AND WHEN SHE MOVED UP AND DOWN,THE LITTLE FETUS JIGGLED.

( together )EW... !

DID IT TALK ?

THE LITTLE FETUS,DID IT TALK ?

NO, IT LOOKED DEAD.

( together )EW... !

WAS IT WEARING CLOTHES ?

DUDE, WHERE IS SHE GONNAGET FETUS CLOTHES ?

OH, YEAH.

EW.

( together )EW... !

AND THEN SHEWALKED OVER--

KYLE, THAT IS ENOUGH !

I'VE BEEN READING UP ONYOUR POOR NURSE'S CONDITION

AND IT IS NOTHING TO BE MADE FUN OF.

IT'S CALLED "CONJOINED TWIN MYSLEXIA".

WHO THE HELL CARESWHAT IT'S CALLED,

AS LONG AS SHEDOESN'T TOUCH ME.

NOW THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF UNAWARENESS

THAT WE NEED TOFIGHT AGAINST.

SIT DOWN, BOYS.

YOU SEE BOYS, SOMETIMESWHEN BABIES ARE BORN

THEY'RE BORNAS TWINS.

BUT SOMETIMES THE TWINSGET HOOKED TOGETHER

AND THEY'RE BORN AS SIAMESE TWINS.

GROSS !GROSS !

BUT SOMETIMES,

AFTER THE SIAMESE TWINSARE JOINED TOGETHER

ONE OF THE TWINS DIES BEFORE BIRTH.

THE LIVING BABY IS BORN WITHTHE DEAD BABY STILL ATTACHED.

SOMETIMES THIS DEAD TWIN IS INSIDE THE LIVING PERSON,

SO EVEN YOU COULD HAVEA DEAD TWIN INSIDE YOU

AND NOT EVENKNOW IT.

( screaming )

SO NOW THAT YOU'RE EDUCATEDABOUT HER DISEASE

YOU WON'T NEED TO MAKE FUN OF HER, RIGHT BUBBY ?

AH, YEAH.

( laughing )

CAN YOU IMAGINETHAT POOR, POOR WOMAN ?

MM-HMM.

FEELING LIKE AN OUTCAST,BEING RIDICULED EVERY DAY.

MM-HMM.

( phone )

HELLO.

HELLO, SHEILA, IT'S SHARON, STAN'S MOTHER.

YES, HELLO, SHARON.

SHEILA, I WAS JUST WONDERINGIF YOU MIGHT KNOW

WHY MY SON IS TRYING TO SPLITHIS HEAD OPEN WITH AN ICE PICK.

NO, I HAVE TO GET IT OUT !

WELL SHARON, I WAS TRYING TO EDUCATE THEM

ABOUT CONJOINED TWIN MYSLEXIA.

SO THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR ?

NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO SCARETHE HELL OUT OF MY CHILD,

JUST GO OUTSIDE AND SIT IN THE ROAD

UNTIL A TRUCK RUNS YOU OVER INSTEAD.

THAT DOES IT !

I MUST EDUCATE THE ENTIRE TOWNABOUT THIS AWFUL DISEASE !

MM-HMM.

DAMNIT, C'MON !

SOMEBODY CATCHTHE BALL !

ALRIGHT, BOYS, JUST FIVE MOREOF THE LITTLE BASTARDS TO GO !

I CAUGHT IT,I CAUGHT IT !

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

HE'S SO FAT, IT STUCK IN HIS BELLY.

SOUTH PARK ON OFFENSE !

GREAT JOB, JUST STAY FOCUSED NOW.

GO FOR IT, PIP.

OH, FATHER.

YOU FRENCHY LITTLE FROG !

WHOA, GREAT SHOT, PIP !

SO I HEAR THATTHE SOUTH PARK COWS

ARE PLAYING THE STATE FINALSIN DODGEBALL TONIGHT.

IT DOESN'T MATTER, THOUGH.

THE DENVER TEAMALWAYS WINS, OKAY ?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK OUR BOYS MIGHT HAVE THE DEAD FETUS TO WIN.

HEART !

KEEP YOURMOUTH SHUT !

IT'S OKAY,MS. BROSLOFSKI, REALLY.

PLEASE FORGIVE US, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, NURSE GOLLUM.

I'M QUITE SECURE WITH IT.

