

YOU'RE THE HOODLUMSWHO GOT ON THE INTERCOM

AND STARTEDAN ORANGE SMOOTHIE RIOT !UH-OH.

I WILL NOW READ YOUYOUR MALL RIGHTS.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SHOPAT A VARIETY OF MALLS--

RUN FOR IT !

GO GET 'EM, ROOKIE !

OH, HE'S OVER AT ERIC'S HOUSEPRACTICING FOR HIS BOY BAND.

WHAT, I SPECIFICALLYTOLD HIM NOT TO DO THAT !

NOW, RANDY, CALM DOWN, IT'SJUST A SILLY LITTLE DREAM.

THEY'RE NOT GONNAACTUALLY MAKE IT.

AND WHAT IF THEYDO MAKE IT, SHARON ?

WHAT IF THEY DO MAKE IT ?ARE YOU GOING TO BETHE ONE TO TELL HIM ?

MOM, WHAT'S UPDAD'S ASS ?

IT'S A LONG STORY, SHELLY.

LET'S JUST SAY YOUR FATHER...

HAS A LOT UP HIS ASSRIGHT NOW.

( ding-dong )

OH, OH, HELLO, ERIC.

PROBLEM, CHEF,I HAVE MANY PROBLEMS.

WELL, IF YOU, UH, COME BACKIN JUST A LITTLE BIT, ERIC,

I'LL SEE IF I CANHELP YOU OUT.

I JUST DON'T KNOWWHAT I'M GOING TO DO,

SOMETIMES I JUST WONDER IF GODIS JUST TOYING WITH ME.

ALL RIGHT, ERIC,WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

CHEF, GOD TOLD ME I WASTO START A BOY BAND ANDMAKE $10,000,000.

THE PROBLEM IS,IT ISN'T WORKING.

I MEAN I FEEL THE MUSICBURNING INSIDE ME,

BUT I JUST CAN'TEXPRESS IT RIGHT, YOU KNOW.

WELL, ERIC, I THINKYOU'RE JUST FOCUSING INON THE WRONG THING.

BOY BANDSAREN'T ABOUT MUSIC.

BOY BANDS ARE CREATEDBY CORPORATIONS TO MAKE MONEY,

THEY'RE ALL BASEDON "THE GARMLICH EFFECT".

WHAT'S"THE GARMLICH EFFECT" ?

THE LAW OF PHYSICSTHAT STATES

IF ONE GIRL SCREAMSFOR SOMETHING,

IT WILL MAKEOTHER GIRLS SCREAM

AND THEN IT GROWS EXPONENTIOUSLY

UNTIL ALL GIRLSWITHIN A FIVE-MILE RADIUSARE SCREAMING.

SO HOW DOBOY BANDS USE THAT ?

ALL THEY DOIS MAKE VIDEOS

SHOWING TONS AND TONSOF GIRLS SCREAMINGFOR THE BOY BANDS.

ONCE YOU GET GIRLS SCREAMING,YOU CAN'T STOP 'EM.

THEY'RE CRAZY.

EXCEPT FOR LILLITH,OF COURSE.

THANKS.YOU'RE WELCOME.

NOW GO AWAY.OKAY !

AND A CUCUMBER IN THE PANTSNEVER HURT EITHER.

CUCUMBER IN THE PANTS,GOT IT !

THE GIRLS ARE STANDING HEREAND THEN THE MEMBERSOF THE BAND WALK BY

LOOKING COOL.

WHEN YOU SEE US,YOU GIRLS ALL SCREAM LIKE,

"OH, MY GOD IT'S FINGERBANG,OH, MY GOD !", OKAY ?

ARE WE GOING TO GET PAIDNOW OR AFTER ?

I'LL PAY YOU AFTERWARDS,PROMISE.

OKAY, TIMMY,ROLL CAMERA !TIMMY !

DUDE, WHAT'S WRONGWITH YOUR LEG ?

HUH, OH CHEF SAID TO PUTA CUCUMBER DOWN MY PANTSFOR GOOD LUCK.

AH !WOO-HOO !YAY !

WAIT, WAIT, CUT !HA-HA-HA !

YOU HAVE TO GO CRAZIERTHAN THAT.

I MEAN, YOU HAVE TOACT LIKE IT'S FREAKIN'LEONARDO DeCAPRIO.

WE WOULDN'T GIVE A RAT'S ASSIF LEONARDO DeCAPRIOCAME WALKING PASSED US.

YEAH !YEAH !

FINE, WHO WOULDYOU GO CRAZY FOR ?

MATT LAUER.MATT LAUER.

OKAY, FINE, PRETENDTHAT WE'RE MATT LAUER.

OH, OKAY !OKAY, ROLL CAMERA.

TIMMY !

( ear-piercing screams )AH !

JESUS CHRIST !

♪ FINGERBANG BANG YOUEVERY NIGHT ♪♪

AND CUT !

ALL RIGHT,OUR VIDEO IS COMPLETE.

WITH THE GRACE OF GOD,I CAN NOW GO BACKTO THAT MALL MANAGER

AND SHOW HIMWHAT WE'VE GOT !

