ALRIGHT, SO AFTERMY REPORT ON
THE UNSANITARY CONDITIONSOF THE SCHOOL CAFETERIA
WE'LL GO TO KYLE FORTHE STORY ON BRIAN TEEBS
TRYING TO MAKE OUTWITH SUSAN FARKLE.
THEN LET'S DOTOKEN'S REPORT
ON HOW GLOBAL WARMINGIS GOING TO KILL
EVERYONE INTHE FIFTH GRADE.
THAT IS ATERRIFIC IDEA, STAN.
FELLAS, FELLAS, I'VEGOT FANTASTIC NEWS.
THE VICE PRESIDENT,DICK CHENEY,
WAS INDENVER YESTERDAY,
AND I GOT AN INTERVIEWWITH HIM FOR OUR NEWS SHOW !
UMM, AN INTERVIEWWITH THE VICE PRESIDENT...
FRANKLY, JIMMY I DON'TKNOW HOW WE'RE GOING TO
FIT THAT IN BETWEENCHEERLEADER PIE EATING
AND WHO'S GOTSKID MARKS MONDAY.
BUT THIS ISREAL NEWS.
IT'S BORING NEWS, JIMMY.
HOW DO YOU KNOW,YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET !
ALRIGHT,TELL ME ABOUT IT.
IN THIS INTERVIEW,MR. CHENEY TELLS ME--
( big yawn )
OH... OH GOD,I JUST GOT SO SLEEPY.
I'M SORRY, WHAT WEREYOU TALKING ABOUT ?
LOOK, F-F-FELLASI'VE GOT A REAL PROBLEM
WITH THE DIRECTIONOUR NEWS SHOW IS GOING.
WE'RE DUMBING DOWNTHE SCHOOL.
NO, JIMMY, THE SCHOOLIS ALREADY DUMB
WE'RE JUST GIVING THEMWHAT THEY WANT.
WE'RE MAKING THE NEWSMORE APPEALING TO STUDENTS.
THIS ISN'T THE NEWS !
THIS IS A B-B-BASTARDIZEDQUEST FOR RATINGS.
DAMMIT, WE HAVE AJOURNALISTIC RESPONSIBILITY
TO BRING STUDENTSTHE F-FACTS.
DON'T YOU SEEWHAT WE'VE DONE ?
IN OUR EFFORT TO COMPETE WITHCRAIG'S SMALL-MINDED SHOW
WE'VE MAKE A MOCKERYOF NEWS REPORTING.
I REMEMBER WHEN WE ALLMADE AN OATH TO EACH OTHER
WAY BACK WHEN WE STARTEDPLAYING NEWS REPORTERS
THAT WE WOULD NEVER LET ANYTHINGJEOPARDIZE OUR INTEGRITY.
WELL OUR INTEGRITYIS JEOPARDIZED...
AND IF WE CAN'TREPORT NEWS THE HONEST WAY...
WHAT GOOD ISNEWS REPORTING ?
( yawning & stretching )
Who's Got Skid Marks Monday
Jimmy stands up for real journalism.
After buying martial arts weapons at a local flea market, the boys are transformed into anime Japanese Warriors.x CLOSE
Cartman must convince a qualifying committee that he's handicapped so as to defeat Jimmy in an upcoming sporting event.x CLOSE
Kyle finally sees "The Passion" and is forced to admit Cartman has been right all along.x CLOSE
When Stan gets challenged to a dance-off, it's up to him to put a team of South Park's best dancers together to compete.x CLOSE
When Cartman dresses up like a robot to get Butters' innermost secrets, he gets in over his head. The army believes he's some new secret weapon, and Butters thinks he's found a new best friend.x CLOSE
Cartman goes out of his way to get the new neighbor "Mr. Jefferson" to love him. Meanwhile, the South Park Police decide to take "Mr. Jefferson" down for being black and wealthy.x CLOSE
Humans from the future arrive in South Park through a time portal, looking for work. When the boys try to earn some extra money, they learn the time immigrants have taken all the jobs.x CLOSE
PETA demonstrates against the use of a cow as South Park Elementary's mascot, forcing the student body to vote for a new mascot.x CLOSE
When a giant Wall-Mart comes to South Park, Stan and Kyle must to find a way to destroy the ever-expanding superstore...all while keeping Cartman from stabbing them in the back.x CLOSE
Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and Butters have kept a dark secret since pre-school. Now Trent Boyett is getting out of juvie and his first order of business is revenge.x CLOSE
After watching Craig's show, the boys are determined to make a better show.x CLOSE
The boys drink cough syrup.x CLOSE
"Sexy Action News Team Special Report: Cough Medicine Abuse in School" -- it's the report you can't afford to miss.x CLOSE
The boys anchor the South Park Elementary closed circuit news broadcast.x CLOSE
Mr. Meryl cancels the boys' news program.x CLOSE
The boys overhaul their news program.x CLOSE
A new Sexy Action News show debuts.x CLOSE
Jimmy stands up for real journalism.x CLOSE
The boys are going to fail their extra-curricular A/V class.x CLOSE
The boys can't think of a good show idea on their own.x CLOSE