AND I'LL BE TEACHING YOU,SO THAT YOU ALL CAN RECEIVEYOUR FIRST COMMUNION !
ARE WE GONNAGO TO HELL ?
WELL, HOPEFULLY NOT.
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE GONNANEED TO RECEIVE COMMUNION.
AND AS LONG AS WE GET THISCOMMUNION THING, WE'RE SAFE ?
WHAT IF WE HAVEN'T REALLYDONE ANYTHING THAT HORRIBLYBAD IN OUR LIVES ?
YEAH, WHAT IFWE HADN'T ?
IT DOESN'T MATTER,BECAUSE WE ARE ALL BORNWITH ORIGINAL SIN.
NOW LET ME EXPLAINHOW COMMUNION WORKS.
THE PRIEST WILL GIVE YOUTHIS ROUND CRACKER,
AND HE WILL SAY,
"THE BODY OF CHRIST"AND THEN YOU EAT IT.
JESUS WAS MADEOF CRACKERS ?NO.
BUT CRACKERSARE HIS BODY.
IN THE BOOK OF MARK, JESUSDISTRIBUTED BREAD AND SAID,
"EAT THIS,FOR IT IS MY BODY."
SO WE WON'T GO TO HELL,AS LONG AS WE EAT CRACKERS ?
NO, NO, NO, NO !
WELL, WHAT AREWE EATIN' THEN ?
THE BODY OF CHRIST !
OH, I GET IT, JESUS WANTEDUS TO EAT HIM,
BUT HE DIDN'T WANT USTO BE CANNIBALS
SO HE TURNED HIMSELFINTO CRACKERS AND THENTOLD PEOPLE TO EAT 'IM.
NO !NO ?
I CAN'T WHISTLEIF I EAT TOO MANY CRACKERS.
LOOK, ALL YOU HAVE TO KNOWIS THAT WHEN THE PRIESTGIVES YOU THE CRACKER
YOU EAT IT, OKAY ?
AND THEN YOU WILL DRINKA VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF WINE.
FOR THAT ISTHE BLOOD OF CHRIST.
OH, COME ON NOW,THIS IS JUST GETTING SILLY !
ERIC, DO YOU WANTTO GO TO HELL ?
NO !THEN STOPQUESTIONING ME !
BUT NOW WE CAN HAVE COMMUNIONAND NOT GO TO HELL, RIGHT ?
NO, BECAUSE BEFORE YOU CANTAKE YOUR FIRST COMMUNION,
YOU HAVE TO HAVEYOUR FIRST CONFESSION.CONFESSION !
YOU'LL BE GETTING INTHE CONFESSION BOXWITH A PRIEST
AND CONFESSING ALL YOUR SINS,SO THAT GOD CAN FORGIVE YOU.
YOU KIDS WILL ALL HAVE TO GOTO YOUR FIRST CONFESSIONTHIS TUESDAY.
SO I WANT YOU ALLTO GO HOME TONIGHT,
AND THINK LONG AND HARDABOUT ALL YOUR SINS,
SO THAT YOU CAN TELLTHE PRIEST EVERYTHING.
Oh, sh-- !
Jesus is Crackers?
Sister Anne explains why Christians eat Jesus.
The boys start stealing teeth from less fortunate children and selling them to the Tooth Fairy at a premium.x CLOSE
The girls of South Park Elementary challenge the boys to a sledding race and Cartman gets sentenced to Juvenile Hall for 13 years.x CLOSE
Timmy is excused from class when he is diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder.x CLOSE
A family of quintuplets takes up residence in South Park and a media circus surrounds their every move.x CLOSE
Cartman goes online to find older friends when he decides that Stan, Kenny and Kyle are too immature to be his friends.x CLOSE
Kyle needs a kidney transplant and Cartman is discovered to be the perfect donor. Cartman offers his kidney to Kyle -- for the price of 10 million dollars.x CLOSE
Chef's passionate protest against the South Park flag enflames the entire town, including the children.x CLOSE
The boys form their own boy band, and everyone in town is lining up to audition for a spot as the fifth band member.x CLOSE
Priest Maxi's threats of eternal damnation have the boys racing to make their first Confession and Holy Communion.x CLOSE
Satan is torn between two lovers as he tries to choose between his new boyfriend and his ex, Saddam Hussein.x CLOSE
It's Luau Sunday in Hell.x CLOSE
Saddam wants Satan back.x CLOSE
Kyle takes Ike to eat crackers and confess so they won't burn in hell.x CLOSE
Sister Anne explains why Christians eat Jesus.x CLOSE
Satan tells Chris that Saddam is back.x CLOSE
The boys are worried that Timmy might go to Hell.x CLOSE
Satan weighs the pros and cons of Chris and Saddam.x CLOSE
Priest Maxi wrings Cartman's neck during his confession.x CLOSE
Timmy, Ike and Kyle get baptized.x CLOSE
If the boys don't confess soon, they're doomed.x CLOSE