I WONDER HOW COMECARTMAN'S NOT INSCHOOL TODAY ?
YEAH, USUALLY WHEN HEDITCHES SCHOOL HE STILLSHOWS UP FOR LUNCH !
( mumbling )
HA HA HA !
YEAH, OH,HERE HE COMES !
HEY, DUDES.
WOW, WHAT HAPPENEDTO YOUR EYES, CARTMAN ?
MY ASSHOLE EYE DOCTORMADE THEM ALL DIABATED.
WHY ?
I'LL TELL YOU WHY,
BECAUSE HE'S AGODDAMN ASSHOLE,
AND THAT'S ABOUT IT !
WHY DO YOU HAVETO SEE AN EYE DOCTOR ?
BECAUSE MY EYES SUCK.
AND I HAVE TOGO BACK TOMORROW.
I DON'T KNOW WHATI'M GONNA DO !
DUDE, JUST ASK CHEF FOR HELP,HE ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT TO DO.
HEY YEAH.
OWW !
HEY CHEF !
HELLO THERE, CHILDREN !
DUDES, NOW MY EYESARE SCREWED UP.
CHEF LOOKS LIKE ASKINNY LITTLE WHITE GUY !
IT'S TIME FOR LUNCHAROO !
WHERE'S CHEF ?
CHEF QUIT !
( all )WHAT !
CHEF IS GONE,SO LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF...
I'M YOUR NEW COOK,MR. DERP !
( ♪ fanfare )
MR. DERP ?
WHEN I'M IN THE KITCHEN,
YOU NEVER KNOW WHATNUTTY THINGS ARE GONNA HAPPEN.
IF YOU LIKED CHEF,YOU'RE GONNA LOVE MR. DERP !
( ♪ fanfare )
OOH-- DERP !
DERP !
WASN'T THAT SILLY KIDS ?
HA HA HA !
WHY DID CHEF QUIT ?
AREN'T IA GREAT CHARACTER ?
MY ANTICS GORIGHT TO THE FUNNYBONE !
OOH, I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.
HA HA HA, DERP !
COULD YOU JUST HAND USSOME FOOD, PLEASE ?
SURE GANG, I HAVE YELLOW STUFFOR WHITE STUFF. DERP !
CAN I HAVE THE YELLOWWITH A SIDE OF WHITE ?
DUDE, I HATE MR. DERP.
YEAH, WE GOTTATALK TO CHEFAFTER SCHOOL
AND GET HIMTO COME BACK.
I DON'T KNOW YOU GUYS-- THATHAMMER THING IS PRETTY FUNNY.
SHUT UP, CARTMAN !
YEAH, HE'S GONNA BESO THANKFUL WE TOLD HIM !
THERE YOU ARE, ERIC !
C'MON WE HAVE TO GO TOTHE EYE DOCTOR !
OH, NO !
C'MON, DO YOU WANTYOUR LASER-CORRECTIVESURGERY OR NOT ?
YES, BUT CAN'T WEWAIT 'TIL TOMORROW ?
NOW, HON.
BUT MOM, I HAVE TO TELL CHEFTHAT HE'S MARRYING A SUCCUBUS.
( door bell )
HELLO THERE, CHILDREN.
WHO ARE YOU ?
I'M CHEF'S FATHER.
WE JUST FLEW INFOR THE WEDDING.
OH, HI, IS CHEF HERE ?
WE HAVE TO TALK TO HIM !
YEAH, C'MON ON IN.
THERE HE IS !
CHEF, WE HAVE TO TALK TO YOU !
OOH, NOT NOW CHILDREN.
I GOTTA GET FITTEDFOR MY BRITCHES.
BE RIGHT BACK !
AREN'T YOU CRACKERSJUST CUTE AS A DICKENS.
YOU'RE CHEF'S PARENTS ?
YES, ALL HIS LIFE !
WE HAVE TO TALK TO HIM !
WELL, HE SHOULD BE OUTNOW DIRECTLY.
OH, HE'S SO EXCITEDABOUT THE WEDDING !
SAY, WOULD YOU CRACKERS LOVETO HEAR ABOUT THE TIME
WE SAW THELOCH NESS MONSTER ?
NO, THAT'S OKAY.
OOH, IT MUST'VE BEEN ABOUT7, 8 YEARS AGO.
ME AND THE LITTLE LADY WASOUT ON THIS BOAT, YOU SEE,ALL ALONE AT NIGHT.
