TOM CRUISE, THIS ISPARK COUNTY POLICE,
PLEASE COME OUTOF THE CLOSET.
EVERYBODY HERE JUST WANTS YOUTO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET, TOM.
NOBODY'S GOING TO BE MAD.
EVERYTHING'S GOINGTO BE ALRIGHT.
JUST COME OUT OF THE CLOSET.
WE'RE STILL NOT EXACTLY SURE WHYTOM CRUISE IS IN THE CLOSET,
BUT I'M BEING JOINED NOW
BY FAMOUS SINGER/SONGWRITERR. KELLY
♪ WELL, I WAS JUSTSTANDING HERE ♪
♪ AND TOM CRUISE LOCKEDHIMSELF IN THE CLOSET ♪
♪ AND I ASK MYSELFWHY WON'T TOM CRUISE ♪
♪ JUST COME OUTTHE CLOSET ♪
♪ BUT NOBODYHAS NO ANSWERS ♪
♪ AND I SO PULL OUTMY GUN-- ♪
♪ TELL ME WHY TOM CRUISEIN THE CLOSET ♪
♪ OR ELSE I AM GONNASHOOT SOMEONE ♪♪
PLEASE UNDERSTAND, WE JUST WANTWHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR SON.
THE REINCARNATIONOF L. RON HUBBARD
MUST BE TAKEN CARE OF,HE HAD MANY ENEMIES.
R. Kelly sings about Tom Cruise's refusal to come out of the closet.
Stan takes a free Scientology personality test.x CLOSE
Stan's E-Meter scores are shockingly high.x CLOSE
The head of the Church of Scientology tells Stan about the creation myth.x CLOSE
Stan asks his parents for money to get help from the Scientologists, but they refuse.x CLOSE
The head of Scientology believes Stan to be the second coming of L. Ron Hubbard.x CLOSE
The head Scientologist asks Stan to lead the Scientologists.x CLOSE
Tom Cruise visits Stan.x CLOSE
R. Kelly sings about Tom Cruise's refusal to come out of the closet.x CLOSE
Nicole Kidman tries to get Tom Cruise to come out of the closet.x CLOSE
Stan chooses Scientology over his friendship with the boys.x CLOSE