JUST ONE MORECOSMOPOLITAN,MR. GARRISON.
MR. HAT, YOU NEED TO ADMITYOU HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM.
ALL THIS TIME...
WHY DIDN'T YOUTELL ME, FATHER ?
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOUTALKING ABOUT ERIC ?
IT WAS YOUALL ALONG.
YOU WERE WITH MY MOTHER THENIGHT OF THE DRUNKEN BARN DANCE.
GARRISON ?THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE, HE'S GAY !
I AM NOT GAY !
THEN YOU DIDSLEEP WITH MY MOM ?
HE'S GAY !
OKAY, OKAY,I ADMIT IT.
I MIGHT'VE MADE LOVETO YOUR MOTHERAT THE DRUNKEN BARN DANCE,
BUT WHO HEREDIDN'T ?!
WHO HERE HAS NEVER HAD SEXWITH MRS. CARTMAN ?
YOU DON'T COUNT, HALFY,YOU DON'T HAVE ANY LEGS.
SO YOU SEE, ERIC, ANYONE HERECOULD BE YOUR FATHER.
I'M AFRAID YOU'RENEVER GOING TO KNOW.
DON'T FEELTOO BAD THERE KID.
I NEVER KNEW WHOMY FATHER WAS EITHER.
I MEAN I DID KNOWWHO HE WAS
AND WE HAD GREAT TIMES TOGETHERHUNTING AND FISHING.
WELL, HELL,YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN !
WAIT, WAIT,I KNOW A WAY TO FIND OUT.
AT MY LABORATORY.
WE CAN DO DNAGENETIC TESTING.
I'LL TAKE SOMEOF YOUR BLOOD
ALONG WITH THE BLOODOF EVERYONE HERE,
AND WE CAN DETERMINEWHO YOUR FATHER IS.
REALLY ?YOU CAN ?
YES, OF COURSE.
I MEAN, THAT MUCH TESTINGWILL COST A PRETTY PENNY.
HOW MUCH ?
$3,000 SHOULDCOVER IT.
I DON'T HAVE$3,000 !
OH, NEVER MIND.
Who Here Has Never Had Sex with Mrs. Cartman?
Cartman learns that many people have slept with his Mom, so he may never know who his father is.
Aliens land in South Park and kidnap Kyle's little brother.x CLOSE
Cartman wins the school's essay contest, and a celebrity comes to town.x CLOSE
The boys' hunting trip is threatened by activity from a nearby volcano and a mysterious creature.x CLOSE
Stan's dog explores his sexuality.x CLOSE
A genetic engineering experiment unleashes Stan's mutant twin.x CLOSE
With the help of Stan's grandfather, the kids summon the Grim Reaper.x CLOSE
Trick or treat in South Park is interrupted by an outbreak of "Pink Eye."x CLOSE
Government authorities mistake Cartman for a starving African child and send him to Ethiopia.x CLOSE
When Kyle's musical holiday pal Mr. Hankey shows up, it makes for a memorable Christmas in South Park.x CLOSE
Jesus and Satan fight a battle for spiritual domination, which conflicts with Cartman's birthday party.x CLOSE
Cartman has an emotional problem that is causing him to talk to his stuffed animals.x CLOSE
Chef recounts his version of the Drunken Barn Dance events to Cartman.x CLOSE
Before Dr. Mephisto can reveal who Cartman's Dad is, he is shot.x CLOSE
Cartman's mom tells him the story of how she met his father.x CLOSE
The boys decide to submit their video of Cartman to "America's Stupidest Home Videos."x CLOSE
Cartman learns from Chief Running Water that his Mom was last seen with Chef.x CLOSE
Cartman, now sure he's Chef's son, starts acting likehis version of black people.x CLOSE
The boys watch their video appear on "America's Stupidest Home Videos."x CLOSE
Cartman learns that many people have slept with his Mom, so he may never know who his father is.x CLOSE
Stan and Kyle promise Cartman $3,000 if their video wins the grand prize.x CLOSE