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDENA HUGE CREATURE--
THIS GIANT CRUSTACEANFROM THE PALEOLITHIC ERA
COMES OUTFROM THE WATER !
WE WERE SO SCARED, LORD,I JUMPED UP IN THE BOATAND SAID,
THOMAS, WHAT ON EARTH ISTHAT CREATURE ?
IT'S STOOD ABOVE US,LOOKING DOWN,
WITH THESEBIG RED EYES--
OOH, IT'S SO SCARY !
AND I YELLED, I SAID,"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US,MONSTER ?"
AND THE MONSTER BENT DOWNAND SAID,
"I NEED ABOUT THREE-FITTY."
WHAT'S THREE-FITTY ?
THREE DOLLARS ANDFIFTY CENTS.
THREE-FITTY.
HE WANTED MONEY ?
THAT'S RIGHT !I SAID,
"I AIN'T GIVING YOU NOTHREE-FITTY, YOU GODDAMNLOCH NESS MONSTER !"
"GET YOUR OWNGODDAMN MONEY !"
I GAVE HIM A DOLLAR !
SHE GAVE HIM A DOLLAR !
I THOUGHT HE'D GO AWAY IFI GAVE HIM A DOLLAR !
WELL, OF COURSE HE'S NOTGONNA GO AWAY NOW.
YOU GAVE HIM A DOLLAR,HE'S GONNA ASSUMEYOU GOT MORE !
MOM, PLEASE,CAN WE JUST LEAVE ?
YOU HAVE TO SEETHE EYE DOCTOR, ERIC.
BUT I HATETHE EYE DOCTOR.
HE'S ALWAYS MAKINGFUN OF ME FOR BEING FAT.
YOU'RE NOT FAT.YOU'RE BIG-BONED !
THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HIMBUT HE DOESN'T LISTENTO REASON.
ERIC CARTMAN ?
OH, WEAK.
HELLO ERIC.
HI, DOCTOR LOTT.
HOW'S MYLITTLE PIGGY, TODAY ?
HEY, DON'T CALL ME"LITTLE PIGGY" !
I JUST SAY THAT BECAUSEYOU'RE MY LITTLE BUDDY.
I'M JUST HEREFOR AN EYE EXAM
KEEP YOUR FAT JOKESTO YOURSELF !
HOP UP ONTHE CHAIR.
DON'T BREAK IT, NOW.
GODDAMN IT !
JUST KIDDING,LET'S SEE HOWYOUR EYES ARE DOING.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO ISREAD THE LETTERS.
CAN YOU SEETHE LETTERS ?
YES.
READ THEMOUT FOR ME.
I-AM-A-LITTLE-PIGGY.
HEY !HA HA HA !
THAT DOES IT !MOM !
NO NO, THAT'S JUST AWEIRD COINCIDENCE.
I DO NOT KNOWHOW THAT HAPPENED.
"I AM LITTLE PIGGY"WHAT ARE THEODDS OF THAT !
ALRIGHT, LET'S GET DOWNTO BUSINESS, SHALL WE ?
GEE THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
MY MOM ISN'T PAYING YOUTO BE A COMEDIAN.
HMMM, LET'S SEE,WHICH IS BETTER,1 OR 2 ?
THEY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME !
JUST PICK ONE--OR 2 ?
I DUNNO-- 2.
OKAY.
1 OR 2 ?1 OR 2 ?
UH, 1.
1 OR 2 ?1 OR 2 ?
2 !
NO ! THE ANSWER IS1 PIGGY, 1 !
OOWW, I HATE YOU !
YES, THERE'S OBVIOUSLYA PROBLEM WITH YOUR EYES.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TODILATE THEM ANDRUN SOME TESTS.
OH, HELLO THERE, CHILDREN !
CHEF, WHAT THE HELLARE YOU DOING ?
WE ALMOST STARVEDTO DEATH AT LUNCH TODAY !
OH, DIDN'TTHEY TELL YOU ?
I QUIT.
YEAH, BUT WEDIDN'T BELIEVE THEM.
WELL, IT'S TRUE.
BUT WHY ?
WHY WOULD YOU QUIT ?
CHILDREN, 3 NIGHTS AGOI WAS AT THE LIBRARY
CHECKING OUT SOME BOOKSON KAMASUTRA,
WHEN I MET THE MOSTAMAZING WOMAN, EVER !
