OUR PROPHET HAS FINISHEDHIS NEW DOCTRINE
AND WILL NOW READSOME PASSAGES
BEFORE MAKING ITAVAILABLE TO YOU ALL
FOR A NOMINAL FEE !
( cheering )
I GIVE YOU...
THE REINCARNATIONL. RON HUBBARD !
( cheering )
SO, FIRST OF ALL...
I'VE WRITTEN THATTHE BRAINWASHED ALIEN GHOSTS
ARE ACTUALLY FROM AGALAXY CALLED 'NUBUNON'.
OH !NEBUNON !OOH !
AND UH... UH...
I... I CAN'T DO THIS.
HUH... WHA ?
WE'RE ALL LOOKINGFOR ANSWERS, Y'KNOW ?
WE ALL WANTTO UNDERSTAND
WHO WE ARE ANDWHERE WE COME FROM BUT
SOMETIMES WE WANT TO KNOWTHE ANSWERS SO BADLY
THAT WE BELIEVEJUST ABOUT ANYTHING.
HUH ?WHAT ?
I'M NOT THE REINCARNATIONOF L. RON HUBBARD.
AND... SCIENTOLOGY IS JUSTA BIG FAT GLOBAL SCAM.
OOH-- WE AREGONNA SUE YOU !
YEAH, YOU THINK YOU CAN SAYOUR RELIGION IS LIE ?
WE'LL SUE YOU, BUDDY !
YOU TOLD MEIT WAS A LIE !
OH NOW YOU'RE PUTTINGWORDS IN MY MOUTH !
YOU ARE SO SUED !
YOU CAN'T MAKE FUNOF SCIENTOLOGY, KID !
WE ARE GONNA SUEYOUR ASS AND YOUR BALLS !
YEAH !THAT'S RIGHT !
HOW DARE YOU MOCK OUR FAITH,YOU LITTLE PUNK !
YOU'LL BE HEARING FROMOUR LAWYERS TOMORROW !
WE'VE JUST HAD AN INCREDIBLEDEVELOPMENT HERE, MITCH !
TOM CRUISE, JOHN TRAVOLTAAND R. KELLY...
HAVE ALL COME OUTOF THE CLOSET !
SO YOU'RE NOTTHE PROPHET, HUH ?
YOU MADE ME LOOK STUPIDI'M GONNA SUE YOU TOO !
WELL FINEGO AHEAD AND SUE ME !
I WILL, I'LL SUE YOU IN ENGLAND !
YOU ARE SOSUED, KID !
WELL GO ON THEN,SUE ME !
WE'RE GOING TO !
OKAY, GOOD, DO IT !
I'M NOTSCARED OF YOU !
SUE ME !
Go Ahead, Sue Me!
After saying their religion is a scam, Stan welcomes a lawsuit from the Scientologists.
The boys have to help Mr. Garrison get his testicles out of Kyle's knees.x CLOSE
Cartman seeks to rid the world of hippies once and for all.x CLOSE
The boys realize they can make 10% of someone else's hard-earned money just by being talent agents.x CLOSE
Cartman's jealous when Kenny gets the last new portable gaming device before the toy store runs out. Will Cartman and Kenny be able to stay best friends forever?x CLOSE
If the boys can lose just one baseball game, it gets them out of playing the boring sport for the entire summer.x CLOSE
Butters is freaked out when he thinks he can communicate with the dead.x CLOSE
Jimmy has to get control of his raging hormones in time to perform in the school's talent show.x CLOSE
The world's largest beaver dam breaks, flooding the nearby town of Beaverton. As the victims wait for help to arrive, the people of South Park declare a Global Warming State of Emergency.x CLOSE
In order to retrieve a Future Telling Device the girls possess, Butters must fake his death, dress up as a girl and infiltrate their slumber party.x CLOSE
Mrs. Garrison still has feelings for Mr. Slave, but it's too late -- Mr. Slave has moved on and plans to marry his new love as soon as the Governor signs the same-sex marriage bill.x CLOSE
Stan takes a free Scientology personality test.x CLOSE
Stan's E-Meter scores are shockingly high.x CLOSE
The head of the Church of Scientology tells Stan about the creation myth.x CLOSE
Stan asks his parents for money to get help from the Scientologists, but they refuse.x CLOSE
The head of Scientology believes Stan to be the second coming of L. Ron Hubbard.x CLOSE
The head Scientologist asks Stan to lead the Scientologists.x CLOSE
Tom Cruise visits Stan.x CLOSE
R. Kelly sings about Tom Cruise's refusal to come out of the closet.x CLOSE
Nicole Kidman tries to get Tom Cruise to come out of the closet.x CLOSE
Stan chooses Scientology over his friendship with the boys.x CLOSE