We are liveat tonight's game
between the 49ersand the Panthers.
But of course whateveryone is really here for --
the unveiling ofthe new national anthem,
rebooted by J.J. Abrams.
And, Mike, this new anthemis said to have everything
the old one had, but some newsurprises, as well.
You'd have to bean absolute asshole
not to standand support it.
This is such a big nightfor America
that both the presidentialcandidates are here.
There you can seethe Turd Sandwich
waving to all four peopleexcited by her,
and there is the Giant Douchedoing the same.
When I sit downto not support this thing,
I'm sure to lose this election.
MAN: Ladies and gentlemen...
Here it is!
And the anthem begins.Let's hope this fixes America.
For our national anthem, we now ask you all
in solidarity to please rise,
or take a knee
in order to honor America.
Wait. Uh, wait, what? Wait?!♪ O say can you...
Oh! And J.J. Abramshas absolutely shattered
Now, whether people arestanding, sitting, or kneeling,
they are allhonoring America.
J.J. Abrams is a wizard, Tom --a wizard!
More people sitting now asAbrams has made it irrelevant.
Who saw this coming?
And there's the restof the anthem,
all the partswe remembered and loved.
J.J. Abramshas fixed America.
No! This was supposed to -- oh!
[ "The Star Spangled Banner"plays ]
[ Clicks ]
Hey, Kyle.You okay, son?
Yeah, dad.Just thinking.
Well, I'll be in my officeif you want to talk.
[ Clicks ]
[ Keys clacking ]
The New National Anthem
JJ Abrams saves America. Meanwhile, the identity of Skankhunt42 is revealed.