SHE KNEW SO MUCH ABOUTSO MANY THINGS.
SHE REALLYGOT ME THINKING.
WE CAME BACK TO MY PLACEAND REALLY HIT IT OFF !
SO YOU MADE SWEET LOVETO HER DOWN BY THE FIRE ?
NO NO, WE JUST SAT THEREALL NIGHT LONG AND... TALKED.
TALKED ?
YEAH, SHE TOLD ME ALL ABOUTTHE POWER OF THE GODDESS.
AND HOW MAN HAD BEENOPPRESSING WOMEN FOR YEARS
AND VIEWING THEMAS SEXUAL OBJECTS.
AND I REALIZED THATI HAD DONE THAT MYSELF !
OH, WHAT DARLING LITTLE CHILDREN !
HERE SHE'S NOW.
CHILDREN, MEET MY NEWGIRLFRIEND, VERONICA.
THAT'S NICE.
LOOK CHEF, CARTMAN'S GOTTHIS EYE DOCTOR-- GIRLFRIEND ?
CHILDREN, VERONICA'SMOVING IN WITH ME.
MOVING IN ?
I'M IN LOVE ?
LOVE ?LOVE ?LOVE ?
OH, YOU NUT !
WHAT THE HELLIS GOING ON ?
VERONICA SPENT THE WHOLE DAYSHARING HER FAVORITE POEMSWITH ME.
SORRY, BOYS.
LOOKS LIKE I'M STEALINGCHEF AWAY FROM YOU.
BUT CHEF ALWAYS HELPS USWITH OUR PROBLEMS.
WHEN WE HAVE A PROBLEM,CHEF SINGS TO US ANDMAKES IT BETTER !
WELL I CAN STILLDO THAT, CHILDREN.
IN FACT, VERONICACAN HELP ME.
SHE'S AGREAT SINGER TOO.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM ?
MY EYES ARE GOING BAD
BUT THE ONLY EYE DOCTORIN SOUTH PARK
IS REALLY, REALLY MEAN.
OH, I KNOWJUST THE SONG FOR YOU.
♪ THERE'S GOT TO BEA MORNING AFTER ♪
♪ IF WE CAN HOLD ONTHROUGH THE NIGHT ♪
♪ WE HAVE A CHANCETO FIND THE SUNSHINE ♪
♪ LET'S KEEP ON LOOKINGFOR THE LIGHT... ♪♪
THIS... IS INSANE.
SHE'S STEALINGCHEF FROM US !
HE DIDN'T EVENSEEM LIKE CHEF.
HE SEEMED LIKE ANEMPTY SHELL OF A MAN.
MAYBE IT'SJUST A PHASE.
WE JUST HAVE TOGET HIM ALONE
SO WE CAN TELL HIMWHAT A BITCH SHE IS !
WAIT YOU GUYS...
MAYBE, IS IT POSSIBLETHAT WE'RE JUST JEALOUS
BECAUSE CHEFIS OUR FRIEND
AND NOW HE'S PAYING ATTENTIONTO SOMEBODY NEW ?
YEAH, SO ?
YEAH, SCREWTHAT BITCH !
BITCH, I HATETHAT BITCH !
LOOK, WE'VE JUSTGOT TO GET CHEF ALONE.
HE WON'T LISTEN TO REASON WITH THAT HOOKER AROUND.
LET'S FIND OUT WHERE HE'SWORKING AND GO SEE HIMTHERE TOMORROW.
GOOD IDEA !
ALRIGHT, WE'VE GOT THETEST RESULTS BACK, PIGGY--
STOP CALLINGME PIGGY !
YOU'VE GOT A SMALL STIGMATISMTHAT'S CAUSING ALL THE PROBLEMS.
WHAT DOESTHAT MEAN ?
IT MEANS PIGGY, THAT YOUREYESIGHT IS NEVER GOINGTO GET BETTER.
ALRIGHT.RIGHT NOW, I'M GONNA BETOTALLY SERIOUS, OKAY ?
IF YOU CALL ME PIGGYONE MORE TIME,
I'M GONNA LEAPOUT OF THIS CHAIR
AND RIP YOUR GODDAMN NUTS OFFWITH MY BARE HANDS !
WELL DON'T WORRY,I'VE GOT SOMETHING
THAT IS GOING TO MAKEYOUR EYES AS GOOD AS NEW.
OH DUDE, SUPER-WEAK.
I'M N WEARING THESE.
