WELCOME TO THE NSA MAIN OFFICE.
- AH, YES, SO THISIS WHERE THE GOVERNMENT
CHECKS UP ON ITS CITIZENS.
- THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLEWORKING HERE AT THE NSA,
GOOD PEOPLE, PEOPLE WHO JUSTWANT TO KEEP AMERICA SAFE.
ONLY PROBLEM IS,CHECKING ALL THOSE EMAILS,
TWITTER ACCOUNTS,AND SURVEILLING
ALL THOSE PHONE CALLSCAN TAKE A LOT OF MANPOWER.
- HEY, JOE.- WHAT YOU GOT, MILLER?
- GOT A 24-YEAR-OLD MALEIN ALBUQUERQUE.
HE JUST EMAILED HIS WIFEAND ASKED IF SHE
COULD GO TO THE STOREAFTER WORK.
THEN HE CALLED A FITNESS CENTERTO SET UP A MEMBERSHIP.
HE LIKED THE FITNESS CENTER,SO HE TWEETED HIS FRIENDS
THAT THEY SHOULD TRY IT OUT.
- ALL RIGHT,KEEP AN EYE ON HIM.
LET ME KNOWIF ANYTHING CHANGES.
- WILL DO.
- IT'S A NEVER-ENDING GRINDHERE AT THE NSA,
AND IT SEEMS THERE'SNEVER ENOUGH DETECTIVES
TO KEEP TRACK OF EVERYONE.
- SERGEANT.- WHAT HAVE YOU GOT, LAWSON?
- GOT A 17-YEAR-OLD FEMALEDOWN IN JACKSONVILLE.
SHE CALLED HER FRIENDAND ASKED IF SHE
WANTED TO GO SEETHE PERCY JACKS MOVIE.
THEN SHE EMAILED HER MOM AT WORKAND ASKED IF IT WAS OKAY.
THE MOM SAID YESBUT CALLED HER HUSBAND FIRST
TO MAKE SURETHERE WEREN'T ANY DINNER PLANS.
- ALL RIGHT, KEEP AN EYEON ALL THREE OF 'EM.
- WILL DO.
- IF YOU THINK YOU GOTTHE STOMACH FOR THIS,
THEN WE COULD DEFINITELY USEYOUR HELP, YOUNG MAN.
- SIR, YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECKTHIS OUT.
- WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?
- 32-YEAR-OLDPIZZA DELIVERY MAN,
HE JUST PUT ON HIS TWITTERACCOUNT THAT HE HATES AMERICA
AND WANTS TO BLOW UPTHE LINCOLN MEMORIAL.
- [thinking] 4:16 P.M.,THE CHIEF ASKED ME TO JOIN HIM
AS HE WENT TO QUESTIONTHE POSSIBLE SUSPECT.
I AGREED TO GO ALONG.
HOPEFULLY THE NSA HAS NO IDEAOF MY SECRET INTENTIONS.
[knock at door]
- WELL, WELL, THE NSA.I SHOULD'VE KNOWN.
- WE WANT TO TALK TO YOUABOUT SOME TWEETS
YOU'VE BEEN TWEETING.
- HEY, MAN,I WAS JUST BLOWING SMOKE.
SAY, WHAT RIGHT DOESTHE GOVERNMENT HAVE
READINGMY PRIVATE EMAILS ANYWAY?
HAVEN'T YOU SQUARESHEARD OF THE CONSTITUTION?
- YEAH, WE'VE HEARD OF THAT.
WE'VE ALSO HEARD OFTHE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
SEE, THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLEOUT THERE WHO THINK LIKE YOU,
PEOPLE WHO THINKTHEIR GOVERNMENT
DOESN'T HAVE THE RIGHTTO GO AROUND
POKING THEIR NOSES IN THE EMAILSOF ITS CITIZENS--
THAT IS UNTIL A PLANEFLIES INTO A COUPLE TOWERS
AND A LITTLE GIRLLOSES HER LIFE.
YOU WANT TO LIVE IN THE LANDOF THE FREE
AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE,
BUT THE BRAVE CAN'T BE FREEIF THE LAND ISN'T HOME,
AND THAT LAND WON'T BE HOMESO LONG AS FOLKS OUT THERE
WANT TO TAKE THAT AMERICAN FLAGAND SHOVE IT SO FAR UP YOUR ANUS
THAT YOU CRAP STARS AND STRIPESFOR A WEEK,
AND AS YOUR SITTING THEREON THE TOILET
WITH THE STAR-SPANGLEDMONTEZUMA'S REVENGE,
THERE'S ONE THINGI CAN GUARANTEE.
- YEAH, WHAT'S THAT?
- YOU WON'T CARE WHO'S CHECKINGYOUR TWITTER ACCOUNT THEN.
- I NEVER THOUGHT OF ITTHAT WAY.
- [thinking] I [bleep]JACK LEMMON'S MAKEUP GIRL
IN A PORTA POTTY--WHOOPS.
Welcome To The NSA
Cartman has his first day working as an NSA agent.
Cartman infiltrates the NSA and doesn't like what he finds in his personal file.x CLOSE
The boys use the game of "Minecraft" as a distraction to keep their parents from hurting each other.x CLOSE
Cartman sees Token as a threat to all humanity.x CLOSE
The Goth kids are being sent away to a camp for troubled children.x CLOSE
When Ike hits puberty, he and Kyle start to grow apart. To save their relationship, Kyle takes Ike to see a live performance of Yo Gabba Gabba.x CLOSE
Cartman's latest prank brings peace to the world.x CLOSE
The boys prepare to battle the crowds already lining up for the first official day of holiday shopping.x CLOSE
Black Friday is almost here and the battle for the new gaming devices is heating up. Princess Kenny's betrayal has left Cartman out for revenge.x CLOSE
The doors to the mall will finally open for the biggest Black Friday sale in history. The boys are divided, but a bloody battle will determine which gaming device is victorious.x CLOSE
When Wendy tries to fix one of her girl friends up with Butters, she ends up in the counselor's office.x CLOSE
Cartman's "private conversation" pisses Kyle off.x CLOSE
Cartman complains about the NSA invading his privacy and sends a message out to his followers.x CLOSE
Butters thanks the government and President Obama for watching over him, while Cartman comes up with a plan to infiltrate the NSA.x CLOSE
The newest form of social media takes your thoughts and puts them directly on the internet.x CLOSE
Cartman uses “Shitter” to talk about his plans for the NSA.x CLOSE
Butters confesses all his sins at the DMV.x CLOSE
Cartman puts on his best disguise to infiltrate the NSA.x CLOSE
Butters uses a visit from Jehovah's Witnesses to spread the good word about the Government.x CLOSE
Cartman has his first day working as an NSA agent.x CLOSE
Butters visits Craig and preaches about letting the government into your heart.x CLOSE