- WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- WE HEARD ABOUT YOU THROUGHTHE PASSAGES SOBRIETY CLINIC.
THEY SAID YOU'VE SKIPPED OUTON YOUR REHAB ONCE AGAIN?
- OH, GOD!
- WE NEED TO SPEAKWITH YOU, MA'AM.
IT'S LIKE THESE VOICESIN MY HEAD WON'T BE QUIET
UNTIL I USE AGAIN.
- AND SO AM I CORRECTTHAT YOU ARE
8-1/2 MONTHS PREGNANT
AND STILL ADDICTEDTO COCAINE?
- I DON'T WANT MY BABYBORN ADDICTED TO DRUGS,
BUT I CAN'T STOP![sobbing hysterically]
- WELL, MA'AM, I HAVESOME EXCITING NEWS.
WE WOULD LIKE YOUR CHILD
TO PLAY FOR THE CRACK BABYATHLETIC ASSOCIATION.
- THE WHAT?
- WE BELIEVE THAT ST. MARY'S
IS THE BEST HOSPITALFOR YOUR CHILD,
AND WE ARE PREPAREDTO OFFER IT A FULL RIDE.
NOW, DO YOU KNOW YET IFYOUR CHILD IS MALE OR FEMALE,
OR SO DEFORMED YOU'LLNEVER BE ABLE TELL?
- THEY SAID IT'S A BOY.
- JUST SIGN THE PAPER
AND HE'LL BE PLAYING BALLFOR ST. MARY'S.
- [sobbing]HOW MUCH WILL HE MAKE?
- WELL, NOTHING.
CRACK BABY PLAYERS CAN'T MAKEA SALARY BASED ON THE RULES.
- SO WHAT?
YOU WOULD MAKE MONEYOFF OF MY CHILD?
THAT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR.
- I DON'T MAKE THE RULES,MA'AM.
I JUST THINK THEM UPAND WRITE THEM DOWN.
NOW, IF YOU WOULD BE WILLINGTO SIGN RIGHT HERE,
WE CAN GET THINGS ROLLING--
- CAN'T YOU CHANGETHE RULES?
MA'AM, THE CRACK BABYATHLETIC ASSOCIATION
IS A STORIED FRANCHISE.
IT WAS FOUNDEDOVER 12 DAYS AGO
WITH A FIRM ETHICAL CODETHAT STRICTLY STATES
BENEFITS TO PLAYERS ISDETRIMENTALIZED
TO THEIR WELL-BEING.
I CANNOT OFFER YOUOR YOUR CHILD ANY CASH.
I CAN, HOWEVER...
OFFER YOUA LITTLE BIT OF CRACK.
[video game sound effects]
[door opens and closes]
- DUDE, WHAT ACTUALLY MAKESTOTAL SENSE ABOUT IT,
IF YOU LOOK AT IT,IS THAT THE CRACK BABIES
ARE FINALLY GETTINGSOME ATTENTION
AND THE CARE THAT THEY NEED.
YEAH, IT'S PRETTY COOL,DUDE.
BECAUSE MOST OF THESE BABIESWOULD NORMALLY
NOT EVEN GET OUT, YOU KNOW,OR BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING.
JUST BECAUSEWE ARE MAKING MONEY
DOESN'T MEAN THAT THOSEBABIES AREN'T BENEFITING.
IT ISN'T EXPLOITING THEM!
THEY'RE FINDINGA USEFUL PLACE IN SOCIETY.
WHAT'S UNETHICAL ABOUT THAT?
- YOU SOUND LIKE CARTMAN.
DUDE, THE THING IS,
WE'RE NOT THE ONES THATMADE THEM CRACK BABIES.
THAT'S THEIR MOM'SGODDAMN FAULT!
- YEAH, I'M SURE THAT'SWHAT CARTMAN WOULD SAY TOO.
- I DO NOT SOUNDLIKE CARTMAN, GOD DAMN IT!
OKAY, SO...SEE YA.
[door opens and closes]
Cartman and Butters pay a visit to the home of a future player, while Kyle attempts to explain himself.
Kyle is intimately involved in the development of a revolutionary new product called HumancentiPad.x CLOSE
Jimmy hosts the Special Ed Department's First Annual Comedy Awards.x CLOSE
The Prince of Canada is about to take a Princess and Ike is obsessed with the Royal Wedding.x CLOSE
Cartman throws a fit when the boys' penis sizes are posted on the school bulletin board, and is sent to anger management therapy.x CLOSE
Kyle gets in on the ground floor of Cartman's latest business venture, The Crack Baby Athletic Association.x CLOSE
Butters is diagnosed with multiple personality disorder.x CLOSE
Just after Stan's 10th birthday, his worldview starts to change and so do his friendships.x CLOSE
Cartman finds a unique way to cope with Asperger's Syndrome.x CLOSE
Cartman joins the U.S. Border Patrol.x CLOSE
The kids' most scandalous secrets are being leaked on an outrageous new gossip website.x CLOSE
The boys get sucked into Sara McLachlan's melodramatic commercial.x CLOSE
Kyle questions Cartman's motives for volunteering.x CLOSE
Kyle discovers what Cartman's crew is really up to.x CLOSE
Cartman recruites Kyle for his latest money making scheme.x CLOSE
Kyle sheds light on his new hustle.x CLOSE
Cartman and Butters pay a visit to the home of a future player, while Kyle attempts to explain himself.x CLOSE
Cartman lays out the CBAA rules for Kyle.x CLOSE
Cartman visits the University of Colorado to get business advice.x CLOSE
Kyle struggles with the ethics of his new job.x CLOSE
The CBAA tries to book Slash, while Kyle lays out his plans for an orphanage.x CLOSE