FRIENDS, WE GATHERIN THIS PLACE
TO MOURN THE VICTIMSOF YESTERDAY'S TRAGEDY.
NINE GOOD PEOPLE, WHO WERERUN OVER IN THE STREET
BY AN ELDERLYWOMAN DRIVER.
OH GOD, MEMORIAL SERVICESARE SO BORING.
YOU INSENSITIVE ASSHOLE,CARTMAN !
NINE PEOPLE DIED !
YEAH, BUT LIKE EIGHTOF THEM WERE HIPPIES.
MOSTLY HIPPIES GO TOFARMER'S MARKETS.
IT IS SOMETIMES HARD,IN TIMES LIKE THESE,
TO UNDERSTAND GOD'S WAY.
WHY WOULD HE ALLOWNINE INNOCENT PEOPLE
TO BE RUN DOWN IN THEPRIME OF THEIR LIVES
BY A SENIOR CITIZEN WHO,PERHAPS,
SHOULDN'T BE DRIVING ?
IT IS THEN THATWE MUST UNDERSTAND
GOD'S SENSE OF HUMOR IS VERYDIFFERENT FROM OUR OWN.
HE DOES NOT LAUGH AT THE SIMPLE"MAN WALKS INTO A BAR" JOKE.
NO, GOD NEEDS COMPLEX IRONY,AND SUBTLE, FARCICAL TWISTS
THAT SEEM MACABRETO YOU AND ME.
ALL THAT WE CAN HOPE FOR, ISTHAT GOD GOT HIS GOOD LAUGH
AND A TRAGEDY SUCH AS THISWILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
LOOK OUT !
WAS THAT A STOP SIGNBACK THERE ?
( screaming )
OHHH, I THINKI HIT A POTHOLE.
HEY DAD, HOW COME THEYLET OLD PEOPLE DRIVE ?
WELL, STAN, IT'SA VERY FRAGILE ISSUE.
BUT THEY KILL PEOPLE.
SOMETIMES, YES,BUT SENIOR CITIZENS
HAVE TO BE DEALT WITHVERY GINGERLY, STAN.
WE CAN'T JUST TAKETHEIR LICENSES AWAY.
I'LL BE GOD DAMNEDIF THEY THINK
THEY CAN TAKEMY LICENSE AWAY !
OH, HI, DAD.
I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID !
Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRALPRIVILEGES AWAY FROM SENIORS !
WELL, LET ME TELL YOUSOMETHING, PECKER-FACE,
I WORKED 55 YEARSIN A STEEL MILL...
AND I FLEW SPITFIRES OVERGERMANY IN WORLD WAR II...
YES, I KNOW.
AND I WILL BE GOD DAMNEDIF THE GOVERNMENT THINKS
IT CAN STEP IN AND TAKE AWAYMY RIGHT TO DRIVE !
I THINK OLD PEOPLE SHOULDHAVE RIGHTS, GRANDPA.
I JUST DON'T WANNA DIE.
An elderly man kills people with his car.
The impact is worldwide when the visitors return to South Park and the boys discover that Earth is one big intergalactic reality show.x CLOSE
When a recently disabled star visits South Park and steals Jimmy's limelight, he and Timmy fight back by forming a handicapped gang.x CLOSE
After convincing the boys to toilet paper their teacher's house, Cartman contemplates killing Kyle so he doesn't rat them all out.x CLOSE
When the boys join protesters to get out of school for a day, they find themselves in the middle of two opposing sides of the war issue.x CLOSE
The real Jenny From the Block is enraged when one of Cartman's body parts becomes too famous for its own good.x CLOSE
After starting their own South Park detective agency, the boys are officially named junior deputies by the police department.x CLOSE
Forced off their land by the owners of the Three Feathers Indian Casino, the boys rally South Park to fight the rich and powerful Indians.x CLOSE
The boys are hot to be gay once the metrosexual craze hits South Park, and Mr. Garrison accuses the Queer Eye guys of selling out.x CLOSE
Cartman hits the top of the charts with his own Christian rock band, and the boys get arrested for downloading music on the Internet.x CLOSE
After South Park's senior citizens mow down a few farmers' markets, the boys decide to take action against the older generation.x CLOSE
The Elderly Attack!x CLOSE
An elderly man kills people with his car.x CLOSE
Senior citizen drivers kill again.x CLOSE
South Park's elderly hold a meeting, but they can't remember why.x CLOSE
Randy warns the town that old people are driving.x CLOSE
South Park's elderly terrorize the boys with their terrible driving.x CLOSE
Senior Citizens hand their driver's licenses in to the DMV.x CLOSE
Grandpa Marsh gets pulled over by the police.x CLOSE
Grandpa Marsh calls the AARP from jail.x CLOSE
The AARP stands their grounds.x CLOSE