- GOOD MORNING,SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY.
THESE ARETHE MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS.
PARENT/TEACHER CONFERENCESBEGIN NEXT THURSDAY.
IF YOU HAVE NOT YET DONE SO,
PLEASE TURN IN YOURPARENTS' REQUESTED TIME SHEETS
BY THE ENDOF FIFTH PERIOD TODAY.
LUNCH TODAY WILL BE A CHOICEOF CHICKEN TOSTADAS
OR SPAGHETTI WITHA MARINARA SAUCE AND SIDE SALAD.
ATTENTION, FOURTH GRADERS,
THE FALL REGISTRATIONFOR GLEE CLUB STARTS TOMORROW.
ANY INTERESTED STUDENTSSHOULD FILL OUT A--
[door opens, rattling]
WHOA!WHAT'S GOING ON?
- I'LL KILL YOU!I SWEAR TO GOD, I'LL KILL YOU!
- WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA PUTA BULLET BETWEEN YOUR EYES!
- HEY, HE'S GOT A GUN!
- YOU LITTLE BASTARD!
YOU FUCKED MY WIFE!YOU THINK I WOULDN'T FIND OUT?
- SIR, PLEASE, I DON'T KNOW YOU.- YEAH, RIGHT!
- ALL RIGHT, WHAT THE HELLIS GOING ON HERE?
YOU, SIR,NEED TO LEAVE THIS AREA--
- OH, GOD, HE SHOT HIM!
- YOU HAD TO PUSH ME,DIDN'T YOU?
- AAH!SIR, I TRULY DON'T KNOW--
HOW DOES IT FEEL, HUH?
- PLEASE, I DON'T KNOW YOU!
- YOU'RE GORDON SALTSKI, RIGHT?
TRUCK DRIVER FROM CHICAGO?
- NO, I'M GORDON STOLTSKI,
THIRD GRADER WHO READSTHE MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS!
- YEAH, RIGHT.WE'LL SEE IF THAT'S TRUE.
GO ON, READTHE MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS!
- SOMEBODY HELP ME!
- I SAID DO IT!
- AAH! AAH!
[screaming in pain]ANY--ANY INTERESTED STUDENTS
SHOULD FILL OUTAN APPLICANT SURVEY--
- I KNEW YOU WERE LYING!
THAT WAS TERRIBLE!
NOW PUT YOUR MOUTHOVER THE BARREL OF THIS GUN.
- NO, PLEASE.I'M SO SCARED.
I'M SO SCARED.- DO IT!
I-I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU SAY!HERE, HERE, SEE?
[muffled]I GOT MY MOUTH ON THE--
- LOOK AT YOU NOW.
WE'RE ALL DEAD.
The morning announcements get a bit more intense than usual.
Kenny takes his new girlfriend to a Jonas Brothers concert where they each get purity rings.x CLOSE
The Coon rises from the trash and takes his place as a lone vigilante who wipes out crime in the town of South Park.x CLOSE
Randy steps forward with a solution to fix the desperate state of the economy.x CLOSE
Someone plays an April Fool's joke on the boys and it doesn't go over well.x CLOSE
A Hip Hop Superstar comes to terms with being a gay fish.x CLOSE
Randy has a plan that will ensure Stan a first place trophy in this year's Pinewood Derby.x CLOSE
Cartman's dream of living the life of a pirate will come true if he can just get to Somalia.x CLOSE
Ike is being tormented by paranormal forces. Kyle brings in professional ghost hunters to help save his little brother.x CLOSE
Butters is determined to get his first kiss so his friends won't make fun of him anymore.x CLOSE
After attending their first WWE match, all the boys want to be professional wrestlers.x CLOSE
The morning announcements get a bit more intense than usual.x CLOSE
After the tragic loss of Gordon, the school tries to fill the position.x CLOSE
Cartman uses his first day of morning announcements to start asking questions.x CLOSE
Cartman continues to probe for answers about South Park Elementary.x CLOSE
Using his new video system, Cartman spells out the true nature of Wendy's intentions.x CLOSE
Cartman holds a signing for his new book "What Happened to My School?".x CLOSE
Eric's book gains popularity, but the administration tries to shut him down.x CLOSE
In a controversial segment, Cartman unveils the true story about his life with the Smurfs.x CLOSE
Butters rallies a charge against Wendy.x CLOSE
Butters makes Wendy pay for the travesties she's committed against the smurfs.x CLOSE