I HAVE FELT SO BAD

EVER SINCE I HEARD THE BOYSMAKING FUN OF YOU.

THEY'RE JUST YOUNG BOYS.

JOKING IS A WAY FOR THEMTO COME TO TERMS

WITH WHAT THEYDON'T UNDERSTAND.

COULD I GET SOME MORE PORK ?

SO DID YOU EVER THINK OFHAVING IT CUT OFF ?

YES, PRINCIPAL VICTORIA,THE THOUGHT HAD OCCURRED TO ME.

UNFORTUNATELY, IT WOULD MEAN MY DEATH.

OH, SO I SUPPOSE THAT'S OUT.

HOW ABOUT A HAT THEN ?

NO REALLY--

YES, WE COULD GET YOU A FEW HATS,

AND WEAR A DIFFERENT ONEEVERY DAY.

I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO,

BUT IT'SNOT NECESSARY.

I'M A PRETTY HAPPY PERSON.

I'VE GOT IT !

WE COULD SET ASIDE A WEEKTO MAKE THE PUBLIC AWARE

OF FOLKS JUST LIKE YOU !

OH, YES.

A CONJOINED TWIN MYSLEXIAAWARENESS WEEK.

THAT HAS A NICE RING.

BUT I DON'T THINK--

THE SCHOOL CAN PUT OUTPAMPHLETS, OKAY ?

WE CAN HAVE SEMINARSTO EDUCATE, OKAY ?

OH, THIS IS SO EXCITING !

I'M GONNA GET THE MAYORON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW !

YOU GOT JUST ONE MORE, PIP.

ON THIS 4th DAY OF CONJOINED TWIN MYSLEXIA WEEK,

ALL OUR PRAYERS ARE WITH OURLITTLE SOUTH PARK COWS,

NOW PLAYING THEIR HEARTS OUT IN CHINA.

NOW JOIN MEIN SALUTING OUR COWS

AND HELP MAKE NURSE GOLLUM NOT FEEL LIKE AN OUTCAST

WITH OUR FIRST OFFICIALCONJOINED TWIN MYSLEXIA HATS !

THERE IS ONLY ONE SOUTH PARK PLAYER LEFT !

STILL ALLCHINESE PLAYER !

THIS SHOULD BE OVERVERY SHORTLY !

C'MON !

HEY, YOU WANT TO HEAR MYIMPERSONATION OF AMERICAN ?

YEAH.

OKAY.

I REALLY, REALLY WANT THAT.

THAT LOOKS GOOD.

( laughing )

LET ME TRY,LET ME TRY.

I'LL USE MY CREDIT CARD.

( laughing )

DO YOU HAVE ANY NON-DAIRY CREAMER ?

( laughing )

Y'ALL COME BACK NOW, HEAR ?

( laughing hysterically )

OH, WHAT HAVE I DONE ?

YOU KNOW ERIC,I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING.

I'VE BEEN OBSESSED,AND OBSESSION ISN'T GOOD.

IF WE HAD WON THE WORLDCHAMPIONSHIP, WHAT THEN ?

IT WOULD ONLY BE A BIGGERLET DOWN THE NEXT YEAR

IF WE DIDN'T WIN.

OUR LIVES WOULD HAVE TOREVOLVE AROUND DODGEBALL.

OUR LIVES WERE FINE BEFORE.

I'M SORRY CHILDREN, I LET IT ALL GO TO MY HEAD.

CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME ?

FORGET THIS STUPID GAME,LET'S GO HOME.

( Chinese kid )C'MON, THROW BALL !

HEY, IF YOU WANT TO MAKE HIMTHROW THE BALL SAY THIS...

THANKS YOU AMERICAN DUMB-ASS !

"YOU FRENCH PIECE OF CRAP...

THROW BALL !"

"WHAT'S THE MATTER, FRENCHY

YOU GOT CREPESIN YOUR EARS ?"

ARGH !

AND THE WINNER ISSOUTH PARK COWS !

EVERYONE, EVERYONE, LOOK,I WON THE GAME !

WE'RE WORLD CHAMPIONS.

MR. CHEF, MR. CHEF,

SOUTH PARK IS THE WORLD CHAMPIONIN DODGEBALL !

OH, GLORIOUS DAY !

SHUT UP, PIP.