THE GUYS WOULDTOTALLY RIP ON ME !
I KNOW THE HARDESTTHING TO DO
IS GET KIDSTO WEAR THEIR GLASSES.
I'M JUST GONNA TAKE THEM OFFAS SOON AS I LEAVE.
THAT'S WHY WE HAVETHE LITTLE STAPLER.
OWW, SON OF A BITCH !
HEY, DUDES.
HA HA HA !HA HA !
"HA HA HA, LOOK AT CARTMANWITH HIS STUPID GLASSES. HA HA HA."
DUDE, JUSTTAKE THEM OFF !
I CAN'T, IT'S STAPLED TO MY HEAD !
HA HA HA !HA HA HA !HA HA !
I HATE YOU GUYS.
HELLO AND WELCOME TOSTEINBURG & BURGSTEIN, CAN I HELP YOU ?
WE WANT TO TALK TO CHEF !
CHEF ?
HE'S A BIG GUY WITH A BEARDAND A CHEF'S HAT.
( mumbling )
OH, THE BLACK GUY !
HUH ?
THIRD CUBICLEON THE LEFT.
HEY, AREN'T YOU THAT CUTELITTLE KID FROM JERRY McGUIRE ?
UH YEAH,SURE, SURE !
WOW, YOU REALLY GOT FAT !
HEY !
HELLO THERE CHILDREN !
HEY CHEF.
ERIC, YOU'VE GOT GLASSES !
CHEF, YOU HAVE TODUMP THE BITCH.
HUH ?
WE NEED YOU CHEF !
HEY CHEF, WE'RE ALL GONNA RUNDOWN TO THE OFFICE SUPPLY STORE
AND GET SOME LEATHER HOLDERSFOR OUR PAGERS, YOU WANNA COME ?
YOU BET !
CHEF THIS PLACEISN'T YOU.
CHILDREN, VERONICA HAS SHOWNME THAT I'VE BEEN LIVINGA VERY EMPTY LIFE.
MEANING, THE SEX IS FUNFOR 20 OR 30 YEARS
BUT AFTER THAT,IT STARTS TO GET OLD.
BUT WE DON'TLIKE HER !
WHY NOT ?
I DON'T KNOW,NO REASON I GUESS.
CHILDREN, FRIENDS GETGIRLFRIENDS ALL THE TIME.
IT'S SOMETHING EVEN YOUWILL HAVE TO FACEWITH EACH OTHER, SOMEDAY.
NO WAY, DUDE !
PLEASE CHEF, I DON'T KNOW WHATTO DO ABOUT MY STUPID GLASSES !
THAT'S EASY, GET SOMELASER-CORRECTIVE SURGERY.
THAT'S WHAT I DID !
HEY, LASER-CORRECTIVE SURGERY,THANKS CHEF !
YOU SEE, EVERYTHING'S GONNA BEFINE.
HOW ABOUT I MEET YOU BOYS AFTERWORK AND WE CAN PLAY BALL ?
CHEF SHOULD BE HEREANY MINUTE.
DUDE, HE BAILED ON US !
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT !
C'MON, WE'RE GOINGTO HIS HOUSE.
( knock knock knock )
OH ! HELLO THERE CHILDREN.
ALRIGHT MISTER !
YOU'D BETTER HAVE A GOODEXPLANATION WHY YOU DIDN'TSHOW UP TO PLAY BALL !
OH CHILDREN,I'M SORRY, I FORGOT.
YOU FORGOT ?
VERONICA SURPRISED MEAT THE OFFICE AND TOOK MEOUT TO DINNER.
SHE'S SO AMAZING !
WELL, WE'VE GOT SOMETHING TOTELL YOU ABOUT VERONICA, CHEF.
HELLO, CHILDREN !
MAN, WE'RE HAVING A DUDEMAN TO MAN HEREIF YOU DON'T MIND.
CHILDREN, I'VE GOT SOMEGREAT NEWS FOR YOU.
VERONICA AND IARE GETTING MARRIED.
OH NO, NO NO NO !
MY WHOLE FAMILY'S COMING INFOR THE WEDDING.
I WANT YOU BOYSTO COME TOO.
THIS IS SO WONDERFUL !
LET'S SING !
♪ THERE'S GOT TO BEA MORNING AFTER ♪
♪ IF WE CAN HOLD ONTHROUGH THE NIGHT ♪
♪ WE HAVE A CHANCE TOFIND THE SUNSHINE... ♪♪
AND THAT, CHILDRENIS WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
ABOUT THE FACTS OF LIFE.
