THE ANNOUNCEMENTSEVERY MORNING,

LED US IN THE PLEDGEOF ALLEGIANCE, MM-KAY,

AND TOUCHED MANY KIDS' LIVESHERE AT THE SCHOOL.

AND EVEN THOUGH WE NOW KNOW THATTHE SHOOTER HAD HIM CONFUSED

WITH A 40-YEAR-OLD TRUCK DRIVER

WHO HAPPENED TO HAVEA SIMILAR NAME,

I KNOW THIS HAS BEENPRETTY TRAUMATIZING, MM-KAY?

BUT NOW WE MUST DECIDEWHO WILL PICK UP

WHERE LITTLE GORDON LEFT OFF?

WHO WILL TAKE HIS PLACE READINGTHE MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS?

IT'S A BIG RESPONSIBILITY,

BECAUSE IT WILL BE YOUR VOICE

THE ENTIRE SCHOOLLISTENS TO, MM-KAY?

AND ALTHOUGH GORDON STOLTSKICAN NEVER BE REPLACED, MM-KAY,

THERE MUST BEA STUDENT OUT THERE

WHO HAS THE DRIVEAND THE PASSION

TO HAVE HIS OR HER VOICE HEARDEVERY MORNING.

- OH, MY GOD.

SO YOU'RE, UH, TRYING OUT

TO BE THE MORNING-ANNOUNCEMENTPERSON AS WELL?

- YEAH.

I THINK IT WOULD BE REALLYF-F-F-FUN

AND R-R-R-RAISEMY SELF-ES-ES-ES-ESTEEM.

- OH, THIS IS IT, HUH?

OKAY, UH, MIKE, WHY DON'T WEHAVE YOU TRY OUT FIRST?

- [laughs]HE STUTTERS LIKE A BITCH.

I'VE GOT THIS JOB IN THE BAG.

WHO ARE YOU?

[a la Casey Kasem]- MY NAME IS CASEY MILLER,

AND I'M IN THE THIRD GRADE.

EVER SINCE I CAN REMEMBER,

PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME I SHOULDREAD THE MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS.

MY FRIENDS ALWAYS SAID TO ME,

"DEAR CASEY, YOUR VOICEIS LIKE BUTTER TO OUR EARS.

"COULD YOU PLEASE FIND A WAYTO GET THAT AUDIBLE CHOCOLATE

ON THE AIRWAVES?"

WELL, HERE I AM.

AND HOPEFULLY I'LL BE THE KIDWITH THE JOB.

- MM-KAY, REALLY NICE, MIKE.

UH, MAYBE NEXT TIME,YOU CAN GET PAST THE FIRST WORD.

OH, CASEY MILLER, GOOD.

YOU'RE TRYING OUT TOO?

- I'M TRYING OUTAND DRYING OUT

IN THE SULTRY SUMMER SUNTHAT IS MY VOICE.

- MM-KAY, ERIC,YOU WANT TO GO NEXT?

MM-KAY, ERIC,I'M JUST GONNA HAVE YOU READ

THIS PIECE OF PAPER.

- MR. MACKEY,WHAT'S A MORONIC JIZZ RAG?

- WHAT?

WHAT ON EARTHARE YOU ASKING ME THAT FOR?

- WELL, IT'S JUST THAT...

THAT'S WHAT THAT CASEY KID SAIDABOUT YOUR HAIRPIECE.

- GET LOST,YOU LITTLE DIRT BALL!

- EXCUSE ME?

- I SAID TAKE A HIKE!

- I DON'T UNDERSTANDWHAT I DID WRONG.

- BEAT IT!YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE JOB!