I WROTE THAT, UM...
OUR FOLLOWERS SHOULDN'TFLY IN DC-8s ANYMORE
BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO MUCHLIKE XENU'S EVIL CRUISERS.
YES, OF COURSE...IT'S SO WONDERFUL !
AND I WROTE THATTHE EVIL LORD XENU
HAS RECENTLY BROKEN OUTOF GALACTIC JAIL.
YES, OF COURSE !
AND BEST OF ALL,
I WROTE THAT ALLTHE SCIENTOLOGISTS
SHOULD NO LONGER HAVE TOPAY MONEY TO BELONG !
I REALIZED THAT TOREALLY BE A CHURCH,
WE CAN'T CHARGEPEOPLE FOR HELP.
WHAT ARE YOU STUPID ?
THEN HOW DO WE MAKEMONEY FROM THOSE PEOPLE ?
WUL, IT'S NOTABOUT THE MONEY
IT'S ABOUTTHE MESSAGE, RIGHT ?
WAIT A MINUTE,WOA, WOA !
YOU DON'T ACTUALLYBELIEVE THIS CRAP, DO YOU ?
BRAINWASHEDALIEN SOULS ?
E-METERS ANDTHETAN LEVELS ?
THOSE PEOPLE OUT THEREBUY THAT CRAP
BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERESMART ENOUGH TO SEE
WHAT WAS REALLYGOING ON !
BUT YOU SAIDTHAT THERE WAS--
WHAT'S BETTER THAN TELLINGPEOPLE A STUPID STORY
AND HAVINGTHEM BELIEVE YOU ?
HAVING THEM PAYYOU FOR IT, STUPID !
BUT THEN...WHY ME ?
WHY DO YOU NEED ME TOWRITE SOMETHING SO BADLY ?
BECAUSE IF THOSE PEOPLEALL THINK YOU'RE
THE REINCARNATIONOF L. RON HUBBARD
THEN THEY'LL ALLBUY YOUR NEW WRITINGS
AND YOU AND I TOGETHER WILLMAKE THREE MILLION DOLLARS !
THREE MILLION DOLLARS ?
YES, THAT'S HOWA SCAM WORKS !
BUT THIS IS A SCAMON A GLOBAL SCALE
DO YOU ---INGGET ME NOW ?
YEAH...YEAH I GET YOU.
THEN KEEP WRITING,L. RON !
YOUR PEOPLEARE WAITING !
Scam on a Global Scale
The head Scientologist reveals to Stan that Scientology is a scam
The boys have to help Mr. Garrison get his testicles out of Kyle's knees.x CLOSE
Cartman seeks to rid the world of hippies once and for all.x CLOSE
The boys realize they can make 10% of someone else's hard-earned money just by being talent agents.x CLOSE
Cartman's jealous when Kenny gets the last new portable gaming device before the toy store runs out. Will Cartman and Kenny be able to stay best friends forever?x CLOSE
If the boys can lose just one baseball game, it gets them out of playing the boring sport for the entire summer.x CLOSE
Butters is freaked out when he thinks he can communicate with the dead.x CLOSE
Jimmy has to get control of his raging hormones in time to perform in the school's talent show.x CLOSE
The world's largest beaver dam breaks, flooding the nearby town of Beaverton. As the victims wait for help to arrive, the people of South Park declare a Global Warming State of Emergency.x CLOSE
In order to retrieve a Future Telling Device the girls possess, Butters must fake his death, dress up as a girl and infiltrate their slumber party.x CLOSE
Mrs. Garrison still has feelings for Mr. Slave, but it's too late -- Mr. Slave has moved on and plans to marry his new love as soon as the Governor signs the same-sex marriage bill.x CLOSE
Stan takes a free Scientology personality test.x CLOSE
Stan's E-Meter scores are shockingly high.x CLOSE
The head of the Church of Scientology tells Stan about the creation myth.x CLOSE
Stan asks his parents for money to get help from the Scientologists, but they refuse.x CLOSE
The head of Scientology believes Stan to be the second coming of L. Ron Hubbard.x CLOSE
The head Scientologist asks Stan to lead the Scientologists.x CLOSE
Tom Cruise visits Stan.x CLOSE
R. Kelly sings about Tom Cruise's refusal to come out of the closet.x CLOSE
Nicole Kidman tries to get Tom Cruise to come out of the closet.x CLOSE
Stan chooses Scientology over his friendship with the boys.x CLOSE