SO LET'S REVIEW...
TOOTIE LEFT IN THE 4TH SEASON,
BUT BLAIR AND JO STAYED ONAND GOT HUSBANDS,
LEAVING THE 5th AND 6th SEASONSHIDEOUSLY STAGNANT.
( bell ringing )
OKAY CHILDREN, THAT'S LUNCH,SEE YOU IN 30 MINUTES.
MR. GARRISON,CAN WE TALK TO YOU ?
SURE !
NORMALLY WE GO TO CHEFWITH OUR PROBLEMS,
BUT WE CAN'TTHIS TIME !
WELL CHILDREN,I AM YOUR TEACHER.
I THINK YOU'LL FIND THAT MYADVICE IS JUST AS VALUABLEAS CHEF'S, IF NOT MORE SO.
ALRIGHT, MR. GARRISON,HAVE YOU EVER HAD A FRIENDWHO GOT A NEW GIRLFRIEND
AND THEN STOPPED BEINGYOUR FRIEND AND IT PISSED YOU OFF ?
OH, THE OLD SUCCUBUS SYNDROME.
WHAT'S A SUCCUBUS ?
A SUCCUBUS IS A WOMAN SENTFROM HELL TO SUCK THE LIFEOUT OF A MAN !
THAT'S IT !YEAAH !
THERE'S NOT MUCH YOU CAN DOABOUT A SUCCUBUS.
THEIR EVIL POWER MAKES MANBLIND TO LOVE.
THIS IS TOTALLYWHAT'S HAPPENING !
YOU ARE SMARTMR. GARRISON !
YEAH, I TELL YOU BOYS,WOMEN CAN KILL.
POONTANG'S EXPENSIVE.
THAT'S WHY WHEN IT COMES TOCHICKS, I JUST SCREW 'EMAND LEAVE 'EM.
I SAY, "GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM,POONTANG, BEFORE YOU SUCKMY LIFE DRY."
THANKS MR. GARRISON.
SURE KIDS !
YOU'RE NOTFOOLING ANYONE.
SHUT YOUR HOLE MR. HEAD !
YOU'RE HERE FORTHE LIPOSUCTION, RIGHT ?
( giggle )
YOU'RE ASON OF A BITCH !
ALRIGHT, TIME TO LASER MEA LITTLE PIGGY !
HA HA HA !
HEY !YOU SON OF A BITCH.
I'M GONNA KICK YOUSQUARE IN THE--
( gas hissing )
EHH...EHH...AHH.
I BET HIS MOM WISHESSHE COULD DO THAT !
AND THAT WAS THE THIRD TIMEWE SAW THE LOCH NESS MONSTER !
THEN ONE TIME,I BELIEVE IT WAS JULY--
AUGUST.
AUGUST-- THERE'S A KNOCKON THE DOOR,
I OPENED IT, AND THERE'S THISCUTE LITTLE GIRL SCOUT.
OH SHE'S SO ADORABLE WITHLITTLE PIG TAILS 'N ALL.
AND SHE SAID TO ME,
"HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TOBUY SOME COOKIES ?"
AND I SAID, "WELL,WHAT KIND DO YOU HAVE ?"
SHE HAD "THIN MINTS""GRAHAM CRUNCHY THINS"--
"RAISIN OATMEAL"
"RAISIN OATMEAL"...
AND I SAID, "WE'LLTAKE A GRAHAM CRUNCH."
"HOW MUCH WILL THAT BE ?"
AND SHE LOOKS AT MEAND SHE SAYS,
"I NEED ABOUT THREE-FITTY !"
( mother )THREE-FITTY.
WELL, IT'S ABOUT THAT TIMETHAT I NOTICED
THIS GIRL SCOUT WASABOUT 8 STORIES TALL,
AND WAS A CRUSTACEANFROM THE PLANET OGERE.
THE LOCH NESS MONSTER !
I SAID, "DAMNIT MONSTER,GET OFF MY LAWN!
I AIN'T GIVING YOUNO THREE-FITTY !
SHE SAID, "HOW ABOUTJUST TWO-FITTY !"
I SAID, "OH NOW IT'SONLY TWO-FITTY !"
"WHAT DOES THAT SOUND LIKELOCH NESS MUNCHESOR SOMETHING ?"
LORD, HE WAS ANGRY !
