WAIT, STOP !
DAD, YOUR OLD CRAP COUNTS !
BONO NEVER TOOK A SECOND CRAPTHAT BEAT YOURS !
GET HIM OUT OF HERE !
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT,YOUNG MAN ?
SOMEBODY'S BEENKEEPING IT A SECRET.
BONO WAS NEVER THERECORD HOLDER.
HE'S THE RECORD.
IT'S NOT TRUE !
KILL THAT KID !
I WANT HIM DEAD !
IT'S TOO LATE, BONO.
THE BOY HASLEARNED THE TRUTH.
HEIR BROLOF,WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF THIS ?
IT'S TRUE, I'M AFRAID.
YOU SEE, UNTIL MR. MARSHCAME ALONG,
I WAS THE RECORDHOLDER FOR THE BIGGEST CRAP.
I TOOK IT BACK IN 1960.
IT WAS THE MOST AMAZINGCRAP I'D EVER TAKEN.
PAPA, NO !
SAY NOTHING MORE !
COME TO ME,MY DARLING PRECIOUS CHILD.
( crying )
AFTER I HAD BROKEN THE RECORD,I TOOK THE CRAP HOME.
I WAS SO PROUD OF ITTHAT I DECIDED TO KEEP IT,
TO TRY AND RAISE ITLIKE A CHILD.
THERE, THERE,MY LITTLE CRAP, DON'T CRY.
HERE, DO YOU WANTTHE BIDDY ?
DOES BONOWANT THE BIDDY ?
( slurping )
YES, HE LIKESTHE BIDDY, DOESN'T HE ?
I KEPT THE CRAPIN MY OFFICE.
NURSED IT, FED IT BIDDY.
AND SOONBIDDY MADE HIM STRONG,
BIDDY MADE HIM GROW UP...
INTO ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIALFIGURES OF OUR TIME.
EASY, BONO,THAT HURTS THE BIDDY.
MY LITTLE CRAP HASACCOMPLISHED MANY THINGS,
BUT HE COULD NEVERSHED THE FACT
THAT HE WASREALLY A NUMBER TWO.
SO HE SPENT HIS LIFE TRYINGTO BE NUMBER ONE...
THAT'S WHY HE'SABLE TO DO SO MUCH,
TRY TO HELP SO MANY PEOPLE,
BUT STILL SEEM LIKESUCH A PIECE OF S--T.
YOU HAVE BLEMISHED
THIS NOBLE SOCIETY'SGOOD NAME, HEIR BROLOF !
HAVE I ?!
LOOK AT THE CRAP I TOOKALL THOSE YEARS AGO !
BONO IS NOWALMOST SIX FEET TALL
AND OVER 80 COURICSIN WEIGHT !
NO MATTERHOW YOU LOOK AT IT,
HE IS STILL THE RECORD !
OH, GOD, HERE IT COMES !
OH, HOT, HOT,HOT, HOT !
HOT, HOT,HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT !
MY GOD !
IT MUST OVER100 COURICS !
DAD, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?
YEAH, I'M GOOD.
I FEEL A LOT BETTER.
MR. MARSH, WE APOLOGIZE.
AND IF IT'S OKAY WITH YOU,WE WOULD LIKE TO PRESENT YOU
YOUR LONG-OVERDUE TROPHY.
Bono Is Crap
Herr Brolof tells of how he raised Bono to be the big piece of crap he is today.
The "N" bomb hits South Park and Cartman fights a midget.x CLOSE
Butters has to go to a special camp where they "pray the gay away."x CLOSE
An infestation of head lice plagues South Park Elementary. When Garrison refuses to name names, Cartman finds a way to detect who has lice so they can make fun of the unfortunate kid.x CLOSE
Hillary Clinton is in town for a big campaign rally. Cartman follows a lead on a possible terrorist attack.x CLOSE
Determined to get the real story behind why he has to decorate eggs for Easter, Stan falls in with an eccentric society that guards a legendary secret.x CLOSE
Ms. Garrison gets dumped again and she takes it out on the fourth grade class.x CLOSE
Increasing numbers of homeless are eating, sleeping and asking for change all over South Park. The boys are working to solve the homeless problem once and for all.x CLOSE
Cartman discovers the "joys" of having Tourette's Syndrome. Drunk with the power of saying whatever he wants without getting in trouble, he takes advantage of his new life with no filters.x CLOSE
Stan's dad becomes South Park's hometown hero when the guys down at the local bar see the size of his most recent crap.x CLOSE
When the entire contents of the world's imagination lay open before them, Stan and Kyle step right in. Back in South Park, Cartman swears he's seen a leprechaun.x CLOSE
After three weeks of constipation, Randy takes a huge crap.x CLOSE
Stan shows his crap off to his friends.x CLOSE
Randy tries calling the Guinness Book with his world record.x CLOSE
After verification, Randy's crap is now the new world record holder.x CLOSE
Bono is told his crap record was beaten.x CLOSE
Bono announces he broke Randy's world record.x CLOSE
Randy is depressed after losing to Bono.x CLOSE
Randy's friends talk him into trying to beat the record.x CLOSE
News of Randy's eminent world record attempt reaches Bono.x CLOSE
Randy's ultrasound reveals the crap is currently 14 Curics.x CLOSE