( announcer )THIS IS "DEBATE 2004",
WITH YOUR HOST, JIM LEHRER.
WELCOME TO THE CABLE ACCESSTELEVISED DEBATE
BETWEEN A GIANT DOUCHEAND A TURD SANDWICH.
WE'LL START WITHGIANT DOUCHE.
SIR, SOME STUDENTS ANDPARENTS ARE RELUCTANT
TO HAVE A GIANT DOUCHEREPRESENT THEM.
WHAT DO YOU SAYTO THOSE PEOPLE ?
JIM, FIRST OF ALL,I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU
FOR MONITORINGTHIS DEBATE.
AND I WOULD LIKE TO THANK
ALL OF THE STUDENTS ANDTHEIR PARENTS FOR COMING.
OH, SUCK-UP,SUCK-UP !!
SHH ! WHAT, THAT'S ANOBVIOUS SUCK-UP MOVE.
BUT I WOULD HOPE THAT THOSESTUDENTS AND THEIR PARENTS
WHO QUESTION MY QUALITIES
WOULD SIMPLYLOOK AT MY OPPONENT.
HE IS A TURD SANDWICH.
YOU'RE A TURD SANDWICH.
NO, SIR,IF YOU'LL PARDON ME,
YOU ARE, IN FACT,THE TURD SANDWICH.
YOU'RE A TURD SANDWICH !
SIR, YOU AREA TURD SANDWICH.
YOU'RE A TURD SANDWICH !
UH, TURD SANDWICH,
I WILL ASK YOU NOT TOSPEAK OUT OF TURN.
I'M SORRY, JIM.
ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING,
UH, WAIT, I FORGOTWHAT I WAS SAYING.
HA, WHAT A DOUCHE.
ALL RIGHT, TURD SANDWICH,THIS NEXT QUESTION IS FOR YOU.
HOW SHOULDSOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY
ENFORCE ITS LAWS OF CONDUCT
FOR YOUNG ATHLETES DURINGSPORTING EVENTS ?
MY OPPONENT WOULDN'T EVEN KNOWTHE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION.
IF YOU ASK HIMTHE SAME QUESTION,
HE WOULD NOT ANSWER IT.
HE WOULD STAND AROUND AND JUSTBABBLE ON AND ON ABOUT NOTHING,
UNTIL FINALLY, HE WASSAVED BY THE BUZZER--
( buzzer )
YOUR TIME IS UP, TURD.
STAN, I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOUTO MY STEPDAUGHTER, THERESA.
Giant Douche and Turd Sandwich Debate.
After buying martial arts weapons at a local flea market, the boys are transformed into anime Japanese Warriors.x CLOSE
Cartman must convince a qualifying committee that he's handicapped so as to defeat Jimmy in an upcoming sporting event.x CLOSE
Kyle finally sees "The Passion" and is forced to admit Cartman has been right all along.x CLOSE
When Stan gets challenged to a dance-off, it's up to him to put a team of South Park's best dancers together to compete.x CLOSE
When Cartman dresses up like a robot to get Butters' innermost secrets, he gets in over his head. The army believes he's some new secret weapon, and Butters thinks he's found a new best friend.x CLOSE
Cartman goes out of his way to get the new neighbor "Mr. Jefferson" to love him. Meanwhile, the South Park Police decide to take "Mr. Jefferson" down for being black and wealthy.x CLOSE
Humans from the future arrive in South Park through a time portal, looking for work. When the boys try to earn some extra money, they learn the time immigrants have taken all the jobs.x CLOSE
PETA demonstrates against the use of a cow as South Park Elementary's mascot, forcing the student body to vote for a new mascot.x CLOSE
When a giant Wall-Mart comes to South Park, Stan and Kyle must to find a way to destroy the ever-expanding superstore...all while keeping Cartman from stabbing them in the back.x CLOSE
Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and Butters have kept a dark secret since pre-school. Now Trent Boyett is getting out of juvie and his first order of business is revenge.x CLOSE
Kyle and Stan are at odds about which of their mascots is funnier.x CLOSE
Puff Daddy tells Stan to Vote or Die at gun point.x CLOSE
PETA finds Stan in the woods and now he needs to get approval from a goat to stay alive.x CLOSE
PETA crashes a South Park Elementary pep rally.x CLOSE
South Park Elementary must choose a new mascot.x CLOSE
The top two candidates for the new school mascot are announced.x CLOSE
Cartman and Butters campaign door-to-door.x CLOSE
Stan is banished from South Park for refusing to vote.x CLOSE
South Park bids Stan farewell.x CLOSE
Giant Douche and Turd Sandwich Debate.x CLOSE