DAMN RIGHTI WAS ANGRY !
NOT YOU,THE MONSTER !
HE WAS ABOUT TOKICK YOUR ASS !
SHUT YOUR MOUTH,WOMAN !
UH, CAN YOU JUSTTELL CHEF WE WERE HERE !
SURE !
THAT CRAZY OLD MONSTER.
AND THEN,THE FOURTH TIME...
CARTMAN, WHAT THE HELLARE YOU DOING ?
THAT ASSHOLE EYE DOCTORSCREWED UP MY LASER SURGERY.
I HAVE TO WEAR THESE BANDAGESFOR 3 DAYS.
DAMN, YOUR EYES MUSTREALLY SUCK, CARTMAN !
OH THANKS FOR THENEWSTIME FLASH, BROKER !
WHAT HAPPENED TO CHEF ?
DID YOU TELL HIM SHE'S ASUCCUBUS !
OH, WE COULDN'TEVEN TALK TO HIM.
SHE'S SO EVIL SHE HAS BEENTOTALLY KEPT AWAY FROM US.
ERIC, YOU HAVEA LITTLE VISITOR.
IS THAT ALL RIGHT ?
OKAY.
HELLO, BOYS.
I HEARD ERIC HAD LASER SURGERY,SO I MADE HIM A PIE.
AAAGGH, IT'STHE SUCCUBUS !
HUH ?
WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LADY !
YEAH !
YOU'RE A BLOODTHIRSTY SUCCUBUS !
A WHAT ?
A DEMON FROM HELL SENT TO SUCKLIFE OUT OF MEN !
BOYS, YOU KNOW HOW SILLY THATSOUNDS, DON'T YOU ?
WELL, YOU ARE TAKINGCHEF FROM US !
BOYS, COME HERE, I WANT TOEXPLAIN THIS TO YOU.
I KNOW CHEF IS YOUR FRIEND,BUT CHEF IS A GROWN MAN.
HE HAS NEEDSYOU BOYS CAN'T FULFILL.
HE WANTS A LIFE WITH MEBECAUSE I MAKE HIM HAPPY.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?
I GUESS.
GOOD !
OH, AND BOYS,JUST ONE MORE THING...
I'M GOING TOMARRY CHEF TOMORROW,
( demonic voice )AND THERE'S NOT A GODDAMN THINGYOU CAN DO ABOUT IT !
HA HA HA !
AAAARRGGHH !
TOODLE-LOO !
JESUS, DUDE !
WHAT HAPPENED ?
COULD I HAVEYOUR ATTENTION PLEASE !
TOMORROW MY SON'S GONNA GETMARRIED TO A BEAUTIFUL LADY.
I'M VERY HAPPYFOR THEM BOTH.
I TOLD MYSELFI WASN'T GONNA CRY NOW.
Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRAL
NOW YOU'RE GONNAGET ME GOING, HAH !
I REMEMBER WHEN CHEF WASJUST A 3-YEAR-OLD LITTLE MAN.
HE CAME RUNNING UP TO MEWITH A BIG SMILE
AND HIS LITTLECHEF'S HAT ON,
AND HE SAID,"PAPA PAPA !"
I SAID, "WHAT DO YOUNEED CHEF, MY BOY ?"
"I NEED ABOUTTHREE-FITTY !"
THREE-FITTY.
WELL THAT WAS ABOUT THAT TIME IGOT SUSPICIOUS, I SAID, "CHEF
WHY DO YOUNEED THREE-FITTY ?"
HE SAID, "MY IMAGINARY FRIEND,GOO-GOO THE DINOSAUR WANTS IT !"
I WENT TO MY SON'S ROOMAND SURE ENOUGH THERE WAS
THE LOCH NESS MONSTER !
AW, IT WAS SCARY !
I SAID,"DAMN IT, MONSTER !"
"YOU STOP BUGGINGMY CHILDREN NOW !
"WE WORK FOR OUR MONEYIN THIS HOUSE !
WE DON'TGIVE MONEY AWAY !"
EXCUSE ME...
WE'RE SORRY TO INTERRUPT,BUT WE'VE GOT BAD NEWS.
THIS IS NOT A WOMAN !
IT IS A SUCCUBUS !
WHAT ?
YEAH !
SHE'S EVIL AND WANTS TOSUCK CHEF'S LIFE OUT OF HIM !
CHILDREN !
THAT HURTSMY FEELINGS !