YEAH, SHUT UP, PIP.

CAN WE GO HOME NOW ?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I THREW SUCH A BALL WITH MY OWN ARM.

( everyone )SHUT UP, PIP !

OKAY CHILDREN, IT'S FRIDAY,

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANSFOR P.E. CLASS.

WE'RE GONNA PLAY DODGEBALL.

( all together )UGH...

WE DON'T WANT TOPLAY DODGEBALL, IT HURTS.

SO LET'S HAVE HALFTHE CHILDREN ON THIS SIDE,

AND HALF THE CHILDREN ON THAT SIDE.

EXCUSE ME A MOMENT, GENTLEMEN,

I DON'T BELIEVE I KNOW HOWTO PLAY DODGEBALL.

WHAT ? DON'T YOU HAVEDODGEBALL IN FRANCE ?

WELL, NO, AND ACTUALLY I'M NOT FROM FRANCE.

LOOK, PIP, THE RULES ARE SIMPLE.

A KID FROM THAT TEAM TRIES TO BEAN A KID ON OUR TEAM

IN THE HEAD WITHA BIG RED BALL.

OH, DEAR.

IF THE BALL HITS YOU, YOU'RE OUT.

BUT IF YOU CATCH THE BALL, HE'S OUT.

AND THE LAST TEAM TO STILLHAVE ANYBODY STANDING WINS.

OH, WHAT JOLLY GOOD FUN.

NO, IT ISN'T,IT HURTS !

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY LET USPLAY THIS IN SCHOOL.

( whistle )PLAY BALL !

DAMNIT,WE LOST ONE ALREADY !

YOU'RE OUT, CLYDE.

JORDAN, SWANSON, PULL FORWARD, WE NEED BACKUP.

WE'RE LOSING MENFAST OUT HERE.

CONCENTRATE ON YOUR GAME,BE THE BALL.

I CAUGHT IT,I CAUGHT IT !

GREAT CATCH, KYLE,NOW YOUR TEAM'S ON OFFENSE.

HERE PIP, YOU THROW.

OH, NO,I COULDN'T.

C'MON, DON'T BE A WUS.

ARE YOU GONNA BE A FRENCH PANSYYOUR WHOLE LIFE ?

I'M NOT FR--

THROW THE BALL,YOU STUPID FROG !

MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'TEAT ALL THOSE CROISSANTS--

OKAY, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD, PIP.

BUT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HITTHE KIDS ON THE OTHER TEAM.

OW, MY NOSE,YOU BROKE MY NOSE !

DAMN, I DIDN'T KNOWYOU HAD IT IN YOU.

OH, I'M DREADFULLY SORRY.

THAT NOSE IS BLEEDINGPRETTY BAD, KYLE.

I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE TO GOTO THE NURSE'S OFFICE.

( gasping )

NO, IT'LL BE OKAY.

SORRY SON, YOU'LL HAVE TO LETTHE NURSE LOOK AT IT.

C'MON.

NO !

DUDE, HE'S GOING TO THE NURSE'S OFFICE.

I HEARD THE SCHOOL NURSEIS HIDEOUSLY DEFORMED.

I HEARD SHE HAS TENTACLESAND EATS CHILDREN FOR LUNCH.

STAN, HAS ANYBODY ACTUALLY SEEN THE NURSE

AND COME BACKTO TELL ABOUT IT ?

NO CARTMAN, NOBODY EVER HAS.

ARE YOU KYLE BROSLOFSKI ?

YES.

I'M THE SCHOOL NURSE.

DID YOU HURT YOUR NOSE ?

YES.

WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR EYES CLOSED ?

I'M NOT GONNA HURT YOU.

I KNOW.

SO OPEN THEM.

OH.

WHEW.

NOW WHAT SEEMSTO BE THE PROBLEM ?

I JUST HIT MY NOSEPLAYING DODGEBALL.

WELL, I'LL GET YOUAN ICE PACK.

AAHH... !

WHAT ?

AAHH... !

OH, I SEE YOU'VE NOTICED MY DISORDER.

I HAVE A STILLBORN FETUS GROWTHATTACHED TO ME HEAD.

AAHH... !

WHY ARE WE PLAYING DODGEBALL AGAIN ?

YEAH, I THOUGHT WE ONLYPLAY IT ON FRIDAYS.

