YES...YES I SEE...
WELL, THAT'S QUITEA FASCINATING STORY.
YOU BEING ENGINEEREDAS A TOWEL
WITH A COMPUTER CHIPTHAT DETERMINES DRYNESS.
YUP, AND IT'SALL TRUE !
CHAPTERS 4 THROUGH 8,HOWEVER SEEM TO ALL BE ABOUT
DORITOS BRANDCORN CHIPS.
I GUESS I COULD EDITTHOSE CHAPTERS DOWN SOME.
I'M SORRY TOTELL YOU THIS, SIR,
BUT NOBODY IS EVER GOING TOPUBLISH YOUR MEMOIRS.
HUH ?!WHY NOT ?
WELL JUST THESMALL TRIVIAL FACT
THAT PEOPLE AREN'T INTERESTEDAUTOBIOGRAPHIES OF TOWELS.
WUL YEAH, BUT...
MAYBE PEOPLE WILLREAD MY MEMOIRS
AND LIKE APPLY ITS LESSONSTO THEIR OWN LIVES !
NO, THEY WON'T.
BECAUSE THEY'RE PEOPLE...
AND YOU'REA TOWEL.
YOU'RE A TOWEL.
NO, I'M A BIGBOOK PUBLISHER
WHO'S NOT THE LEAST BITINTERESTED
IN YOUR STONY MEMOIRS...
YOU'RE A TOWEL.
NOW WHAT AM IGONNA DO ?
I GOTTA PAY RENT
AND I JUST WASTED THREE WEEKSWRITING MY MEMOIRS.
IT'S TIME FOR ME TO STOPBEING SO IRRESPONSIBLE !
I'VE GOT TOSHAPE UP, FOCUS,
AND COME UP WITH REAL SOLUTIONSTO MY PROBLEMS !
I'D BETTERGET A LITTLE HIGH.
OH, MAYBE I SHOULDN'T.
BUT YOU HAVE TO THINK OFSOMETHING FAST
AND GETTING HIGHMAKES YOU SMART.
ALRIGHT, I'LL JUST USE MYSPECIAL GETTING HIGH POWERS
ONE MORE TIME...
HEY... HEY,WAIT A MINUTE !
...OF COURSE, THAT'S IT !
WHY DIDN'TI THINK OF IT BEFORE ?!
"ALL MY LIFE, I'VE BEENA PRETTY IRRESPONSIBLE TOWEL."
"I THOUGHT I WAS SOMEHOWSTRONGER AND MORE IMMUNE
THAN OTHER TOWELS."
THIS IS A REALLYGOOD IDEA.
Towelie the Writer
Towelie gets rejected, gets high, and decides to edit his memoir so he seems to be a person.
Towelie's memoir is published once he pretends he's a person, not a towel. He goes on "Oprah."x CLOSE
Oprah turns her audience into a lynch mob and chases Towelie off the set.x CLOSE
Towelie saves the hostages, allowing the police to shoot and kill Oprah Winfrey's asshole.x CLOSE
Towelie gets fired, gets high, and decides to write his memoir.x CLOSE
Towelie gets rejected, gets high, and decides to edit his memoir so he seems to be a person.x CLOSE
Oprah's minge and asshole decide to try to expose Towelie as a fraud.x CLOSE
Oprah's minge and asshole call Geraldo to tip him off about Towelie's identity.x CLOSE
Geraldo accuses Towelie of being a towel on "Larry King Live."x CLOSE
Oprah calls Towelie and invites him back on the show to defend himself.x CLOSE
Oprah's minge holds her audience hostage.x CLOSE