OH, YOU CAN PRETENDALL YOU WANT !
YOU'RE NOT FOOLINGANYBODY !
ALRIGHT GUYS !
THAT'S ENOUGH !
I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU !
THIS IS THE HAPPIESTTIME OF MY LIFE,
AND YOU CAN'T BEHAPPY FOR ME !
CHEF BUT--
NO BUT, STAN !
I LOVE THIS WOMAN ANDI AM MARRYING HER...
NOW YOU CAN EITHER ACCEPT THATOR GET OUT OF MY LIFE !
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US,WE'RE HAVING A PARTY !
...SO I CHASED THE MONSTERDOWN THE STREET, YOU SEE !
I GUESS THERE'SNOTHING WE CAN DO.
CHEF LIKES HERMORE THAN US !
NO !
I'M NOT WILLINGTO GIVE UP !
CHEF WOULDN'TGIVE UP ON US !
THERE'S TONS OF STUFFON SUCCUBUSES,
BUT THERE'S NOTHING ONHOW TO STOP THEM !
YOU GUYS, IT'S 6 IN THE MORNING,I HAVE TO GET SOME SLEEP !
DUDE, CHEF'S WEDDING ISIN 3 HOURS.
WE'VE GOT THAT MUCH TIMETO FIND OUT HOW TO DESTROYA SUCCUBUS !
YOU KNOW WHAT ?
SCREW CHEF, SCREW HIM !
LET HIM MARRY SUCCUBUS !
I WANNA GO TO SLEEP !
HERE, HERELOOK AT THIS !
IT SAYS "THE SUCCUBUSENCHANTS ITS VICTIMWITH AN EERIE MELODY,
"THIS IS THE SUCCUBI POWER,
"ONLY PLAYING THIS MELODY BACKWARDS
CAN VANQUISH THESUCCUBUS' POWER !"
WHAT THE HELLDOES THAT MEAN ?
I DON'T KNOW.
( mumbling )
RIGHT...
( mumbling )
YEAH...
OHHH...
HEY YEAH, WHAT'S THAT SONGSHE ALWAYS SINGS ?
♪ THERE'S GOT TO BEA MORNING AFTER ♪
♪ IF WE CAN HOLD ONTHROUGH THE NIGHT ♪
♪ WE'VE GOT TO FINDOUR WAY TOGETHER ♪
THAT'S IT !
WE GOTTA LEARNTHAT SONG BACKWARDS !
IN 3 HOURS !
OH, MAN, I CAN'TKEEP MY EYES OPEN !
WE CAN'T FALL ASLEEP,WE GOTTA NAIL THAT SONG !
YOU'VE GOT THETAPE RECORDER, CARTMAN ?
CARTMAN !
HE'S ASLEEP,WAKE UP, FAT ASS !
WHAT WHAT WHAT ?
GODDAMN IT, YOU CAN'T FALL ASLEEP !
I WASN'T SLEEPING, I WAS JUSTTHINKING REALLY HARD !
AND THEN THESE ALIENSHAD ME UP IN THE SHIP, RIGHT
THEY WAS PROBING MEAND ALL THAT....
WE HAD TACO SALADTHAT NIGHT !
DON'T MATTER WHATWE HAD FOR DINNER, WOMAN !
NOW THESE ALIENS HAD ABIG HEAD AND BIG BLACK EYES
AND IT WAS ALLBENT OVER ME.
I SAID, "WHAT DO YOUWANT FROM ME, ALIEN ?"
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID ?
THREE-FITTY.
LET ME TELLTHE DAMN STORY NOW !
HE SAID, "THREE-FITTY" !
AND SO I REALIZEDIT WAS NO ALIEN...
IT WAS THAT GODDAMNLOCH NESS MONSTER AGAIN,
TRYING TO TRICK MEINTO GIVING HIM THREE-FITTY
BY DRESSING UPLIKE AN ALIEN !
DON'T THAT BEAT ALL !
I JUST GIVEN HIM THREE-FITTYTHE WEEK BEFORE !
WHAT ?
YOU GAVE THAT DAMN MONSTERANOTHER DAMN THREE-FITTY !
HE TRICKED ME !
WELL NO WONDER THE DAMN MONSTERKEEPS COMING BACK TO OUR HOUSE.
YOU KEEP GIVING HIM THETHREE-FITTY !
( Stan )THERE SHE IS !
BITCH !
BITCH !
DIRTY BITCH !