CHILDREN, GREAT NEWS !

WE'VE BEEN ASKED TO PLAY INTHE STATE FINALS FOR DODGEBALL.

DO WE HAVE TO ?

CAN'T WE PLAY WITH THAT BIGPARACHUTE AGAIN OR SOMETHING ?

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND,CHILDREN,

IF WE CAN WIN STATE,

WE CAN PLAY IN THE NATIONALSIN WASHINGTON D.C.

HEY, THEY HAVE A ZOO THERE !

THAT'S RIGHT,NOW, C'MON,

WE HAVE A LOT OF PRACTICING TO DO.

AREN'T WE SUPPOSEDTO HAVE WON SOMETHING

IN ORDER TO GOTO STATE FINALS ?

HEY PIP, YOU WANT TO BEON MY TEAM AGAIN ?

I'D LOVE TO !

TRY NOT TO SEND ANYBODYTO THAT NURSE, FRENCHY.

HEY, I GET QUITE DISTURBEDWHEN YOU CALL ME THAT !

YOU SHOULDN'T MAKE FUNOF FOREIGNERS.

AND BESIDES, I HATE FRENCH PEOPLE.

( whistle )

( all laughing )

WELL MRS. BROSLOFSKI, IT CERTAINLY IS A THRILL

SEEING YOUR CHEERY FACE AGAIN.

WHAT SEEMS TO BE PISSING YOU OFF TODAY ?

NOTHING IS PISSING ME OFF.

I JUST WANT TOSTART A MOVEMENT !

OF COURSE YOU DO.

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ALLABOUT YOUR SCHOOL NURSE.

NURSE GOLLUM IS ABSOLUTELYQUALIFIED TO--

NO, NO, NO, I'M NOTUPSET ABOUT HER.

I WANT TO MAKE THE PUBLIC AWARE OF HER.

HER DISEASE SHOULD BEBROUGHT TO LIGHT

SO IT COULD BE UNDERSTAND RATHER THAN MADE FUN OF.

AND WHAT DISEASE IS THAT ?

PRINCIPAL VICTORIA,

NURSE GOLLUM HAS CONJOINED TWIN MYSLEXIA.

WHAT'S THAT ?

SHE HAS A DEAD FETUSATTACHED TO HER HEAD.

SHE DO ? S

YOU NEVER NOTICED THAT ?

NO, I NEVER DID.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

THIS POOR WOMAN IS FORCEDTO LIVE IN THE SHADOWS

BECAUSE SHE FEELSLIKE AN OUTCAST.

IT IS UP TO US TO MAKE HERFEEL COMFORTABLE

AND WELCOMEIN OUR TOWN.

DID YOU SAY A FETUS STICKINGOUT FROM HER HEAD ?

I WANT TO INVITE YOUR NURSETO A DINNER PARTY

AT MY HOUSE THIS EVENING.

I'D APPRECIATE IT IF BOTH YOUAND MR. MACKY WOULD ATTEND.

DO WE HAVE TO EATKOSHER STUFF ?

I'LL TALK TO NURSE GOLLUM, BUTI'M SURE SHE'LL BE DELIGHTED.

LET'S SAY AROUND EIGHT ?

WONDERFUL.

YOU DID SAY SHE HASA FETUS ON HER HEAD ?

OKAY CHILDREN,

NOW WHO'S GONNA WIN THE STATE FINALS ?!

DENVER ?

♪ HERE WE GO, COWS,HERE WE GO ♪

♪ HERE WE GO COWS,HERE WE GO ♪

♪ UH-UH

I THINK WE NEED TOGET OFF ON THIS EXIT.

SIT DOWN, KID !

BUT IT'S QUICKER TO GET TOTHE DENVER SCHOOL THAT WAY.

DO YOU WANT AN OFFICE REFERRAL ?!

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TOEXPLAIN THIS TO YOU ?

I'M NOTA STUDENT.

YOU CAN'T GIVE ME AN OFFICE REFERRAL.

I SAID, SIT DOWN !

YES, MA'AM.

WHOA DUDE, THIS IS A SCHOOL ?

HELLO THERE, I'M BOB THOMAS,

THE COACH FOR THE DENVER COUGARS.

I'M CHEF, COACH OF THE SOUTH PARK COWS.