OKAY, SO,WHERE'S OUR MONEY ?

AH, KYLE HAS IT.

STANLEY, WHAT THE HELLARE YOU DOING ?

WE'RE MAKINGA MUSIC VIDEO.

YOU GET IN THE TRUCKRIGHT NOW !

DAD I WAS JUST --

GET IN THE TRUCK !

DAD, I DID ALL MY CHORES,WHY CAN'T I PLAYWITH MY FRIENDS ?

STANLEY, IT'S JUST THATTHERE'S BETTER THINGS

YOU CAN BE DOING ON A SATURDAYTHAN SINGING AND DANCING.

YOU COULD BE WATCHING TVOR LAYING IN BED.

DAD, I LIKE BEINGIN A BOY BAND, I THINKIT'S INTERESTING.

WELL, THERE'S PLENTY OFOTHER INTERESTING THINGSYOU CAN DO.

HAVE YOU EVERTRIED MARIJUANA ?NO !

WELL, MAYBE IT'S TIME.DAD !

HEY !

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

I'VE GOT A NEW STRAINOF ANTHRAX

THAT I WILL SEE UNLEASH UPONALL OF NORTH AMERICA.

MOVE ALONG, SIR.HUH ?

( Cartman over the intercom )ATTENTION, SHOPPERS,

THERE ARE NAKED PEOPLEAT THE ORANGE SMOOTHIE MACHINE,

THERE ARE NAKED PEOPLEAT THE ORANGE--

OH !GOD DAMN IT.

HELLO AGAIN.

WHAT ?

OH, IT'S YOU,I DON'T LIKE YOU.

I KNOW YOU DIDN'T LOVE OUR AUDITION,

BUT NOW WE HAVEA VIDEO.

OH, WHAT ?

IF YOU WOULD, SIR,JUST WATCH THIS

AND PREPARETO BE WOWED.

( "Fingerbang" music )

TIMMY !

GODDAMN IT,OUR CAMERA GUY KINDA SUCKS,

BUT THIS NEXT SHOT WE DIDWAS REALLY COOL.

AH !

TIMMY,LIVIN' A LIE !

SON OF A BITCH !

HEY, THIS VIDEO'S DUMB.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND,

GIRLS WERE GOINGCRAZY FOR US, PLEASE,

THIS IS WHAT GODWANTS ME TO DO, PLEASE !

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,WHAT ?

WELL, I GUESS I CAN MOVETHE SAUSAGE AND CHEESE CARTOFF TO ONE SIDE

FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

REALLY, YOU WILL ?

ONLY FOR20 MINUTES THOUGH.

THAT'S ALL WE NEED.

HOW ABOUT THIS AFTERNOONAT THREE O'CLOCK ?

OH, OKAY.

YES, THANK YOU, SIR,YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.

Oh, Mrs. Cartman,I've been very bad, okay.

You have been bad,Mr. Mackey,

so you're going to haveto drink from this glass.

( Mackey )Oh, yeah,that makes me hot.

OH, MOM !WOW !

WHAT ?

WE MADE $2.

YOU WERE GREAT DAD.

YEAH, I GUESS I STILLGOT IT IN ME A LITTLE.

CAN I GETYOUR AUTOGRAPH ?

OKAY, OKAY.

HEY, DON'T HASSLETHE TALENT, MA'AM.

I ACTUALLY DON'T REALLYKNOW WHO THEY ARE,

I WAS JUST GETTINGAN AUTOGRAPH --

AH !

MOVE ALONG, MA'AM.

THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD, KIDS.

MAYBE YOU CAN COME PERFORMAT MY ELK'S CLUB SOMETIME.

OKAY, YEAH, MAYBE.

GOD, NOW IT'S LIKE EVERYBODYWANTS A PIECE OF US.

YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CANHANDLE ALL THIS FAME.

I MEAN, I ALWAYS THOUGHTI'D WANT TO BE FAMOUS,

BUT NOW THAT I AMI DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE IT.

I MEAN I PROBABLY CAN'TEVEN WALK THROUGH THIS MALLRIGHT NOW WITHOUT PEOPLE GOING

"OH, MY GOD,IT'S THE "FINGERBANG" GUY,OH, MY GOD."

YEAH, THAT'SGONNA SUCK.

YEAH, I JUST WANT TO BEA NORMAL KID AGAIN,

HAVE A NORMAL LIFE ANDAPPRECIATE WHAT I HAVE.

I THINK YOU BOYS AREVERY SMART FOR YOUR AGE.

COME ON, I'LL BUY YOU ALLAN ORANGE SMOOTHIE.

I DON'T THINKTHEY SELL THOSE ANYMORE.

HEY, CARTMAN, DO YOU THINKGOD IS GOING TO BE MAD AT YOUFOR NOT MAKING $10,000,000 ?

OH, SCREW GOD, I'M NOTSCARED OF HIM, HE'S A PUSSY.

YOU KNOW I'M JUST KIDDING,RIGHT ?