ALRIGHT, KENNY AND I ARE GONNATAKE POSITION UP-FRONT.
OKAY !
DO YOU CHEF TAKE THIS WOMANAS YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED WIFE ?
TO HAVE AND TO--
I DO !
OH, MY BABY'SGETTING MARRIED !
AND DO YOU, VERONICA,TAKE CHEF TO BE YOUR DADDY ?
I DO.
AND NOW A SPECIALSHARING OF VOWS THROUGH SONG.
HERE IT GOES...
♪ THERE'S GOT TO BEA MORNING AFTER ♪
NOW, CARTMAN !
( gasp )
NOW, CARTMAN !
CHILDREN, YOU'RESCREWING UP MY WEDDING !
I'LL TAKE CAREOF THEM !
CARTMAN, WAKE UP,YOU FAT PIECE OF CRAP !
OWW !
♪ LIGHT... THE FOR LOOKINGON KEEP LET'S SUNSHINE ♪
AAAARRGHH !
♪ THE FIND TO CHANCE
NO-OOOO !
WHAT THE... ?
( music stops )
OH NO, THE TAPE JAMMED !
( growling )
WHAT THE... ?
SHE'S A GODDAMN SUCCUBUS !
SUCCUBUS IS TRYINGTO TAKE MY BABY !
( growling )
ARRRH !ARRRGH !ARRRRGH !
C'MON CARTMAN !
I CAN'T SEEANYTHING !
( growl )
OH MY GOD SHE KILLED KENNY !
YOU BASTARD !
YOU DAMN MONSTERGET AWAY FROM MY BABY !
HOLD ON, I'LL SEEIF I HAVE THREE-FITTY !
GOT IT !
♪ THE THROUGH ON HOLDCAN WE IF AFTER ♪
♪ MORNING A BETO GOT THERE'S ♪
( growling )
♪ WARM...AND SAFE THAT'S-- ♪♪
OH WOW, YOU DON'TSEE TH EVERYDAY !
WE'RE SORRY CHEF,WE HAD TO DO IT.
NO, I'M GLADYOU DID, CHILDREN...
NOW THAT SHE'S GONE,
I CAN'T REALLY FIGURE OUTWHAT I EVER SAW IN HER !
POONTANG'S POONTANG.
C'MON CHILDREN,LET'S GO GET SOME ICE CREAM.
HURRAY !
WAIT, WHATHAPPENED, YOU GUYS ?
IS KENNY OKAY ?
HELLO THERE,CHILDREN !
HEY CHEF !
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE SOMEFISH STICKS AND TATER-TOTS ?
WE'D LOVE THEM !
IT'S GREAT TO HAVEYOU BACK, CHEF !
YEAH, WELL, I LEARNED A VERYIMPORTANT LESSON THIS WEEK !
♪ SOMETIMES YOUFALL IN LOVE ♪
♪ AND YOU THINK YOU'LLFEEL THAT WAY FOREVER ♪
♪ YOU CHANGE YOUR LIFE,AND IGNORE YOUR FRIENDS ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU THINKIT CAN'T GET ANY BETTER ♪
♪ BUT THEN LOVE GOES AWAY ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHAT, IT DOESN'T STAY AS STRONG ♪
♪ AND THEN YOU'RELEFT WITH NOTHING ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RETHINKING WITH YOUR DONG ♪
♪ SO WATCH OUTFOR THAT LOVER ♪
♪ IT CAN DESTROYLIKE A TYPHOON WIND ♪
♪ JUST PLAY IT COOLAND DON'T BE A FOOL ♪
AND NEVER LET POONTANG COMEBETWEEN YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS !
DAMN RIGHT, GARRISON !
OH, HELLO PIGGY,HOW ARE YOUR EYES DOING ?
AFTER TODAY THEY'REGOING TO BE FINE
AND I'LL NEVER HAVE TOSEE YOU EVER AGAIN !
I DON'T THINK THAT'S POSSIBLEPIGGY, NOT WITH YOUR EYES !
NO, NOT WITHMY EYES !
WITH THESE !
HA HA HA !
WAS HE ANORGAN DONOR ?
SURE !
ALRIGHT, THEN LET'S GET TO WORK !
SAY, YOU DON'T HAVE $3.50 ON YOU, DO YOU ?
The Succubus
s03e03 April 21, 1999
Chef finally finds the girl of his dreams, but the boys feel like they've lost their best friend.
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