WELL, I CERTAINLYWANT TO THANK YOU

FOR BRINGINGYOUR TEAM DOWN.

APPARENTLY NOBODY ELSEWOULD PLAY US

BECAUSE THEY KNEW WE'D JUST BEAT THEM SILLY.

SO I TOLD THE SCHOOL BOARD

TO FIND ME SOME HICK SCHOOLFROM THE MOUNTAINS,

AND HERE YOU ARE.

YOU'RE FROM SOUTH PARK, YEAH ?

YEAH.

AMAZING WHERE PEOPLECAN LIVE NOWADAYS.

WELL WE MIGHT AS WELLGET THIS OVER WITH,

WE GOT TO START THINKING ABOUT D.C.

PROMISE WE WON'T MAKE IT TOO PAINFUL.

( whistle )

( ref )PLAY BALL !

SO WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR DEGREE, NURSE GOLLUM ?

COLORADO STATE.

OH !OH !

SHEILA, COULD YOU PASS ME THE DEAD FETUS ?

I MEAN, GRAVY.

OW !

YEAH, AND IF YOU DON'T,

YOU'RE A BIG DUMB-ASS EUROPEAN HIPPY PIECE OF CRAP !

GET HIM, FRENCHY.

SOUTH PARK WINS !

WE DID IT, CHILDREN,WE DID IT.

WE'RE GOING TO WASHINGTON D.C. !

( sobbing )OWEE, IT HURTS.

OWEE !

MOMMY, IT HURTS,IT HURTS !

( laughing )

( applause )

OH, SORRY ABOUT WHIPPINGYOUR ASS THERE, COACH !

♪ BABY, COME ON, JUST WHOOPED ASS ♪

♪ GONNA NEED SOME CREAMFOR YOUR ASS ♪

♪ IT'S ALL SWOLLENAND RED ♪

THIS IS INDEED A GREAT WEEKFOR SOUTH PARK.

MISS HERMANS HAS OPENEDTHE EAST WING OF THE LIBRARY,

AND OUR OWN SOUTH PARK COWSELEMENTARY SCHOOL DODGEBALL TEAM

IS GOING TO THE NATIONAL FINALS !

WHERE THEY WILL UNDOUBTEDLYBE BEATEN SENSELESS

BY THEWASHINGTON TEAM.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, THIS WEEKHAS BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION

A VERY SERIOUS AND DREADED DISEASE,

CONJOINED TWIN MYSLEXIA.

AND SO IT IS IN HONOR OF THIS

THAT I DECLARETHIS EXCITING WEEK

AS CONJOINED TWIN MYSLEXIA WEEK !

AND NOW LET'S KICK OFFOUR WEEK LONG FESTIVITIES

WITH THE FIRST ANNUAL GRAND CONJOINED PARADE !

LET'S HEAR IT FOR THESE BRAVE SOULS !

WHAT A GLORIOUS PARADETHAT WAS.

LET'S HEAR IT FORTHE PARADE COORDINATORS !

I REALLY SHOULD BE ACCOMPANYINGTHOSE KIDS TO WASHINGTON

IN CASETHEY GET HURT.

THAT IS MY JOB.

NONSENSE, THIS IS YOUR WEEK.YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE.

SIT DOWN, KID !

I NEED TO KNOW HOW FAR IT IS, LADY.

I SAID, SIT DOWN !

YEAH, WHATEVER, YOU OLD,DRIED UP FAT HOG.

WHAT DID YOU SAY ?!

I SAID I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO VISIT PRAGUE.

OH, ME TOO.

OKAY, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT ?

SOME HAKE FISH.

I GOT A JELLY ROLL,I GOT A JELLY ROLL !

SWEET,JELLY ROLL'S PERFECT.

PLACES.

( kid )WHOA !

DAMN MAN, THIS IS THE BIG TIME ALRIGHT.

CHEF, WE'RE HUNGRY.

YOU CAN EAT AFTER THE GAME.

YOU CHILDREN WIN THIS ONEAND YOU'RE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS.

THEN YOU CAN GO ONAND PLAY THE CHINESE.

Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRALMY MOM SAYS THERE'S A LOT OFBLACK PEOPLE IN CHINA.

WHAT ?

ARE YOU CHEF ?

YEAH.

THE WASHINGTON TEAMFORFEITED THE GAME.

