HERE ARE JOHN EDWARDAND STAN MARSH.
( applause )
THANK YOU !
ALRIGHT ASSHOLE, I KNOWYOU'RE HERE TO TRYAND THROW ME OFF
SO GO AHEADGIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT !
NO, I DON'T WANT TOTALK TO YOU,
I WANT TO TALKTO THE AUDIENCE.
WHAT-- WHY ?
YOU SEE, I LEARNEDSOMETHING TODAY.
AT FIRST I THOUGHTYOU WERE ALL JUST STUPID
LISTENING TO THISDOUCHE'S ADVICE.
BUT NOW I UNDERSTANDTHAT YOU'RE ALL HERE
BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARED.
YOU'RE SCARED OF DEATH AND HEOFFERS YOU UNDERSTANDING.
YOU ALL WANT TO BELIEVE IN ITSO MUCH, I KNOW YOU DO.
YOU FIND COMFORT IN THE THOUGHTTHAT YOUR LOVED ONES
ARE FLOATING AROUND TRYINGTO TALK TO YOU.
BUT THINK ABOUT IT...
IS THAT REALLYWHAT YOU WANT ?
TO JUST BE FLOATING AROUNDAFTER YOU DIE
HAVING TO TALKTO THIS ASSHOLE ?
WE NEED TO RECOGNIZE THIS STUFFFOR WHAT IT IS - MAGIC TRICKS.
BECAUSE WHATEVER IS REALLYGOING ON IN LIFE AND IN DEATH
IS MUCH MORE AMAZINGTHAN THIS DOUCHE.
( ever-increasing applause )
YOU'RE RIGHT, STAN.
MY GRANDMA ISN'TFLOATING AROUND
JUDGING ME ANDWATCHING WHAT I DO.
DEAD AND GONE FOREVER !
BUT I DO HAVE A SPECIAL POWERI KNOW I DO !
THERE'S NOTHING SPECIALABOUT YOU, DUDE.
GET OVER YOURSELF.
GODDAMMIT,I'M SPECIAL !
( rumbling )
GREETINGS FROMTHE JANAX GALAXY.
WE SEEK THE GREATJOHN EDWARD !
WHY THAT'S...THAT'S ME !
SIR, IT IS AN HONORTO MEET YOU.
WELL, THANK YOUVERY MUCH !
NO, IT CAN'T BE.
I AM QUAGMAR AND THIS IS THEINTERGALACTIC BDIU COMMITTEE.
MR. EDWARD, IT IS MY HONORTO INFORM YOU
THAT YOU HAVE BEEN NOMINATED FORBIGGEST DOUCHE IN THE UNIVERSE !
YOU ARE THE FIRST NOMINEEFROM THE MILKY WAY GALAXY !
OH DUDE !
IF YOU'LL STEP INTOOUR BLAVLEFREED
WE'LL GIVE YOU A FIRST CLASSRIDE TO THE AWARDS SHOW !
NO, WAIT,I'M NOT A DOUCHE !
I MAKE PEOPLE FEELGOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES !
I GIVE PEOPLE RESOLUTION !
NOW DO YOU PEOPLEBELIEVE ME ?
I DON'T KNOW...
HOW'D EDWARD KNOWMY FATHER DIED IN MARCH ?
Intergalactic BDIU Committee
John Edward has been nominated for the Biggest Douche in the Universe award.
With the popularity of a new weight loss program, the boys see their opportunity to become sponsored by a major restaurant chain.x CLOSE
When the boys travel to Aspen and hit the slopes for the first time, Stan has a run-in with one of the locals and is challenged to a race.x CLOSE
The boys sign Butters up as a guest on a popular afternoon talk show that features people with weird deformities.x CLOSE
When the boys kidnap baby calves to save them from becoming sweet juicy veal steaks, the police show up and a standoff ensues.x CLOSE
All the kids in South Park are wild with anticipation to see the first trailer for the latest Terrance and Phillip movie.x CLOSE
The boys fire Butters as their friend, unleashing his dark side.x CLOSE
Cartman tries to retrieve his Sea Men from Ms. Choksondik's stomach, while Professor Chaos plans to destroy the world.x CLOSE
Priest Maxi travels to Rome when the Catholic Church scandal begins to impact church attendance in South Park.x CLOSE
The boys take on a cause when they realize that their favorite films are being enhanced, re-released and ruined in the process.x CLOSE
Bebe is the first girl in the fourth grade to "develop," threatening the boys' friendship and society in general.x CLOSE
Cartman goes to Scotland to seek help from Chef's parents.x CLOSE
Stan wows pedestrians in New York.x CLOSE
John Edward is a phony douche.x CLOSE
Cartman is rushed to the emergency room.x CLOSE
Chef, Mrs. Cartman and the boys fly to New York.x CLOSE
Chef's parents can tell Cartman is possessed.x CLOSE
Stan gets his own show and uses it to prove his point.x CLOSE
Chef forgets to bring a child for sacrifice.x CLOSE
John Edward challenges Stan to a psychic showdown.x CLOSE
Kenny's soul takes over a pot roast.x CLOSE