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS.

WHAT ?

WE DID IT,CHILDREN WE WON !

WOW, THAT WAS EASY.

( announcer )LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,LET'S HEAR A ROUND OF APPLAUSE

FOR THE NEW NATIONAL CHAMPIONSOF DODGEBALL,

THE SOUTH PARK COWS !

( crowd )BOO...

WHY DID YOU GUYS FORFEIT ?

YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW ?

LAST YEAR'S NATIONAL CHAMPIONSWERE THE AUSTIN PIRATES.

THEY PLAYED CHINA FOR THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP,

ONLY FOUR OF THEM CAME BACK ALIVE.

CHINESE DODGEBALL PLAYERSAREN'T LIKE US.

( speaking Chinese )

( kid )THEY DO NOTHING BUT DODGEBALL,DAY IN AND DAY OUT.

THEY USE STEROIDS ANDADVANCED TRAINING EQUIPMENT

TO MAKE THEM NOT KIDS,BUT ANIMALS.

WELL GOOD LUCK, WE'VE GOTOUR FUTURES TO THINK ABOUT.

OKAY CHILDREN,BACK IN THE BUS.

AND SO, AT THIS HONORARY DINNER,

WE TAKE A LOOK BACKAT OUR BELOVED NURSE GOLLUM

AND THE BRAVE LIFESHE HAS LIVED.

ROLL THE TAPE PLEASE,MR. GARRISON.

OH, NO.

♪ YOU'VE GOT THE STRENGTH,YOU'VE GOT THE COURAGE ♪

♪ EVEN WITH A DEADFETUS ON YOUR HEAD ♪

♪ YOU CARRY ON

♪ YOU FIGHT FOR TOMORROW ♪

♪ DEAD FETUS, NO, YOU NEVER LET GO ♪

♪ YOU'RE MY CONJOINEDTWIN DEAD THING ♪

♪ HANGING OFFYOUR HEAD, WOMAN ♪

OH, THAT WAS SO TOUCHING !

AND NOW FRIENDS,IT'S TIME TO PRESENT

THE LIFETIME CONJOINED TWINACHIEVEMENT AWARD.

THIS AWARD GOES TOOUTSTANDING CONJOINED TWINS

WHO HAVE MADE A MARK ON SOCIETY.

AND THE WINNER IS...

NURSE GOLLUM.

NURSE GOLLUM !

OH, BOY.

EXCUSE ME MAYOR,BUT I RECEIVED SOME NEWS

YOU MIGHT ALL BE INTERESTED IN.

OUR SOUTH PARK COWSHAVE JUST BEATEN THE WASHINGTON DODGEBALL TEAM

AND ARE ON THEIR WAY TO THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP IN CHINA.

I WANT YOU ALL TO TRYAND FOCUS ON YOUR GAME.

BUT CHEF, WE DON'T WANT TO PLAY THE CHINESE.

NONSENSE ! IF WE WIN THIS,WE'RE CHAMPIONS.

BUT WE COULDGET KILLED !

AND JUST WHAT PRICE WOULD YOU PAY FOR ETERNAL GLORY ?

JUST IMAGINE A BIG YELLOWDODGEBALL CHAMPION'S BANNER

HANGING IN THE CAFETERIA,IMAGINE IT.

DUDE, CHEF HAS LOST IT.

YOU'LL BE ON THE NEWS ALL OVER THE WORLD.

SOUTH PARK WILL FINALLY HAVEA SPORT IT'S GOOD AT.

OH, CHILDREN, IT'LL BE GLORIOUS.

SURE, CAPTAIN AHAB HAS TO GET HIS WAY, HUH ?

DUDE, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

I DON'T KNOW.

ISN'T THAT KID KEVIN CHINESE ?

YEAH, YOU'RE FROM CHINA.

NO, I'M FROM AMERICA,MY PARENTS ARE CHINESE.

TELL US HOW THE CHINESEPLAY DODGEBALL.

I HAVE NO IDEA, DUDE.

C'MON, RICE PICKER !

HEY, HEY !CHILDREN THAT'S NOT COOL.

YOU DON'T MAKE FUN OF SOMEBODYBECAUSE OF THEIR ETHNICITY.

YOU DON'T ?

BUT YOU JUST RIPPEDON CHINESE PEOPLE.

NO, NO, NO, NO, THAT'S DIFFERENT.

I MADE FUN OF THEMBECAUSE THEY ARE FROM CHINA.

IT'S NOT OKAY TO MAKE FUN OF AN AMERICAN

BECAUSE THEY ARE BLACK, BROWN OR WHATEVER.

BUT IT IS OKAY TO MAKE FUN OF FOREIGNERS

BECAUSE THEY'REFROM ANOTHER COUNTRY.

( together )OH !

( announcer )IT IS WITH GREAT PRIDE THAT WE WELCOME OUR AMERICAN FRIEND,

LET THE CHAMPION OF DODGEBALL BE DECIDE !

DAMN DUDE, CHINA IS !@#$% UP.

TAKE PLACES !

ALRIGHT, LET'S GO COWS !

LET'S SHOW THEM WHAT WE GOT !

OKAY, TOM,

LOOKS LIKE THE YANKEESARE GETTING READY TO PLAY.

I DON'T SUPPOSE THEY'LL HAVEPROBLEMS SEEING THE BALL

WITH THEIR BIG AMERICAN EYES.

( laughing )

GOOD THING THEY HAVETHOSE BIG EYES,

SO THEY DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON THAT

AMAZING AMERICAN INTELLECT.

( laughing )

PLAY BALL !

HOLY CRAP.

GOD DAMN !

HEY, WHAT YOU CALL WHITE AMERICAN PERSON

WITH PH.D IN PHYSICS AND MATH ?

I DON'T KNOW,WHAT ?

STUPID AMERICAN !

( laughing )

ANOTHER AMERICAN IS DOWN !

IT'S NUMBER--

I DON'T KNOW, ALL AMERICAN LOOK ALIKE !

OH, MY GOD, THEY KILLED KENNY !

YOU BASTARDS.

OH, MY,

I HAVEN'T SEEN ANAMERICAN DIE LIKE THAT

SINCE ABRAHAM LINCOLN !

DUDE, THAT IS NOT COOL.

YOU'RE GONNA GET US INTO TROUBLE AGAIN.

I WOULD LIKE TO PERSONALLYTHANK ALL OF YOU

FOR YOUR ENTHUSIASTICCOOPERATION.

NOW LET'S HEAR IT ONE MORE TIME

FOR OUR WORLD CHAMPIONSOUTH PARK COWS !

WHAT THE HELL IS EVERYONEWEARING ON THEIR HEADS ?

AND, NOW LET'S HEAR FROM THE WOMAN OF THE WEEK.

THE INCREDIBLE COURAGEOUSNURSE GOLLUM !

DUDE, IT'S THE FREAK NURSE !

HOLY CRAP !

DAMNIT, KYLE.

WE'VE BEEN WORKING ALL WEEKAGAINST THAT BEHAVIOR.

SORRY DUDE, WE WEREN'T HERE.

THANK YOU MAYOR, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

THIS HAS BEEN QUITE A WEEK.

SHE'S REALLY TOUCHED.

WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY IS,

WELL, THIS MAY SOUND ODD

COMING FROM A WOMAN WITH A FETUSSTICKING OUT OF HER HEAD,

BUT, YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF FREAKS !

UH, FREAKS WITH BIG HEARTS !

AND NOW--

DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT THE LAST THING I WANTED

WAS TO BESINGLED OUT ?

I WANTED TO DO MY JOB AND LIVE MY LIFE

LIKE ANY NORMAL PERSON,

BUT INSTEAD YOU'VE MADEEVERYBODY FOCUS

ON MY HANDICAPALL WEEK LONG !

LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO BETREATED DIFFERENT.

I DON'T WANT TO BE TREATEDSPECIAL OR TREATED GINGERLY.

I JUST WANT TO BE RIDICULED,SHOUTED AT, AND MADE FUN OF,

LIKE ALL THE REST OF YOUDO TO EACH OTHER.

TAKE THOSE STUPID THINGS OFF YOUR HEADS !

OH, MY, WHAT AN UNGRATEFUL BITCH.

THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE.

YOU KNOW THAT NURSEIS ACTUALLY PRETTY COOL.

YEAH, MAYBE THAT DEAD FETUSMAKES HER SMARTER.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.

SCREW YOU GUYS.